Quick tempered. Hostility flares me up. I'm rational so I don't go letting loose whenever, but it's definitely a natural proclivity.
What is your worst personality trait?
Not because you want to berate yourself, but because you want to learn, and grow your short comings and can acknowledge where you lack or fall short
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Unorganized when it comes to practical matters ( such as cleaning up, remembering to put things away , understanding how to de cluttered). Never had to clean growing up ( my mother was extremely organized and told me that my focus should be primarily on academics ). So now as an adult - it’s a lot tougher for me to clean /organized , I’m much better now than I was 12 years ago ( when I first lived alone ) but it still gets in my way .
Been told that I’m easily content, which stops me from striving to the best of my ability
Workaholic since my career aligns with my internal value - my focus on work gives me less time to spend with my love ones/family members who really misses me- I often feel guilty about not spending enough time with love ones
Thank you for posting this- I’m going to plan a vacation trip and I’m currently cuddling with my kiddos - it reminded me that I need to focus on what is most important and valuable to me
What about you ?
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Been told that I’m easily content, which stops me from striving to the best of my ability
Workaholic since my career aligns with my internal value - my focus on work gives me less time to spend with my love ones/family members who really misses me- I often feel guilty about not spending enough time with love ones
Thank you for posting this- I’m going to plan a vacation trip and I’m currently cuddling with my kiddos - it reminded me that I need to focus on what is most important and valuable to me
What about you ?
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Anger, fear, shame and a near complete inability to be motivated by positive drivers like love.
I've been disappointed by people too much that I've turned into a misanthrope. It's difficult to not become a misanthrope when one is constantly surrounded by people who treat them like trash. Try being on the autistic spectrum and having the majority of people at the workplace treating you like trash. Changing jobs doesn't help either, because then you will encounter another new set of people who treat you like trash.
Not acknowledging my feelings until it’s too late
Seeing the negative in everything and the worst possible outcomes
I generally refuse to take care of my looks + am a gluttonNot because you want to berate yourself, but because you want to learn, and grow your short comings and can acknowledge where you lack or fall short
My unconfident side. It's a driver behind my tendencies to procrastinate, self-sabotage, feel anxious, have trouble with asserting myself, etc...
If I were to really think about it, I think all problems with my personality, stemming from childhood on, are attributed to that I can be overbearing. And by that I mean, I can have a presence that's hard to ignore. Add this to the fact that I for some reason, just don't have the natural ability to make people feel good. You can imagine how that has created a lot of negative feedback, regardless of my intentions.
For example, when I was in dance (around 8-9) I was such a strong dancer that I was promoted to toe and the competition teams, as one of the youngest people to join. You're not even supposed to be on pointe at that age because usually your ankles aren't developed enough, that's what I mean by "strong" dancer. I had strong ankles/arches (not more skilled).
The older girls were very cool, very cliquish, and very talented. They hated my being there for some reason, so I worked extra hard to try to practice to raise my skill level to their's so I wouldn't hold the group back. I mean staying after class for hours and practicing in the studio by myself. The more I got positive attention, the more they hated me (instructors loved me though), so the harder I would work.
Then, I would try to be friendly and find common ground with them. Like one day we were looking at the solo audition sheets for the Nutcracker, and one of the girls looks at the sugar plum fairy one and says, "I hope I get this." I should have responded, "I know you will, your leaps are the best in class." Instead, because I was trying to be liked, I said, "Oh, me too." Which got the nastiest look from her.
One day in the locker room, I finally got the balls to ask (since they were all there), why they hated me so much. To which they replied, "You could stand to be more...humble." My mouth just dropped, that was the last thing I expected to hear.
Point being, my intentions were to do good for the group, practice extra hard, and try to fit in to minimize my negative influence in being there. What was seen and interpreted was that I didn't know my lane, and thought way too highly of myself. So just...hard to ignore, and don't really make people feel good.
For example, when I was in dance (around 8-9) I was such a strong dancer that I was promoted to toe and the competition teams, as one of the youngest people to join. You're not even supposed to be on pointe at that age because usually your ankles aren't developed enough, that's what I mean by "strong" dancer. I had strong ankles/arches (not more skilled).
The older girls were very cool, very cliquish, and very talented. They hated my being there for some reason, so I worked extra hard to try to practice to raise my skill level to their's so I wouldn't hold the group back. I mean staying after class for hours and practicing in the studio by myself. The more I got positive attention, the more they hated me (instructors loved me though), so the harder I would work.
