[lenabelle]

I'm scared of failure. I'm scared of not being good enough or being perceived as inferior to others. The result is I've been an overachiever my whole life.

I'm also scared that the people I love don't actually love me as much as I love them. I'm scared of ending up alone and friendless or not having anyone to rely on in times of trouble. I'm really scared of something bad happening to my loved ones.

 

[lenabelle]

I think the 'not being good enough' mentality has largely to do with our type, and for me it stems from my enneagram type as well (3 sx). Placing values externally so that we have no sense of inner acknowledgment, no recognition of self worth. And because of it we try to be the best in everything and try to rake in as much affirmation from others as we can.

I used to think that if I couldn't meet the demands of people fast enough I was just going to let them down and they would hate me. Half of the time I didn't owe these people anything; I hardly knew them. It's all because I read myself according to how others viewed me solely, so an attack that wasn't even personal would be taken as such and with weight.

The ultimate result was me burying whatever true self I had deeper and deeper out of guilt, and I'm now at a loss for what I am. It feels like the calm after the storm, where you can finally see clearly but you're standing alone in the middle of the mess. Do you piece everything back together, or do you take advantage of a clean slate?

Sorry for rambling, your post brought that impending thought to the surface very quickly.

No need to apologize! You perfectly described my own feelings about failure. It's kinda dangerous how much our sense of self-worth is tied to how we think others perceive us. I think that's really a Fe thing, and it's something I'm trying to break free of. Like I love how Fi-doms don't seem to give a damn. I'm a Type 2w1 myself, but I was raised with really demanding parents (particularly my mother who is a Type 3 ESFJ) so it's possible I just picked up some of those feelings along the way.