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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Someone commented on another thread about love languages being a factor in romance and what it is for different people. There has been quite Alotta threads about incompatible exes and why exes were bad and who the bad ex was. As well as signs.

But I just wonder if it is more so incompatibility in many cases more so than anything extreme. At least that is what I attribute in 90% of my own dating interactions. There is this 10% where I am just like no way, for larger reasons than only incompatibility or like another user mentioned, an evil step parent showed them an ex can be just an awful human being. (I also had a step mother who was also pretty fricken evil myself).

What is a love language you do not mesh with?

Gifts
Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
Physical Touch
Quality Time
 

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Discussion Starter #2 (Edited)
My love language is a cross between Quality Time & Acts of Service

I can鈥檛 stand when someone鈥檚 love language is, Words of Affirmation

I have just learned over the years it鈥檚 not suitable to me and it crawls under my skin and repels me. I don鈥檛 want to imply I don鈥檛 ever pay a compliment when I think it is due. Or assert my affection verbally. Because sometimes I do. But i absolutely cannot stand when the person requires it to feel whole or further more thinks that is the way to my heart. As I view it coming to me in abundance, as blowing smoke up my ass and very unnecessary. I also tend to think there is too much implied expectation built around words of affirmation type of people earlier on in dating. I don鈥檛 like reassuring people to that kinda level as it feels like a betrayal to my self just on how I conduct myself as a human. Anyways I just noticed I am very incompatible with people who require this expression.
 

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My top two are quality time and physical touch.

I don't have an issue with giving any of the love languages (not sure if it's an ESFP thing) but I have realized that I do have a hard time receiving Acts of Service. One of my exes loved to receive Acts of Service (great!) but he also gave Acts of Service (only to his romantic interest) and it made me uncomfortable.
 

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11 Acts of service
9 Quality Time
5 Receiving Gifts
3 Words of Affirmation
2 Touch

I just cannot stand people who need "words of affirmation" I mean yeah i get it. It's nice to have people say nice things about us but the phrase "if everyone is special, then nobody is special" comes to mind. What makes compliments special (to me) is that they are the exception. Like when someone gives me props it's when I've gone above and beyond. Like I've earned it. "Words of Affirmation" to me is like getting compliments for basic shit. Like celebration of mediocrity...which encourages more mediocrity. The way i see it, if you are getting a "participation trophy" regardless then why would you put the effort necessary to place in the top 3? I personally don't feel comfortable giving compliments if i don't mean it.
 

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<- Favours Words of affirmation....

Just so you guys know, it isn't just about compliments. I don't care about those. I enjoy hearing what the person observes about me . Them noticing things I do, especially when it's stuff they like or that I deliberately set out for them. It lets me know I have their attention and their thoughts. I like being studied by someone I like.

There's a difference between complimenting and pointing out things you notice or like. I specifically like hearing what the other person notices and likes. It doesn't need to be all positive.
 

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Discussion Starter #6 (Edited)
<- Favours Words of affirmation....

Just so you guys know, it isn't just about compliments. I don't care about those. I enjoy hearing what the person observes about me . Them noticing things I do, especially when it's stuff they like or that I deliberately set out for them. It lets me know I have their attention and their thoughts. I like being studied by someone I like.

There's a difference between complimenting and pointing out things you notice or like. I specifically like hearing what the other person notices and likes. It doesn't need to be all positive.
I feel compelled to preface here
That I should mention when I think of this at its worst is where I really am turned off

You鈥檙e right to mention there is a deeper meaning and I think I should mention the emotional maturity of anyone of any love language is going to define the difference in how it comes off.

For example even me younger with Quality Time, would throw tantrums when I didn鈥檛 get enough hands on attention. Obviously with age I learned to not act so childish.

So it鈥檚 fair to point out that every single love language is going to likely have a more mature delivery and approach as well as a likely more immature delivery an approach. And I am going to assume the one that does not sit best for each individual is likely going to be the more immature instances and interactions sticking out.

So please don鈥檛 presume when I discuss how much it repels me that I assume those more immature traits are predominant in everyone of that love language.