Then, I would try to be friendly and find common ground with them. Like one day we were looking at the solo audition sheets for the Nutcracker, and one of the girls looks at the sugar plum fairy one and says, "I hope I get this." I should have responded, "I know you will, your leaps are the best in class." Instead, because I was trying to be liked, I said, "Oh, me too." Which got the nastiest look from her.
One day in the locker room, I finally got the balls to ask (since they were all there), why they hated me so much. To which they replied, "You could stand to be more...humble." My mouth just dropped, that was the last thing I expected to hear.
Point being, my intentions were to do good for the group, practice extra hard, and try to fit in to minimize my negative influence in being there. What was seen and interpreted was that I didn't know my lane, and thought way too highly of myself. So just...hard to ignore, and don't really make people feel good.
Not being able to speak up for myself.
Its obvious @Ms. Aligned the more you will get positive attention or be better than other girls in any way, even if its about your confident personality, the more those girls are going to hate you. And they will not tell you the true reason. Women's friendships work on power dead even rule. Even if they are unaware of it, its there subconsciously.The more I got positive attention, the more they hated me (instructors loved me though), so the harder I would work.
A woman is a woman's worst enemy.
You may have a personality flaw. That's another point. I am advising that please don't take feedback from another women regarding this.
That's what abusers/dominating/selfish/any wrong person wants... that you should not be able to speak for yourself. In this way, you don't get what you want and the other person gets what he doesn't even deserve.Not being able to speak up for myself.
What is the power dead even rule? Have not heard this before.Its obvious @Ms. Aligned the more you will get positive attention or be better than other girls in any way, even if its about your confident personality, the more those girls are going to hate you. And they will not tell you the true reason. Women's friendships work on power dead even rule. Even if they are unaware of it, its there subconsciously.
A woman is a woman's worst enemy.
But yeah, I agree. For the longest time I was the tom boy and only friends with guys. It wasn't until my late 20s that I was supervising 200+ strong ass female personalities a day, that I finally found my "voice" among them, and learned to appreciate the intricacies of their personalities. Ironic, I know, considering I am one. I just never fit in with most of what women around me did. But that shit was like total immersion. Lol!
But the most ironic thing was, I wasn't better than them (the other dancers) at all. I actually looked up to them, a lot. And when I was practicing, it was them I was trying to mimic with my movements.
Kind of makes you think, even at that age, "Hm, perhaps you see yourself as needing to be more humble?" 🤔
And thus, a love of observing/understanding human nature began...
I relate to this - although I am not really that way anymore compared to when I was younger. It was surprising when people in my young adult life actually saw me as demure and "non-threatening" when I received very different feedback for most of my childhood. I wasn't deliberately doing anything different to be more likable but decided to observe rather than interject on most occasions, to learn out of curiosity, which apparently made me more likable.If I were to really think about it, I think all problems with my personality, stemming from childhood on, are attributed to that I can be overbearing.
What I'm also reading in your post is the expectation that your worth to others is tied up in your skill and competence. I think that is where the "overbearing" comes in... because what most people really want is someone who will lift them up, as you mentioned with giving the girl a vote of confidence rather than inadvertently competing with her. However, that is where it is kind of fun to have a nemesis. You can be your overbearing self and lift each other up by testing your skills rather worrying about bruising egos (having your ego bruised is part of the deal).
So yeah, relate. lol
Nicer to some people over others for no reason other than how they look and appear.
I kinda get it but then isn't your issue due to hanging out with jealous people? You technically didn't do anything wrong thus not really a personality flaw. By your logic, you can be as good as Jesus Christ but if u hang out with the wrong people, you'll still think you're flawed but thats coz they're flawed.If I were to really think about it, I think all problems with my personality, stemming from childhood on, are attributed to that I can be overbearing. And by that I mean, I can have a presence that's hard to ignore. Add this to the fact that I for some reason, just don't have the natural ability to make people feel good. You can imagine how that has created a lot of negative feedback, regardless of my intentions.
For example, when I was in dance (around 8-9) I was such a strong dancer that I was promoted to toe and the competition teams, as one of the youngest people to join. You're not even supposed to be on pointe at that age because usually your ankles aren't developed enough, that's what I mean by "strong" dancer. I had strong ankles/arches (not more skilled).
The older girls were very cool, very cliquish, and very talented. They hated my being there for some reason, so I worked extra hard to try to practice to raise my skill level to their's so I wouldn't hold the group back. I mean staying after class for hours and practicing in the studio by myself. The more I got positive attention, the more they hated me (instructors loved me though), so the harder I would work.
