What makes life redeemable and worth living for you?

The things and people I love--I live so that I can care for them. I fail a lot, but ultimately, I know I must try to help care for and love and try to make the world a better place. That's the only real reason I know for why I need to keep living.

Every day you can choose to do something good which could make a difference for someone else--even if I have trouble finding value in myself, I know that I can create value by doing things for that which I value. I would love to have a more selfish reason...I guess the selfish one would be to hope for the future.

But ultimately, there are lots of things...trees, bushes, oxygen, animals, people...even inanimate objects to be enjoyed like books...music, art...actually, now that I think about it there are a lot more reasons to live than just to do service for what I love, but that is pretty high up there.

I figure if I ever really want to end it all, and somehow it goes past all my safeguards etc. then I'll max out a credit card on a tropical vacation and tbh I seriously doubt I'll feel the same on some foreign isle in which I am left alone to enjoy life as it is.

Life is amazing and dreadful. It is just so absurd that I cannot comprehend it. Questions such as "Why are we here?" and "What happens after we die?" are questions everyone wonders. Some people cannot come to terms with this chaotic reality and choose an early way out of it, finding these unanswered questions incredibly depressing.

Instead, I think these unanswered questions are the fun of life. We have so much yet to discover, so much left to do. Personally, I am excited to see what aliens are like. And who says that just because there is no inherent, objective meaning to life, we must die? What is the point in that? Equally as there being no known, inherent meaning in life, there is no inherent meaning to die either. So we may as well just live, and keep on going until we can't anymore. Having no meaning to my life sets me free: I am able to do whatever I want, without feeling pressure towards a particular path. It's funny that as humans we strive towards guidelines and purpose, when the fun is in the freedom that comes with happening to be born on this one planet among galaxies that span the universe, and maybe even a multiverse.

For me it’s figuring stuff out. It’s about sacrifice, commitment, and betting on yourself. Do I assert myself? Should I stop caring about everyone and just go full on aggressive and do exactly as I wish, say what I think? Or should I step back, and contribute to a harmonious environment? Either way I choose I will reflect the next day and think I picked the wrong one and feel guilty to myself about it. I can be overtly bossy and then I’ll notice you being uncomfortable or irritated and I’ll drop the act immediately.

I want to live a fulfilling life, but not by myself. I want to pursue my goals with determination. I want to be assertive but I don’t want people to find me intrusive and critical. A fast paced life instead of rotting in my couch. Because one day I am going to die and no one is ever going to know I existed.

Guess life is about my relation to other people and their perception of me, and my own inner desires which leads to a whole bunch of contradictions and unpredictable behaviour.