[lavendersnow]

As the title says, I'm curious to know what your most cherished relationships are, with who (married partner, boyfriend, BFF, mother, cousin etc), what their type is and which of their XXXX qualities have contributed to your positive relationship. And on the flip-side, what were the worst and why?

How did the relationship progress? Did you board a clearly sinking ship? :crying: Or did you know it was going to last from the outset? roud: How long has it lasted and do you see it continuing down the same or a very different path?

Your answer can be as detailed as you like, mentioning as many people as you want.
But the more detail, the better

I'm curious to see if there are any similar scenarios I can attest to and I'm particularly interested in your relationships with types that perhaps evade our common stereotypical pairings.

 

[Elvish Lives]

Best relationship: ISFP
Worst relationship: ESTJ

 

[Severin]

Best relationship: ENFP (duh, I suppose. Since I'm about to marry one)
Worst relationship: ISTP

I dislike even referring to what went on between me and the ISTP as a "relationship", but I'll stick with what works. The guy was a psychopath, and I got a nice serving of psychological -- and occasionally physical -- abuse from the whole ordeal. I stuck with it because I was in a phase of my life when I felt as though I didn't deserve any better. 0/10 would not recommend (psychopaths, that is. Not ISTPs in general)

To be completely fair, I had a bad relationship with an ENFP once as well. I can chalk most of the problems up to being too young at the time and in over my head, while he wasn't exactly headed in the best direction. My fiance actually Facebook stalked him last night out of curiosity (and also to stir me up. He likes doing that), and... let's just say that I'm very, very glad that someone talked me into dumping him six years ago. I don't even like to think of where I would be now if I had stayed in that relationship.

 

[Silent Theory]

Best: My husband! (unsold on type but going with xNTP, though he has only tested as INFJ)
Honorable mentions: INTJ and ENFP

Worst: ISTP (I really don't feel like going into this one)
Honorable mentions: ESTP and ENTJ

 

[Facile]

Best relationship: INTJ and INFJ
Worst relationship: ESTJ

This ESTJ prostitute was a pain in the ass. Never again.

 

[Marvin the Dendroid]

Worst: humans (not sure of their types)
Best: cats (INTJs)

 

[GypsyDays]

Best: INTJ (romance), INFJ (Female friends).

Worst: ISTP - Little nugget of psycho.
ENTJ - Way too controlling.

 

[lavendersnow]

Best relationship: ENFP (duh, I suppose. Since I'm about to marry one)
Worst relationship: ISTP

I dislike even referring to what went on between me and the ISTP as a "relationship", but I'll stick with what works. The guy was a psychopath, and I got a nice serving of psychological -- and occasionally physical -- abuse from the whole ordeal. I stuck with it because I was in a phase of my life when I felt as though I didn't deserve any better. 0/10 would not recommend (psychopaths, that is. Not ISTPs in general)

To be completely fair, I had a bad relationship with an ENFP once as well. I can chalk most of the problems up to being too young at the time and in over my head, while he wasn't exactly headed in the best direction. My fiance actually Facebook stalked him last night out of curiosity (and also to stir me up. He likes doing that), and... let's just say that I'm very, very glad that someone talked me into dumping him six years ago. I don't even like to think of where I would be now if I had stayed in that relationship.

I'm so jelly. I never told you congrats about getting engaged by the way, congrats I love me some ENFPs but your account is really tellling, in that any type (even your favourite) can be embodied by a person who isn't right for you. And you not right for them if you're too young to deal with both of your issues, grow together, understand each other etc.

I'm pretty sure that the man I was closest to was either an ENFP or ESFP, either way he was lovely, it just wasn't going to work - I wouldn't have been willing to compromise with his fickle nature and found him immature and I'm sure he would have eventually found me boring and unable to keep up with what kept him 'excited'.

