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Congrats on finding one of the rare male ESFJs out there =) I can't read your b/f's mind, but when I call people weirdos/dorks/nerds, it's meant to be endearing and not offensive. I'm a bit offbeat myself, so I'm not about to seriously call anyone out for being a little different.
 

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I talk a lot with esfj's, we can get along very well. So I'm sure too they like to talk to ISFP's.
And overall they have better conversations with F I guess.
 

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I don't think I'm in fact an ESFJ but if I were, the very last thing I would ever be attracted or drawn to is someone to control just because I can. It's an absurd thing but there are indeed people like that, which is a real shame. Trust goes both ways.

I don't think ESFJs are controlling unless they are totally unhealthy (any J for that matter, esp. SJ). At least not the ESFJs that I know of and I'm married to one. He is most attracted to the fact that I am a woman who thinks for herself and usually these are the kind of people ESFJs admire. Anyhow, ESFJs have a need to help and want to be needed. Sometimes giving unwanted & unneeded "help" and they blurt their opinions on everything, this is what people find to be controlling. ESFJs may force what seems good for themselves on others. I find that it's unintentional and when made aware in a non-aggressive way they will back off. They completely think they are helping and sharing in the matter meanwhile the other person just thinks the ESFJ is being pushy. They don't want control it's just another stereotype.
 

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According to Socionics INTJs but I really don't see it. You feelers scare the hell out of me. After reading some of the posts, I'm sure that you guys don't care for us either
 

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I'd definitely say a good mix of INTJ and ESFJ/P but I don't have any interest in "serving" others.
I used to over tend to others. Learned to not smother my GF so much though.
Unfortunately for you as an ESFJ man the only descriptions available so far are geared toward women. You got to love the assumptions. Same thing happens to me as an ESTP woman, the career choices are police, military, fire man, athlete, etc. Every description is geared for a dude. Ok so I get it, I'm a dude trapped in a woman's body.

Same happens for ESFJ. They post them as nurses, caretakers, pre-school teachers. My ESFJ husband would be the worst pre-school teacher. He was in the military, he's athletic and is very good at managing. My other male ESFJ friend is a retired state trooper, not a man-nurse. Most ESFJ men like to problem solve and enjoy being part of the solution, therefore helpful and hospitible. So ignore the gender roles and stereotypes, does the functions and letters still make sense as ESFJ? ESFJ men and women are VERY different from eachother (much moreso than us ESTPs). The men I know are very masculine while the women are very feminine.
 
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Unfortunately for you as an ESFJ man the only descriptions available so far are geared toward women. You got to love the assumptions. Same thing happens to me as an ESTP woman, the career choices are police, military, fire man, athlete, etc. Every description is geared for a dude. Ok so I get it, I'm a dude trapped in a woman's body.

Same happens for ESFJ. They post them as nurses, caretakers, pre-school teachers. My ESFJ husband would be the worst pre-school teacher. He was in the military, he's athletic and is very good at managing. My other male ESFJ friend is a retired state trooper, not a man-nurse. Most ESFJ men like to problem solve and enjoy being part of the solution, therefore helpful and hospitible. So ignore the gender roles and stereotypes, does the functions and letters still make sense as ESFJ? ESFJ men and women are VERY different from eachother (much moreso than us ESTPs). The men I know are very masculine while the women are very feminine.
Well, I did teach for a few years but it just wasn't for me even if I did enjoy certain aspects. I still question if I'm ESFJ or the exact opposite so I don't bother myself with the stereotypes of any given type anymore. It's a label and I have an issue with being labeled. As far as wanting to be a problem solver for other people's persnal lives, I don't.
PS: You could be a fire-breathing athletic military police officer! See? Problem solved. Woops!
 

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I seem to be naturally drawn to INTJ's and ENFP's................:O)
 

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Can someone PLEASE tell me why oh why I am so drawn to ENTP males? :-(
I am an ESFJ female and for some reason I just find ENTP males irresistible. To my detriment.
 

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esfj is a solid match with enfp. it is not as intense as more opposite types but there is enough difference to compliment and offer intrigue. it seems well balanced and good feeling match even though one is i and one is e. just my opinion.
 

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Can someone PLEASE tell me why oh why I am so drawn to ENTP males? :-(
I am an ESFJ female and for some reason I just find ENTP males irresistible. To my detriment.
Because they are usually intelligent and witty. They are really really fun to talk to and are usually popular among their friends. Being intelligent and witty, you would expect them to be successful in life. As such, they give females a sense of security, which is what i think the ladies look out for subconsciously/consciously.
I think i'm right. LOL
 

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I am an INFP and my boyfriend of over 2 years is an ESFJ....he's had two other serious girlfriends before me and, from what I know about them, it seems like they were INFPs as well (so obviously he must have a thing for quiet, artsy girls with their heads in the clouds). However, most of the time when I show my INFP-ness around him (anything that is not considered "normal" in our society) all he does is sarcastically call me a "weirdo" or "psycho."
My question is: Does he do this because he's simply attacking my "non-normal" behavior...or because he actually finds it endearing and attractive & is just affectionately poking fun at me???
It depends on your esfjs personality as well as the tone of his message. Is it playful? Or is it a Condesending tone? Also for esfjs, although we judge, we want to avoid conflicts and stay clear or disharmony. We also do not want people to have a bad impression of us. We like to get into other people's good books. As such, most likely, it's an act of endearment and he is simply teasing you.

Now I wonder, is it just me or do male esfjs love to tease?
 

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Because they are usually intelligent and witty. They are really really fun to talk to and are usually popular among their friends. Being intelligent and witty, you would expect them to be successful in life. As such, they give females a sense of security, which is what i think the ladies look out for subconsciously/consciously.
I think i'm right. LOL
I think you have a really good point! I think ESFJs really look for security and stability. My problem with ENTPs though, is that they give off a false sense of security. They come up with a lot of great ideas and don't follow through. Also it seems like they are smitten with ESFJs at first, but then they get bored and then treat you like crap! :-(
No offense against ENTPs. I've just been hurt by a good few of them. (sigh) When will I ever learn?
 

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They like peope they can control-especially the manipulative and insecure ones. Trust me
I DISAGREE 100%. ESFJs are not controlling. Some can come across as controlling if they have a very strong J side and want order and they think things HAVE to be that way. ESFJs care and want harmony in the world. Not to dominate someone else.
 

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I DISAGREE 100%. ESFJs are not controlling. Some can come across as controlling if they have a very strong J side and want order and they think things HAVE to be that way. ESFJs care and want harmony in the world. Not to dominate someone else.
I agree. I'm starting to think that those that see them as controlling have their own issues relinquishing any sort of control to another person or are dealing with wacky ESFJs. They really are a gem- if you can surround yourself with some in your life- lucky you. :)
 
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