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Hi!

I am an INFJ (not an INFP like it states, I'm on here too little to change it and also it's a long story, ANYWAY) and my partner is an INTJ. He is the most beautiful person I have ever had the chance to date. He is 41 and never been married or had kids, where as I am 28, soon to be divorced and have two kids. He is so genuine and since introducing him to my two I can see him really putting in an effort. Not in any way that panders to them either, he is respectful and really gets involved with them.
The reason I write all of that is because I want to make him feel loved as much as I can. I've mentioned the five love languages test to him before, he hadn't heard of it and I left it at that because I don't want to push it on him. For me personally physical touch and quality time together is my top two, both of which he delivers in spades (holy hell the sex, is that just an intj thing or maybe I have struck gold with a person? ?)

So what does your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/significant other do that makes you feel or know you are loved?
 

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At one point in my marriage, we both were working all the time, had three young children, and were struggling to survive financially. For our wedding anniversary, my husband bought me a ticket on a three day sea kayaking trip sponsored by the local natural history museum. He couldn't go - we could not afford two tickets and someone had to take care of the kids.

That was the best gift ever, and made me feel loved. He paid attention to my interests; he took time to figure out something creative; and he made a personal sacrifice to make it happen.

On a day to day basis, taking time to listen as I go on and on about my latest project, I feel good about that. Or if we are going to the movies, and he suggests the latest superhero movie, which I know he dislikes. He's doing it for me. That makes me feel loved.

Basically, doing stuff that shows he values my interests, that he will do things for me just because he cares about me. That counts for me. Saying "I love you" is nice and all, but words are cheap. Actions matter more to me.
 

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You know, I guess I must admit that, in romantic relationships, I don't believe I've ever felt loved.

I think I've felt love, and it was reciprocated, but I can't say there was anything in particular that made me feel loved. I couldn't speak for the partners -- yeah, I could guess, I used to do things like send flowers and shit, when I was younger and sappier, so that probably did that.

Cared for, by impromptu gifts, generously allowing me my spaces for massive stacks of books, willing to go anywhere with me, do most things with me.

Tolerated, cherished, admired, by all manner of acts, but nothing particularly said "love" to me.

In fact, I can probably count on both hands, maybe even both feet, the number of times the words "I love you" came out of anyone's mouth.

And by no means was this an INTJ woman thing -- I couldn't say what types even the more sigificant relationships were, except one who was doubtless an INTJ, if a self-loathing one with extraordinary self-expectations to become the thinkingest, scienciest INTJ there could be (I don't keep in touch, so I wouldn't know if she got there or not), with a truly impressive ability to perform abstract deductions in various fomalisms. Not a mechanical operator, either -- a very good intuitive ability to work abstractly.

IN GENERAL, what COULD make me feel loved? I don't know, it's not something I think about, but the combined acts of tolerance of some of my mild quirks, and spontaneous revelations of the truths of both her feelings, and a generous, but well-meaning expression of her perception of the truths of my heart of darkness.
 

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Plague Doctor
INTJ, 5w4, Ni-T type
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I feel loved the most when my partner allows me to have quiet time without it being a big deal. He knows how much my introversion means to me and when he allows me to pursue whatever it is I'm using my "me" time to do, I know he's celebrating me as a person as he's allowing me to engage in the processes that bring out the best in me.

The most loved I've ever felt, though, was that my partner was just there when my dad died. He didn't have to do anything at all; he was just there and let me grieve without prying and without any advice. Sometimes allowing someone to go through their own emotional healing process can be difficult when one wants to fix their SO's problems or wants to take the pain away however. My partner knew and trusted in my personal process to coming to terms with my stuff. Plus he made certain that I didn't have to worry about doing anything extra during that time. That was much more powerful than any other sort of gesture he could have done for me.

Essentially, he lets me be me and he's totally fine with me. I'm very lucky to have him.
 
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