Personality Cafe banner

1 - 4 of 4 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
13 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Hey, I've been reading from this forum for quite awhile and decided it might be time to contribute :) What I've got is this...

'Somebody that I used to know' - Gotye ft. Kimbra

I was listening to this song on my way back to campus this weekend, and it hit me. There have been several posts on this forum which examined the 'door-slam' tendency of INFJs on those who, according to the INFJ (or at least in my case), have 'absoluted' themselves to the INFJ as being better off forgetting the INFJ exists at all.

I've done this many times - not necessarily in anger but more with a feeling of distress and thinking that if I could remove myself from the victim's radar, we both might be better off, given time.

The man singing in this song must be the reaction most people have to being 'door-slammed'. The Woman would therefore have to be the INFJ, trying in vain to justify what she did - which I have only once had to explain, and fruitlessly. In the song, her reasoning is kind of...off, but still - using this analogy I now realize how painful it must be to be literally removed from another's existence.

As it is, in most of the cases in which I have 'door-slammed' people, I really would prefer that they remember me only as "Somebody they used to know".
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,734 Posts
Very interesting analysis! I'm definitely a fan of that song and feel like I can relate to it on some level, so I can see where you're coming from. Welcome to the forum, by the way!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
57 Posts
i don't look at the people i've door-slammed as victims at all. typically i only door-slam when i feel completely emotionally over-taxed from having expended excessive amounts of energy trying to repair an unmendable relationship.

after the door-slam i don't give a second thought to how the other party must feel because, in my mind, before i have slammed the door, i have given them every opportunity to fix the relationship. before i door-slam someone i have to be fully certain that they're aware of why i'm about to shut them out. the door slam only occurs when despite their awareness of my efforts to find solutions to our problems, they lack the desire to work with me to find a mutual ground.

so, no, i don't think wally de backer's character in that gotye video can be compared to how the people i've slammed doors on would feel. he genuinely seems perplexed that he was cut out of the woman's life. in contrast, every single person that i've ever door-slammed would know exactly why i decided to door-slam them. keep in mind that i don't door-slam people very often anymore.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
13 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
I don't think I could bring myself to explain to someone that I was about to shut them out. I honestly think I would feel...silly, explaining to the individual what I was brooding over, as though they were about to loose some sort of privilege they would greatly miss. Maybe they should? That sounds a little over the top, but basically I would feel the point of shutting some out rendered moot if they had a chance to tell me how ridiculous it sounded - or that they didn't care. Writing this now makes me wonder why I have done it; an effort to save them from having to deal with me or some kind of vengeance...

I made it sound like I do it often - not really; I just feel so guilty after doing it that I remember each case pretty vividly. In my experience, I suspect people would react the way de backer's character does, if like in my situation, I don't necessarily let on that he or she has really reached a tipping point with me.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Miss Mimmi
1 - 4 of 4 Posts
Top