I mean I just openly admitted at my worst I can be an attention whore and want it all about me :laughing:. At my best though it鈥檚 something more meaningful I get from it.

So maybe just to point out at their worst for me words of Affirmation people bug me. I can actually say that at their best I do like that they are so well spoken and really good at interpersonal skills as far as taking interest in others (in ways that can completely escape me until a person of this type reminds me). Lolz because otherwise I can forget to even converse with people like this (which we鈥檒l comes off like a total asshole, but I don鈥檛 mean to be literally it just is so not my natural disposition). So cons for me not being more conscientious of this stuff, is I am not always attuned to the fine details of others and I am more so bottom line. I am aware this can be bizarre and inappropriate at times. And hurtful.

Seriously I should maybe redefine this a bit I believe 4/5 of my closest best girlfriends are actually words of Affirmation in second or first position. I mesh with all them really fricken well. And they teach me a ton of things. And often remind me to care more about my interaction and interest I take in others. (I just cannot handle the shit on a romantic level from a man at all it does not translate and bugs the shit outta me).

I was just chuckling thinking of when my work last year kept trying to do words of affirmation crap. I.e. a certificate and a gift card and trying to submit my name in a news letter. I was like uh no. Totally snapped at my boss (lol who was words of affirmation). Don鈥檛 ever fucken drop my name exclusive whether be negative or positive praise in a fucken meeting again. Ew I won鈥檛 be apart this methodical crap ya pull to distract people. If ya think I am so great then change my job title, wage, and give me a promotion. :laughing: Him: You鈥檙e the only employee I have had dispute an award. Me: Gross keep me the fuck outta this shit, you will fuck up my networking and it puts a target on the back from peers. Keep me the hell outta that stupid shit. Say all the nice things ya want doesn鈥檛 change anything unless I see your words put to action. Haha I had to be his worst nightmare to deal with. Actually I know I was. Tehe.
 

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My INTP brother swears that he hates Words of Affirmation because his girlfriends in the past would always resort to the "oh your muscles blah blah blah" and he saw right through the superficial praise. I had to point out to him that he DOES enjoy Words of Affirmation because when he explains to me an idea of his (INTPs and their ideas lol), he'd be offended if I didn't point out to him that it was great and then continue to have a discussion about it. It was an aha! moment for him and then he understood the deeper meaning and how the languages have different levels etc.
 

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Just gonna be greedy and say you need all, in this order:
1. Quality time, 2. Touch, 3. Words of affection, 4. Gifts.

I made Words no. 3 as you don't need that as often as 2, but when you get it, it better be good. I wasn't a fan of this before and once shouted at my ex that he sounded like a public relations machine... :shocked: so yeah, the key is to have some sort of romantic, truthful element to it. Which is why I said Affection rather than Affirmation.
 

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Discussion Starter #9 (Edited)
My INTP brother swears that he hates Words of Affirmation because his girlfriends in the past would always resort to the "oh your muscles blah blah blah" and he saw right through the superficial praise. I had to point out to him that he DOES enjoy Words of Affirmation because when he explains to me an idea of his (INTPs and their ideas lol), he'd be offended if I didn't point out to him that it was great and then continue to have a discussion about it. It was an aha! moment for him and then he understood the deeper meaning and how the languages have different levels etc.
Yes I agree
And that is why I think I have a ton of girlfriends who are words of affirmation, I think in that context it鈥檚 actually quite complimentary to me and me to them vice versa. So it鈥檚 good to point out we probably all need a little of it all at some point or another in life.

Gifts truly is not a predominant love language on my case. But I remember being really hurt when my ex husband went like two years without getting me a gift. I actually remember it was not over Valentine鈥檚 Day just to be clear but it was like two Christmas鈥 & Mother Days in a row. Now to explain why I think this is still sometimes appreciated and meaningful for me despite it not being predominant, is I actually had a mom who was Jeahovahs Witness. That means we never celebrated holidays or birthdays growing up. So this can be a double inch sword for me. As being someone who grew up never doing it, I can view abundance of gifts and people who are slaves to gift exchanges as caught up in consumerism and Hallmark marketing.

