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How long must one hang onto an exes abandoned crap

  • No never, hang onto their abandoned stuff til you die

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • A year is not long enough to have all their shit in your closet wait 2 years

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Yes you can pawn his guitar and keep the money for a storage fee

    Votes: 11 44.0%
  • Yes why do you still have this crap

    Votes: 14 56.0%

  • Total voters
    25
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Discussion Starter #1
If you ended up with some valuables of an ex that were left behind. Now let's be extremely clear here they left these items behind (you did not take them or keep them from them). In fact you reminded them you had the items when last in contact. Well a year passes and that person never went to retrieve their things or claim. You tried to text like scattered a few times like maybe 3 months apart just asking if they want this bag of things. One assumed since they blocked you on Facebook it's likely they also blocked your phone number.

Well after a years time, can you throw their bag of clothes in a good will bin, and pawn off their guitar?
 

MOTM Dec 2011
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Yeah I'd get rid of it. You made effort to return it. It shouldn't be your problem anymore.
 
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It depends. I'm guessing the breakup wasn't to their agreement hence the emotional backlash of blocking all forms of communication. Perhaps the mere thought of you throws them into chaos and they wish not to talk even though they might want their shit.

There is also the question of practicality in holding onto stuff that doesn't belong to you. Certainly if its just taking up needless space it makes sense to have the stuff be donated and/or gotten rid of through other means.

Incidentally, were they pursuing guitar seriously? In that case was the guitar valuable to them before the breakup?
 
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If you ended up with some valuables of an ex that were left behind. Now let's be extremely clear here they left these items behind (you did not take them or keep them from them). In fact you reminded them you had the items when last in contact. Well a year passes and that person never went to retrieve their things or claim. You tried to text like scattered a few times like maybe 3 months apart just asking if they want this bag of things. One assumed since they blocked you on Facebook it's likely they also blocked your phone number.

Well after a years time, can you throw their bag of clothes in a good will bin, and pawn off their guitar?
yes. it's been a year they are not likely coming back. you may give to charity, pawn, sell or desecrate items at will. burning with fire and utter destruction recommended. pictures taken of aftermath may provide years of future pleasure.
 

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Well if he is willing to got to that much trouble to avoid you (my god what did you do? lol) then there certainly is no point in attempting to contact him, I would have left that stuff with a friend or whoever of his instead of calling him.
But its been a year so, anyway you want to get rid of it is probably fine. I am surprised you kept all of that for this long.
 

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I'd sell the stuff and I wouldn't even put as much effort as you did. If he really wanted that stuff he would have contacted you by now and he doesn't really have the right to get mad at you for getting rid of it since you've made the effort multiple times.
 
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I would say a year is about the time where even if you consider yourself to be an extremely patient and understanding person, you can legitimately be like "well this is ridiculous".. and I'd say for the average person it might be 3-4 months, and the shortest time without any argument for being a dick about it would be maybe 2 months? Less than a month and you really do start to seem like you did it out of spite, so within that context a year is well into the "A-OK" range.

So yes, past a year it starts to reach "weird" territory. Like maybe after 6 months I'd start being like "well why ARE you still holding onto that stuff", and then after a year I'd be like "ok, this is now getting weird, get rid of that shit."
 

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They've abandoned their property after 30 days of being in your care. It's yours to do whatever you want with it.
 
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I'd probably just get rid of it, but if the value was high enough, I'd contact them one more time and give them some sort of final time frame, maybe like a week, to get their stuff. If they don't bother coming to pick it up after that, then I'd get rid of it.
 

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Clothes can go. I'd try to find the guitar a good home, I guess, just because I get emotionally attached to musical instruments. But yeah that's more than enough time and effort trying to return it properly.
 

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My response might be abnormal (I haven't read anyone else's yet,) but I would just sell whatever I could and give the rest away. And though I'd likely do that out of wanting to forget them as much as possible + wanting to get paid, I feel I wouldn't regret the decision even after I've gotten over them. I don't know. I just don't see a need to hang on to the past that way. I'd care more about the money I could make.
 

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If the gutair is in good nick, you may be able to get a free night out from pawning it.

Or you could carry it around and if you bump into him, smash it over his head and post the video of it to youtube. Just for the lolz.
 
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Find him and burn all of his stuff and then shove his dick in the fire.. Is what I would say if I was one of the many people who sought to project ex-hate and resentful fantasies.

I'd try to give it to their relative/friend or some other 3rd party, because I understand that the basis or how I treat exes is a possible basis for for how I am going to treat anyone I might currently love or anyone I might love in the future, and in creating that precedent I am in a way treating them - the whole 4 dimensional them that stretches from birth to death - badly right now.
 

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Find him and burn all of his stuff and then shove his dick in the fire.. Is what I would say if I was one of the many people who sought to project ex-hate and resentful fantasies.

I'd try to give it to their relative/friend or some other 3rd party, because I understand that the basis or how I treat exes is a possible basis for for how I am going to treat anyone I might currently love or anyone I might love in the future, and in creating that precedent I am in a way treating them - the whole 4 dimensional them that stretches from birth to death - badly right now.
the end there of what you wrote doesn't make much sense to me, but it seems like you are saying that you care more about getting them their abandoned stuff more than they care about it. it's just stuff. if they cared about it they would have had the decency to show their face and come and get it. to go out of your way to deliver it to a family member seems shall i say desperate? i mean you say the intention is kindness, but what i see is messed up to my way of thinking. releasing resentful feelings aside, giving away to charity or destroying their things can emotionally or psychologically help a person to find closure within themselves about the relationship. burdening their family members with it to me seems like a strange thing to do personally. i mean i guess it's because i'd consider it unwanted stuff really.. and as far as ex-hate and resentful fantasies goes, you must be projecting your own possibly hidden or buried feelings. no one mentioned anything about hatred and doing away with old rubbish is not a fantasy. you are making assumptions from your high horse.
 

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the end there of what you wrote doesn't make much sense to me, but it seems like you are saying that you care more about getting them their abandoned stuff more than they care about it.
That would be the key: Look at your love life as a whole (or the love life of the average western person this century). What fraction of your relationships ended? Chances are, unless you got married to one of the first two people you had a serious relationship with, it's the vast majority of them. Let's say you broke up with someone and are now single - that would mean that a 100% of all the people you have ever loved romantically are now your exes.

Now some time passes and you are falling for someone new, and they seem to be interested in you, there's a real relationship potential there, you are developing feeling for them and care for them. At that moment - not after the breakup but within that moment where you care about them and love them - What future would you wish for them? How would you like them - that person you love right now - to be treated in the future? And keep in mind, how you treat their stuff is very much a symbolic gesture towards them, so would you want that guitar they love to be sold on ebay? Would you want the collection of their favorite books to be thrown into a fire, or to watch their favorite shirt burned?


.
 

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I would check what the laws are where you live about holding someone else's property. You may need proof of giving him reasonable warning or proof of attempts to return it, before discarding his stuff. My friend here (in the UK) was told she couldn't get rid of his stuff or put it outside for him to collect without proof that she'd arranged it with him, prior. She had to be careful or risk being charged with theft or criminal damage.
 
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