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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Relationship question, but I felt it deserved a thread of its own.
Pretty straight forward question: Why did you break up with someone? Was it something they said/did? Was it a particular way of being? Values/principles? No future?
I thought it would be very interesting to get the input of fellow ENTJs on what would be considered to be a 'deal breaker' which actually was a deal breaker, after you've entered some kind of relationship with someone else.
This thread is different from your regular 'deal breaker' one as in this instance, you are being asked about someone whom you've known for a while, but not completely, and only after some time have you came to the realisation (or perhaps you knew from the start, but refused to see it) that the relationship was doomed for a reason or another.
For reference purposes, it might help if you could identify the MBTI type of that (ex) significant other and the amount of time for which you had been dating them. It would also help to include various details such as your personal age, the type of relationship it was, whether it is was a heterosexual/homosexual/bisexual relationship etc...

I'll start with myself.
ISTP - 3 months, your regular heterosexual relationship: It ended in a LDR, which is not a problem in itself, except that it actually made me realise how stupid (as in, complete lack of intellectual depth) he was. I got bored, and the fact that he was a lazy son-born-with-a-silver-spoon with no critical thinking skills or direction in life was the major turn off. Plus he had a micropen*s. I considered it a waste of time to continue with the relationship and the fact that I was actually very busy education and career wise made it very easy for me to put an end to it.

I might include other relationship 'feedback' depending on the participation of other fellow ENTJs. Please don't use this thread to vent out about failed relationships. The aim is to see whether there is some correlation in the way ENTJs approach relationships.

I must add that in most cases - as commonly pointed out - I've had no difficulty whatsoever on not looking back at the (ex) significant other. Sometimes though, I wonder whether my failure at relationships is a common theme, if not in my life, in the life of ENTJs generally.

Hopefully this will get people talking ;)
 
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Because you are looking at failed relationships with people as common with ENTJ. My dating history ... Which is beyond brief.
14 years old ...
Relationship one ... 3 months long he dumped me. It was a blessing and I moved on in days.
2 ... 3 days. The guy decided to try to comand me to do something. Yeah that wasn't happening.
3 ... 1 week ... He was too nice and clingy.
4 ... 1 month ... He was heavy into drugs and had no ambition.
5 ... Current relationship. I was still 14 when we started dating. Currently 35. My husband is IxTP. Im suspecting more ISTP now ... However 20 years later things are still great. Relationship is built on respect, individuality, trust, competition and vulnerability.

In case this info can help at all with your theories.
 

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My husband broke up with someone because she thought he was angry and needed therapy. He disagreed. I didn't know this when I started dating him about a month later, and she stabbed his mattress with a knife, and burned a little bit of a music book I left at his apartment. I never got the rest of the book back.
 
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IxTP -- broke up because:
1. She was indecisive and also didn't want me taking her decisions.
2. Stagnant. Used to mull over one issue, one fucking line, for so long I got sick of it.
3. Had no ambitions, no clear goals in life. A huge turn off.
4. Emotionally inept.
5. Needed a lot of time 'alone' (weeks, sometimes) while promising she'll come back in a better state... but every 'alone' time for her only resulted in a further fall. When I pointed out that this spacing out will never help her because it's part of the issue, it clearly didn't register or was simply ignored.
6. Had clear commitment issues.

Basically a trainwreck. Not sure how I even fell for her in the first place... but hey, that was during my depressed days so I'm excused.
 

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IxTP -- broke up because:
1. She was indecisive and also didn't want me taking her decisions.
2. Stagnant. Used to mull over one issue, one fucking line, for so long I got sick of it.
3. Had no ambitions, no clear goals in life. A huge turn off.
4. Emotionally inept.
5. Needed a lot of time 'alone' (weeks, sometimes) while promising she'll come back in a better state... but every 'alone' time for her only resulted in a further fall. When I pointed out that this spacing out will never help her because it's part of the issue, it clearly didn't register or was simply ignored.
6. Had clear commitment issues.

Basically a trainwreck. Not sure how I even fell for her in the first place... but hey, that was during my depressed days so I'm excused.
I had an INTP friend like that. The only difference was that instead of #5, we had a forever ongoing line of discussion over text or some other chat medium, and she frequently revisited the same topics in them and it eventually voided me of cares. She rarely left her bedroom though.
 

