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Well I can't speak for every INTJ, but in my case no types are attracted - not even INTJ women.
In fact I have come to the conclusion that I'm incompatible with the female gender - not because there is anything wrong with women but because I simply cannot make them interested. I don't consider myself unattractive or a bad person: I just don't have any charisma in the eye of a woman. I'm not sad or complaining here - I'm past that part - I'm just stating the facts. I'm not very good with social codes, don't connect easily with strangers, am not very good with small talk and in most cases I prefer to be alone and just do my thing (which I get very focused and intense about). I rarely, if ever, take social initiatives and I have no desires to fit into or follow the male gender role of doing all the work that is "supposed" of men when it comes to romantic encounters or chases. The time-spent/reward-gained -ratio is simply too close to infinity to be interesting to me. The nail in the coffin was probably when I, little less than a year ago, completely screwed up what to me was an "ideal situation" with a female INFJ who I got close to. In retrospect I'm still having a hard time accepting that I'm so socially dyslectic as I am...
A simple apology to this INFJ might do wonders, if you're sincere. And even if it doesn't work out in a relationship, I'm sure the INFJ would appreciate it. I would.
 

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Well I can't speak for every INTJ, but in my case no types are attracted - not even INTJ women.
In fact I have come to the conclusion that I'm incompatible with the female gender - not because there is anything wrong with women but because I simply cannot make them interested. I don't consider myself unattractive or a bad person: I just don't have any charisma in the eye of a woman. I'm not sad or complaining here - I'm past that part - I'm just stating the facts. I'm not very good with social codes, don't connect easily with strangers, am not very good with small talk and in most cases I prefer to be alone and just do my thing (which I get very focused and intense about). I rarely, if ever, take social initiatives and I have no desires to fit into or follow the male gender role of doing all the work that is "supposed" of men when it comes to romantic encounters or chases. The time-spent/reward-gained -ratio is simply too close to infinity to be interesting to me. The nail in the coffin was probably when I, little less than a year ago, completely screwed up what to me was an "ideal situation" with a female INFJ who I got close to. In retrospect I'm still having a hard time accepting that I'm so socially dyslectic as I am...
Aw man, this post made me feel really sad.

Please find yourself a good therapist and go talk to them. What you are experiencing can be helped immensely with some outside professional assistance!!! I guarantee it!!!! If you want to PM me I can give you some more information as I think I may have an idea of what you are experiencing.
 

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Aw man, this post made me feel really sad.

Please find yourself a good therapist and go talk to them. What you are experiencing can be helped immensely with some outside professional assistance!!! I guarantee it!!!! If you want to PM me I can give you some more information as I think I may have an idea of what you are experiencing.
Why do you assume I need a therapist? I'm not depressed! I know because I was depressed for something like 13 years straight, and today I feel better and more confident than ever!

I understand that you wrote that out of sympathy and that your intensions are good and kind, but you are wrong about me: a therapist cannot help me in attracting women and feel better about my persistent situation. Fact is I'm not sure if anyone or anything can because in my sense, "something" is missing with me... some puzzle piece which prevents me from feeling like a real person. This main problem in my life - of not being able to connect to someone on a really deep, romantic, level - it makes me realize that I am missing out on what is probably the most important part to the human experience... and sure, it saddens me when I think and reflect about it! But trust me - I am feeling much, much better today than I have in ages, because I tend to stay away from thinking about such things. You can get a long way with distractions!
 
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Why do you assume I need a therapist? I'm not depressed! I know because I was depressed for something like 13 years straight, and today I feel better and more confident than ever!

I understand that you wrote that out of sympathy and that your intensions are good and kind, but you are wrong about me: a therapist cannot help me in attracting women and feel better about my persistent situation. Fact is I'm not sure if anyone or anything can because in my sense, "something" is missing with me... some puzzle piece which prevents me from feeling like a real person. This main problem in my life - of not being able to connect to someone on a really deep, romantic, level - it makes me realize that I am missing out on what is probably the most important part to the human experience... and sure, it saddens me when I think and reflect about it! But trust me - I am feeling much, much better today than I have in ages, because I tend to stay away from thinking about such things. You can get a long way with distractions!
Did I say that I assumed you were depressed? No, I did not. I said that it made ME feel sad because I think you can find help!

Therapists do not just help with depression. They also help with difficulty/inability to have romantic relationships, or attract partners. Which seems to be the problem you are having..yeah?
 

