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Discussion Starter #1
Imagine this scenario - someone you know (acquaintance or friend, but not a close friend or family member) wrote you an email to you about you.

What words would crush you? What could this someone have possibly said to have crushed you and to thrown you into depression and confusion and feelings of guilt and worthlessness? (Someone I know who is an ENFx recently posted a status about this on her blog, where a friend's friend sent her a letter saying some things about her. and I'm wondering, what could have been said about her that was so bad, that made her crumble like this). Any thoughts or insight? I've always seen ENFx as unshakeable in this sense.
 

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Eh, something along the lines of "you're a failure, everyone hates you, you have no future, your life is worthless." The usual crap.

I'm paranoid about failing. Must be my enneatype 3 speaking here, but if someone was to call me anything close to a failure, I might do something really really stupid afterwards... Being an ENFP, I care about some people's opinion of me (not all, though) and hearing that I'm hated by them would crush me. My future is something I'm very touchy about, as I have planned it all and any attempt at discouraging me from pursuing it ends badly for both sides; saying that I have no such is the same as calling me a failure. Last, but not least - I try to make myself as useful as possible. I help people out, do favours, offer a shoulder to cry on - the whole package. This is what makes my life worth the resources I'm wasting. Calling me worthless is equal to denying my efforts.

It all comes back to being afraid of failure, really.
 

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Pretty much anything negative crushes me.

I guess someone I loved and who I thought loved me back telling me everything we had together was a lie. I'm really paranoid about being abandoned and used, so something along those lines would do it as well.

Telling me that I am unattractive, fat, etc. would be crushing too.


Ahh, I'm getting anxious just thinking about it.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Thanks for the insight guys. As a fellow "NF" I think those similar things would crush me... I guess perhaps a better title for this post is what words would cause your confidence to be destroyed? I mean, we've all heard negative things, coped, moved on, but I'm curious as to what made this person utterly lose confidence and direction? I want to help, but i'm trying to figure out what happened first (without probing because she's in an absolute mess)
 

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Curious -Smile please:tongue:!!!! And have a nice day:)!!

Pretty much words could crush me-But I try to be very strong-stronger that person which try to hurt me by words.

Lies totally crush me:sad:
 

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"I really don't like you. You're an annoying little bitch. You think you're so witty and smart, but you're just a cocky whore."
"I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works."
"Don't let your mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own."
"Seriously, who are these people leaving you nice comments? Is that just you leaving them yourself to make you look good?"
"What do you find so amusing about making people's lives horrible?"
"How does it feel knowing you've lost all your friends because you're a bitch?"
"Did the school therapist make you normal yet?"
"Why are you such a backstabbing bitch? You obviously do enjoy fucking with other people because you keep spreading lies. Get over it, you're a whore."
"Why the hell do you think you are so 'superior' to other people? Just because you go to that other damn school doesn't mean you are above everyone else. That place is for gifted children and you obviously are NOT."

So, simply put? Questioning my character, validity, or competence. Those quotes aren't hypothetical, btw. People have seriously left those anonymous notes on my Formspring, all within the range of three or four days. I completely shut down and refused to leave the house for the next few days after that and just CRIED.

I swear, I'm nothing like what these people are making me out to be. I only appear confident and happy all the time because I've been through hell before. I had been familiar with existential depression and feelings of worthlessness since I was ten, but to revisit the feeling of being worthless is still the most horrible thing to make someone have to go through.

It's all I can do to HOPE that this year of high school will be a better one.
 

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Not too sure what someone other then a loved one could say to "crush" me. I get more pissed off and annoyed by people who think they know me from one letter, statement, post, etc, and then put me into this stereotype with the people they hate that are like that. We're all different, so why judge or stereotype each person?

The part that pisses me off is then I need to take time to feel like I need to clear my name or set things straight, but because I truly care about everyone's feelings, even those I dislike, I have to say things like I am in the military. "No disrespect Sir / Ma'am, but you're an asshole", so that distracts from the point, until I get mad enough to just blast them with any and all knowledge, facts, etc that I have on them.

My "too much information" thread shows my feelings with what I am dealing with right now. I hate this one person so much, but I am not going to burn him until he pulls one more stunt on someone I care about. Then I'll feel bad for being mean, but I'll be able to justify it by him hurting someone I care about, so I'll be able to get over quickly.

Long story short, can't think of anything that would crush me or bring my world to an end. :wink:
 

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"I really don't like you. You're an annoying little bitch. You think you're so witty and smart, but you're just a cocky whore."
"I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works."
"Don't let your mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own."
"Seriously, who are these people leaving you nice comments? Is that just you leaving them yourself to make you look good?"
"What do you find so amusing about making people's lives horrible?"
"How does it feel knowing you've lost all your friends because you're a bitch?"
"Did the school therapist make you normal yet?"
"Why are you such a backstabbing bitch? You obviously do enjoy fucking with other people because you keep spreading lies. Get over it, you're a whore."
"Why the hell do you think you are so 'superior' to other people? Just because you go to that other damn school doesn't mean you are above everyone else. That place is for gifted children and you obviously are NOT."

So, simply put? Questioning my character, validity, or competence. Those quotes aren't hypothetical, btw. People have seriously left those anonymous notes on my Formspring, all within the range of three or four days. I completely shut down and refused to leave the house for the next few days after that and just CRIED.

I swear, I'm nothing like what these people are making me out to be. I only appear confident and happy all the time because I've been through hell before. I had been familiar with existential depression and feelings of worthlessness since I was ten, but to revisit the feeling of being worthless is still the most horrible thing to make someone have to go through.

