Ok. on a more serious note.
speaking in socionics terms only.
I need a disclaimer because otherwise people will get confused/upset.
but I don't really feel benificiary relationships or relationships of supervission are that healthy unless there are multiple parties invloved.
like more friends or also...
if the two people have common intrests FOR LIFE!
or...
they are sexually attracted to each other.
My husband and I definitely fit the bolded qualification. And, of course we are also attracted to each other (obviously, hehe).
So, the Relation of Benefit is apparently what we have, me being the INFJ Benefactor and him being the INTP Beneficiary. While parts of the Relation description fit, there are other parts that just are not true in our case.
When I first had him read the description and told him that it was supposed to be us, he did not like the sound of it at all. We talked at length about what it might mean for us, though, and how we could continue to make the relationship a positive thing instead of a negative.
The thing is, I love the idea of being able to support and enrich my partner. I do not consider my husband to be inferior to me, except in one point-- and that is that he has a hard time tuning in to his and others' emotions.
Looking at the functions in this type of relationship, I've come to the understanding that the only reason I am put in the Benefactor role and he in the Beneficiary, is that INTP Inferior function is Extraverted Feeling, which is my Auxilliary function and my Judging preference. But just because I'm really good at helping him tap into his Extraverted Feeling, that doesn't mean that there aren't things I can gain from him in return.
He gives me a role model of patience. He strives to be prepared for anything (practically speaking). He is genuine and straightforward when it comes to expressing his opinions. These are qualities I greatly admire.
So, while at first glance the Relation of Benefit may seem doomed, I do believe it can make for a very good relationship under the right conditions and with the right personality types.
I will say, though, that if I were paired with an ISFP-- who is supposed to be my Benefactor-- I would have a very hard time with that. Not because I would resent the help, but because as an iNtuitive I just would not likely have much in common with a Sensor.
So, maybe this sort of relationship is more likely to turn out well if both parties are iNtuitors or both Sensors, since then it is more likely that they will have common interests.
The Beneficiary thinks of the Benefactor as an interesting and meaningful person, usually over-evaluating them in the beginning. The Beneficiary can be impressed and delighted by their partner's behaviour, manners, thoughts and their ability to easily deal with things that the Beneficiary conceives as complicated. When partners are together, the Beneficiary involuntarily starts to ingratiate themselves with the Benefactor, trying to please them without any obvious reason. In the worst cases this starts from little things and then becomes bigger until the Beneficiary realises the foolishness of their situation.
The Beneficiary can see the weakness of the Benefactor, wishing to help their partner to strengthen themselves. Because the strongest point of the Beneficiary is the weak and unconscious point of the Benefactor, the Beneficiary is convinced that they are able to help. However, when the Beneficiary tries to help, the Benefactor usually refuses the help without any good explanation. The Beneficiary usually listens to every word the Benefactor says but there is no feedback, the Benefactor can not hear the Beneficiary. This may be sometimes unpleasant and even irritating for the Beneficiary.
The Benefactor accepts the Beneficiary as somebody who is lower in rank or social position and often undervalues them in the beginning. The reason for this is that the Benefactor feels that the Beneficiary needs something from them, that special something that only the Benefactor can provide. Therefore the Benefactor naturally finds themselves in an advanced position in respect to the Beneficiary, but are at the same time willing to encourage and take care of the Beneficiary.
Relations of Benefit may appear even and conflict free. Usually it is the Benefactor who initiates the contact. Partners can even feel some kind of spiritual connection between them. However, relations last only as long as the Benefactor has something to give and the Beneficiary has need of it. If this major condition is no longer fulfilled, relations enter quite an unpleasant stage of their development. The Beneficiary may begin ignoring the Benefactor completely or they may start to accentuate too many of the Benefactors inability, provoking arguments and quarrels. Finally, when the Benefactor is in a superior position to the Beneficiary, it can work quite well, but not when it is the other way round!
Key for Above: Blue=True for us. Green=Not True.
I want to comment on the Bolded part...This doesn't make sense to me. The INTP's strong point is Ti, which is Tertiary for INFJ-- how does that make it my "weak and unconscious point?" Wouldn't my weak and unconscious point be Se?