Why are you trying to figure out what makes ENFJ's feel connected? I could probably give you better answer if I knew what you're getting at...are you trying to connect more with an ENFJ? Is an ENFJ being distant? are you just curious? What's up?
Your response is a prime example why I'm curious about what makes her tick. Your need for some understanding of the... feelings... (for lack of a better term) behind my actions is all at once intriguing, amusing, and from my point of view, very confusing. :tongue:
But to address your questions, mostly I'm just trying to understand what friendship means to her. For example, to me a good friendship is someone who I can have deep discussions with, and on the rare occasion when I feel the need, open up to and know I'll receive acceptance, understanding, and support. However, I get the feeling friendship to her means sharing the little moments of one's day. The 'I went to the store and bought eggs' moments that an INTJ wouldn't think of discussing unless the eggs were apart of a scheme for world domination, or reminded them of some obscure piece of research about fetal development in chickens. (Hmmm. Now I have the strange urge to research the research regarding fetal development in chickens :crazy: ). Our differences are okay. I just need to understand them to be able to respond correctly, otherwise conversations just fall flat and I get frustrated at having exhausted my social energy trying to talk to her when she's the one who started the conversation.
By grasping what does
make her feel connected to people I can prioritize conversations so I don't waste time trying to come up with a response to irrelevant information, but also provide her with the support she needs from a friend.
Come to think of it, I believe I've had this problem with every ENFJ I know, which is a shame as I am always running into them.