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What three questions would you ask to tell if I am ENFJ or not?

3548 Views 35 Replies 10 Participants Last post by  Kate7
Hello confident and insightful ENFJ'S - can you tell who is one of your own? Am I? People on this site have typed me as INFP but I am not so sure and think I may be ENFJ ... would REALLY APPRECIATE some insightful and definitive questioning that would clear this up for me. Ta :)
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From what I can see of ENFJ's they are more people oreanted than us INFP's. Ask these questions.

1. How do you do in social situations? Are you more comfortable or do you tend to shy away?

2. If there is a mess in your room do you have a need to get it cleaned? Or do you not mind dirt and clutter?

3. If you were in a situation where one of your strongest values was being violated, would you try to make peace with the person and let your strongly held values be violated or would you stand up to the person?

ENFJ's seem to care more about human relationships than INFP's. And ENFJ's are more likely to clean up messed where INFP's will overlook them. And ENFJ"s are much much better in social situations.

I admire ENFJ's and wish I has some of their traits when it comes to social situations.
When you are angry..... is it usually because you feel angry.... or because someone else was hurt? Don't try to answer the way you should but the way you would. IN other words..... are you feelings focused more on other people... and their feelings... or is it more just your feelings?
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Mmm.. those are pretty good. But to clarify some of his points..

Number 2: It's not really the actual "mess" that an ENFJ usually is bothered by.. we just have to be organized. It can be dirty, as long as we have it all organized in our heads. For example, my desk will be cluttered with paper, but cluttered in an organized way. I know where all my school homework is, and it's most likely organized by class, etc...

and number 3, we definitely hold our values and moral principles dearly. If someone doesn't agree with them, it really puts us over the edge. I wouldn't go out with anyone who didn't hold the same basic beliefs that I did, and I'm likely to end up debating with someone who disagreed with me over certain things.

But overall, yes, just ask yourself if you care about other people's feelings more than your own. If so, you're probably ENFJ. If not, probably not..
From what I can see of ENFJ's they are more people oreanted than us INFP's. Ask these questions.

1. How do you do in social situations? Are you more comfortable or do you tend to shy away?

2. If there is a mess in your room do you have a need to get it cleaned? Or do you not mind dirt and clutter?

3. If you were in a situation where one of your strongest values was being violated, would you try to make peace with the person and let your strongly held values be violated or would you stand up to the person?

ENFJ's seem to care more about human relationships than INFP's. And ENFJ's are more likely to clean up messed where INFP's will overlook them. And ENFJ"s are much much better in social situations.

I admire ENFJ's and wish I has some of their traits when it comes to social situations.
Thanks I was wondering how close I was. I have an ENFJ supervisor and I try to read him as much as possible.
Mmm.. those are pretty good. But to clarify some of his points..

Number 2: It's not really the actual "mess" that an ENFJ usually is bothered by.. we just have to be organized. It can be dirty, as long as we have it all organized in our heads. For example, my desk will be cluttered with paper, but cluttered in an organized way. I know where all my school homework is, and it's most likely organized by class, etc...

and number 3, we definitely hold our values and moral principles dearly. If someone doesn't agree with them, it really puts us over the edge. I wouldn't go out with anyone who didn't hold the same basic beliefs that I did, and I'm likely to end up debating with someone who disagreed with me over certain things.

But overall, yes, just ask yourself if you care about other people's feelings more than your own. If so, you're probably ENFJ. If not, probably not..
You seem to be doing a pretty good job so far, in that case! :D

I wish more ENFJ's responded more on the forums.. XD
Thanks I was wondering how close I was. I have an ENFJ supervisor and I try to read him as much as possible.
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Thank you. I too wish more ENFJ's would come here. But you guys are so social you don't need us.
You seem to be doing a pretty good job so far, in that case! :D

I wish more ENFJ's responded more on the forums.. XD
First if you haven't already please read the thread "You know you are ENFJ when..." good reading.

Basically...
Outgoing always socializing. Do you like people and are very sensistive to everybody liking you?
Do you despise conflict?
Do you wear your emotions openly?
Do you like to hear everyone's stories but keep things about you guarded.
Do you look for the inherent good?
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Who do you put first when thinking about situations involving yourself and others?

When you mess up and either directly or indirectly cause someone to be hurt do you feel bad because of it?

In any situation can you find the good in what is happening to yourself and/or those around you.








~EBD
I am good in social situations, feel quite comfortable though will usually start out talking to the person I know and move from there depending on who seems to warm to me.

If there is a mess, I clean it up ... but I am a mother and have been responsible for the home for a long time now, this has been ingrained in me. As a teenager/child, I didn't care about mess and my room was usually messy. No, I don't like clutter/mess because I know I will have to clean it up ... mess makes me feel overwhelmed by things to do ... but also I like things to look nice, I have a strong aesthetic side.

I can't imagine the third situation. If I as with others who might be on my side, I would defend my values. If it was just me and them, I would tread gently. I would always try to do everything as peacefully and respectfully as possible whilst making my point as strongly as possible.

What do you think?
From what I can see of ENFJ's they are more people oreanted than us INFP's. Ask these questions.

1. How do you do in social situations? Are you more comfortable or do you tend to shy away?

2. If there is a mess in your room do you have a need to get it cleaned? Or do you not mind dirt and clutter?

3. If you were in a situation where one of your strongest values was being violated, would you try to make peace with the person and let your strongly held values be violated or would you stand up to the person?
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When I am angry it is usually because I feel angry. It is a fault of mine that I don't have strong reaction to other people's hurt, I tend to be quite detached from that in a wierd way. Sometimes when someone has a very strong hurt reaction, it even annoys me - isn't that awful!!! But I do really care and will think a lot about how to help someone, or solve their problem, if they are hurt.

