Personality Cafe banner

What is Your Attachment Style as an INTJ?

  • Secure

    Votes: 16 37.2%
  • Preoccupied/Anxious

    Votes: 7 16.3%
  • Dismissive/Avoidant

    Votes: 17 39.5%
  • Fearful/Avoidant

    Votes: 3 7.0%

  • Total voters
    43
21 - 39 of 39 Posts

·
MOTM Feb 2016
Joined
·
10,007 Posts
I tried my absolute best for her, I was willing to continue but she ended up cheating a few times and dumping me, at which point I just had to give up. There was a lot of verbal abuse, lying, and manipulation involved. Her feelings were just so strong and insecurities so overwhelming that I suppose she felt the need to pin me down in order to keep me around.

I think I have lost a chunk of innocence and idealism from that love, but I have gained ridiculous inner strength from the experience, and it matured me very quickly, which gave me both a leg up and further feelings of isolation, lol.

She is fine now, she just leads turbulent relationships constantly. She cannot be on her own so she just cycles in men to manipulate for as long as they stay daft to the abuse, lol.

BPD is often characterized in a simple way as a constant oscillation between absolute love and pure hatred of those you are close to and those you know, is that what you feel you have?
I'm sorry to hear that it had gone so poorly, but I'm quite happy to hear that you were able to utilize the experience to your advantage and that you're in a good place right now.

Well, you see, I've become much healthier than I was before and my relationship is one of immense closeness and co-dependency, so I don't experience the turbulent fears that I had before. In any case, yes, I used to experience extreme idealization of people punctuated by periods of the opposite. It wasn't so much that I hated them - this was not the case at all - but I would become extremely convinced that they hated me, were lying to me, manipulating me, and so on and so forth. Essentially, I'd fall in love very, very quickly. I'd be so incredibly quick to attach myself to someone, pour my heart out to them, and I'd want to spend every waking moment I could with them. This was generally really overbearing, filled with great deals of emotional intensity, and rather suffocating. I would often be quick to realize their discomfort and assume that they hated me, wished harm upon me, were lying to me, etc.. Thus, I'd accuse them a lot of these things, I'd be quick to try to separate myself from them (only to come back begging for forgiveness when nothing actually happened), I'd try to tell myself that I don't need them and that I'm better off alone, and many other extremely erratic and crazy things. But, I never hated the people - I did go through the whole viewing people as perfect and then believing everything was completely poisonous though, sometimes on a daily basis, although usually it could change from hour to hour.

It's often said that BPD people have anger-issues. I personally don't and have never experienced that. I was very emotionally intense and erratic though.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
586 Posts
Discussion Starter #23
Clyme:17666410 said:
I'm sorry to hear that it had gone so poorly, but I'm quite happy to hear that you were able to utilize the experience to your advantage and that you're in a good place right now.

Well, you see, I've become much healthier than I was before and my relationship is one of immense closeness and co-dependency, so I don't experience the turbulent fears that I had before. In any case, yes, I used to experience extreme idealization of people punctuated by periods of the opposite. It wasn't so much that I hated them - this was not the case at all - but I would become extremely convinced that they hated me, were lying to me, manipulating me, and so on and so forth. Essentially, I'd fall in love very, very quickly. I'd be so incredibly quick to attach myself to someone, pour my heart out to them, and I'd want to spend every waking moment I could with them. This was generally really overbearing, filled with great deals of emotional intensity, and rather suffocating. I would often be quick to realize their discomfort and assume that they hated me, wished harm upon me, were lying to me, etc.. Thus, I'd accuse them a lot of these things, I'd be quick to try to separate myself from them (only to come back begging for forgiveness when nothing actually happened), I'd try to tell myself that I don't need them and that I'm better off alone, and many other extremely erratic and crazy things. But, I never hated the people - I did go through the whole viewing people as perfect and then believing everything was completely poisonous though, sometimes on a daily basis, although usually it could change from hour to hour.

It's often said that BPD people have anger-issues. I personally don't and have never experienced that. I was very emotionally intense and erratic though.
That must be hell to live through, I think I could detect that inner turmoil when I was with my ex. I get really empathetic when I am that close with someone, her rollercoaster of drama and insecurity would wreck me daily, I would have to full on sob a good half hour a day in the shower to drain out the poison, so to speak. I never knew I could be that emotional previously, I had thought of myself as a pretty calm and collected guy. Her erratic nature called out a lot of distrust within me, because my energy is directly correlated with that of my partners.

