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Discussion Starter #1
I am curious as to what kinds of people ISFJ's are naturally drawn to.

Pretend as if you were at a party in which you did not know anyone except the host. You have to choose which kinds of people to interact with and get to know first. What would your ideal person look like, be having conversations with others about, etc?
 

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I find your hypothetical ridiculous. I would never be at a party. Just kidding.

To answer your question though, I myself will generally search for a quite alternative female individuals or nerdy male individuals. However, I wouldn't really look for anyone usually, I am too introverted for that. If someone is being picked on, I will normally assess the situation, and if I deem necessary, will come to the aid of the person who is being bullied. I tend to talk to Asians about their culture, so I might talk to them. I have a knack for finding other very introverted people and getting slightly away from the festivities in order to not be overwhelmed by the sheer volume of people, as well as trying to included said shy other individual and make them feel a part of the group(even if we technically get a way from the group to do so). I would also probably annoyingly hover around the host, since they are the only person I know, or just go off by myself somewhere.

I know I am probably not the norm, so others will probably much more greatly answer your question for you.
 

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I suppose the more appropriate word would have been "social gathering", so I apologize for that.
No need to apologize for my failed sense of humor. Sorry.
 

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I'm sorry, I really don't know how to answer this.

My broad, generic and useless answer is: "It depends on the individual."

Personally... I wouldn't be at said gathering if I didn't know anyone else. I don't seek people out. As horrible as this sounds I don't particularly enjoy meeting new people.

Ummm... Pointless post of the year award? :)
 

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My ISFJ mom seems (based on the description of her exes) to usually be attracted to the INxP types. Which is of course why she ended up with a ISTJ :laughing: As for her friends, they seem to be the ExFx types....if that helps any. :tongue:
 

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Discussion Starter #7
My broad, generic and useless answer is: "It depends on the individual."

Personally... I wouldn't be at said gathering if I didn't know anyone else. I don't seek people out. As horrible as this sounds I don't particularly enjoy meeting new people.
I agree, and I am seeking every individual ISFJ's thoughts on this. Since I know that all people are different, even if they do have the same MBTI type.

Interesting...so, do you like to help people out? Do something for them that would make them happy?
 

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Interesting...so, do you like to help people out? Do something for them that would make them happy?
Absolutely, more than anything! I'm not anti-social or anything, I just prefer to stick with people I know than seek out new ones. But anyone who wants to talk to me is more than welcome to, and I'll help them in any way I can.
 

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I do tend to go to parties, for two reasons. First because I'm married to an E and so I go with him and second because if I'm invited I don't like to let people down. But if I'm somewhere where I only know the host I will either stick with them (and help them out in the kitchen or whatever so as not to look too clingy) or I'll find someone who looks equally (or more) awkward as me and start talking to them. I don't like initiating conversations with strangers but if I can see something to comment on that we can both talk about (like if there's a song on the stereo that seems familiar or they are standing looking at a book, or a piece of art or whatever) I will use that as a way in.
 

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I'm with seeker on this, but I'll give you my very own version!

First off I naturally try to avoid gatherings/parties like that. But this time I go to the gathering.

If I could and it was "appropriate" by my definitions I would stick to the host. Or I could seek out a place where I could be alone or find someone else who looked like a misfit. Someone who had something in common with myself, it's usually the misfit at gatherings. I think I'm looking for safety and comfort and most people are the opposite, making me feel nervous.

If I looked for someone it would be someone similar to myself, someone safe. The conversation could be about anything, really. I'd give it a few minutes, sometimes it clicks and sometimes it doesn't. The "click" is the important part not the conversation.

About conversations and topics, I think it's about how it's presented. If the person initiating a topic has integrity, confidence, grace, glow, drive. To make it interesting.

Ideal person would look like they needed my company:tongue:.

Conclusion: Drawn to introverts and glowing people:blushed:
 

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Wow, I seriously do the exact same thing.

Step 1: Avoid the party/social gathering, if possible.

Step 2: If social gathering is required, either find some kids to play with, stick with the host, find someone quieter than me that I can help feel more comfortable, or go help in the kitchen. That's pretty much what I would do.

ISFJs, for the most part, really need to be needed. We are honestly happiest when we are helping someone else (or at least I am).
 

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I'm with seeker on this, but I'll give you my very own version!

First off I naturally try to avoid gatherings/parties like that. But this time I go to the gathering.

If I could and it was "appropriate" by my definitions I would stick to the host. Or I could seek out a place where I could be alone or find someone else who looked like a misfit. Someone who had something in common with myself, it's usually the misfit at gatherings. I think I'm looking for safety and comfort and most people are the opposite, making me feel nervous.

If I looked for someone it would be someone similar to myself, someone safe. The conversation could be about anything, really. I'd give it a few minutes, sometimes it clicks and sometimes it doesn't. The "click" is the important part not the conversation.

About conversations and topics, I think it's about how it's presented. If the person initiating a topic has integrity, confidence, grace, glow, drive. To make it interesting.