Best: My husband! (unsold on type but going with xNTP, though he has only tested as INFJ)
Honorable mentions: INTJ and ENFP

Worst: ISTP (I really don't feel like going into this one)
Honorable mentions: ESTP and ENTJ

Again with the ISTP...I thought there'd be a pattern emerging here but I didn't think it would be so close to my own experience. I generally find INTJs make good friends to me because we generally want the same things in life and understand how life can be hard and rewarding both as an Ni dom, but I've never felt it appropriate to date one, which is similar to how I feel about Fi doms in my life.

Worst: humans (not sure of their types)
Best: cats (INTJs)

What? No durian? I'm disappointed. I think as our animal representative, we'd likely share cat with the INTJs or if not, we'd be a cuter, slightly more approachable type of cat, that acts more like a labrador. Or perahps we're owls? I could go for that

Best: INTJ (romance), INFJ (Female friends).

Worst: ISTP - Little nugget of psycho.
ENTJ - Way too controlling.

I'm always happy to see Ni doms getting together And yes...looks like I was right, the ISTP pattern I was already wary of. At least I know I'm not alone in my view that said ISTPs in my life were psychotic. I thought I was going a little overboard labelling them that, but I guess not.

I have to admit I am a little shocked, and yet I feel a little less alone now. I just (a few weeks ago) had an awful, the very worst encounter in my life end, with an ISTP. I didn't think there was any type I was less compatible with than ESTJ 'on paper', but since I've never met an ESTJ that I could type for definite, ISTP now takes the cake. I'm also pretty sure that a similar, but thankfully shorter encounter back in my high school days was with an crazed ISTP too. But this one...wow...I'm never going back there again. I've never felt so humiliated, stepped-on, spoken down to and honestly, abused in my life. No one has ever made me feel so awful.

On a more positive note, despite hearing about the challenges, I'm really curous to meet an ENTJ!!! I don't think I ever have and I wonder how we'd work together. I can lead groups perfectly fine on my own but my ego doesn't take a blow to allow someone else to take the lead, as I've been told ENTJs want to lead. The 'too controlling' stereotype worries me however.

 

[Kirjuri]

Bad relationships: INTJ 5w6: didn't really care about the relationship. After 2 years of silence, we are now very good friends. ISFP 6w5: possessive, insecure, wouldn't read into any hints, wouldn't accept our differences, did everything she could to keep the relationship (even to the detriment of the health of both of us).

Good relationships: ENFP 4w3: warm, analytical, lively, good sex, too intense, opinionated, inquisitive, tea-loving.

 

[Silent Theory]

@lavendersnow Yes, I see what you mean about INTJs. However, there was something we intuitively understood about each other and had such wonderful conversations, that it made for a lovely bond while it lasted. I believe it was the Te Fi combination that really didn't do it for me in the end.

ISTPs, ugh ... Match made in hell.

 

[lavendersnow]

@lavendersnow Yes, I see what you mean about INTJs. However, there was something we intuitively understood about each other and had such wonderful conversations, that it made for a lovely bond while it lasted. I believe it was the Te Fi combination that really didn't do it for me in the end.

ISTPs, ugh ... Match made in hell.

I'm not the biggest fan of Te/Fi in combination either. But with that ISTP...I've never felt scarred by a relationship, until this one. I ignored the red flags so it's partly my fault for not jumping ship earlier. I always felt lucky enough that no one can really 'get to me' and make me feel bad about myself, but this one has even though those feelings are unfounded.

 

[GypsyDays]

I have to admit I am a little shocked, and yet I feel a little less alone now. I just (a few weeks ago) had an awful, the very worst encounter in my life end, with an ISTP. I didn't think there was any type I was less compatible with than ESTJ 'on paper', but since I've never met an ESTJ that I could type for definite, ISTP now takes the cake. I'm also pretty sure that a similar, but thankfully shorter encounter back in my high school days was with an crazed ISTP too. But this one...wow...I'm never going back there again. I've never felt so humiliated, stepped-on, spoken down to and honestly, abused in my life. No one has ever made me feel so awful.