But there is an inner child in me who really goes above and beyond to create great over the top celebrations and memories for my loved ones. I think it鈥檚 somewhat living my child hood vicariously through the experience of doing it for others. So I can get over the top on being a hostess with the mostest. (I mean to be fair I have been an event coordinator at all of my jobs so yeah ya can get carried away :laughing: .) I never expected anyone to really have to do anything. But I remember being hurt he didn鈥檛 take a little bit of extra time and pre thought to just do a small gesture. Lol there was one year we had a fight because he went on a fishing trip for mother鈥檚 day weekend treating himself and got back and stated casually he forgot to do anything for mother鈥檚 day. He watched his brother pick lilacs off the tree for his wife. Then he copied his bro and handed lilacs to me. I was like uh fuck you, ya asshole. Seriously you are that self involved. Tehe it鈥檚 humorous though to think about in retrospect and makes me chuckle.

I remember like 3 years after we married he had actually taken the time and pre thought to consider me and get me a gift a head of an event and even wrap it. And then it was a purse. The reason that it funny in retrospect is because I am not a purse kinda chick. This was like a total 鈥榤om鈥 bag :laughing: I remember sitting there thinking well I guess it was a gesture. I think he got me a purse because I was not known for a purse so it was to be practical. But I sat back in my head thinking Er WTF is with the purse. After that I never bugged him about never pre thinking to get a gift again, because I never wanted to end up with something like that again I had to use. As obviously he would ask me where my purse was :laughing: when I opted for my back pack or pockets instead. Taha so point is I learned to never push for an act which wasn鈥檛 natural to the person because of the unintended punishment which comes with it. Like having to carry around a purse, let alone an ugly one a man picked out meant for 60 yr old women which he over paid for so I had to use the damn thing.
 

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The highest for me was quality time, the lowest was gifts. I know that gifts are things that some hold as very special in their hearts and keep for a long type as a symbol of caring, but physical items are just not for me. I lose things very easily, and in general don't own much or keep sentimental items around me since I don't attach sentiments to items as much as I do to the person themselves. Many gifts I've received in the past are ones without any real thought put into it, often just out of obligation or superficial reasons, from people that I don't know well. It's always feels awkward having to express an exaggerated gratitude or happiness for something that I don't really care about. Material items are temporary objects, holding someone's full attention is rarer and more valuable.
 

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<- Favours Words of affirmation....

Just so you guys know, it isn't just about compliments. I don't care about those. I enjoy hearing what the person observes about me . Them noticing things I do, especially when it's stuff they like or that I deliberately set out for them. It lets me know I have their attention and their thoughts. I like being studied by someone I like.

There's a difference between complimenting and pointing out things you notice or like. I specifically like hearing what the other person notices and likes. It doesn't need to be all positive.
I'm glad you don't care about compliments but going off of the short "at a glance" summary provided in the results:

"Actions don't always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, "I love you," are important 鈥 hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life-giving"

...you could see why someone could come to that conclusion that "Word of Affirmation = Compliments". Maybe they expand more on it in a paid expansion like a book or something but I don't have access to that. I just personally disagree with the whole "actions don't always speak louder than words" on a fundamental level. After all people are not above empty platitudes. I just try to call a spade a spade so what I notice about people ain't always "positive" and I love poking fun at people's flaws especially if I can get a good joke from it. Giving people shit is just...fun. If I can't give you shit then we aren't really friends.

So highly confident my primary love language is somewhere between between Quality Time & Acts of Service. I figure if you want to spend your free time with me and you are willing to do things to make my life easier (sometimes)...then what you say about me isn't as important because your actions speak volumes. Not really big on gifts so you don't have to buy me anything on my birthday, Christmas, etc. if you just spend time with me. Gifts are temporary but memories last a lifetime...assuming no mental health issues. Touch is...ehhh...I tolerate it but don't go expecting it from me naturally.

Different strokes for different folks.
 

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What is a love language you do not mesh with?

