Personality Cafe banner

What is Your Attachment Style as an INTJ?

  • Secure

    Votes: 16 37.2%
  • Preoccupied/Anxious

    Votes: 7 16.3%
  • Dismissive/Avoidant

    Votes: 17 39.5%
  • Fearful/Avoidant

    Votes: 3 7.0%

  • Total voters
    43
1 - 20 of 39 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
586 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
Although I tend to be functioning healthy as a person, I have an anxious-attachment style.
That's really interesting, I felt like INTJs would be more inclined towards the avoidant attachment style if anything. That is quite the difficult disposition, but I guess it gears you toward feelers or more frequently supportive and nurturing partners in relationships, which is a unique disposition or desire for an INTJ from what I've seen.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Clyme

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,929 Posts
I got secure. I haven't been in many relationships though, so hard to tell. But I think that pretty much fits...I'm pretty stable and had a pretty stable/secure upbringing.
 

·
MOTM Feb 2016
Joined
·
10,008 Posts
That's really interesting, I felt like INTJs would be more inclined towards the avoidant attachment style if anything. That is quite the difficult disposition, but I guess it gears you toward feelers or more frequently supportive and nurturing partners in relationships, which is a unique disposition or desire for an INTJ from what I've seen.
Certainly. My romantic partner is an ISFP and my best friend is an ISFJ.

In any case, I'm actually a very emotional individual and my core priority in life is romance.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
748 Posts
I got secure as well. Before taking the test I thought I would be anxious too, turns out I am pretty healthy.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
586 Posts
Discussion Starter #7
Certainly. My romantic partner is an ISFP and my best friend is an ISFJ.

In any case, I'm actually a very emotional individual and my core priority in life is romance.
That is such an awesome combination of preferences, I mean technically its unhealthy but damn that is cool. I want to meet a female INTJ like that, lol. I feel like this kind of person can take the best from both worlds and be so balanced with their strengths of intelligence and confidence and comprehension but also be vibrant, supportive, and receptive and appreciative of affection.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Clyme

·
Registered
Joined
·
379 Posts
I have a secure attachment style with low anxiety and middle of the road avoidance. Husband is an INTP while I'm an INTJ. We are happy to entertain ourselves separately in different parts of the house and checking in every so often. This perplexes those who need more personal and emotional contact, but it works really well for us.
 

·
MOTM Feb 2016
Joined
·
10,008 Posts
That is such an awesome combination of preferences, I mean technically its unhealthy but damn that is cool. I want to meet a female INTJ like that, lol. I feel like this kind of person can take the best from both worlds and be so balanced with their strengths of intelligence and confidence and comprehension but also be vibrant, supportive, and receptive and appreciative of affection.
Thank you, that's very kind of you to say. It certainly has come with its hardships though, or perhaps it is the hardships which has given rise to these traits and preferences. Nonetheless, I appreciate your words.

If you wish to know more though, you're always more than welcome to ask questions. I have no reservations about these sorts of things.
 

·
Jaffa Master
Joined
·
7,575 Posts
I got preoccupied, in the low avoidance region near the secure line. Not sure how I feel about that. =/
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
60 Posts
The same damned questions over and over again. I used to be anxious of losing or gaining love but I got over that around 20. 2.56 low anxiety, 3.50 low avoidance or something close to that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
324 Posts
I fall into the secure region of the space.
My anxiety score is 2.22, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety).
My avoidance score is 2.89, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
586 Posts
Discussion Starter #14
Thank you, that's very kind of you to say. It certainly has come with its hardships though, or perhaps it is the hardships which has given rise to these traits and preferences. Nonetheless, I appreciate your words.

If you wish to know more though, you're always more than welcome to ask questions. I have no reservations about these sorts of things.
I can definitely see how there would be many hardships associated with this delicate balance of traits and tendencies. Mad respect for you, dood.

I do have some questions actually, lol.

Did you seek out romantic attachment more readily and assertively than is usual for INTJs?

What type is your partner, which types suit this disposition best? (In a general sense)

Do you do romantic and cutesy things, or do you just need more verbal affirmation and affection?
 

·
MOTM Feb 2016
Joined
·
10,008 Posts
I can definitely see how there would be many hardships associated with this delicate balance of traits and tendencies. Mad respect for you, dood.

I do have some questions actually, lol.

Did you seek out romantic attachment more readily and assertively than is usual for INTJs?

What type is your partner, which types suit this disposition best? (In a general sense)

Do you do romantic and cutesy things, or do you just need more verbal affirmation and affection?
Yeah, for sure.

I actually sought out a partner who was dependent, clingy, and extremely affectionate. I wanted somebody that would rely on me and wish to be around me a lot.

