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:confused:I think I really need help badly right now! Okay, I know I'm a INFJ, type 2 in Enneagram, & possibly have Hypochondria, but I still think I have a personality disorder. The one I think I mainly have is Avoidant Personality Disorder or APD! I feel like I do avoid situations where I have to talk to people (especially people I don't know). I will avoid arguing, but I will hit first because I'm always so paranoid that the person will hit me first, make me fall, & beat me up! I really don't want that to happen because if it does it'll be embarrassing & I don't like being embarrassed! For the simple fact that if I ever do get embarrassed like that, then I'll probably try to run away or kill myself!! I don't want that to happen either so that's why I stay away from things & people sometimes.

I know this might seem crazy, but I can't help it! I try to talk to other people rather than just my friends, but things just don't go my way. I recently just started talking to my school counselor about this and she calms there is nothing wrong with me. She also said just in case.....go talk to a doctor to see if you're mentally healthy! So if there is nothing wrong with me then why did she tell me to go see the doctor? That has been on my mind ever since. I've seen a counselor & social worker & both seem to think I'm fine!

I've told my mother & grandmother that something in my head keeps saying I hate God, but I know I don't! I am very sensitive of criticism. I always remember every little bad thing someone has said or done to me. Everytime I learn about a new disease or disorder I think I have it & I always google everything from disorders to celebrities. I hate the dark. I am very paranoid. I have a lot of anger build up inside me & I can't help, but to hold a grudge sometimes!

So please if you have any advice for me please help......because I need it!
THANKS!!!:confused:
 

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You sound young - that is, around my age (I am 16). My first piece of advice is to not self-diagnose yourself. Leave that to the professionals, i.e. psychologists. I once self-diagnosed myself with bipolar-II disorder (rather recently, in fact), and after all my emotions elapsed I took a step back and realized that the emotional swings were only a product of my personality, which is pretty much that same hypersensitivity you describe and feel. (I have, however, been through atypical depression.)

If you have seen a professional as you mention, and they check you as fine (assuming you were honest with them and not hiding anything), then I would trust them to have made the correct diagnosis. Take a step back and regain some composure - I would guess that your Ti is taking a hold of you right now. Sometimes we stress and when we retreat inward, we go ballistic with our Ni - Ti, and start assuming everything.

It's just bad luck on your part. And you know, it's normal to say you hate God when you don't. When I was more faithful (since I am not deciding religious views until I am more experienced in life, and will stay agnostic till then), I got mad at God. Why did he do this to me, or as my friend puts it, why does he LET these things happen to me? I don't deserve this! And you know what, we don't. (well technically...) But we all need opportunities to grow. What better opportunity than for life to smack you right across the face and toss you to the ground to grow? It is life - growth and development through events, even ones like you are experiencing.

My advice? Face your fears - with confidence. If you approach people with the notion that they will be belligerent first, or they will hurt you first, a certain irony will set in - in fact, I believe that you will become defensive enough that YOU yourself may be the belligerent one. You are an affable person. It's in your personality... :) So let that be known! Be friendly to those you meet, and if they are mean to you they aren't worth your time. But hey, you tried, and you didn't throw the first blow.

You are afraid of embarrassment. Don't be. Be proud of who you are! You are a unique individual, what is there to be ashamed of? If people don't like that, then who cares! I embarrass myself all the time! I once started dancing in the middle of a candy store and waltzed down a street crosswalk with a friend on a main street! I know that it may not be completely on the same lines as what you are talking about, but really. Don't be embarrassed...it's not worth the energy!

You are an INFJ? Release your emotions, you have to! What better way than to write it out? Personally, that has done a lot for me, since I can't always say it in words and I don't want to hurt others. Listen to some music and breathe deeply. (metal desensitizes me personally) Vent to a good friend. There a lot of ways that are healthy...hell, why not come on here and vent! There's threads for it too ;) EDIT: exercising is really good too (how did I forget that...?)

Remember, you aren't crazy, you're you! You are an amazing person and you must believe that! There's a Dr. Seuss quote about that, like, be who you are because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. Don't hold onto the little negative things - those are little burdens that all add up and weigh you down, and one day it could crack your back. Hold onto the little positive things, because those will build you up and lift you up!

Stay classy, Angel ;)
 

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Sorry to hear your troubles. I don't think it's a good idea to see the doctor, who's just going to diagnose you with depression and bipolar then drug you up. Also, I don't think there is such a thing as an Avoidant Personality Disorder (sounds like something a psychiatrist made up to sell more drugs). Everybody feel like there are times they just want to be left alone, and that's normal. See if things get better in six months, and in the meantime, try to do outside activities for as long as you are comfortable. Hope that helps.
 

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Okey dokey, I'm not a doctor, but I know from personal experience and being on an anxiety forum for a long time that every single thing you mentioned here are possibly symptoms of anxiety disorders or not a disorder at all. I'd actually say that if you did have a disorder it would be generalised anxiety disorder (GAD), as you're not really extreme enough for OCD or phobias, but you have a couple of traits that say "anxiety" in particular. Anxiety disorders are insanely common. In fact, one in five people will suffer from a panic attack at least once in their life - these people don't have disorders, but continued panic attacks could be a disorder.