Gifts
Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
Physical Touch
Quality Time
Acts of Service鈩, mostly.

I tend to be stuck with specimens that prefer Physical Touch鈩 and Words of Affirmation鈩. It's never really been a problem so long as they get I don't neglect them intentionally.
 

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I'm glad you don't care about compliments but going off of the short "at a glance" summary provided in the results:

"Actions don't always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, "I love you," are important 鈥 hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life-giving"

...you could see why someone could come to that conclusion that "Word of Affirmation = Compliments". Maybe they expand more on it in a paid expansion like a book or something but I don't have access to that. I just personally disagree with the whole "actions don't always speak louder than words" on a fundamental level. After all people are not above empty platitudes. I just try to call a spade a spade so what I notice about people ain't always "positive" and I love poking fun at people's flaws especially if I can get a good joke from it. Giving people shit is just...fun. If I can't give you shit then we aren't really friends.

So highly confident my primary love language is somewhere between between Quality Time & Acts of Service. I figure if you want to spend your free time with me and you are willing to do things to make my life easier (sometimes)...then what you say about me isn't as important because your actions speak volumes. Not really big on gifts so you don't have to buy me anything on my birthday, Christmas, etc. if you just spend time with me. Gifts are temporary but memories last a lifetime...assuming no mental health issues. Touch is...ehhh...I tolerate it but don't go expecting it from me naturally.

Different strokes for different folks.
This just paints people who value words of affirmation as tone deaf when it's not really the case at all...
It's kind of ironic because you're reading stuff into the description that isn't there.
Putting thought into articulating one's observations and internal dynamics and doing so effectively speaks volumes of a partner and their intelligence .

Any imbecile can fuck, do chores, schedule token dates or buy knicknacks. Not everyone can articulate coherently why they want someone and what they see in them that appeals to them.
 
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Gifts is hard for me. I had a weird "sugar daddy" type relationship with a 30-something guy close to my own age, but he abused the money thing so much in exchange for bad behavior that when he was finally like "welp I'm ready to really have intimacy now" I was like...so fuck off, I'm leaving town!

I always did the Gifts thing while I was living in LA, on one side or both, and I found it a gaping hole for real closeness. Money is thrown around at women a lot there as a substitute for real love, and I decided after a few years that wasn't for me, I didn't have a desire to marry up or be a kept wife or whatever happens when you commit yourself to a house in the hills instead of a person.

These were men I was legit attracted to as well, I'm not talking about crude prostitution, I'm talking about Daddy Issues, or Working Class Girl Makes Good and sometimes it feels weird even now to admit it and talk about it. People see one side, they see the gold digging, they don't see the man they actually like or care about paying them to go away or not be a "bother."

It was kinda fun though to get into arguments and break 100 dollar bottle of wine in a parking garage and be like oh no mother fucker you're buying me a new one, there's something fun and exhilarating about it, many people are shocked by my stories, but that "control" you have of gifts as proof as love manifests itself in a kind of ....dysfunctional nastiness. I do miss the house in Topanga Canyon.

But I realized I could never marry for money, even a guy I legitimately liked having sex with, who I was into, who I liked talking to. People don't get it unless they've experienced it. They think it's just a simple exchange, it's not. It's a RELATIONSHIP. Two people still like each other and have a legitimate connection of some kind, but Gifts are used in place of emotional currency.

After gifts, I'm most suspicious of Words of Affirmation. Like okay, anyone can say nice things, thanks Fe type.

My two love languages are definitely Physical Touch and Quality Time. I need the huggy, touchy feely thing and get buggy in any relationship where sex isn't good or a source of emotional connection. I feel absolutely deprived of my humanity if I'm not touched in some way on a semi-regular basis. Quality Time also matters to me. Both my ex of 6 years, and my LDR of about 18 months, they contacted me constantly throughout the day, and we could binge on time spent together. The guy I like now, I feel reassured by the content of our time together, but also about the stretches of time, that he can hang out with me for 12-16 hour stretches as "dates." I don't like dates that are over in an hour or two. Feels fake to me. If you like me, you want to talk to me and touch me and share things together.

