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What is your motivation for finding that special someone? So, when you get this person in your life, then what? I've been doing a lot of deep thinking about this lately, and I'm beginning to realize that many of the things that I like in someone, I like because they are in some way addressing wounds from my past. I love nice girls who are warm because I didn't get much of that growing up. I want that connection with someone because I didn't get much of it growing up. I'm definitely not alone in this. I look to a girlfriend and eventually spouse to basically make me feel good. When all of that is taken away, why would I look for a girlfriend? When all the feelings fade away in marriage, what am I left with?

What I've come up with is that it's simply about the person. Not what they do for me or how they make me feel, but the person. Loving and appreciating the person is the end goal. That, and doing life with them.

Thoughts?
 

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a book you should read "the way of the superior man"

this book helped me understand exactly what you are saying, fairly recently, i tackled this topic, and this i what i found. this book will always be with me through out my life, im considering even giving copies to people i know.

seriously, all your questions will be answered, the rest is you
 

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Is that what you strive for when interacting with people? Or just something you hope to find?
I don't quite understand your question. I guess both.

Though one can argue that ENFJ can find something inspiring in anyone, I do find that when interacting with some people, it is quite energy consuming, patience exhausting... While with some other people, I feel so inspired that I can be motivated/happy for very long time. There are certain people I like to lean on for suggestions, sharing deep thoughts...

I sought for these people, and I found some. I am very fortunate to find such one that I am also romantically connected to. I can't really tell what is special about him that separates him from the rest of them I regarded as friends. Maybe he is more clingy, in a good way... so my Fe picked it up and a special bond formed. Maybe all the stars lined up perfectly that day...
 

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I hope the best! I can see that argument though, that we would be able to find something inspiring in anyone. I guess it's more like a fact. You're lucky to have those people around you. Don't ever take any one of them for granted!
 

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Love is "that condition whereby the happiness of another is essential to your own."
~Robert Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land

I really like that quote, and I think to some extent, you can't entirely call it motivation because it's not a choice. It becomes a need. I dunno. Some of my motivations, I suppose:


1) If you imagine the happiness and sorrow that a relationship entails as a continuum, then plotting it over time would produce net happiness. I would like my SO to make me happier overall, but understand that to appreciate how we can be there for each other we must endure through difficult times as well. Something along the lines of not getting stuck at a local maxima, but this isn't a Thinker forum! :tongue:

2) Someone who can empathize with me through tragedy and success alike. Everyone's heard "misery loves company" but so does achievement, at least as far as I can tell! The world just seems less lonely when someone is very able to partake in your experiences with you.

3) Kind of similar to the above: the desire to create experiences with me. This can be anything from travel and dates to having children, among others.

4) Reciprocity in the above items. Someone who will welcome me into her life with arms wide open the same way I want to have her in mine.

That's what comes to mind, but I feel like I may have a fairly naive understanding of relationships. It'd be interesting to see how I respond to this 10 years from now. Good topic, curious to see what people have to say.
 

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Someone I can share feelings with. Someone I can comfort and be comforted by. Someone who understands, accepts, and nurtures me. I'm not sure if these are criteria or motivations. Well, I feel a need for this, and the motivation is to obtain this. And I would love and look after them in response.

sorry if this was an ENFJ question
 

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Emotionally availability, acceptance, relationship security and intimacy exclusivity are of utmost importance to me. I want to be with someone I can openly share my inner world and reveal my true self to, and he will approach me with understanding and without passing judgment. We may not always agree with each other, but we'll still accept each other just the way we are. Someone who will comfort and encourage me when the going gets tough, be a harbour of safety whom I can rely on when I'm weak.

A man who seeks to know me as deeply as possible, whom I can explore the depths of our emotional oceans with, and love the brightness in me as well as embrace my wounds and scars. Someone who gives me security, as he will never abandon me for someone else, even when he meets someone better. Someone who makes me feel that I'm good enough for him, despite my shortcomings. Most of all, someone who can emotionally connect with me and always be there for me.

We can both protect and watch for each others' backs in this cruel world. Someone I can walk the path of life together with. A partner whom can understand my needs when I express it, as well as express his for my understanding.

I'll do all these for him, as well as adapt to his needs too, if he's willing to adapt to mine as well, and be emotionally open to each other. Of course, there are other needs, such as meeting sexual needs, physical needs and practical needs, but those are the bricks of the house, and the foundation is emotional openness and trust.
 

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Love is "that condition whereby the happiness of another is essential to your own."
~Robert Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land

I really like that quote, and I think to some extent, you can't entirely call it motivation because it's not a choice. It becomes a need.
This really describes how I feel towards love. Ultimately, I would do anything within my capability to make my special someone happy and safe.
 
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