I suppose her distrust that you were relating about made her pre emptively do the cheating and hating that she thought I had for her as a sort of pre emptive or passive aggressive retaliation. Blegh.

I am glad you have been able to grow past your weaker experiences. Based on what you described, its definitely likely you were afflicted with some degree of BPD. Maybe try and find a quick quiz on psych central to check or something, if its still on your mind.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
586 Posts
Discussion Starter #24
attachment-related anxiety score is 4.89, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety) and attachment-related avoidance score is 6.28, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance).

Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the fearful region of the space. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that fearful people tend to have much difficulty in their relationships. They tend to avoid becoming emotionally attached to others, and, even in cases in which they do enter a committed relationship, the relationship may be characterized by mistrust or a lack of confidence.
Did you vote by any chance? I'm curious because there is no vote for the fearful result that you received and I worry I didn't label specifically enough.
 

·
MOTM Feb 2016
Joined
·
10,007 Posts
That must be hell to live through, I think I could detect that inner turmoil when I was with my ex. I get really empathetic when I am that close with someone, her rollercoaster of drama and insecurity would wreck me daily, I would have to full on sob a good half hour a day in the shower to drain out the poison, so to speak. I never knew I could be that emotional previously, I had thought of myself as a pretty calm and collected guy. Her erratic nature called out a lot of distrust within me, because my energy is directly correlated with that of my partners.

I suppose her distrust that you were relating about made her pre emptively do the cheating and hating that she thought I had for her as a sort of pre emptive or passive aggressive retaliation. Blegh.

I am glad you have been able to grow past your weaker experiences. Based on what you described, its definitely likely you were afflicted with some degree of BPD. Maybe try and find a quick quiz on psych central to check or something, if its still on your mind.
It can certainly be draining. One horrible aspect of having BPD (or any disorder for that matter) is knowing the sorts of pain you cause people. It's quite literally maddening and it amplifies erratic, emotionally intense behavior. You realize how much you hurt people, yet you can't control it, so you desperately try to control yourself through the most absurd methods (like bottling things up as hard as you can until you explode, or abusing substances). You may also go through periods of extreme avoidance as you try to cut your ties with people, believing that you're saving them the trouble of being hurt by you. I mean, it doesn't take anything to spark that behavior too. You could literally just be sitting there, doing nothing, and it'd hit you like a tonne of bricks. Furthermore, it leads to some of the most gut-wrenching self-hatred ever. Anyway, yeah, it certainly is hell, for both people.

Perhaps so - I can't speak to her personally, but people who have BPD are often very impulsive. So, they're often quick to do dangerous things, abuse substances, spend money without thinking about the consequences, have multiple sex partners and engage in risky sex, cheat, and so forth. The sorts of impulsive behavior that occurs is different for everyone, but it's usually pretty common. So, her cheating may have had nothing to do with you, and may have instead been impulsive attempts to fill a chronic emptiness without thinking about the consequences, or since BPD people often over-idealize others, she may have become extremely infatuated with a person for a brief moment and emotionally attached themselves to them without realizing it. Unlike most people who take time to develop relationships with others, people with BPD can develop very intense emotional attachments and infatuations with people in extremely short spans of time, so that can happen to. They may realize they've done something awful after the cheating has occurred, completely cut ties with the person, and hate themselves profoundly afterwards, usually self-medicating. Things like that are pretty common - but of course, I can't speak to who she was and it's different for everyone.

Thank you, I appreciate that. It was hellish to go through, but I'm thankful I'm alright now. Oh, I'm rather certain of it. I was diagnosed awhile back but I'm fairly certain that my psychiatrist got it wrong. In any case, it's nothing I'm concerned about really. I'm fairly certain I have it, and though I'm certain it'd be the same if I ever became unhealthy again, I'm really healthy now and managing things well. I'm happy with where I am and don't really feel the need to explore it further. Besides, I try to focus less on those things these days and more on healthy, productive things.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
265 Posts
Got "Dismissing"... It's something I need to improve on.

 


Thank you for completing the Close Relationships Questionnaire/Experiences in Close Relationships-Revised Questionnaire. This questionnaire is designed to measure your attachment style--the way you relate to others in the context of intimate relationships. As you might suspect, people differ greatly in the ways in which they approach close relationships. For example, some people are comfortable opening up to others emotionally, whereas others are reluctant to do so.

According to attachment theory and research, there are two fundamental ways in which people differ from one another in the way they think about relationships. First, some people are more anxious than others. People who are high in attachment-related anxiety tend to worry about whether their partners really love them and often fear rejection. People low on this dimension are much less worried about such matters. Second, some people are more avoidant than others. People who are high in attachment-related avoidance are less comfortable depending on others and opening up to others.