Just a note on the whole idea of disorder - psychological (rather than psychiatric) disorders are the extension of perfectly natural experience. It only becomes a disorder if it is making it difficult for you to function in life. For instance, are you finding it difficult to sleep, make friends, go outside, look after your personal hygiene? Do you have disturbing thoughts that fill you with fear or may make you do inappropriate or extreme things? Are you violent to the extent that you hurt others or destroy property? Are you completely unable to relax, do you get physical symptoms, do you have hypersomnia (sleeping too much) or feel unable to concentrata, lethargic to the point that you are finding it difficult to function? This is a disorder. The problem with the internet is that everybody's got symptoms of this and that sometimes. In fact, this is the problem with doctors, too! A disorder is a disorder if you are literally dis-ordered - you are unable to live a complete life.

First of all, personality disorders are very extreme. Avoidant personality disorder is a weird one because it has all the same symptoms as social phobia (a type of anxiety disorder). However, "personality disorder" suggests a problem with a person's psychosocial development - i.e. they had an extremely painful childhood, or a very unusual one, and have missed a vital part of their development. To be honest, I think if you're going to have a personality disorder for this at all, you're talking about recluses and hermits here. Someone with avoidant personality disorder may be able to go to school but would be unlikely to have friends, or would have extreme difficulty bonding with friends so would have detached relationships, possibly withdrawing altogether or pushing people away. Not in your winning the argument sense - that's low self esteem - in literally not allowing people to know about you at all. You don't come across this way to me.

Then there's social phobia. I wouldn't say you're demonstrating symptoms of this either. People with social phobia will find it difficult to go into shops due to the intense fear of having to speak to the cashier or may avoid situations in which another person might see them completely - for instance locking yourself in your room when there are visitors round and not leaving until they're gone, regardless of needing the toilet, a drink, food etc. However, they may still have friends with whom they can have normal relationships because they retain the ability to bond.

Then you've got GAD, which can often cause social anxiety - anxious and uncomfortable but not phobic.

I feel like I do avoid situations where I have to talk to people (especially people I don't know). I will avoid arguing, but I will hit first because I'm always so paranoid that the person will hit me first, make me fall, & beat me up! I really don't want that to happen because if it does it'll be embarrassing & I don't like being embarrassed! For the simple fact that if I ever do get embarrassed like that, then I'll probably try to run away or kill myself!! I don't want that to happen either so that's why I stay away from things & people sometimes.

I know this might seem crazy, but I can't help it! I try to talk to other people rather than just my friends, but things just don't go my way.
This is shyness. Not necessarily part of any disorder, including GAD. I'm guessing you're a teenager - this can disappear with age. I'm not saying you don't need any help, though, keep reading.

I've told my mother & grandmother that something in my head keeps saying I hate God, but I know I don't!
Here's what you should tell the doctor. I mean tell him everything, but this sentence here is why I think you should see a doctor and get checked out. GAD will cause you to think things you don't want to or believe you're going to do something you don't want to - e.g. I have to stand back from roads because I believe that if I go near the curb then I will throw myself into traffic. Others believe they are going to kill their children, blaspheme - whatever happens to be taboo to them. If you're religious and you really don't want to hate God, your mind will tell you that you do. Although this is a symptoms of GAD, which is relatively easy to tackle compared with other disorders, the only danger here is that this can be a symptom of OCD. As this is the only one you have mentioned, I don't think you have OCD, but OCD is just a type of anxiety. If you felt that you were unable to control your thoughts and kept thinking you hated God and were completely unable to stop the thoughts, which repeated randomly and for a very long time, literally taking over your mind altogether, then this could be the start of OCD and you would need treatment as this can spiral. Don't get panicky about that, though. Like I say, I'm not a doctor, and I have a lot of experience talking to people with GAD and OCD - you sound much much more like you have mild GAD or no disorder at all.

Everytime I learn about a new disease or disorder I think I have it
Health anxiety - otherwise known as hypochondriasis. When hypochondriasis is bad, you will literally feel the symptoms of the disease you think you have. But it's in your mind. It's anxiety.

So, everything you have said totally matches with my experience of anxiety and the many people I've talked to who also suffer from anxiety. That's not to say it's definitely a disorder . I'd encourage you to check out the hating God bit because that's a relatively specific symptom and an anomaly that might need checked out. But this might just be a bit of anxiousness and not really be a disorder at all. Don't worry about prescription meds, by the way, if you don't want them, reject them and ask for therapy. In fact, my subjective opinion is that medication would be no good for you anyway. Antidepressants were designed as a short-term fix to help people with severe depression and anxiety who are unable to engage with therapy due to the natural state of confusion that occurs in these disorders. The "cure" if you like, is therapy. Meds are not supposed to work that way. So my absolute subjective opinion - don't bother with them if you're offered. But it's up to you, of course. This is going to sound like an oxymoron, but - don't worry, you're just anxious...
 

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Hypochondriasis makes me smell ciggarrettes every time I think of them, put it aside, you know you don't have it, so relax :tongue:
I think you just need to have a heart-to-heart with someone, it helps, even if you dread it, you'll relax and let it all pour out when the time comes.
 
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you need to slowwww down and mellllow out. And think about things. Because your post shows evidence of clear thinking that should assert itself and make your feel better, but I think you're moving too fast. Yes, we're all allowed to google diseases and think we have them. But you have to STOP and THINK. and you know you don't.

Time out. Shut things out. Meditate.

In your post I see nothing that would be linked to personality type or enneagram type (usually type 2 posts are 'dammit, nobody pays attention to my needs or i'm not important or nobody cares')

You just need to slow down and time out a bit, because you're not centred right now. A little off your rocker as a result, yes.

STOP. LISTEN. THINK. THINK. THINK. respond.
 
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