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I'm curious about what others think this could be (or even if this is something cognitive wise)

Now this is something that just stops me, freezes me, stops me from making a decision and is really just annoying.
Most of the time I am in one frame of mind, this frame may shift, or what I'm thinking about changes, but it is one mind.



However when conflict arise I am always stuck in two head spaces at once, unable to know which one is the best decision. That is how understanding am I supposed to be vs making clear boundaries that aren't ok to cross. To me it's kind of bizarre.

Usually something (well more likely someone) will do something to cause an emotion reaction in myself. I notice this and get stuck. I can often see more than just their reaction, that is, I can often understand where they are coming from and why they are upset or behaving the way they are. It could be they are tired, or going through something emotional, having a bad day or I see their insecurities coming out. They are not actually upset with me however I understand they are emotionally frustrated, lashing out, and really want to catch a break. They perhaps are so agitated they are just emotionally reacting.

My other mind is also telling me I have been upset, some sort of boundary has been crosses and I need to let them know this is not acceptable. It does not matter what they may be going through, it is not fair to take this out on others. I want to say something, not reactive, just calmly state it is not ok.

But back to mind 1, the person is upsetting me which clearly shows they are not in the right frame of mind to listen or take on what I am saying. It is likely to be received negatively, upset them further and so further intensify the whole situation.

Mind 2, yeah but if now is not the right time to be assertive, and later when things are better I'm going to forget to say anything, effectively I have let someone walk over me and think it is ok to take their frustrations out on me (which it isn't).

Mind 1 and 2 eventually implode into each other because of the stress, I end up initially resisting the other person and attempt to assert myself calmly, as predicted not received well, more pressure, I push back attempting to hold my position, breakdown, and then wishing there was a spot in the world could be completely alone. The other person is now just really upset with me and reluctantly it's now me on clean up crew trying to pick up the pieces. I just can not stand the tension disrupting my inner calm.



Really the most effective thing was not taking it personally, ignore what I was feeling and just help the other person reach a happier and more stable mind which would have prevented the whole altercation, helped them out and maybe then attempt a discussion about them taking out their frustrations on me. Unfortunately I may know a better way of doing this, but lack the soft words to explain this in the moment (yeah much later do I realise what the best thing to say was haha).

This is difficult when being surrounded by emotionally reactive people on a more constant basis. I tend to care less about a resolution and more asserting myself, or attempting to avoid the whole thing.



Now I'm thinking perhaps two functions at odds may be conflicting here.
What do you think?
 

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I'm curious about what others think this could be (or even if this is something cognitive wise)

Now this is something that just stops me, freezes me, stops me from making a decision and is really just annoying.
Most of the time I am in one frame of mind, this frame may shift, or what I'm thinking about changes, but it is one mind.

However when conflict arise I am always stuck in two head spaces at once, unable to know which one is the best decision. That is how understanding am I supposed to be vs making clear boundaries that aren't ok to cross. To me it's kind of bizarre.

....

Really the most effective thing was not taking it personally, ignore what I was feeling and just help the other person reach a happier and more stable mind which would have prevented the whole altercation, helped them out and maybe then attempt a discussion about them taking out their frustrations on me. Unfortunately I may know a better way of doing this, but lack the soft words to explain this in the moment (yeah much later do I realise what the best thing to say was haha).

This is difficult when being surrounded by emotionally reactive people on a more constant basis. I tend to care less about a resolution and more asserting myself, or attempting to avoid the whole thing.

Now I'm thinking perhaps two functions at odds may be conflicting here.
What do you think?
Between two cognitive functions, like Fe vs. Se? Don't know. How you came up with opposing minds doesn't seem relevant since each mind is a plausible option. It's a perfectly sane conflict anyone might experience. Your cognitive functions did okay.

There is more to deciding than cognitive functions. There is mind. YOU are the one who 'got stuck'.

Not such a bad move. Unless you are Mother Theresa or Dirty Harry, doing nothing about agitated people is likely to be your best choice.

On the other hand, if you know what to do, seriously consider doing it. Up tp you.
 
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