Then, I would try to be friendly and find common ground with them. Like one day we were looking at the solo audition sheets for the Nutcracker, and one of the girls looks at the sugar plum fairy one and says, "I hope I get this." I should have responded, "I know you will, your leaps are the best in class." Instead, because I was trying to be liked, I said, "Oh, me too." Which got the nastiest look from her.
One day in the locker room, I finally got the balls to ask (since they were all there), why they hated me so much. To which they replied, "You could stand to be more...humble." My mouth just dropped, that was the last thing I expected to hear.
Point being, my intentions were to do good for the group, practice extra hard, and try to fit in to minimize my negative influence in being there. What was seen and interpreted was that I didn't know my lane, and thought way too highly of myself. So just...hard to ignore, and don't really make people feel good.
Ha, that reminds me of Death Note. Having a nemesis to push you further. Hope I haven't gone that psycho yet. Yeah, my experience was a little different (now I feel like Kate McKinnon in those alien abduction skits)...Once I reached puberty. Not only did I lose my dance body, I acquired...curves in "all the right places".I relate to this - although I am not really that way anymore compared to when I was younger. It was surprising when people in my young adult life actually saw me as demure and "non-threatening" when I received very different feedback for most of my childhood. I wasn't deliberately doing anything different to be more likable but decided to observe rather than interject on most occasions, to learn out of curiosity, which apparently made me more likable.
What I'm also reading in your post is the expectation that your worth to others is tied up in your skill and competence. I think that is where the "overbearing" comes in... because what most people really want is someone who will lift them up, as you mentioned with giving the girl a vote of confidence rather than inadvertently competing with her. However, that is where it is kind of fun to have a nemesis. You can be your overbearing self and lift each other up by testing your skills rather worrying about bruising egos (having your ego bruised is part of the deal).
So yeah, relate. lol
So it went from that, to instantly, guys pulling my shirt down in class. Being videotaped while changing, my ex best friend (the dumb bitch) convincing me to go skinny dipping, only to then question me relentlessly about why I had more boobs than her. So I wore mostly men's clothes after that.
Think that's how I got into kind of military fashion, and a lot of punk rock stuff. Lol!
You should be able to hang out with anyone. No excuses. This sort of mentality only led me to thinking everyone else was wrong. As a social species, if everywhere you go it stinks....Hence, personality flaw. The origin is unnecessary.I kinda get it but then isn't your issue due to hanging out with jealous people? You technically didn't do anything wrong thus not really a personality flaw. By your logic, you can be as good as Jesus Christ but if u hang out with the wrong people, you'll still think you're flawed but thats coz they're flawed.
Your story essentially says you were a talented dancer, you got put in with the big girls, they didn't like you coz you were excelling, thats jealousy, you didn't mention anything u did wrong like making snarky comments at them or being condescending or anything, you can't care about how flawed people perceive you if they're just being jealous or salty, if you go down that path you're going to find out very quickly that you can't please everyone and changing yourself from X to Y will simply piss off crowd B instead of A.You should be able to hang out with anyone. No excuses. This sort of mentality only led me to thinking everyone else was wrong. As a social species, if everywhere you go it stinks....Hence, personality flaw.
Oh! and I will post one more follow up to that story. Lol. So all the mothers in the observation rooms were equally as callous to my mother as the kids were to me. We just weren't liked. So then one of the most popular girl's mother starts talking in the waiting room about her love life. She's a single mom, and she met this Italian lover, who's absolutely rocking her world, right?
My mom tells me about this and just listens quietly in the corner as they talk. She also knew, and recognized they treated us badly.
Anyway, so one day the mom's all boasting because her boyfriend is coming in to visit her and meet her other mom friends in the class. Dude walks in, sees my mother, and instantly is like, "EHHHHHHH!!!!!! Auntie insert mom's name." Completely bipasses his girlfriend and gives my mom the biggest hug. Turns out, it was my cousin she was dating. LMAO!!!!
I did have to agree on one thing, my cousin was a bad ass, and was raised right. Lol!
My mom tells me about this and just listens quietly in the corner as they talk. She also knew, and recognized they treated us badly.
Anyway, so one day the mom's all boasting because her boyfriend is coming in to visit her and meet her other mom friends in the class. Dude walks in, sees my mother, and instantly is like, "EHHHHHHH!!!!!! Auntie insert mom's name." Completely bipasses his girlfriend and gives my mom the biggest hug. Turns out, it was my cousin she was dating. LMAO!!!!
I did have to agree on one thing, my cousin was a bad ass, and was raised right. Lol!
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