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Chatterbox, MOTM August 2013
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disloyalty, clinginess, lack of intellectual curiosity, lack of goals, laziness, drama

I want an equal. I'm on the move. Keep up or get left behind
 

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I broke up with her after I used her up, drained her dry and cast aside her withered husk, because I grew tired of the noises she made. But mostly because it amused me to do so.

Other than that, you know, the usual reasons.
 

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ISTJ - compulsive cheater
INFP - the dream didn't match the reality
ENTP - insecure, argumentative, violent
ISTP - unmotivated, wandering eye
ENTP - grew platonic
INFP - unresolved issues, addiction
INFP - the dream didn't match the reality
 

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One previous boyfriend. I dumped him because...

1) Mama's boy. It was so bad that she telling him where to go to school, what to study, and was even decorating his condo for him. Or should I say, her condo, because she had bought it and installed him in it, and he was in his mid 20's at the time. No shit. Hell, I'd have had more respect for some 18 year-old kid splitting rent with a few friends in a third floor walkup on the bad side of town, a LOT more, than something like this. At least that 18 year old would be paying his own way in the world, and be the decider in his own life. A man who allows his mother to run his life is a little boy, not a man, and I'm not into little boys.

2) Inability to think for himself. His mental build was one of the oddest I've ever encountered, in that it was far more like a computer than a human being. That is, he had an eidetic memory on things he considered important (image polishing horseshit and memorizing things for tests, tbh), but was almost entirely incapable of actually thinking. (Basically, he was no more sentient than the computer I am sitting in front of, and for precisely the same reasons.) His idea of "thinking" or "reasoning" was to find someone in a position of authority and adopt their opinions and viewpoints wholemeal, with little/no objective analysis, or even a quick mental check as to whether or not it squared with observation. I can see pretending to believe complete nonsense because it is tactically necessary in certain situations, but actually believing it is quite another matter.

3) Style over substance. In my own value system, substance is everything. To me, seeming or "image" only figures in when absolutely necessary for tactical reasons. Even then I find that kind of thing highly distasteful, much as a platoon of soldiers might find swimming a filthy, slime-soaked river in order to sneak up on an enemy encampment. Yes, it might be necessary in a specific engagement, but it is nonetheless disgusting. To engage in it when it is not necessary and to actively enjoy that is a sure sign of a sick mind, as far as I'm concerned.

I could give a thousand examples of his lack of substance, but one of the most glaring in retrospect was actually the simplest. See, idiot was an Eagle Scout as a teenager, not because he had any interest in this but because his mother thought it would look good on a college application (See #1). I never bothered with that kind of bullshit, I just enjoyed the outdoors, camping, hiking, and so on for its own sake. I remember actually having to teach him basic knot tying. I shit you not. You'd think his memory would have preserved at least some record of it (See #2), but he didn't generally bother engaging his admittedly prodigious memory on anything that didn't involve opportunistic sucking up (see #2 again), or passing exams. Something that is actually USEFUL was never important enough to bother with in his world, certainly not for its own sake. I cannot even begin to express the sheer contempt I have for this attitude. It is completely antithetical to my value system in all days, and in all ways, and it marks the person as being scarcely worth the bullet it would take to put them down. :p

4) Drama whoring. Childish, contemptible, and yet another one of those inarguable marks of defective character. He was such a POS on this metric that we literally couldn't even sit down and eat a meal together that he didn't spend most of it commenting on what he was eating, commenting on what I was eating, commenting on what other people were eating, commenting on other people's physical condition (fat/thin), commenting on the prices, commenting on whether the food was 'authentic' or not... it was endless. How about shutting the fuck up, eating your meal, and leaving others to enjoy theirs? It was not only rude (even by my standards!), but neurotic, a sign of horrendous unresolved personal issues, and generally contemptible by any standard, but was frankly incredibly effeminate as well, and I can't stand that. I am no more attracted to women -- let alone defective women with more than few screws loose -- than I am to children, whether they are housed in adult male bodies or not (see #1). Hell, by my standards my INTP husband drama whores a bit excessively at times, so you can only imagine my opinion of behavior like this -- my contempt is utterly beyond words.

I could go on for quite awhile, but you get the point.

TLDR: Clueless, not man enough, a tool, not man enough, fake, not man enough, obnoxious, not man enough, bad values, and not man enough.
 
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INFP, ENFP, ESFP:
- Incompetence
- Immaturity
- Irresponsibility
- Lack of long-term goals

IxTJ:
- Bad timing

All of which translate to no long-term viability.
 