Acts of Service are always nice. I'm neutral about them.
 
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I haven't read the book, so I'm probably going to butcher what the Love Languages are.

In the past I was in a relationship with someone who probably didn't value Quality Time or Words of Affirmation that much. I think they may have valued Acts of Service more, and it kind of went right over my head. I was pretty young and I don't even think I registered that acts of service could be expressions of love, and I was constantly feeling emotionally disconnected.

Edit: too long and rambly

So just judging by my romantic experience and with my understanding of the love languages--I'd say mine are probably in this order:

Quality Time is most important--an easy way to recharge (especially if it includes relaxing).

Words of Affirmation, Gifts, and Physical Touch are also very important--all of them in different ways. Probably, they'd be in that order though.

And then Acts of Service--I struggle with this one. It's not that I don't want to appreciate it, but that it's got to be kind of big for me to recognize.

Like if it's an act to care for someone's health or be there for a super important decision and the right outcome or something.
But things like housecleaning or grocery shopping--that's not romantic. Maybe figuring out ways to save time from those activities for everyone, and just get them over with. I mean yes--if it is something I am really struggling with then it's a huge gesture, and very meaningful...but it depends on me getting the meaning.

I wonder if Love Languages might just be what I pay attention to the most. idk Not what I appreciate the most when it's a grand gesture (like some huge act of service or words of affirmation).

I mean--with Quality Time it can be little things, any time...same with Gift Giving--picking a flower imo is 'Gift Giving' and I appreciate it. I appreciate the thought put into it. And physical affection is also just necessary, regularly.

The other two--they are valuable when I can recognize the meaning (like saving a life or helping an elderly person), or saying something really amazing that took a lot of thought.

I wonder how dominant the love languages are for people--like if some tend to value all of them equally or whether the dominant one has so much weight it colors your perspective on all the others.

I'm already seeing, in this thread, how differently people can view the same love language--or recognize how it is meaningful. Some people seem to view one very flatly, while reading more nuances into another.

I guess that's why they are called 'love languages' though--because like language, they can only communicate meaning when that is what is being expressed, and when there is someone who can perceive that meaning.

It also seems like some of them can intersect, and I might be confusing which love language things that make me feel loved fall into. But if you recognize someone else's got a different love language, then wouldn't understanding them make you feel more loved? So you would be expanding your love language just by understanding? Idk oh well.
 

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I don't go well with people who constantly demands.

If demanding:
- The words won't carry meaning when I speak. I'll shut up.
- Our quality time won't matter as I want to get away from feeling stuck.
- Services won't get done due to feeling underpayed.
- Gifting will feel obligated and I'll be sloppy due that.
- Physical touch... ok, this one I got no issues with.
 

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This just paints people who value words of affirmation as tone deaf when it's not really the case at all...
It's kind of ironic because you're reading stuff into the description that isn't there.
Putting thought into articulating one's observations and internal dynamics and doing so effectively speaks volumes of a partner and their intelligence .

Any imbecile can fuck, do chores, schedule token dates or buy knicknacks. Not everyone can articulate coherently why they want someone and what they see in them that appeals to them.
Sure...we all have our different love languages...I can see how you can see it that way...but to be fair Physical Touch as a Love Language is NOT "any imbecile can fuck." It's something deeper, an electric and affectionate kind of touch, it's a more connecting kind of sex than porn sex. It's fine if you don't understand, but this isn't like "oh this guy knows where my clitoris is" ...my ENFP roomie and I both have this ...she calls it "That Thing." When you can just hold hands or be held by someone and it's just amazing, and it makes the sex even better than technique alone. This might be a feature of having Physical Touch as a love language. I really have a difficult time functioning in relationships where the sex is awkward or bad, or the person doesn't touch me a lot. In fact my Gifts relationships probably only worked because they were with men who desired Physical Touch as a love language without having to open up and give anything else of themselves emotionally, or without having to invest Quality Time. Gifts are often a "replacement" for Quality Time where Physical Touch is shared as a Love Language.