According to your questionnaire responses, your attachment-related anxiety score is 3.39, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety). Your attachment-related avoidance score is 4.89, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance).

We have plotted your two scores in the two-dimensional space defined by attachment-related anxiety and avoidance. Your approximate position in this space is denoted by the blue dot. (Note: If you left any of the questions unanswered, then these scores may be inaccurate.)
JdbHJJj.jpg
As you can see in this graph, the two dimensions of anxiety and avoidance can be combined to create interesting combinations of attachment styles. For example people who are low in both attachment-related anxiety and avoidance are generally considered secure because they don't typically worry about whether their partners are going to reject them and they are comfortable being emotionally close to others.Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the dismissing region of the space. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that dismissing people tend to prefer their own autonomy--oftentimes at the expense of their close relationships. Although dismissing people often have high self-confidence, they sometimes come across as hostile or competitive by others, and this often interferes with their close relationships.



 

·
Registered
Joined
·
586 Posts
Discussion Starter #27
Clyme:17674546 said:
It can certainly be draining. One horrible aspect of having BPD (or any disorder for that matter) is knowing the sorts of pain you cause people. It's quite literally maddening and it amplifies erratic, emotionally intense behavior. You realize how much you hurt people, yet you can't control it, so you desperately try to control yourself through the most absurd methods (like bottling things up as hard as you can until you explode, or abusing substances). You may also go through periods of extreme avoidance as you try to cut your ties with people, believing that you're saving them the trouble of being hurt by you. I mean, it doesn't take anything to spark that behavior too. You could literally just be sitting there, doing nothing, and it'd hit you like a tonne of bricks. Furthermore, it leads to some of the most gut-wrenching self-hatred ever. Anyway, yeah, it certainly is hell, for both people.

Perhaps so - I can't speak to her personally, but people who have BPD are often very impulsive. So, they're often quick to do dangerous things, abuse substances, spend money without thinking about the consequences, have multiple sex partners and engage in risky sex, cheat, and so forth. The sorts of impulsive behavior that occurs is different for everyone, but it's usually pretty common. So, her cheating may have had nothing to do with you, and may have instead been impulsive attempts to fill a chronic emptiness without thinking about the consequences, or since BPD people often over-idealize others, she may have become extremely infatuated with a person for a brief moment and emotionally attached themselves to them without realizing it. Unlike most people who take time to develop relationships with others, people with BPD can develop very intense emotional attachments and infatuations with people in extremely short spans of time, so that can happen to. They may realize they've done something awful after the cheating has occurred, completely cut ties with the person, and hate themselves profoundly afterwards, usually self-medicating. Things like that are pretty common - but of course, I can't speak to who she was and it's different for everyone.

Thank you, I appreciate that. It was hellish to go through, but I'm thankful I'm alright now. Oh, I'm rather certain of it. I was diagnosed awhile back but I'm fairly certain that my psychiatrist got it wrong. In any case, it's nothing I'm concerned about really. I'm fairly certain I have it, and though I'm certain it'd be the same if I ever became unhealthy again, I'm really healthy now and managing things well. I'm happy with where I am and don't really feel the need to explore it further. Besides, I try to focus less on those things these days and more on healthy, productive things.
That gives me much more insight into her behavior, your experience, and the nature of the disorder, thank you! I remember being so hopeful and giving it my all, I felt totally miserable but also very driven and selfless. I would dedicate hours of my day to calming her down or supporting her or hearing about her issues, she would lie to me frequently or have panic attacks and blame them on me unnecessarily, (She had an equally off kilter ESFJ mother that was a terrible influence, my INFPs anxiety can usually be traced to her) she would break up with me temporarily whenever we had a disagreement, as a form of punishment.

I just thought that since it was my first love I would give it 100%, but all around me was decaying. My family abhorred her because of the hurt she was causing me, (I did my best to hide it but it would slip through the cracks every now and again) I was losing my identity and friends didnt want to see me because I only had one thing to talk about at all times, I lived for her. I was her parent and best friend and therapist and lover and supporter, etc. I did everything. I never would have had the guts to admit to myself that I was wasting my time and being abused, so when she finally broke up with me for good, I felt waves of relief. It took a good eight months to fully recover from that.