My partner is an ISFP, and I'm not sure which type suits this disposition best. I'm not good with typology at all, so I can't tell you. I adore my partner very greatly though.

Yes, our relationship is extremely affectionate. We're very romantic and cutesy with one another. We basically spend all-day together and we do absolutely everything together. We're also each other's best friend too. We're the people that we spend the most time with and talk the most to. We don't really have anyone we see outside of each other. I personally require a very intimate and close relationship, and that's what I have. We're extremely co-dependent.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,581 Posts
I got Dismissive.

Previous research on attachment styles indicates that dismissing people tend to prefer their own autonomy--oftentimes at the expense of their close relationships. Although dismissing people often have high self-confidence, they sometimes come across as hostile or competitive by others, and this often interferes with their close relationships.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
586 Posts
Discussion Starter #17
Yeah, for sure.

I actually sought out a partner who was dependent, clingy, and extremely affectionate. I wanted somebody that would rely on me and wish to be around me a lot.

My partner is an ISFP, and I'm not sure which type suits this disposition best. I'm not good with typology at all, so I can't tell you. I adore my partner very greatly though.

Yes, our relationship is extremely affectionate. We're very romantic and cutesy with one another. We basically spend all-day together and we do absolutely everything together. We're also each other's best friend too. We're the people that we spend the most time with and talk the most to. We don't really have anyone we see outside of each other. I personally require a very intimate and close relationship, and that's what I have. We're extremely co-dependent.
I just realized in retrospect that you had already told me your partner's type, lol, school fries my brain. Sorry about that.

It's cool how you logically embraced your ways and sought out a partner to suit you right. Co dependent relationships are a strange and difficult beast, I was in one with an INFP with BPD for a year and a half. It was my first relationship, very intense, not treated right at all, but the closeness was interesting. Had she been more fair and less, er, insane, it might not have felt so suffocating. I wonder now if I would pursue a relationship with a preoccupied person. I would definitely prefer that over avoidant, any day of the week. I suppose as long as I was trusted I wouldn't mind it, although I might need some space every now and again.
 

·
MOTM Feb 2016
Joined
·
10,008 Posts
I just realized in retrospect that you had already told me your partner's type, lol, school fries my brain. Sorry about that.

It's cool how you logically embraced your ways and sought out a partner to suit you right. Co dependent relationships are a strange and difficult beast, I was in one with an INFP with BPD for a year and a half. It was my first relationship, very intense, not treated right at all, but the closeness was interesting. Had she been more fair and less, er, insane, it might not have felt so suffocating. I wonder now if I would pursue a relationship with a preoccupied person. I would definitely prefer that over avoidant, any day of the week. I suppose as long as I was trusted I wouldn't mind it, although I might need some space every now and again.
Interestingly enough, BPD is the disorder I'm almost completely certain that I suffer from. Anyway, it certainly can be hectic dealing with somebody suffering from that if they're unhealthy. I drove most off when I was unhealthy, so I know what it looks like from the other side. I hope the relationship didn't leave any permanent damage on you. I hope she's alright as well.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
586 Posts
Discussion Starter #19
Clyme:17644514 said:
Interestingly enough, BPD is the disorder I'm almost completely certain that I suffer from. Anyway, it certainly can be hectic dealing with somebody suffering from that if they're unhealthy. I drove most off when I was unhealthy, so I know what it looks like from the other side. I hope the relationship didn't leave any permanent damage on you. I hope she's alright as well.
I tried my absolute best for her, I was willing to continue but she ended up cheating a few times and dumping me, at which point I just had to give up. There was a lot of verbal abuse, lying, and manipulation involved. Her feelings were just so strong and insecurities so overwhelming that I suppose she felt the need to pin me down in order to keep me around.

I think I have lost a chunk of innocence and idealism from that love, but I have gained ridiculous inner strength from the experience, and it matured me very quickly, which gave me both a leg up and further feelings of isolation, lol.

She is fine now, she just leads turbulent relationships constantly. She cannot be on her own so she just cycles in men to manipulate for as long as they stay daft to the abuse, lol.

BPD is often characterized in a simple way as a constant oscillation between absolute love and pure hatred of those you are close to and those you know, is that what you feel you have?
 
  • Like
Reactions: selena87

·
Registered
Joined
·
27 Posts
attachment-related anxiety score is 4.89, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety) and attachment-related avoidance score is 6.28, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance).

Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the fearful region of the space. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that fearful people tend to have much difficulty in their relationships. They tend to avoid becoming emotionally attached to others, and, even in cases in which they do enter a committed relationship, the relationship may be characterized by mistrust or a lack of confidence.
 
1 - 20 of 39 Posts
Top