Also, when I did do Gifts (not my highest rated thing, btw) they weren't "knick knacks." They were legitimately rent payments, vacations, clothes, restaurants, wine, Uber cars all around LA, concerts, spending days at the beach and not having to work, being able to go to college *yes he wanted me to graduate college* and things I actually enjoyed, wanted or needed. It wasn't like I was super happy over a scented candle. People who are into Gifts expect Big Gifts. Houses, cars, rings, clothes...my Esteemed Grandfather was a Gifts man, which is probably why I dabbled in this, and I had diamond rings when I was literally 11 years old. Before that I had every toy and technology he could get his hands on and pretty little dresses from the department store. His wife was dripping in jewelry and wore designer perfume and they always had new cars, we had big screen TVs and went out to dinner and had a time share at the beach. I grew up with That Man, the Old School ISTJ, and it's definitely not about collecting glass dog figures, my friend.

Quality Time is huge commitments of yourself. After Physical Touch, Quality Time is my main love language. It requires responding to my texts in a timely manner (1-10 minutes on average, maybe a hour early mornings or late at night), and super looooong dates that border on obsession. Quality Time is actually what I respond to most emotionally before gifts, a man who invests his actual day in me. It isn't token dates for a few hours every Friday, it's a daily ritual of appreciating each other's rhythms, responsibilities and personal creations and joys, as well as 5-15 hours of sex and holding hands to music or movies on the weekend or something.

As for chores, I'm not the mom type, but I can see where an overwhelmed working mother would see Acts of Service as a commitment of love and appreciation of her soul rather than a "nice, neutral" thing like I do. It would save your life to have a husband or partner who made your life easier if you worked full time and had three kids. Calling this an imbecile doing chores is kind of a low blow.

I'm sure you don't understand how ridiculous you're being, but you really are being horrible. I think Words of Affirmation are borderline ridiculous. I say that having a Minor in English Lit and a spotty background in multiple Romance languages. Words of Affirmation are what "nice people say when they don't want to hurt your feelings." They're what players use to get laid. Sure, it's sometimes what you describe as articulating their deepest desires and feelings as an adult, but I consider that the minority. It's up there with knick knacks.
 
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Sure...we all have our different love languages...I can see how you can see it that way...but to be fair Physical Touch as a Love Language is NOT "any imbecile can fuck." It's something deeper, an electric and affectionate kind of touch, it's a more connecting kind of sex than porn sex. It's fine if you don't understand, but this isn't like "oh this guy knows where my clitoris is" ...my ENFP roomie and I both have this ...she calls it "That Thing." When you can just hold hands or be held by someone and it's just amazing, and it makes the sex even better than technique alone. This might be a feature of having Physical Touch as a love language. I really have a difficult time functioning in relationships where the sex is awkward or bad, or the person doesn't touch me a lot. In fact my Gifts relationships probably only worked because they were with men who desired Physical Touch as a love language without having to open up and give anything else of themselves emotionally, or without having to invest Quality Time. Gifts are often a "replacement" for Quality Time where Physical Touch is shared as a Love Language.

Also, when I did do Gifts (not my highest rated thing, btw) they weren't "knick knacks." They were legitimately rent payments, vacations, clothes, restaurants, wine, Uber cars all around LA, concerts, spending days at the beach and not having to work, being able to go to college *yes he wanted me to graduate college* and things I actually enjoyed, wanted or needed. It wasn't like I was super happy over a scented candle. People who are into Gifts expect Big Gifts. Houses, cars, rings, clothes...my Esteemed Grandfather was a Gifts man, which is probably why I dabbled in this, and I had diamond rings when I was literally 11 years old. Before that I had every toy and technology he could get his hands on and pretty little dresses from the department store. His wife was dripping in jewelry and wore designer perfume and they always had new cars, we had big screen TVs and went out to dinner and had a time share at the beach. I grew up with That Man, the Old School ISTJ, and it's definitely not about collecting glass dog figures, my friend.