What you have told me enlightens her behavior to me, although it makes what happened harder to swallow. I had been able to rationalize it as her being a terrible person who used me selfishly and didnt care, but now I see we are both victims. This removes any aspect of righteousness I had over the breakup, and it makes me feel like I could have somehow held on longer and saved things. Ignorance is bliss, I suppose.

I was only sixteen, it was so much to deal with. My life is easier now, I still find disappointments and pains abound, but there isnt much purpose to this hurt now. At least before I knew every tear was counting towards something. Now when I get hurt, it feels like needless pain.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,651 Posts
I think I'm pretty avoidant, but the test said I'm only mid-range avoidant and very low-anxiety.

But if I were to label myself, I would put secure (low-anxiety) but avoidant.

According to your questionnaire responses, your attachment-related anxiety score is 2.39, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety). Your attachment-related avoidance score is 4.00, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance).
 

·
MOTM Feb 2016
Joined
·
10,007 Posts
That gives me much more insight into her behavior, your experience, and the nature of the disorder, thank you! I remember being so hopeful and giving it my all, I felt totally miserable but also very driven and selfless. I would dedicate hours of my day to calming her down or supporting her or hearing about her issues, she would lie to me frequently or have panic attacks and blame them on me unnecessarily, (She had an equally off kilter ESFJ mother that was a terrible influence, my INFPs anxiety can usually be traced to her) she would break up with me temporarily whenever we had a disagreement, as a form of punishment.

I just thought that since it was my first love I would give it 100%, but all around me was decaying. My family abhorred her because of the hurt she was causing me, (I did my best to hide it but it would slip through the cracks every now and again) I was losing my identity and friends didnt want to see me because I only had one thing to talk about at all times, I lived for her. I was her parent and best friend and therapist and lover and supporter, etc. I did everything. I never would have had the guts to admit to myself that I was wasting my time and being abused, so when she finally broke up with me for good, I felt waves of relief. It took a good eight months to fully recover from that.

What you have told me enlightens her behavior to me, although it makes what happened harder to swallow. I had been able to rationalize it as her being a terrible person who used me selfishly and didnt care, but now I see we are both victims. This removes any aspect of righteousness I had over the breakup, and it makes me feel like I could have somehow held on longer and saved things. Ignorance is bliss, I suppose.

I was only sixteen, it was so much to deal with. My life is easier now, I still find disappointments and pains abound, but there isnt much purpose to this hurt now. At least before I knew every tear was counting towards something. Now when I get hurt, it feels like needless pain.
I'm pleased to hear that it does give you insight. Ah, that's not surprising to hear about her mother. People with BPD usually have childhoods where they're emotionally neglected or taught to somehow devalue themselves - usually through viewing their emotions, identities, and so forth as completely invalid. This generally leads them to have extremely turbulent emotions, a pervasive lack of identity, and chronic feelings of emptiness. My mother was very emotionally abusive and my childhood was rather poor because of that and a lot of other circumstances, so I think those are definite causes to the way that I am (or was).

I've actually been in that exact position before, and it's certainly burdensome. It can wear you down terribly. It's a very self-sacrificing position to take up. I completely understand where you're coming from with that. I'm glad you have recovered though.

I'm glad that I've been able to shed some light on it. Honestly, I think what you did was still necessary. She may have been a victim to her disorder and been unable to control a lot of what she did, but it was still immensely detrimental to you. Often-times, it's not something that will readily become better, but it's something that you live with. It's difficult to do, but it takes a lot of things for it to go well, and sometimes it simply can't. I think what you did was the right thing though, because it really was hurting you. I think, from what I hear, that the relationship wouldn't have improved and if you held onto it, you'd both still be seriously damaged. So, I think it's better that you broke things off - you'd probably been severely harmed if you didn't, and she'd probably been just as hurt too, perhaps worse knowing the pain you were in because of it.

You know, interestingly enough, my first relationships were generally volatile and emotionally intense too. It's weird to start life off with really, really chaotic circumstances. I'm pleased that things are going easier now. Well, do you still have residual pain, or is this pain from other events in your life? I personally try to utilize the experience that pain offers me and explore it, understand it, and grow from it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,354 Posts
According to attachment theory and research, there are two fundamental ways in which people differ from one another in the way they think about relationships. First, some people are more anxious than others. People who are high in attachment-related anxiety tend to worry about whether their partners really love them and often fear rejection. People low on this dimension are much less worried about such matters. Second, some people are more avoidant than others. People who are high in attachment-related avoidance are less comfortable depending on others and opening up to others.

According to your questionnaire responses, your attachment-related anxiety score is 1.94, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety). Your attachment-related avoidance score is 2.83, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance).

