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What makes INFJ become a serial dater?

3K views 13 replies 6 participants last post by  nichya 
#1 · (Edited)
Okay so I have enough context with INFJs and I know that they are not exactly the romantic they are written about, like it is so hard for them to fall for someone and the person needs to be special yada yada, if anything, they fall too much, pretty much for anyone, especially if there is a social context / status context / convenient future that they will benefit from.


Apart from practical reasons, what makes a male INFJ a serial dater? Emotionally, what are the reasons? Commitment issues? Fear of being lonely? That simple? Forever on a quest to find the one, and their plan is to date anyone and everyone?
 
#3 ·
High idealism, placing people on a pedestal, projection and being too forgiving with people’s flaws probably. Then you fall in love with a dream, commit to it and have to break up when reality is not at all what you’ve hoped for, or need. Just like every idealist, but that’s just my two cents and I am not an INFJ.
 
#5 ·
I would imagine serially dating people would be tiresome for an INFJ?

I understand -the one- part, I am much of an avoider though, can't really try and see what happens if I don't feel like I have known that person from a past life or something when I first meet them (or rather the first moment needs to be a spark and then a couple occurrences where we actually talk). I am a seeker but I just know when I am interested, so I shut down anyone who asks me out if I don't feel this way. I can't date 7 billion people just to see what happens. What is awkward is that he would say such things too, then how can you reorient yourself so fast? As his time decreases for his move, he seems to get more frantic, and he drops his whole personality and wears a persona so fast, it is driving me crazy really.
 
#9 ·
I'm not sure honestly. Speed dating... I feel like I'd have to be Se-gripping real bad to do this.
I am sorry though that you're going through this.

I'm sure the move is stressful. Maybe he's trying to test out the waters and seeing the potential for his love life in this new city by checking out the kind of people available there.
 
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#10 ·
Only as per my experience:
they are not exactly the romantic they are written about
False. They are the most romantic but obviously only to their commited partner.
it is so hard for them to fall for someone
True.. its as hard as 1 in a 10 million case. (May be I am exaggerating). But its very hard.
the person needs to be special yada yada
Sort of. Or they will make it special.
they fall too much, pretty much for anyone, especially
Yess...
especially if there is a social context / status context / convenient future that they will benefit from.
Not exactly. But it accelerates 100x.

Emotionally, what are the reasons?
Rebounding is a very good reason to do serial dating. I was on lots of "its complicated" kind of relationships.

Commitment issues?
Probably.

Fear of being lonely? That simple? Forever on a quest to find the one, and their plan is to date anyone and everyone?
I do not think that fear of being lonely has ever been my reason. I can never be lonely. When I was into mess and noone used to pay attention to me, I started talking to the college principal 😂
Its impossible to be lonely with Fe (only my experience, I am a 3 as well).
Even if you are not talking, then even attending the "get togethers" or simply by being with people, obviously the INFJ would absorb all the moods of others and environment, so I think that its impossible to be lonely. But ofcourse, its impossible that anyone will be able to understand the INFJ. Only rare people can.
Forever on a quest to find the one,
Yessssssssssssss...

and their plan is to date anyone and everyone?
Obviously not. They do overthink and overanalyze a lot and will obviously not date anyone and everyone.
 
#11 ·
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