I often get angry at myself. I rarely get angry at others.
When you are angry..... is it usually because you feel angry.... or because someone else was hurt? Don't try to answer the way you should but the way you would. IN other words..... are you feelings focused more on other people... and their feelings... or is it more just your feelings?
Thanks Jojo, I have read that thread and some fits but not all.

I do like people and am sensitive to people liking me
I do despise conflict, but I like debate (when there is other people on my side as moral support)
I do and I don't wear my emotions openly
I do like to hear everyone's stories but will wait to be asked for mine (unless they are likely to be entertaining)
I see the inherent good, not sure if I look for it?
First if you haven't already please read the thread "You know you are ENFJ when..." good reading.

Basically...
Outgoing always socializing. Do you like people and are very sensistive to everybody liking you?
Do you despise conflict?
Do you wear your emotions openly?
Do you like to hear everyone's stories but keep things about you guarded.
Do you look for the inherent good?
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This is easier than you'd think!

1) How many friends have you made from: the grocery store, bus, bus stop or walking down the street?
2) When a new person starts at work, do you find it exciting and can't wait to take them to lunch to find out all about them?
3) Do you suffer (emotionally) a lot in the short term with conflict but end up bouncing back well in the long term? ie being often the most fiery or upset but further down the track not really carrying much baggage?

If yes to these three than you are probably an ENFJ.
If the memory of your first boyfriend still haunts you...etc etc...you may not be.......
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I feel like that's a bit more INFP than ENFJ... but hey
When I am angry it is usually because I feel angry. It is a fault of mine that I don't have strong reaction to other people's hurt, I tend to be quite detached from that in a wierd way. Sometimes when someone has a very strong hurt reaction, it even annoys me - isn't that awful!!! But I do really care and will think a lot about how to help someone, or solve their problem, if they are hurt.

I often get angry at myself. I rarely get angry at others.
I would put others first, the tricky bit is more when there are multiple others and you have to choose who out of each of THEM to put first! Me, I can wait/fit in etc.

When I mess up and cause someone to be hurt I feel TERRIBLE

Yes, I can find the good in what is happening, some people find this annoying or think I am in denial but I know I am not.

What do you think Eternal Black Dragon, am I sounding like an ENFJ? Or could I be any other NF?
Who do you put first when thinking about situations involving yourself and others?

When you mess up and either directly or indirectly cause someone to be hurt do you feel bad because of it?

In any situation can you find the good in what is happening to yourself and/or those around you.

~EBD
Well I do feel affectionately towards the people that serve me at the garage/grocery store etc. but don't exactly make friends with them, just smile and chat a little and feel connected, you know?
And when a new person starts at work I would never take them to lunch to find out all about them but I would enjoy getting to know them as time goes on.
As regards conflict, I don't know. I don't carry much baggage because I forgive easily, but I'am not the most fiery or upset when it's happening. I may feel very upset on the inside but will act fairly calmly still - unless I really lose it, and then I shout and scream (but that is occasional and I always feel reall bad afterwards)

So not quite yes, but not no either.
And the memory of my first boyfriend haunted me for quite a long time .. maybe 5 - 10 years. Doesn't any more though.

Thanks Painting Thoreau - so what is your verdict?
This is easier than you'd think!

1) How many friends have you made from: the grocery store, bus, bus stop or walking down the street?
2) When a new person starts at work, do you find it exciting and can't wait to take them to lunch to find out all about them?
3) Do you suffer (emotionally) a lot in the short term with conflict but end up bouncing back well in the long term? ie being often the most fiery or upset but further down the track not really carrying much baggage?

If yes to these three than you are probably an ENFJ.
If the memory of your first boyfriend still haunts you...etc etc...you may not be.......
Hmm Here is one question that may help:

When your beliefs are challenged do you back down to avoid conflict?

~EBD
I would put others first, the tricky bit is more when there are multiple others and you have to choose who out of each of THEM to put first! Me, I can wait/fit in etc.

When I mess up and cause someone to be hurt I feel TERRIBLE

Yes, I can find the good in what is happening, some people find this annoying or think I am in denial but I know I am not.

What do you think Eternal Black Dragon, am I sounding like an ENFJ? Or could I be any other NF?
Do you have a small group (less than 4) of very close friends? (=> INFP)
Or you have a large group (more than 10) of not-so-close friends? (=> ENFJ)

I think the ENFJ will also have a small group of close friends, but the INFP almost never has a large group of normal friends.
No, I don't think so. I would try to explain my beliefs
Hmm Here is one question that may help:

When your beliefs are challenged do you back down to avoid conflict?

~EBD
I have my family, beyond that, people I love from all over the globe (but don't see much). And, everyday, just my family - grown up daughters and son plus husband - and one or two others that I fell are my freinds and talk to on an intimate level occasionally but still don't see all that often. I like people in general and am very social when at a party etc. but closeness is antoher matter. People who meet me find me easy to talk with and I do find people energising and interesting, but I just don't need all that many close relationships ... just knowing a few people are there that I love, and having someone (my husband is plenty) to talk with on a more daily basis, is fine. Does that sound enfj ish or what?
Do you have a small group (less than 4) of very close friends? (=> INFP)
Or you have a large group (more than 10) of not-so-close friends? (=> ENFJ)

I think the ENFJ will also have a small group of close friends, but the INFP almost never has a large group of normal friends.
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