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ESTP: Lying, cheating, used projection when faced with problems, overall just unreliable, Mummy's boy.
ISTJ: Ungenerous, calculating, Mummy's boy, needed to be trained on hygiene issues, fucked everyone and called them "friends"
INTJ: Cold fish, became LDR so it wasn't going to work.

Generally speaking these are major turn-offs: unambitious/no long term goals, commitment-phobic, lying, cheating, inability to "get the big picture", crudeness/crassness, lack of respect, immaturity.
 

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IxTP -- broke up because:
1. She was indecisive and also didn't want me taking her decisions.
2. Stagnant. Used to mull over one issue, one fucking line, for so long I got sick of it.
3. Had no ambitions, no clear goals in life. A huge turn off.
4. Emotionally inept.
5. Needed a lot of time 'alone' (weeks, sometimes) while promising she'll come back in a better state... but every 'alone' time for her only resulted in a further fall. When I pointed out that this spacing out will never help her because it's part of the issue, it clearly didn't register or was simply ignored.
6. Had clear commitment issues.

Basically a trainwreck. Not sure how I even fell for her in the first place... but hey, that was during my depressed days so I'm excused.
I had similar issues with an IxFP, leaning more towards ISFP. Though it was a short term thing with us, 3 months. Amazingly insecure, lack of intelligent conversations, and superficial! In addition, she was expecting a ton of compliments to boost her ego from me.

It's best to steer clear from those types...

For me unattractive traits are: unconfident, has no direction/unrealistic (meaning they don't work for what they want), disrespectful, unloyal, can't hold intelligent conversations, commitment-phobic, commanding, manipulative, and thinking that you can be a part of her friendslist for Justin Case.
 

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Chatterbox, MOTM August 2013
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Republican. :tongue:

Ended up marrying one, though.
Took him a few years of losing political debates with me.
Flipped him. He's a very liberal dem now. :laughing:
 

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Things just weren't working. She was too far away, didn't talk to me, smelt bad, lukewarm... the food was worse than awful... so now I have a new refrigerator. :3
 

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... with a female INFP.
* Emotionally manipulative
* Self-centred.
* Not realistic or practical.

The reasons could go on ad-finitim, but it would depress me.
Just say I couldn't handle the uneccessary dramas anymore.
 

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ISFJ for the following.
1) Really not too bright. The flipside of her sweetness was inability to debate at any level, any kind of more or less intelligent discussion. Which kinda leads to...
2) Having me shoulder the burden of all decisions. Not that I minded, but I simply can't respect someone with no backbone and willingness to expres their opinions. She was apparently afraid to displease me, the "undere" type, you know, but I don't really appreciate it. And so next came...
3) Tremendous insecurity. No amount of reassurance and compliments from any angle would quench her need for reassurance that I love her etc. Along with it comes...
4) Clinginess and jealousy. Don't even get me started on this. She would be jealous of any lamp post with bikini and skirt wrapped around it. Any message from other females on social media rose suspicion. Next up came...
5) Unreasonable. No, really. No amount of arguments convinced her it was not the time to move together and have kids and whatnot. It's not something you joke around with. So next she pulled out the trump card...
6) Suicide attempt. You know you can't go on with someone that unstable.
And all of that is because she was unable to keep feelings under control, when I explicitly stated I was willing to go for friends with benefits option, but not serious relationship. Admittedly, we both were in kinda dark places, but it left me with a very unpleasant aftertaste. Lesson learned - crisis times are bad for romantic involvement.
 

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Chatterbox, MOTM August 2013
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Having to deal with this sort of thing on a daily basis:

It's even worse if you reverse the genders. I feel for this guy. I lived this.

It became me sitting in the living room drinking scotch, smoking cigarettes (and I don't normally smoke), and choking back my anger, and him in the bedroom crying into his pillow.

Yeesh. It was horrible.



 

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Having to deal with this sort of thing on a daily basis:

It's even worse if you reverse the genders. I feel for this guy. I lived this.

It became me sitting in the living room drinking scotch, smoking cigarettes (and I don't normally smoke), and choking back my anger, and him in the bedroom crying into his pillow.

Yeesh. It was horrible.



But if she removes the nail, it will be painful and bloody. Surely if she just ignores it long enough it will go away on its own.
:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:
 
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