What kind of people have liked you, romantically?

INFP: Emotionally unstable and admired me for my strength and determination. I ended it because he betrayed my trust.
ENFP: Emotionally unstable and admired me for my strength, intelligence, and determination. Still wants to fuck me. We never dated.
ESTP: Had an addiction to working out and liked that I wasn't very emotional. I left him because he was shallow.
ENFP: Couldn't handle the "intensity of my emotions" and left because the distance was too much for him.
ESTJ: Admired my intelligence and didn't want to "tie me down". It was a cop out, he was just a dishonest man who was disrespectful toward women. I wish him the best in his future shitty marriage though. I broke up with him for telling me to "shut the fuck up".
ENTP: Emotionally unstable, Disrespectful, Insecure, Selfish, and in denial of his behavior. He did not let me have my space while I was very ill. He broke up with me because he thought I was ignoring him when I asked him for some space. He also disrespected all the boundaries I set out.

Shit... this makes me want to stop dating all together after reflecting back on this list.

Belincia said:

Hello,

I'm INFJ and my partner is (supposedly) INTJ. He doesn't believe in personality tests, so he doesn't take one, no matter how I ask

I personally fell for him most of all because of similar interests about ethical, philosophical etc. issues (that are very important for us both).
I think one reason for NF:s to fall for INTJ:s could be feeling of security. This has been important to me personally... And probably this will make you feel us too clinging. I think INTJ can give strong feeling of security for person s/he cares about, since s/he probably is basically more stable and less emotional.

Problematic parts on the relationship has been right these feeling things. In the beginning of the relationship for example my INTJ partner was caring and all, but it disappears on the long run... I think it's not natural for him to be showing affection all the time... INTJ can feel very cold and harsh without even recognizing it himself.
I personally have been able to overcome this since I understand the way he "functions"...

I think many things can work out well as long as both understands why the other acts in way they do... And both does some compromises.

Just some thoughts.

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My mother has a similar issue with this as a Fe dominant user. I know throughout my teenage years she questioned if I actually cared for her or any connection I've made in life. I always knew that verbally expressing my emotions or love for her was preferred communication vs. through action. It wasn't until the past two years that I decided to open up more and express my emotions or concerns with her. But it was never through external pressure, it was an internal decision, which helped me accurately predict that she would be pleased I am opening up the doors to connect with her. Of course I will never fully connect with her since we come from different mindsets but at least half is better than none.

As an INTJ woman, I can definitely say I am not a cold person. I have emotions that run very deep and intensely through my heart but they are shown through my actions more than my words. I have a hard time expressing them because my body shuts off in a moment of intensive thought or feeling. When I make worthwile connections with others, I am more opened to expressing them but they either come out as me breaking down crying or just crazy impulsive comments from a rapid mind.

Since your partner is not willing to understand MBTI, then I would suggest talking about it with him. Ask him if he is concious of how his behavior comes off to others and how he sees his own personality. Get his mind stirring about his intrapersonal intelligence but also interpersonal too. If he really is an INTJ, he would surely appreciate the challenge and the fact you are trying to understand him better. And if he opens up more to you, that is the sign to talk about your wants/needs in the relationship.

Hats off to you for trying to understand him better and even yourself. Compromise is always important in relationships but even the littlest change in one's behavior can produce a more positive outcome for the both of you. :happy: