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61 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have posted multiple things and I am completely confused about typing my Boyfriend. As an ENFP I thought I already had him categorized, but then he took the test and it was no where CLOSE. (Tested ENFJ) I know that if he didn't understand the question he just checked NO so I think it is a little off. Although there are many similarities that put him there, but also differences that make him not an ENFj

His Characteristics:
WILL DO ANYTHING for ANYONE and never ask for anything in return.
Can get along with ANYONE
Great with Kids
Comfortable in social gatherings but not too outgoing/outspoken
Even though he doesn't look it, he is pretty much always happy. His mood is stable.
Does not stress. "Doesn't let things bother him he cannot control"
If Stresses- Very abrupt and says things he doesn't mean. (not often at ALL)
Very Structured and Organized lifestyle-
Completes any goals set for himself.
Somewhat Judgmental/Critical Towards Others. More cynical when he analyzes (not too often) Normally just tells me why he doesn't like someone and it is impossible to have him see it another way.
Does not look into "deeper meanings"
Computer Analyst
Very Practical and Situational which leads me to
When we both are engaged in a fun activity we have a GREAT TIME
Seems happier when he is around more people.
When its just him and I its somewhat boring.
I am an ENFP and have gotten to the point where we don't say anything to eachother in the car for 30 mins. I use to but never got much feedback from him.
I use to ask him about his day, EVERYDAY it was "The Same", I am a very detailed oriented person and could talk about something so insignificant that it would last for hours. He is bland. (Unless its something he's intrigued about- exp: cars, technology,etc)
Not easily excited
Does not see the meaning behind my(ENFP)analysis of our connection or lack of it.
Any time I try to explain why I may do things or act irrationally- he constantly goes back to Specifics of that particular time..
Not emotional or affectionate.
Only time he is, is when he realizes that he is losing me.

Which comes to my conclusion that I know its there but at the same time I try to tell him it is neither of our faults, its who we are.
He does not understand that aspect and feels like I am giving up and that we need to be ourselves. So its safe to say he is reserved with me.
He wants to make it work, doesn't want to end it, again, he isn't the one with the issues in the relationship ol' sensitive ENFP me is. He is happy. Unless I stress him enough.
When I leave him I believe he genuinely realizes but truly doesnt know how to get were we need to be.

Believe me when I say, I have talked and told him about ALL of This! He understands and then it never changes. And after so many tries I have being less tolerable and frustrated even more.
I know this is alot, but please if you know how to understand an ENFP then you'll get what I am trying to say.

1. I want to learn what he could be/sounds like.
2. I want to learn how to handle our problems by knowing and learning eachother. I have tried to stop analyzing but one thing this forum has taught me is, its ME. :) It's who I am. I realized I couldn't stop even when I tried it was like I wasn't being myself and became more unhappy. I care about him, and the Hopeful ENFP wants to figure this out.. but Im lost and don't know what more to do.

We have been together 3 years, broke up for about 6 months and "tried" again. And now here we are. Any advice would be helpful. Unfortunately the same old "anything can work if you try" phrase doesn't help me at this point. I need to figure a way to understand how we can both be equally happy and get everything we want and deserve.

P.S. I apologize for misspellings and I occasionally get the ENFP acronym backwards

61 Posts
Discussion Starter · #2 ·
I figured it out! ISTJ

He is an ISTJ allllll the way!! Any suggestions here?? Wow, we are soooo not made for eachother but I can say I think he admires my natural intuition (intelligence to him) and optimism.


3,849 Posts
If he is ISTJ then what you are having is a relationship of the opposites - these kinds of relationships are said to allow for maximum personal growth but also require a lot of energy input to make it work. This is because your functions are aligned as:
ENFP - Ne-Fi-Te-Si
ISTJ - Si-Te-Fi-Ne
So see each of you uses that half of the personality that is the weaker points in the other person. According to socionics such relationship of opposites is called that of duality and it is considered to be a very good match. But because all letters are reversed yes, you are not going to find quite the mind-mate, that is why other typology systems like Keirsey for example recommend that intuitives find other intuitives. I read that these relations may be difficult to start because they seem so simple and natural. And even though these relations are good for both partners they can and do fail due to various real life circumstances that the theory doesn't take into account.

More on duality relations:
Dual Relationships
Socionics: Dual Relations, Duality, and Dualization
Relations of Duality between psychological ("personality") types
Stages of Duality - Socionics Forums
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