I was with my ISTP for a year - he was crazy personified, but I also think he has borderline personality disorder upon reflection. There were red flags early on but he was such a charming narcissist that I missed them initially. He was explosive, arrogant, controlling and it ended up in him physically assaulting me, taking all of my money and photography equipment and me charging him.

Then he tried to get back together and continually breached the restraining order.

Fun times!

 

[Firemoon]

Best relationship: INFP 9w1, this is my current one.
There's another relationship...(I think....this partner was ISFx? We were a bit young to be typed correctly) This was my first love and our relationship lasted 3 years. This one was complicated and "forbidden" but we fought like hell to stay together. But at the end, I fell into depression for different reasons and ISFx was becoming distant with me. I didn't want to be a burden and I was pretty deseperate so I broke up with them. I think it was better that way, and we stayed in good term. "My" INFP was there when it happened and helped me through my depression for a while. That's where our romantic adventure have began.

Worst relationship: ISTP was very absent and didn't care much about the relationship falling down. Although, I don't think he was a bad person or anything.

 

[lavendersnow]

I was with my ISTP for a year - he was crazy personified, but I also think he has borderline personality disorder upon reflection. There were red flags early on but he was such a charming narcissist that I missed them initially. He was explosive, arrogant, controlling and it ended up in him physically assaulting me, taking all of my money and photography equipment and me charging him.

Then he tried to get back together and continually breached the restraining order.

Fun times!

I'm really sorry all that happened to you. With my ISTP, we spoke on and off, mostly by text for a year. He was the most condescending man I've ever met. Looking back, I mentioned him giving off an 'abusive' vibe to a friend early on but said it as a joke even though there was so much truth to it.

Every movement he made was an attempt to make me feel like I needed him, that he was superior to me and that I should be grateful he was talking to me at all because he had the pick of any other girl that he wanted. I am so thankful I always declined when he wanted to go out and when he started to realise I wasn't dropping to my knees for him, that's when everything escalated. The jealousy, when I'd talk to other people (despite the fact we were never dating!), the constant name calling then coming back only to tell me that I should apologise so that he'd talk to me again and the "I'm such a catch, you have no idea what you're missing out on" speeches. Blocked me after verbally abusing me only to seek me out on other platforms to talk again...what the hell. I think I'm very fortunate it never came to needing a restraining order.

Toxic. Absolutely toxic. And it's bizarre that it went so badly considering we share all the same functions, just in a different order.

 

[lavendersnow]

Best relationship: INFP 9w1, this is my current one.
There's another relationship...(I think....this partner was ISFx? We were a bit young to be typed correctly) This was my first love and our relationship lasted 3 years. This one was complicated and "forbidden" but we fought like hell to stay together. But at the end, I fell into depression for different reasons and ISFx was becoming distant with me. I didn't want to be a burden and I was pretty deseperate so I broke up with them. I think it was better that way, and we stayed in good term. "My" INFP was there when it happened and helped me through my depression for a while. That's where our romantic adventure have began.

Worst relationship: ISTP was very absent and didn't care much about the relationship falling down. Although, I don't think he was a bad person or anything.

I'm not sure if you can relate, but I realised when talking to my ISTP that things I thought were 'basic' conversation just bored the hell out of him. I saw this mentioned in another thread and immediately identified with it. Any mention of my own hobbies and anything I planned to do in the future just put him to sleep. He only wanted to talk about the 'now', right now, meeting up and doing things, going out, going places and was way too 'live in the moment' for my liking. He never seemed to think of the future or even what was happening tomorrow, and I just couldn't understand it. I didn't want to feel like I was judging him too harshly, but it was as though the world was shallow to him and in his eyes, I saw depth that wasn't there.

 

[GypsyDays]

I'm really sorry all that happened to you. With my ISTP, we spoke on and off, mostly by text for a year. He was the most condescending man I've ever met. Looking back, I mentioned him giving off an 'abusive' vibe to a friend early on but said it as a joke even though there was so much truth to it.