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Are you not able to build this connection, because you are too „shy“ and maybe too introverted or are you simply unable to have deep feelings, which would clearly show that you have a personality disorder ?
No, there are several reasons. I'm not very good at picking up conversations with strangers, not even at a party while intoxicated - although that does help to a certain degree. Also I'm not very fond of gossip, social shit-chat or large crowds: I prefer somewhat deeper discussions, about real problems, with a small group of like-minded people who I enjoy being around.

I'm not "shy" nor do I have any issues with social anxiety. I had some when I was like in high school but kinda grew out of that, got stronger I guess.

I'm not emotionally disturbed - no more than any other INTJ at least. I do feel very strongly about certain things, but it takes a long time for me to grow fond of someone. While the physical appearance of a woman can be an initial trigger, in the end it's all about the mind and her intelligence. Women who are stupid are downright unattractive to me - doesn't matter what she looks like. But maybe there is something to this because I simply have a very, very hard time falling in love with someone. I pretty much need real confirmation that it's mutual, and since no one has ever really expressed their interest in me those feelings have never really bloomed out so to speak.

I don't have a personality disorder (I assume you are thinking about Schizoid PD?) - I did think so though but that was like 8-10 years ago before I got diagnosed with Asperger's. Back then I thought I could "survive" without any kind of social life - that I didn't need friends or other people - which was a faulty assumption that contributed to my then depression.

I wish it was as easy as just pointing to one single thing about me and say: "fix this". I wish I could say it's because of not having a job or never socializing but I can't: I have a well-paid job that I love, awesome colleagues and I do socialize when the opportunity arises.

Anyways, the more I've contemplated this problem over the years the more I realise that the current state of things is due to a multitude of various unfortunate circumstances and personality traits, with the biggest reasons being:

-Not really having a social life outside of my work. I do after-work beers with my colleagues, I go out to lunch with them, I go to parties when invited (even went to my ESFP-friend's wedding even though every inch in my body told me not to - and it was great!)
-My lack of taking social initiative (especially with women - I just don't have that in me even if I really like the person)
-My tendency to give off a bad first-impression even though I try my best
-The fact that I simply do not read people as well as others do (social issues are the number one symptom of autism spectrum disorders). Oh and yeah: I've always been very aloof - although I've taken steps to improving that a lot by saying yes to something like 95% of all social invitations.

Did I say that I assumed you were depressed? No, I did not. I said that it made ME feel sad because I think you can find help!

Therapists do not just help with depression. They also help with difficulty/inability to have romantic relationships, or attract partners. Which seems to be the problem you are having..yeah?
True - but I've so-called "been there - done that" already. KBT/ACT - didn't do that much for me except teaching me about the importance of mindfullness, so in a way it was beneficial. But it didn't actually solve any real problem.
 

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No, there are several reasons. I'm not very good at picking up conversations with strangers, not even at a party while intoxicated - although that does help to a certain degree. Also I'm not very fond of gossip, social shit-chat or large crowds: I prefer somewhat deeper discussions, about real problems, with a small group of like-minded people who I enjoy being around.

I'm not "shy" nor do I have any issues with social anxiety. I had some when I was like in high school but kinda grew out of that, got stronger I guess.

I'm not emotionally disturbed - no more than any other INTJ at least. I do feel very strongly about certain things, but it takes a long time for me to grow fond of someone. While the physical appearance of a woman can be an initial trigger, in the end it's all about the mind and her intelligence. Women who are stupid are downright unattractive to me - doesn't matter what she looks like. But maybe there is something to this because I simply have a very, very hard time falling in love with someone. I pretty much need real confirmation that it's mutual, and since no one has ever really expressed their interest in me those feelings have never really bloomed out so to speak.

I don't have a personality disorder (I assume you are thinking about Schizoid PD?) - I did think so though but that was like 8-10 years ago before I got diagnosed with Asperger's. Back then I thought I could "survive" without any kind of social life - that I didn't need friends or other people - which was a faulty assumption that contributed to my then depression.

I wish it was as easy as just pointing to one single thing about me and say: "fix this". I wish I could say it's because of not having a job or never socializing but I can't: I have a well-paid job that I love, awesome colleagues and I do socialize when the opportunity arises.

