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So until about up to the past year, I never believe that male bisexuals actually existed -- partly due to scientific studies, partly because I never had met one that didn't later come out full gay. But due to recent studies and me meeting actual bisexuals, I've been convinced. As someone who is 100% one way, I have trouble understanding/relating to bisexuals. It's so god damn foreign. So, what's it like? Are you a 50/50, a 40/60? If there's an imbalance, do you tend to want to end up with the favoured gender? Are 50/50s rare? Do they even exist? Have you ever told people you're a bisexual, or do you just live a hetero lifestyle for simplicities sake. I wonder if there's more of that than we realize. Have you dated both genders? How would you describe yourself -- as a normal guy, a masculine dude, a bit feminine, ect? Do you like being bisexual, or do you find it difficult? ... And how common do you think it is? What % of the population?

I'm sure I have more questions, but that's all I can think of right now. Some further illumination of this enigmatic/underdiscussed sexuality would be good for everyone, I think.
 

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Uh, well I'm female and I'm fairly bi/pan. I thought I was straight for the longest time. I don't feel much different than before. I notice attractive men a lot more than women. Funny thing is that I notice there are A LOT more attractive women walking around than there are attractive men, but it's the men that will make my head turn more. It's more unique looking females that capture my attention, like if she looks like the kind of person I would get along with. I hardly ever think of relationship potential when I meet most people, and I certainly don't when I meet women. I feel like I did when I thought I was straight. XD

My sexuality isn't a defining part of my personality. It's just a sexual/romantic preference. I don't live a "hetero lifestyle" nor do I live a "bi lifestyle". I simply live as I do as the person I am, and my sexuality is just a part of that. I am in a relationship with a woman, but I have been with all guys in the past. It takes a special kind of girl to make me want to be with them/have sex with them. Hell, I think it takes a special kind of anyone. I'm not demisexual, but I am more demisexual (if there's a scale) than, say, someone who always scopes out sexual possibilities with other people.

So, overall I'd say I lean 70 percent men, 30 percent women. Although all the hot guys of the world could not compare to my female SO.
 

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Being bisexual, it's insulting and hurtful when people accuse you of sleeping with both genders or how you can't be monogamous.

The worst cheating horror stories I've heard were from straight married couples, but society deems these people as the "most normal." They're straight and they're married. Yay.
 

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Being bi/pansexual is (apparently) the same thing as being heterosexual when you date someone of the opposite sex, and homosexual when you date someone of the same sex, and your actual sexuality being arbitrary to everyone on both ends. Straight dudes think it's "HAWT" but get all weird about your female friendships and want to convince you that you only really like cock. Gay girls think you're just gay and want to convince you that you only really like vagina.

I don't identify with my sexuality very much, but it's a tad irritating.

(Obviously these are gross generalizations and it doesn't actually apply to every heterosexual male and every homosexual female, before anyone gets their panties in a twist.)
 

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I actually envy bisexuals.

They are what everyone else should be. Bisexuality, in my opinion, is evolution. Being able to have pleasure and establish relationships with both genders is amazing and it's something that creates several different possibilities for the life of an individual. Remember ancient greek where men were dating women but they could still have sex with other men?

Let's make a silly comparison between sexuality and animal's eating habits.

Carnivores - Heterosexuals or Homosexuals (let's say Hetero)
Herbivores - Heterosexuals or Homosexuals (let's say Homo)
Omnivore - Bisexual/Pansexual

Omnivores can obtain energy from both sources (meat and plants), which increases their survivability and it is a great advantage. I think bisexual people are in advantage, especially when they go to the club and can fuck anyone they want (that's for extroverts, obviously). The downside is that, in case of falling in love, now they have two different genders to break their hearts. :tongue:
 

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The downside is that, in case of falling in love, now they have two different genders to break their hearts. :tongue:
for some people it's purely sexual. like fucking same gender, can't fall in love with them. or vice versa. I think people have very narrow views about sexuality, and rather than thinking of individuals as unique, they say if you like both sexes, you're just bisexual. there is soooooo much more to it.
 

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for some people it's purely sexual. like fucking same gender, can't fall in love with them. or vice versa. I think people have very narrow views about sexuality, and rather than thinking of individuals as unique, they say if you like both sexes, you're just bisexual. there is soooooo much more to it.
You're right. That reminds me of Freddie Mercury. He was gay, but he could only fall in love with women.
 

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I'm not sure how to answer "what's it like" to someone who's exclusively attracted to one gender. It'd be like trying to describe colours to a blind person.

In myself, I see it as having the potential to be attracted to either gender, not necessarily in the same way, not necessarily at the same time and not necessarily to the same degree. Sometimes I've liked girls more, other times it's been guys. It's fixed for some people and most definitely fluid for others.
 

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What's it like? Well I'm not sure I know where I am on the 'spectrum', since it gets very complicated for me. It's very much like being entirely straight or entirely gay. Except the potential for admiring the ass on passers-by potentially doubles, leading to more fun during the day.
Okay, I'm being kind of flippant, but personally I am not attracted to either gender to the same extent, in the same way, to the same things or for the same goals, so it is impossible to describe - for me - to someone who has never felt attraction to their non-preferred gender before. For the record, I seem to be only interested in females for the possibility of a long-term relationship, but the actual sexual attraction is all over the place and can be very strong for either gender, although proportionally I seem to get attracted to fewer men in general. However some days I feel quite evenly split, some days I feel straight. I dunno. I'm inconsistent. I'm sure there are plenty of very consistently bi people, you'll have to ask one.

