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胃蔚蠆魏蠈 胃畏位蠀魏蠈
2,328 Posts
Inability to grasp the concept of actions, consequences, and potential risks.
(think alcohol, drugs, sex, spending, et. al.)

Healthy~doesn't appear anxious, good posture, statements not questions. Doesn't agree with everything I say.
Developed explanations & positions, answers questions articulately, very clear.

Premium Member
19,094 Posts
Gossip/backbiting/rumours: If I wanted that bullshit in my life, I'd read magazines.
Yea, this for me too. People who like starting shit for no reason and are always at the center of something gone awry, instead of diffusing the situation and helping heal/grow/nurture a sense of community.

I tend to get along we with people who care about growing/helping their community and have a good heart. Big bonus points if they like kids and animals.

4,676 Posts
Green: When he has all the red flags but it鈥檚 not important because of too many good things. 馃槄

Red: I will think of something. Lol

5w6 sp/so
2,157 Posts
How people treat service workers always tell me something about them.


  • Pushy or invasive
  • Unable to accept when they鈥檙e wrong cause it hurts their pride
  • Close-minded, i.e. prejudices
  • When they can鈥檛 take ownership/accountability
  • Too impulsive, reckless, or irresponsible, i.e. too much YOLO
  • Any sort of manipulative behaviour
  • Any sort of narcissistic behaviour
  • Believes everything/doesn鈥檛 question things they hear
  • Decisive
  • Consistent
  • Passionate about things
  • Independent and responsible
  • Not too keen on drama/gossip
  • Compassionate
  • Functional under pressure
  • I can learn something from them

ENTx 3w4
36 Posts
Trying to use guilt to get me to do something. It just makes me say no to your request immediately, just ask directly. Also people with a superiority complex that judge newcomers too harshly, everytime there鈥檚 a new employee everyone talks about how shit they are and how they don鈥檛 understand anything. Ffs they are new, try to actually tell them how to improve instead of talking behind their back, it solves absolutely nothing.

Green Flag: people you just know they just want everything to be as good as it can be without some malicious intent behind it. People who are what they show.

Retired Administrator
24,913 Posts
lying, deception

No such thing as a green flag. It only occurs after you know someone better, and it's individual and does not need mention because i's specific to the situation. (plus why would I go into it if it emboldens the dishonest to try different tactics of persuasion)

Trust is not something you "give" another person--it's something they help cultivate and grow, and that they take partial responsibility for by their actions. That being said, it can be broken and since it's so precious it feels like a personal loss to the person who valued it.

8,809 Posts
Red flag - someone who is a bigot/prejudice against others because of their skin, creed, station, sex, or chosen gender. The irony, I'm a bigot to bigotry. Wish washy people drive me crazy. People who blame their problems on something else and don't live up to the mistakes they made. Someone who is constantly paranoid and thinking everyone is against them, I can't fight against something I didn't do in some make believe narrative they invented.

Green flag - doesn't agree with everything I say, can give me positive feedback with healthy criticism. Still is standing next to me when shit gets real. Knows what they want.

ISTP 9w8
469 Posts
I will be generic, not necessarily about dating as it's not specified.

Red flag - entitled, arrogant, bossy, plays mental games, too interested in money, overly interested in own image, drama king/queen, can be pushed around

Green flag - casual attitude, accessible, has dark sense of humor without filters, plays videogames, honest, open minded, chill, generous with his time

Formerly 0.M.I.A.0
14,707 Posts
With just people in general out and about in wild red flags:

-Weirdos who appear to be like age 30 who walk the balcony on the track at the Ymca and keep stopping and staring at the 12 yr old boys playing basketball below from a distance for long periods.

- Or weird ass 60 yr old looking men who purposely position themselves on the back row of machines and stare at obvious teenage girls do step machines (ew).

-Crazed pull tab addicts at the gas station at 8am blocking people clearly on their way to work from the service counter to get their items and leave to get to work on time (eh your illness has ya so self involved you cannot wait until working people trying to get to work go ahead before ya blow a bunch of money on a lucky rip or scratch eh)

-People who seem to continuously patronize an underdog direct in order to either white knight or elevate themselves mentally in group settings. I think we all have our moments or topics we do it. So that is why I use the word continuously as far as crossing the line between a topic or instance vs targeting a person.

-People who abuse a privilege of power

-Red flag to me is someone who acts two faced and one way speaking with me or others 1:1 vs in a group setting.

-People who seem too quick to do 鈥榥ice鈥 things if it means it is possibly with an agenda, angle, or for leverage later.

-I also do not care for racism and what I view as bigotry but I believe my interpretation of bigotry as well as other peoples to all be a tad grey and slightly a matter if interpretation and perception at times. What some people would consider my views as bigotry I can consider topics up for critical thinking and reflection. And where I may find others as possibly bigoted it could be the same thing in reverse as far as varied perceptions. So this specific bullet red flag I would re word as I try to observe closer if I think the person is trying to exhibit blatant hate speech or trying to discuss perceptions. Because now a days alotta things I consider up for discussion can get called bigoted even people do not mean ill will. So strange lines now a days. I dont like blatant attempt to be cruel to an individual. Generalizing to discuss a topic can get grey though and murky imo. Sometimes those trying to be allies of various causes are accidentally offensive and do not even know it while trying to be affirmative and inclusive. Just easier to look at who is trying discuss topics and who is trying to target hate toward individuals

-Red flag is people who try to trauma bond or love bomb

-People who are shady behind closed doors and nice in front of people. Like coworkers who will throw people under a bus but then act super sweet to certain bosses or something I watch out for and steer away from. Especially the more coded, vague, and non transparent they are. The more I know I do not desire this person being closer to my inner boundaries

-People who seem to get off on amusement of making individual people expense of their humor on a regular basis. I am talking about real life trolls not internet. Like if two chicks have time to sit and text and laugh continuous at the same individuals at like a restaurant, work, a gathering I tend to stay far away and back. I think that is some mean girl nasty shit. I see men and women do it.

-I do not mind if people vent about someone else. I do mind if they gossip about like someones personal business though in depth or talk about dumb shit like their fashion sense or ugly hair cut. An example at work we had a lady who was very bizarre start work. Well I did not mind when my coworkers commented the obvious facts of she was flakey calling in every other day and coming to work telling us all her problems. However I felt yuckier when the coworker started to talk about the ladies problems (I dont care). But I do care if the lady who never shows up tells us we are lucky for not getting told we have a set scheduled lol. So when we discuss the ladies work behavior hey she sorta asked for it lol. But yeah not joining in on talking about the ladies poor life choices as it has nothing to do with me and work.

-Red flag people who make excuses for and enable certain people for favor or image but hold others more accountable to make up for the same thing. Its sorta weak way to win friends and have influence.

-Any signs of excessive substance abuse is at least cause for hesitation and reflection on deciphering if there is cause for further concern

-Someone who appears to talk a lot about an ex with derogatory words, a lot of animosity especially if they are actively trying to date is a red flag
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