Anyways, the more I've contemplated this problem over the years the more I realise that the current state of things is due to a multitude of various unfortunate circumstances and personality traits, with the biggest reasons being:

-Not really having a social life outside of my work. I do after-work beers with my colleagues, I go out to lunch with them, I go to parties when invited (even went to my ESFP-friend's wedding even though every inch in my body told me not to - and it was great!)
-My lack of taking social initiative (especially with women - I just don't have that in me even if I really like the person)
-My tendency to give off a bad first-impression even though I try my best
-The fact that I simply do not read people as well as others do (social issues are the number one symptom of autism spectrum disorders). Oh and yeah: I've always been very aloof - although I've taken steps to improving that a lot by saying yes to something like 95% of all social invitations.



True - but I've so-called "been there - done that" already. KBT/ACT - didn't do that much for me except teaching me about the importance of mindfullness, so in a way it was beneficial. But it didn't actually solve any real problem.

I didn't want to mention it just in case I was wrong, but since you already mentioned it yourself, "Asperger's" was what I thought your problem was.

Let me tell you something. I have not one, not two, but THREE friends who were all born with *severe* Asperger's. Through a lot of hard work, they are to the point where, unless you were familiar with the subtle signs and already knew it, would NOT be able to tell they had it.

All three are in stable relationships with great people, two are married and super duper happy.

Don't give me this bullshit that you'll NEVER BE ABLE TO FIND LOVE. I know for a fact it isn't true. I think the issue is that perhaps you need a therapist or coach who actually has Asperger's themselves to help you, or is a true expert (which may be hard to find depending on where you live in the USA, but Skype sessions could be possible).

Again, do and think what you want. It's a free country and it's your life. But I CHALLENGE you to keep trying, because I know you can improve. I know it's hard but I know you can do it.

But if you give up? Yeah for sure you will never improve. KEEP FIGHTING!!!!!! It's hard but you must!

One of these friends who has overcome severe Asperger's, is a coach by profession and a PhD psychologist. If you like, I'd be happy to put you in touch with her, or ask her for any references for good self-help or therapists in your area, or who do Skype. She is one of the most profoundly brilliant and insightful people I know (also an INTJ but that's unrelated to her Asperger's) and I trust her advice completely.
 

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But it didn't actually solve any real problem.

You have Asperger's, and no, you are never going to be able to "Solve it". It is just the way your brain is wired. It's not going away ever.

Similarly, it may be hard to believe, but I have an IQ of around 145. I got perfect scores on two out of three portions of the SATs, and perfect scores on my SAT IIs. But guess what, did you know that I also have a severe learning disability? It's just the way my brain is wired, but it aint ever going away. But through a shitload of struggle and stress, and despite getting put down constantly by my parents and some teachers who didn't understand how I could blow some things out of the water, and struggle to an extreme degree with others, I managed to do well in school, and graduated from a top university.

I also have generalized anxiety disorder, which has caused me to have panic attacks in which I've fantasized about killing myself since age 14. and it is just "never going to go away" (although the panic attack bit has, for the most part. or at least now, when I get them, it is rare, and I know logically *exactly* what is going on). I'm gonna live with this shit forever. It's the way my brain is wired. That is why I have meds.

In life we all have a different stack of cards. No your Asperger's is never just going to "disappear" but you ABSOLUTELY can learn skills and formulas to become indistinguishable from "neurotypicals". I know this because I've seen it. Social and romantic skills are literally just like any other skill, they can be learned and improved with focused work.

And let me say this.. I actually believe that having Asperger's makes my three friends extra insightful in very unique ways, and gives them some really cool special talents that I and other "neurotypicals" will never be capable of. I don't think Asperger's should be called a "disorder". I think it's just an alternate organizational model of your brain which provides different strengths and weaknesses from the typical model.
 

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tl;dr @Artifical_Lifeform, don't you fucking DARE give up on me. and message me privately if you'd like the contact info of two of my friends with Asperger's who are now highly successful socially, romantically, and jobwise. One was literally told as a kid that he would never be able to anything except menial tasks by doctors. Seriously.
 

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I am an INTJ woman. Unfortunately, to my horror, I do not seem to have much of an issue attracting men. However, except for the more stubborn ones, my hermit like nature, love for deep conversation and avoidance of trivial talk, bluntness, and lack of interest in any PDA or cuddling tends to run them all off sooner rather than later. My husband, an ESTP, (whom I have heard can be hard to get to "settle down") was very persistent in his attraction. Four years together, and he is still as devoted to me as he ever was. He is annoying at times, but I love him dearly. He helps me look at things in ways I normally wouldn't, and encourages me to let loose and have fun occasionally.