We have plotted your two scores in the two-dimensional space defined by attachment-related anxiety and avoidance. Your approximate position in this space is denoted by the blue dot. (Note: If you left any of the questions unanswered, then these scores may be inaccurate.)

Graph: Just below the Secure line.

As you can see in this graph, the two dimensions of anxiety and avoidance can be combined to create interesting combinations of attachment styles. For example people who are low in both attachment-related anxiety and avoidance are generally considered secure because they don't typically worry about whether their partners are going to reject them and they are comfortable being emotionally close to others.Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the secure region of the space. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that secure people tend to have relatively enduring and satisfying relationships. They are comfortable expressing their emotions, and tend not to suffer from depression and other psychological disorders.

What I found interesting was that I put down as *many* insecurities as I feel and yet I *still* came out normal / secure. It looks like I really DO worry too much... :rolleyes: :dry:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
586 Posts
Discussion Starter #32
Clyme:17688106 said:
I'm pleased to hear that it does give you insight. Ah, that's not surprising to hear about her mother. People with BPD usually have childhoods where they're emotionally neglected or taught to somehow devalue themselves - usually through viewing their emotions, identities, and so forth as completely invalid. This generally leads them to have extremely turbulent emotions, a pervasive lack of identity, and chronic feelings of emptiness. My mother was very emotionally abusive and my childhood was rather poor because of that and a lot of other circumstances, so I think those are definite causes to the way that I am (or was).

I've actually been in that exact position before, and it's certainly burdensome. It can wear you down terribly. It's a very self-sacrificing position to take up. I completely understand where you're coming from with that. I'm glad you have recovered though.

I'm glad that I've been able to shed some light on it. Honestly, I think what you did was still necessary. She may have been a victim to her disorder and been unable to control a lot of what she did, but it was still immensely detrimental to you. Often-times, it's not something that will readily become better, but it's something that you live with. It's difficult to do, but it takes a lot of things for it to go well, and sometimes it simply can't. I think what you did was the right thing though, because it really was hurting you. I think, from what I hear, that the relationship wouldn't have improved and if you held onto it, you'd both still be seriously damaged. So, I think it's better that you broke things off - you'd probably been severely harmed if you didn't, and she'd probably been just as hurt too, perhaps worse knowing the pain you were in because of it.

You know, interestingly enough, my first relationships were generally volatile and emotionally intense too. It's weird to start life off with really, really chaotic circumstances. I'm pleased that things are going easier now. Well, do you still have residual pain, or is this pain from other events in your life? I personally try to utilize the experience that pain offers me and explore it, understand it, and grow from it.
I agree with you, it was the right decision. It would have killed me after long enough, honestly, lolol. You are right about her mother, she would belittle my INFP and downplay her issues or call her crazy; the rest of her family was no better, really.

I have gotten past the residual pain, I've just had two hurtful romantic situations since then, neither of them really solidified into something long term or committed. So within a years time I've gotten over the past, and then had two situations where I got rather close with a girl but I was most likely too intense and drove them away.

The problem is that I am still giving the same amount of affection as I used to with my ex. The BPD and general INFPness made her very dependent on my compliments and support, it wouldnt be unusual for one day to have a least fifteen to twenty compliments and a speech on my love or care or attraction to her, along with the usual reassuring and such. So I toned that down by half for these new situations, thinking that was probably a solid amount of kindness. It wasnt, its too much. I just dont know what the regular amount of affection or attention is with these things, and so I usually just go with it and try to be kinder than my partner just to be sure. This is seen as pushy and asking for more, and I end up getting left behind.

This pain feels meaningless because I dont feel like I am learning anything, it just feels like I am making mistakes. I dont know when I am going to have a stable relationship next, right now it looks like I will have to wait until college. Relationships give me the most drive and fulfillment and so I am generally apathetic and unmotivated lately.
 

·
MOTM Feb 2016
Joined
·
10,007 Posts
I agree with you, it was the right decision. It would have killed me after long enough, honestly, lolol. You are right about her mother, she would belittle my INFP and downplay her issues or call her crazy; the rest of her family was no better, really.

I have gotten past the residual pain, I've just had two hurtful romantic situations since then, neither of them really solidified into something long term or committed. So within a years time I've gotten over the past, and then had two situations where I got rather close with a girl but I was most likely too intense and drove them away.

