[Kate7]

Hello confident and insightful ENFJ'S - can you tell who is one of your own? Am I? People on this site have typed me as INFP but I am not so sure and think I may be ENFJ ... would REALLY APPRECIATE some insightful and definitive questioning that would clear this up for me. Ta

 

[Kate7]

From what I can see of ENFJ's they are more people oreanted than us INFP's. Ask these questions.

1. How do you do in social situations? Are you more comfortable or do you tend to shy away?

2. If there is a mess in your room do you have a need to get it cleaned? Or do you not mind dirt and clutter?

3. If you were in a situation where one of your strongest values was being violated, would you try to make peace with the person and let your strongly held values be violated or would you stand up to the person?

I am good in social situations, feel quite comfortable though will usually start out talking to the person I know and move from there depending on who seems to warm to me.

If there is a mess, I clean it up ... but I am a mother and have been responsible for the home for a long time now, this has been ingrained in me. As a teenager/child, I didn't care about mess and my room was usually messy. No, I don't like clutter/mess because I know I will have to clean it up ... mess makes me feel overwhelmed by things to do ... but also I like things to look nice, I have a strong aesthetic side.

I can't imagine the third situation. If I as with others who might be on my side, I would defend my values. If it was just me and them, I would tread gently. I would always try to do everything as peacefully and respectfully as possible whilst making my point as strongly as possible.

What do you think?

 

[Kate7]

When you are angry..... is it usually because you feel angry.... or because someone else was hurt? Don't try to answer the way you should but the way you would. IN other words..... are you feelings focused more on other people... and their feelings... or is it more just your feelings?

When I am angry it is usually because I feel angry. It is a fault of mine that I don't have strong reaction to other people's hurt, I tend to be quite detached from that in a wierd way. Sometimes when someone has a very strong hurt reaction, it even annoys me - isn't that awful!!! But I do really care and will think a lot about how to help someone, or solve their problem, if they are hurt.

I often get angry at myself. I rarely get angry at others.

 

[Kate7]

First if you haven't already please read the thread "You know you are ENFJ when..." good reading.

Basically...
Outgoing always socializing. Do you like people and are very sensistive to everybody liking you?
Do you despise conflict?
Do you wear your emotions openly?
Do you like to hear everyone's stories but keep things about you guarded.
Do you look for the inherent good?

Thanks Jojo, I have read that thread and some fits but not all.

I do like people and am sensitive to people liking me
I do despise conflict, but I like debate (when there is other people on my side as moral support)
I do and I don't wear my emotions openly
I do like to hear everyone's stories but will wait to be asked for mine (unless they are likely to be entertaining)
I see the inherent good, not sure if I look for it?

 

[Kate7]

Who do you put first when thinking about situations involving yourself and others?

When you mess up and either directly or indirectly cause someone to be hurt do you feel bad because of it?

In any situation can you find the good in what is happening to yourself and/or those around you.

~EBD

I would put others first, the tricky bit is more when there are multiple others and you have to choose who out of each of THEM to put first! Me, I can wait/fit in etc.

When I mess up and cause someone to be hurt I feel TERRIBLE

Yes, I can find the good in what is happening, some people find this annoying or think I am in denial but I know I am not.

What do you think Eternal Black Dragon, am I sounding like an ENFJ? Or could I be any other NF?

 

[Kate7]

This is easier than you'd think!

1) How many friends have you made from: the grocery store, bus, bus stop or walking down the street?
2) When a new person starts at work, do you find it exciting and can't wait to take them to lunch to find out all about them?
3) Do you suffer (emotionally) a lot in the short term with conflict but end up bouncing back well in the long term? ie being often the most fiery or upset but further down the track not really carrying much baggage?

If yes to these three than you are probably an ENFJ.
If the memory of your first boyfriend still haunts you...etc etc...you may not be.......

Well I do feel affectionately towards the people that serve me at the garage/grocery store etc. but don't exactly make friends with them, just smile and chat a little and feel connected, you know?
And when a new person starts at work I would never take them to lunch to find out all about them but I would enjoy getting to know them as time goes on.
As regards conflict, I don't know. I don't carry much baggage because I forgive easily, but I'am not the most fiery or upset when it's happening. I may feel very upset on the inside but will act fairly calmly still - unless I really lose it, and then I shout and scream (but that is occasional and I always feel reall bad afterwards)

So not quite yes, but not no either.
And the memory of my first boyfriend haunted me for quite a long time .. maybe 5 - 10 years. Doesn't any more though.

Thanks Painting Thoreau - so what is your verdict?

 

[Kate7]

Hmm Here is one question that may help:

When your beliefs are challenged do you back down to avoid conflict?

~EBD

No, I don't think so. I would try to explain my beliefs

 

[Kate7]

Do you have a small group (less than 4) of very close friends? (=> INFP)
Or you have a large group (more than 10) of not-so-close friends? (=> ENFJ)

I think the ENFJ will also have a small group of close friends, but the INFP almost never has a large group of normal friends.