Sent from my Z987 using Tapatalk
 

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Oh goodness, this thread is ancient but also beautifully long and I feel a little odd posting here (did I hear an echo? I think I heard an echo :D) but I am an IxFP (I feel most connected to INFP) and I was instantly enamored with an INTJ in my freshman year of high school. His intelligence struck me like a lightning bolt, it was just so intensely awe-inspiring. I remember on the first day of Biology class when he knew vocabulary words that no one else did and seemed to hold an infinite ocean of knowledge and passion in his mind, and I could tell even without speaking to him. Something about him was magnetic, and he had something so special that no other guy did. I think part of me still holds him in my heart but I've moved on, although I have hoped that I can one day at least see him again and wondering where his in life right now, and wonder if he remembers me (it's been four years and a little sentimental as I'm a senior year now and life is strange). I now find it kind of funny but embarrassing, but after the first week of school, I had completely fallen infatuated with him and vowed to read my entire biology textbook because I fantasized about having conversations with him about DNA and stuff (I actually had no idea about anything). But I barely made it through a couple of pages, in the end :D

He still touches me with his integrity, his ethic, his wit, and alluring mind. I hope, wherever he is in life right now, that he has discovered love and goodness and meaning. I believe that he can and will change the world with his unique mind and heart.

Just of curiosity, what exactly do you think makes an INFP so intrigued by INTJ? Is it cognitive function patterning of some sort? A coincidence? Just magic?? I've noticed that it's a common trend and it's quite fascinating.
 

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i'm an ENTP and i thank god for female INTJs, they're not big risk takers or lovers of change and with my ex i've learned to respect her boundaries because i sort of was too demanding, she was a genius and i wanted her to publicize her writings for the world to appreciate it, i forgot at the time not everyone likes to be popular or get people's attention, and i actually respected that, they don't do anything for vanity but for finding meaning for themselves, how can you not love that
 

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I find that I attract every type
It’s my calm demeanor,humor and the ability to remain calm and stay rational at all times

Why it never lasts more than 6 months
It’s my calm demeanor, calmness, rationality :eek:h:
Plus the ability not to show emotions like non NT types
Lack of emotion = lack of love by their interpretations
 

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Oh goodness, this thread is ancient but also beautifully long and I feel a little odd posting here (did I hear an echo? I think I heard an echo :D) but I am an IxFP (I feel most connected to INFP) and I was instantly enamored with an INTJ in my freshman year of high school. His intelligence struck me like a lightning bolt, it was just so intensely awe-inspiring. I remember on the first day of Biology class when he knew vocabulary words that no one else did and seemed to hold an infinite ocean of knowledge and passion in his mind, and I could tell even without speaking to him. Something about him was magnetic, and he had something so special that no other guy did. I think part of me still holds him in my heart but I've moved on, although I have hoped that I can one day at least see him again and wondering where his in life right now, and wonder if he remembers me (it's been four years and a little sentimental as I'm a senior year now and life is strange). I now find it kind of funny but embarrassing, but after the first week of school, I had completely fallen infatuated with him and vowed to read my entire biology textbook because I fantasized about having conversations with him about DNA and stuff (I actually had no idea about anything). But I barely made it through a couple of pages, in the end :D

He still touches me with his integrity, his ethic, his wit, and alluring mind. I hope, wherever he is in life right now, that he has discovered love and goodness and meaning. I believe that he can and will change the world with his unique mind and heart.

Just of curiosity, what exactly do you think makes an INFP so intrigued by INTJ? Is it cognitive function patterning of some sort? A coincidence? Just magic?? I've noticed that it's a common trend and it's quite fascinating.
No insight to offer, but I wish if any females felt similarly listening to me that they would speak up because I'm rather clueless in this area.
 

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I attract mostly ENTPs, INFPs, some ENFPs, other INTJs and the rare ENTJ if it's about personality. I try to let my personality aggressively shine through in dating apps because otherwise sensor pretty boys hit me up with their "Do you like to travel?" stuff.

Honestly travelling is like the oatmeal of hobbies, it says nothing about you besides that you don't like working.
 

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I attract mostly ENTPs, INFPs, some ENFPs, other INTJs and the rare ENTJ if it's about personality. I try to let my personality aggressively shine through in dating apps because otherwise sensor pretty boys hit me up with their "Do you like to travel?" stuff.
lol
I'd respond with "No, I like to stay in my comfort zone." just to see how they respond.
 
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