Every movement he made was an attempt to make me feel like I needed him, that he was superior to me and that I should be grateful he was talking to me at all because he had the pick of any other girl that he wanted. I am so thankful I always declined when he wanted to go out and when he started to realise I wasn't dropping to my knees for him, that's when everything escalated. The jealousy, when I'd talk to other people (despite the fact we were never dating!), the constant name calling then coming back only to tell me that I should apologise so that he'd talk to me again and the "I'm such a catch, you have no idea what you're missing out on" speeches. Blocked me after verbally abusing me only to seek me out on other platforms to talk again...what the hell. I think I'm very fortunate it never came to needing a restraining order.

Toxic. Absolutely toxic. And it's bizarre that it went so badly considering we share all the same functions, just in a different order.

He sounds horrible. Is he out of your life now?

I had a recent brush with an ISTP very very similar to what you describe. He is a friend of a friend. I saw through his bs immediately though and completely cut him out after 1 very intense week of friendship. He threatened suicide and all other manipulative tactics he could to throw a massive tantrum. I ignored him. He emailed me today ever so nicely asking for my friends phone number. Blocked. Ignored. Deleted. No thank you!

 

[Firemoon]

@lavendersnow

It was a long time ago, so I don't really remember our conversations. But I remember trying my best to be interesting by talking about things he liked such as history, airplanes, science etc. When I was talking about our future, he was quite absent....as if he didn't care lol. I think my seriousness over the relationship scared him haha.

 

[Windblownhair]

Best: ENTJ - instant click of recognition, electric conversations, same tendency to fall down rabbit holes with projects, mental hunger, inner children are playmates, cherished and protected

Worst: ESTJ - pushy, opinionated, no space for anyone else to have their own ways of doing things, no empathy

 

[lavendersnow]

He sounds horrible. Is he out of your life now?

I had a recent brush with an ISTP very very similar to what you describe. He is a friend of a friend. I saw through his bs immediately though and completely cut him out after 1 very intense week of friendship. He threatened suicide and all other manipulative tactics he could to throw a massive tantrum. I ignored him. He emailed me today ever so nicely asking for my friends phone number. Blocked. Ignored. Deleted. No thank you!

Not completely I guess. Since we spoke on and off, there were lots of moments where we went months without talking. So while I haven't spoken to him since our last argument, which might have been a month ago, we've gone much longer in the past without speaking and he has a tendency to backtrack on apparently being 'over me' where he'll reappear and behave as though nothing happened.

The last time he reappeared, we argued because one of the very first things he said to me was that I needed to apologise to him so that we could move on, and I evidently didn't agree.

I had a moment of weakness in not just abandoning our conversations because I knew he really wanted to be with me and I couldn't figure out how to let him down nicely without simply resorting to "Fuck off and go away". Even though I said no pretty clearly, he would jokingly say he could eventually get me to change my mind by wooing me. But some time around last year he set 'getting me to change my mind' up to this summer, as though he'd be able to achieve changing my views by then, which he couldn't, and by June he was infuriated that I'd apparently 'wasted his time' and basically, not given in to his plan.

Wow, that's insane and extremely manipulative. I don't blame you for blocking him. Those kinds of antics would never stop with a person like that, regardless of their type. Toxic people rarely change.

 

[lavendersnow]

@lavendersnow

It was a long time ago, so I don't really remember our conversations. But I remember trying my best to be interesting by talking about things he liked such as history, airplanes, science etc. When I was talking about our future, he was quite absent....as if he didn't care lol. I think my seriousness over the relationship scared him haha.

I think I fell into the same pattern of mistakes, using my INFJ nature I tried to appeal to his interests by talking about what I knew he liked i.e. sports, economics etc. even though I have no interest in them otherwise. But the red flags were always there, he never cared about my interests. In fact, he made a pretty obvious attempt to oblierate my interests as "stupid". Any abstract or intuitive theory, I noticed, was 'not real' to him and every opinion and idea I had was quickly dismissed as foolish.

I've never had anyone else do that to me and I guess, I didn't know how to deal with it so I simply brushed it under the carpet.