I have my family, beyond that, people I love from all over the globe (but don't see much). And, everyday, just my family - grown up daughters and son plus husband - and one or two others that I fell are my freinds and talk to on an intimate level occasionally but still don't see all that often. I like people in general and am very social when at a party etc. but closeness is antoher matter. People who meet me find me easy to talk with and I do find people energising and interesting, but I just don't need all that many close relationships ... just knowing a few people are there that I love, and having someone (my husband is plenty) to talk with on a more daily basis, is fine. Does that sound enfj ish or what?

 

[Kate7]

Basically I find plans and schedules confining, I prefer to have the freedom to be spontaneous. It's not just a personality quirk, I actually think that's a better way of doing things, because it means you adapt to changing conditions.

Thanks for all you said hasenj I am a very friendly introvert I think, which means I get quite excited and talkative when with people, but will stick to one person in depth (if they seem to be liking me!).

Re J or P. This is tough too. I like things clean and tidy yes. I also like making plans and schedules too though: this is where I thought I might be enfj - because I think I am a J in this regard but I don't think my lead function is intuition (infj or enfp). Basically I like making plans and schedules and, while I find myself going with the flow a lot, I do feel a little panicky being like that, am scared I will miss something etc. My ideal life would have a clear long term plan and clear short term routines to getting there and I would enjoy creating these plans and routines but I would leave plenty of space in between things ... I don't like plans being too 'tight' as keeping to exact time schedules is stressful, and I'd always want a little room to move, to think, to deal with the important stuff that comes up that you CAN'T schedule in (often the most important stuff - the people stuff, you iknow!) Am I sounding like a J, or a P? An infp or an enfj? This is my question? Anybody got a feel for me?

Thanks you all

 

[Kate7]

I would suggest that you might not be an ENFJ. But whatever you are you sound lovely!!
x:tongue:

well that's nice, thank you .. even after I said that when people get hurt, I get irritated???

So what 'type' do you think I am if not enfj? I do think I am friendly and outgoing and emotionally warm/expressive, but I am not as distracted or bounce from person to person as the other E's I know. I seem 'high' emotionally sometimes, but I am not really a 'high energy' person and don't really achieve much in my life (compared to other E's, again) ... i think too much and need 'space' between things ... oh, and plenty of sleep too. How dull I sound!!

I think I must be N, even though I STILL don't understand what Ni is - it's just that it's obvious to all that S qualities are very weak in me (and both Si and Se come up low in my cognitive processes results) - BUT I really do admire practicality greatly and always try to be practical, and even get annoyed (privately) with people when they are over imaginative/speculative/insane!! (you know?)

J/P is confusing too - I am J'ish in that I like schedules and plans (they make life easier) and I get tense and annoyed (again, privately) with people if they procrastinate for too long or aren't clear in communications/organisational plans. Mostly I am a very peaceful person though who goes with the flow and gets along with everyone and expresses my opinions in a respectful way. I really wish I 'fit' somewhere, it's quite annoying!!! Thanks for all your help though Any insights welcomed and appreciated

 

[Kate7]

Yes, well maybe I am talking about situations with relatives and people others introduce to me and who seem to like me ... Im just not a SHY to talk person. I will open up about myself quite readily I think, and often be the one in a small group I am familiar with (or that I particularly click with) that does the most talking. This seems inconsistent with the introversion thing?

INFJ's seem to be even more private than INFP's in much of thier self-descriptions, though that doesn't make much sense to me since their extraverted function is supposed to be Fe??

So yeah, I am still unsure.

 

[Kate7]

1. Do you eat peanut butter?
2. How many kids will you have?
3. What's your favorite celeb?
4. What's my name?

These are surely the best questions yet, you are a genius ... Yes, I eat peanut butter, I have 5 kids, I can only think of celeb's I DON'T like, and your name would have to be Rumplestiltskin, right?

 

[Kate7]

You're definitely an ESFP then.

Of course! Another genius ... how can I thank you! :wink: (was it the peanut butter that gave it away?)

 

[Kate7]

However, take a person and drop him in a completely strange place, and you'll notice a difference between how introverts and extroverts behave: the extrovert will go down the street and start greeting random strangers to get to know everyone around the neighbourhood! The introvert will take things slow, get to know the people one person at a time, on an occasional basis. So the extrovert just goes out of his way to greet random people and try to get to know them. An introvert wouldn't do that on his own.

At least that's what I think.

Well I am definitely an introvert then. Do you actually KNOW any people who would go down the street and start greeting random strangers though?

Have read some more infj stuff and am beginning to think this Ni thing is actually what I am doing all the time - making sense of everything by viewing from every perspective esp. the symbolic/philosophical ones. Hmmm.

Thanks heaps Hasenj, you've really helped me!

 

[Kate7]

Well that would be nice and simple wouldn't it. Trouble is, I don't get angry much and if I do, it is usually at myself, or just generally because I am feeling irritable and not at any one person in particular. If someone hurts someone else, I tend to see both sides and while I will step in and help the victim, I don't tend to just yell at the perpetrator, rather I would work for understanding and peace between them. My own feelings would be calm. The only time I am not calm is when I am overloaded, then I can blow a gasket!

I am neither focused on my own feelings nor others, though I take care to avoid hurting others, whereas I don't spend a great deal of time protecting myself and rarely think of my own wishes/desires/boundaries etc.

Is this clearing the question up? Maybe I am INFJ?