It's all I can do to HOPE that this year of high school will be a better one.

First of all, what is formspring? Some anonymous form classmates fill out on you?

I am guessing most (or all) of that information isn't true from your opinion. I wouldn't put too much credence in anonymous letters.... people just vent. Also, those comments are just shity. Someone worth listening too suggests SOLUTIONS, they don't just go on and on about problems. IE. I wish you tried to seem a little less cocky.
 

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Nancy (lollidrop) | Formspring
^^ Anonymous Q & A aannndd, as you can see, I restarted with a completely clean slate.

I saw it as people who...
  • Take out their aggressions
  • Jealous people
  • People who had never talked to me and only "know" what they do of me from rumors.
  • Get a kick out of it and just LIKE being mean or the security of anonymity
So yes, I knew the comments weren't true, but that didn't stop the sunshine and rainbows in me from dying. It was depressing in another sense-- that these were people I saw every day and were nice in real life, but two-faced and refusing to show themselves. I get pissed about it all over again whenever I think about it. Are we not civilized and honest human beings here?
 

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I saw it as people who...

* Take out their aggressions
* Jealous people
* People who had never talked to me and only "know" what they do of me from rumors.
* Get a kick out of it and just LIKE being mean or the security of anonymity


So yes, I knew the comments weren't true, but that didn't stop the sunshine and rainbows in me from dying. It was depressing in another sense-- that these were people I saw every day and were nice in real life, but two-faced and refusing to show themselves. I get pissed about it all over again whenever I think about it. Are we not civilized and honest human beings here?
We don't act civilized. The only one who really cares about happens about you, is you, and the only one you whose behavior you can adjust is your own.

So what can you do to reduce some of these charges?

Your called a slut or whore, are you dressing kind of skanky but aren't skanky at all? I have met ENTP women like this. Men are confused. Women might be jealous that your showing them up. People are also judgmental if you look real different, you cant do that! And yes, people are that petty, superficial, and stupid. I know ENTP women who also acted superficially skanky, that didn't help.

I think ENTPs also have trouble looking at the big picture. For instance, what percent of the time are you being mean to someone, or doing something they perceive as mean. Is it 20% of the time? Even at that low percentage people are going to think your a bitch. We dwell on the negative, your dwelling on these few comments right? It doesn't matter if they're wrong on their interpretations, you really can't do anything about it. If you have done something to them they thought was mean, just apologize. Don't try and think about it. Saying that wasn't your intent and your sorry wipes the slate clean (unless you do it a lot).

It's almost ridiculous what a real apology can do.
 

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Thanks for the insight guys. As a fellow "NF" I think those similar things would crush me... I guess perhaps a better title for this post is what words would cause your confidence to be destroyed? I mean, we've all heard negative things, coped, moved on, but I'm curious as to what made this person utterly lose confidence and direction? I want to help, but i'm trying to figure out what happened first (without probing because she's in an absolute mess)

In this case, I guess someone telling me that no one sees me as the person I think I am, but rather as a disgusting human being who is stupid and annoying.

If I think that the person I am is wrong, I would lose confidence that I have worth.
 

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I kind of learned as time goes on any personal opinions of me that really matter are from people who matter. Otherwise, although I can be insulted, it wouldn't ruin me.
 

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"Listen, I never cared about you, and if I ever really did, I don't care about you anymore. You've fallen short too many times. Don't even think about coming back. You're a failure."

:sad:
 

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Anything with an attitude: There is always a nice way to say something, and then there's not. Working in retail I get a lot of attitude with customers, even if they aren't saying anything bad to my face. That seriously makes me anxious and depressed, because I feel like they are going 'behind my back' about something. That goes for my coworkers too.

Otherwise something negative based on something I am good at or something I want to pursue. When people tell me about what they love, I don't criticize them even if I think it's boring or it's worthwhile. But when somebody tells me I shouldn't go into psychology because I won't get anywhere, that really stings. My dad (INTJ) is excellent at picking apart the things I love, which really absolutely sucks.
 

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I had a great one a couple of days ago: "I only proposed to you because I thought it would make you happy." From my INTJ ex.

I think it taps into the total eradication of my confidence because... let's face it. I'll be 24 in a matter of days, and I've been married (and divorced) twice. I don't think anyone has ever actually loved me or wanted to be my spouse... and one of the (several) lines I always get, historically, at the end of every relationship, is "I just want to do what's best for you". I hate that I'm so stupidly attracted to NT types, because they all take the luxury of assuming that they know what's best for everyone around them, and they'll tell you so in no mince of words. Why can't a nice NF boy come and be nice to me for awhile?

So yeah. I'm pretty devastated. I go on dates, and I try to keep getting back on the horse and putting myself out there, but... I never thought I would say this... I don't know how much more of this I can do. I'm attracted to people who are horrible for me, and I find myself actively preventing myself from connecting with people anymore. ENFPs are famous for bouncing back better than ever, but I wonder what happens when we hit a breaking point?:sad:
 

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Words that inspire jealousy. Being reminded that someone can do something for someone better than I ever could. This doesn't have to be romantic~ it can also be professional too. It's childish of me~ but I'm prone to jealous feelings that can bring ugliness out of me. I rarely act on it, but it's a disadvantage~ feeling jealous leads me to become apathetic and thus, ensuring the 'second best' feeling persists by the fact I can't be at my best. It's vicious.
 

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I dont know.

I've been hurt a lot by words, but crushed is a big one. When asked if I was gay, it really made me re-analyze myself, because it was asked so seriously. Beside that though, nothing about me really crushes me. But putting my masculinity into question was a big one.
 
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