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I graduated college in 2012 with a degree in Business. While Pennsylvania is nominally my home, I always felt more at home in the Bay Area (where I did undergrad) and I have since moved to Pennsylvania, in a city that's about an hour and a half from "home." I currently work in a low level position at a large hospital.

I took my position not because of what it offered, but what it could eventually offer. I had interned at this hospital during college for a few summers and the position I earned was advertised as a way to advance myself in hospital administration. At first, it seemed like a dead end, but I've come to learn that it does offer significant advancement opportunities. My bosses at this hospital have told me that they have "big plans" for me, while a former boss at a competing hospital has offered me a higher position at her hospital. (Currently being delayed, but not cancelled, by HR.)

Since I've gotten such positive feedback from all of my seemingly many bosses, and after meeting the people in positions I aspire to one day fill, I think I could advance quickly and fairly easily in hospital administration. But my question now is do I aspire to these positions?

What really bought this to a head was an eye problem. All of the sudden, one of my eyes became inflamed and very painful. I was booked an urgent care appointment with a resident. She spent about twenty minutes looking into my eye and then called for a more senior resident, who couldn't have been ten years more my senior.

Both of them had astounding technical and intellectual abilities. After an hour of assessing someone with an unusual presentation of what could be either a common or rare problem, they prescribed a treatment course that has at least been effective in reducing the symptoms and may have cured the issue.

I don't think I've ever been so happy to meet any two people. I was just so floored at what they did. They took me out of a very scary situation with such ease. My level of gratitude is almost inexpressible. And then to think at what they do on a regular basis: treat conditions that relate to a very basic part of the human experience, seeing.

Ever since then, I feel like I've been thrown into an existential crisis. I feel like I've been kind of empty recently because I haven't affected enough. Of course, a higher level person in my field affects a lot: what hospital stays open, how many physicians are in what place, what kind of staff is in every practice and what kind of patients they see. These are especially pertinent as we continue ongoing debate in quality versus quantity in the U.S. health care system.

But I can't help but to think that a lot of the field is complete nonsense. So much of it seems to be endless discussion of inane issues. Even if I were to achieve higher levels in this field, would I be remembered after I die for Excel spreadsheets and reoccurring debates about my managerial decisions?

I digress. Basically, what I want to know is what gives NTs fulfillment. What's your reaction to my thoughts? Importantly, if you're someone who feels very fulfilled, why do you feel that way? If you don't, why? I joined this forum mainly to ask this question, since I feel like most NTs, like myself, won't respond by citing children or significant others. While both are ideal for me, I know another person could never fully fulfill me. Fulfillment will have to come from personal accomplishments and execution of important ideas.

Thanks for your thoughts.
 

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The big problem in my life right now is I'm way more fulfilled in my summer job in lower management at an amusement park than I am in the education career I went to college for. During the school year I work in a school library and it's just so boring. Sometimes I get to do some creative book displays or get to be a detective and find creative solutions to get kids information they need and are having trouble finding-- that's fulfilling. But those moments are few and far between. I was a little more fulfilled as a classroom teacher, but the every day stuff wasn't what moved me along-- it was the fun stuff I went above and beyond with-- our performances for assemblies, our unique projects, bulletin board designs-- basically the fun, creative projects. I think if I ever get back into a classroom, it'll be better.

During the summer, though, my job makes me feel completely fulfilled. It doesn't make sense to me because, for the most part, there's not that creative element to it. I mean, sometimes there's a problem solving element to it that requires some creativity, but I've gotten yelled at before for using too much creativity, so it's not generally part of what I do. But it's a lot of interacting with people, there's training people to do things, sometimes the planning aspect can be like a puzzle, and it's just constant action and go go go. Every half hour or less I'm moving on to something different. Every day is a new start and when I just rock a day and every problem gets solved, every plan goes off perfectly, everyone is pumped up and having fun, I just feel like a rock star. It's a barely-above-minimum wage job with no job security, no insurance, and there's only work full time three months a year and part time four months a year. There are very, very few year round "career" jobs available there and I'm not good enough to ever hope to get one, so as much as I love this job, it's a dead end. I hate that I'm so attached to it, but it just makes me feel so alive.
 

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Sound like you feel like your job is pointless compared to what the physicians do?

I've only had one real job and i didn't always feel fulfilled, but there was a period where i did feel fulfilled. I felt like i carried out my tasks in a way that basically no one else would have been able to do them better. I had a good mix of physical work, administration, customer contact and a lot of contact internally too. Most of all i was completely independent, my only boss was the owners ( who happen to be my parents but that's completely beside the point, i worked my way to the position i filled from the absolute bottom ).
 
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