The problem is that I am still giving the same amount of affection as I used to with my ex. The BPD and general INFPness made her very dependent on my compliments and support, it wouldnt be unusual for one day to have a least fifteen to twenty compliments and a speech on my love or care or attraction to her, along with the usual reassuring and such. So I toned that down by half for these new situations, thinking that was probably a solid amount of kindness. It wasnt, its too much. I just dont know what the regular amount of affection or attention is with these things, and so I usually just go with it and try to be kinder than my partner just to be sure. This is seen as pushy and asking for more, and I end up getting left behind.

This pain feels meaningless because I dont feel like I am learning anything, it just feels like I am making mistakes. I dont know when I am going to have a stable relationship next, right now it looks like I will have to wait until college. Relationships give me the most drive and fulfillment and so I am generally apathetic and unmotivated lately.
Hm, so I see. It can be really difficult to separate oneself from people like that. I think that being emotionally intense creates very intense relationships (which has some up-sides) and it also encourages a naturally protective nature within us. Thus, it can be very difficult to detach from that.

Well, I wouldn't say it's meaningless. Simply because you're not moving anywhere at the moment doesn't mean that the experience of feeling stuck isn't a unique experience to revel in. I'm personally an experience junkie of sorts. I love having all sorts of experiences, even the awful ones. If anything, your experience of being stuck will allow you to connect to others in the future who have gone through that as well. I'd recommend leveraging this experience as a tool for introspection. The more you can utilize to become aware of yourself, the better. Also, I totally understand that. My priority is romance as well. I'm a complete mess without them, and actually, if it weren't for the one I have now, I'd be completely lost. My significant other anchors me and allows me to be healthy. In any case, you could try talking to more people here on PerC. There are some lovely people here. On the side, you could focus on your studies or work on projects that you find interesting. I'm not sure if you have any hobbies, but if you do, you could use this time to really refine your ability with those hobbies.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
586 Posts
Discussion Starter #34
Hm, so I see. It can be really difficult to separate oneself from people like that. I think that being emotionally intense creates very intense relationships (which has some up-sides) and it also encourages a naturally protective nature within us. Thus, it can be very difficult to detach from that.

Well, I wouldn't say it's meaningless. Simply because you're not moving anywhere at the moment doesn't mean that the experience of feeling stuck isn't a unique experience to revel in. I'm personally an experience junkie of sorts. I love having all sorts of experiences, even the awful ones. If anything, your experience of being stuck will allow you to connect to others in the future who have gone through that as well. I'd recommend leveraging this experience as a tool for introspection. The more you can utilize to become aware of yourself, the better. Also, I totally understand that. My priority is romance as well. I'm a complete mess without them, and actually, if it weren't for the one I have now, I'd be completely lost. My significant other anchors me and allows me to be healthy. In any case, you could try talking to more people here on PerC. There are some lovely people here. On the side, you could focus on your studies or work on projects that you find interesting. I'm not sure if you have any hobbies, but if you do, you could use this time to really refine your ability with those hobbies.
You are right, this is a time to reflect, self heal, and bide my time and gain some self strength. I need to recharge, this feeling of apathy is a new state of being, and I can learn from it, but I still have intentions to triumph over it.

I identify with you on being experience driven, my inferior Se gets to shine when I try something new, and these kinds of ever evolving chances and opportunities form a beautiful memory and reflection. I learn from them. It is all too easy to miss out on the different emotional flavors that life provides.
 

·
MOTM Feb 2016
Joined
·
10,007 Posts
You are right, this is a time to reflect, self heal, and bide my time and gain some self strength. I need to recharge, this feeling of apathy is a new state of being, and I can learn from it, but I still have intentions to triumph over it.

I identify with you on being experience driven, my inferior Se gets to shine when I try something new, and these kinds of ever evolving chances and opportunities form a beautiful memory and reflection. I learn from them. It is all too easy to miss out on the different emotional flavors that life provides.
That's all so true and a very positive attitude to have. I try to live that way as much as I can.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,480 Posts
Low avoidance, low anxiety, secure attachment. I'm a little surprised. I thought I'd be more on the avoidant, or dismissing side.

According to your questionnaire responses, your attachment-related anxiety score is 3.78, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety). Your attachment-related avoidance score is 3.67, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
153 Posts
According to your questionnaire responses, your attachment-related anxiety score is 3.94, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety). Your attachment-related avoidance score is 4.94, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance).

Dis
missing
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,100 Posts
According to your questionnaire responses, your attachment-related anxiety score is 3.17, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety).
Your attachment-related avoidance score is 2.50, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance).

I expected more avoidance and/or anxiety.
 
21 - 39 of 39 Posts
Top