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Discussion Starter #1
Alright, so I have an INTJ friend who seems to look and what a person is doing and judges them based on that. I have the complete opposite approach in that I look at why a person is doing something and judge them based on motives.

I'll gladly take a friend who's hurt me with good intentions over someone that's nice just to get something.
 

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Hmmm. I agree with the acting nice to get something part. Can you clarify on "I'll gladly take a friend who's hurt me with good intentions"? I'm confused why good intentions would hurt you, unless it was a misunderstanding?
 

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Well one of my friends who I trusted backed out of my life at a time when I needed him most. He thought he was being a bad influence, whereas he was one of the things helping me persevere.
 

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Ahhh, I guess I'd be pretty on par with that. I forgive super easily, but I just generally hate fake people (like those that act nice for a reason). I don't want to be a condescending prick, but I think this way is better, because it prevents you from getting taken advantage of.
 

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I'm probably more like your INTJ friend. I'm also a big believer in "the road to hell is paved with good intentions." Which means I have a hard time forgiving people who hurt me, no matter what their "intent" was.
 

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If someone has good intentions, I'll forgive almost anything, but that doesn't mean I won't be cautious around that person in the future.
I have an ESFP friend that I call "a bull in a China shop" because of how reckless he can be. He isn't malicious at all but sometimes he does hurt others and even himself. It's that stereotypical ESFP "mortgage the future to enjoy the present" stuff. I make sure not to give him any opportunity to hurt me and he doesn't.

Some of my other friends have let him hurt them and it doesn't make sense to me. I partially blame them for it because they should have known better. If you ask a hungry child to hold your candy bar for you, you shouldn't be surprised if he ends up eating it. Seriously, man up and take some responsibility for your part in the outcome or, at very least, learn from it and don't repeat the same mistake.
 

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I'm probably split half-way down the middle. I think I'm pretty fair about letting things go until something I deem "bad" becomes a clear and established pattern. If I see a pattern of shitty behavior, I'm a lot less likely to invest a lot of my time in that person. Y'know, a couple of bad moments... that's just whatever... we all have them. An evident pattern of bull shit though... yeah, that doesn't really fly with me.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
I'm probably more like your INTJ friend. I'm also a big believer in "the road to hell is paved with good intentions." Which means I have a hard time forgiving people who hurt me, no matter what their "intent" was.
That's probably a good quote to keep in mind. I've been keeping everyone at a distance lately and so the people I do trust I've been forgiving more than I probably should.
 
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As @JuliaRhys said; good intentions pave the way to hell. However, it's so context specific. Sometimes good intentions make all the difference. Sometimes the absence of malice will be no defence. I like to think that each particular road to hell is subtly different, and so, by default, so too is each road out of hell.

Either way, like @chimeric pointed out, "once bitten, twice shy."
 
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Funny thing about the road to Hell, more often than not all the signs on it read 'Heaven'.

Harm me once, shame on you, harm me twice, shame on me. Intentions are like sympathy cards at a funeral, they are a nice sentiment, but they don't make much of a difference in the whole situation.
 

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A toxic person is a toxic person, no matter what their intentions. My ISFJ sister is like the matron saint of broken outcasts.... She's had some good friends, but her kindness and forgiving nature have gotten her bitten more than a few times by some unpleasant people and situations. It's not always malicious or intentional harm, but it's still harm.

A skunk may be the sweetest little creature in the world, but if you try to keep it as a pet, it will stink up your house unless you remove what defines it. >.> Sometimes the nature of people is such that they're going to stink up your life unless you force them to be something they aren't around you....and that's not really friendship or fair to anyone.

I guess I'd agree that if it's a one time thing, ok....depending on the situation....but if it's a pattern or could easily become a pattern (as in the person doesn't see anything wrong with their actions), that's a different story.
 
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