Quality Time is huge commitments of yourself. After Physical Touch, Quality Time is my main love language. It requires responding to my texts in a timely manner (1-10 minutes on average, maybe a hour early mornings or late at night), and super looooong dates that border on obsession. Quality Time is actually what I respond to most emotionally before gifts, a man who invests his actual day in me. It isn't token dates for a few hours every Friday, it's a daily ritual of appreciating each other's rhythms, responsibilities and personal creations and joys, as well as 5-15 hours of sex and holding hands to music or movies on the weekend or something.

As for chores, I'm not the mom type, but I can see where an overwhelmed working mother would see Acts of Service as a commitment of love and appreciation of her soul rather than a "nice, neutral" thing like I do. It would save your life to have a husband or partner who made your life easier if you worked full time and had three kids. Calling this an imbecile doing chores is kind of a low blow.

I'm sure you don't understand how ridiculous you're being, but you really are being horrible. I think Words of Affirmation are borderline ridiculous. I say that having a Minor in English Lit and a spotty background in multiple Romance languages. Words of Affirmation are what "nice people say when they don't want to hurt your feelings." They're what players use to get laid. Sure, it's sometimes what you describe as articulating their deepest desires and feelings as an adult, but I consider that the minority. It's up there with knick knacks.
I'm glad you're sure.

But...nah, it's called having a different opinion from yours. I've seen you struggle with that around the forums to great comedic effect.
I understand the appeal behind each of the love languages, but what I was trying to illustrate is: if Words of Affirmation can be flattened into compliment mongering, why can't the other languages be flattened in a similarly crude fashion?

Players tend to be formulaic, they read from the same 3-4 scripts, scrutinizing their words and actions together usually reveals inconsistencies and tells you everything you need to know. Therein lies the rub. Not all words work the same, just like not all touches work the same.

There are charms to the less expensive presents by the way: When the gift meets a need perfectly there's often research and attention put into choice, including recall of conversations that may have happened long ago. Craftsmanship if it is handmade, thought put into presentation. To think everyone values price/size is just....bougie.

Interesting language combination though, I wouldn't mind funding my way through college that way.
 

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Mine is Acts of Service which is a bit more difficult when you and your partner are 4000 miles apart.
But yes he's great at fulfilling that. For example: booking a quiet coach for me knowing I'm tired and nervous, ordering on my behalf when I'm too nervous to speak etc. He would also randomly make me tea without me needing to ask.

His is physical touch which is again difficult when we are so far apart but I'm a very cuddly, touchy feely person so hopefully I fulfill that for him ^^

We both are lowest on gifts, thank god as I have no creativity in giving gifts and I find receiving them awkward, so we don't give gifts and would rather go out and spend time together instead.
 

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This just paints people who value words of affirmation as tone deaf when it's not really the case at all...
It's kind of ironic because you're reading stuff into the description that isn't there.
Putting thought into articulating one's observations and internal dynamics and doing so effectively speaks volumes of a partner and their intelligence .

Any imbecile can fuck, do chores, schedule token dates or buy knicknacks. Not everyone can articulate coherently why they want someone and what they see in them that appeals to them.
I give their description AND said the concept is probably fleshed out in a book they want you to buy (also admitted to not having said book) before I gave my opinion critical of the concept pointing out potential pitfalls I see from the description provided. I don't see how what I said paints people who value words of affirmation as tone deaf. From what is provided it is implied people who value words of affirmation might not be able to take a joke.

Also since you watered down the other 4 languages to fucking, chores, token dates and knicknacks I think it's only fair I share the overview provided for all of the love languages:

Receiving Gifts
Don't mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous 鈥 so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are visual representations of love and are treasured greatly.

Words of Affirmation
Actions don't always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, "I love you," are important 鈥 hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life-giving.

Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an "Acts of Service" person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: "Let me do that for you." Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don't matter. Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.

Physical Touch
This language isn't all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face 鈥 they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship.

Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, "I love you," like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there 鈥 with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby 鈥 makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality Time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.

Just in case someone unfamiliar with the 5 love languages wants to learn enough to contribute to the thread.
 
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