Ideal person would look like they needed my company:tongue:.

Conclusion: Drawn to introverts and glowing people:blushed:

I'm pretty much just the same as Tucken. The key thing is for me to find someone who I'm comfortable with, someone who's pretty calm, easygoing, and friendly. I'm definitely more inclined to be around a Feeler, I think...it usually takes me a while to warm up to Thinkers, and most of them I don't meet at social gatherings, usually they're friends of friends.
 

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I'm with seeker on this, but I'll give you my very own version!

First off I naturally try to avoid gatherings/parties like that. But this time I go to the gathering.

If I could and it was "appropriate" by my definitions I would stick to the host. Or I could seek out a place where I could be alone or find someone else who looked like a misfit. Someone who had something in common with myself, it's usually the misfit at gatherings. I think I'm looking for safety and comfort and most people are the opposite, making me feel nervous.

If I looked for someone it would be someone similar to myself, someone safe. The conversation could be about anything, really. I'd give it a few minutes, sometimes it clicks and sometimes it doesn't. The "click" is the important part not the conversation.

About conversations and topics, I think it's about how it's presented. If the person initiating a topic has integrity, confidence, grace, glow, drive. To make it interesting.

Ideal person would look like they needed my company:tongue:.

Conclusion: Drawn to introverts and glowing people:blushed:
yea that sounds about right nicely put Tucken
 

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I don't really go to parties.

But...depending on size, hypothetically.

If it was massive, and I'd been dragged along, I'd not talk to anyone I was really taken by, I'd be way too shy.

I'd probably end up drinking alone in a corner, and then getting drunk and getting into it.

If it were smaller I'd probably stick to anyone I knew, drink, and then chat a little to others, then get very drunk and do my own thing or hang about with people I knew well.

Possibly work up the nerve or drunkenness to talk to anyone I was attracted to, but still somehow be awkward about it and run off.


As for the type of person I'm drawn to...girls or guys wearing alot of black eyeliner who're approchable, particularly charming (but not sleazy or pushy)/effeminate people, depressed people (seriously, I seem to have an unconscious censor).
 

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My isfj seemed to be drawn to my innocent, warm image in middleschool when she approached me and started a conversation like we'd been friends for years. It was a bad judgement on her part because her type is so tempting to mess with. she befriended this new kid at school because my isfj thought she seemed nice, like me, even though i warned my isfj about this person who in the end turned out to be a juvenille delinquent. my isfj stuck around even though i drained the life out of her and after 7 years she finally got smart and cut it off :wink: its sad how much abuse they will take (ive known many).
 

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For some reason, me. :laughing: I think they feel sorry for me. Reading these responses, I understand now.
 

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My isfj seemed to be drawn to my innocent, warm image in middleschool when she approached me and started a conversation like we'd been friends for years. It was a bad judgement on her part because her type is so tempting to mess with. she befriended this new kid at school because my isfj thought she seemed nice, like me, even though i warned my isfj about this person who in the end turned out to be a juvenille delinquent. my isfj stuck around even though i drained the life out of her and after 7 years she finally got smart and cut it off :wink: its sad how much abuse they will take (ive known many).

I've read and heard that ISFJ's have a tendency to do this. They form a bond with someone, get attached to them, and if things start going bad, the ISFJ will stick around for a very long time, even if they should have left a while ago. It's a mix of the desire for consistency of ISFJ's combined with their nature to put others before themselves and always looking to help someone...it's like a "need to be needed".

I myself have done this in the past with a girlfriend. I didn't really feel anything for her, but I knew she felt strongly about me so I didn't break up with her for a while since I knew she would be hurt by it. So I ended up staying in that relationship too long.


That's what I think is great about learning about the MBTI...it helps you to understand both your strengths and your faults and helps you to find ways to improve yourself that actually work, instead of trying things that other people have told you because it worked for them.
 
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Meeting new people is a strange thing, sort of tiring; there's a new atmosphere and set of...social nuances to learn and get used to. Recently a girl had to stay at my house, who is the closest to my level of sociability of anyone I've met I think, and even with her, I found it hard and disconcerting to spend time with her at first, and when I started to relax, and realised I was relaxing it was bizzare - like the first time I've ever relaxed with anyone new. Sort of like the door mat who never does anything for themself, but for some reason gets sent somewhere to relax and be waited upon.

Even that feeling is disconcerting and tiring, as it's a change from what I'm used to. Good things - perhaps more so than general change - can often be scary in that way, as it feels like bad things, or more normal feelings and circumstances should/will return.
 

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My mother is an ISFJ and my father an INTJ. One of my best friends is an ISFJ as well and her last boyfriend was an ENTP.

So in my experience, NTs!
 

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If all I knew was the host at a party, I'd probably stick with him or her as ask him or her to lead me around and introduce me to some people. I like finding those who have a common ground that I do. The other day, I meet a person who I learned, judging by her environmental studies major shared a lot of the views of the world that I have (which is rare). I didn't know where to start in the conversation.
 
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