I reckon most people fit somewhere between the extremes of the Kinsey scale, even if not far off either end. Will they admit it? Are they even aware of it? Who knows. I say this because I reckon most people have the ability to be attracted to their ordinarily non-preferred gender, with the likelihood of that happening as the variable. For many people it's sufficiently unlikely they may never notice it.
 

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I'm equally attracted to all genders. I don't really understand why so many monosexual people have problems understanding that. It's like enjoying cake and pie and brownies. It's different aesthetics, different flavors, different textures and you might like different things for different reasons, occasions or at different intervals but they're all still satisfying and delicious.
 

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It may seem foreign to you, but for someone who doesn't even think about it, it really doesn't affect your personality/identity/image much unless you want it to.
Sexuality is a spectrum, so to speak, and bisexuals happen to fall somewhere in the middle. Some of us lean closer to one way than the other. Not everyone can explain it via percentages, especially since sexuality is so fluid, which sex you prefer and to what degree can change over time.
Personally, I'd say I'm around a 50/50 or 40/60 (males to females), but that's because who I'm attracted to most really depends what mood I'm in.
I would describe myself as a very feminine, appearance wise, woman; personality wise, I don't really conform to the standards of masculinity or femininity, but I'm closer to femininity. Being anything other than monosexual gets increasingly difficult, but I have high hopes for the future.
I'd reckon that about 80% of the population falls somewhere in between 100% one way or the other, but only 5-10% have preferences, attractions, and desires strong enough for it to be considered bisexuality.
 

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And I don't understand people who are exclusively attracted to one gender either....

Bisexuality is a bit of an isolating experience, paradoxically enough. It's not too isolating at first as long as you don't enter a same-sex relationship, because then you are just assumed to be straight, but as soon as you do you get the same shunning as gays do.

But then you don't always get to align so nicely in the LGT sandwich. The B part of the equation is often met with skepticism. Does it really exist? Maybe she just likes to kiss girls at parties? Maybe he/she is afraid of coming out as completely gay? Maybe she just finds the female form pretty? It's not taken very seriously.

I basically just rarely feel attraction towards some men, and rarely towards some women too. (Note here: contrary to the stereotype I am far from hypersexual..... I'm nearly demisexual. I was completely asexual until about 19. This probably makes my experience pretty darn atypical.) If I really had to pin it down, I'd say I'm actually more attracted to women than to men in the most raw sense.

It's actually kind of annoying that I pass so well as straight, that no one has figured me out yet. Makes TV watching together awkward:

Girl1: Isn't he such a hottie?
Girl2: Oh goodness, isn't this new one more smokin'?
Me: Yeah, he is rather um, well... nice looking (averts eyes from the girl he was with)

But no, I can't just say that I'm gay either. Not by a long shot. My most intense crush was on a guy. I honestly don't know how if I could have a very long-term relationship with a woman (though I guess I could say the same about men to some degree, maybe this is partly my commitment phobia speaking :p ). But I would definitely someday like to be with a woman sexually and romantically to some capacity.
 

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Have you ever told people you're a bisexual, or do you just live a hetero lifestyle for simplicities sake. I wonder if there's more of that than we realize.
I think that's probably a lot more common than most people realize. You asked about the percentages, are we evenly split or how it works, and the thing is, it's complicated and I think a lot of us aren't fully sure how it works ourselves, I know I'm not. There's definitely a lot of bisexuals who do have a fairly clear preference for one gender, and if that preference happens to be for the opposite gender, it's incredibly easy, not only to take the easy way out and publicly pretend to be heterosexual, but to even not realize or admit to yourself that you aren't heterosexual in the first place. It's very easy to brush off homosexual attractions as something that's normal ("everyone has those thoughts," or "I'm not gay, I just masturbate to all sorts of weird/sick shit"), when you can always reassure yourself that clearly you're straight since your main focus is still the other gender. Especially for religious people, or people in conservative or particularly dangerous environments, or men... the more shit you predict you'd get if you weren't straight, and the more your own image of yourself would be shaken if you weren't straight, the more vested you subconsciously are in being straight, and to greater lengths you'll subconsciously go to stay in denial of the fact that you're not.
Another thing is that (and this is also true for gay people), if you internalized messages from the society and religion that gay sex is sinful and disgusting, it's pretty common to be put off and disgusted by gay sex at first, even if it turns you on at the same time. While gay people who feel this way don't have much alternative here but to work through those feelings or stay celibate forever, for bisexuals it's much easier to use this disgust as proof to themselves that they're really straight (even when the desire is there too), and to just focus on heterosexual partners and ignore this whole mess inside their heads as much as possible.

Really, the whole thing seems like a lot of needless hassle for many. If your preference is for the different gender anyway, why bother at all. Even if your preference is 50/50, or even somewhat leaning towards your own gender, the rest of the people around you are mostly straight, so you still have more potential partners among the other gender, so again why bother. If you're planning on getting married and having kids, all of it is easier done in a (typical) heterosexual relationship. It can seem like a lot of shit that's easier to avoid than to deal with. Why deal with your mom crying, wondering where she went wrong, with your friends treating you weird, wondering if you're secretly attracted to them, with having to come out to people over and over again, especially if you end up in a homosexual relationship, with homophobia, weird looks at best, every time you go out with your partner, with having to be careful not to show too much PDA in most places, or in front of your friends or family, with feeling uncomfortable yourself and feeling other people's discomfort whenever you do... why willingly deal with all of that (and more) when you can get a nice, heterosexual partner and be just as content. Or tell yourself all of this and convince yourself it's not nearly worth it and you're perfectly content without dealing with this shit.
 

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How is it confusing? Unless you want to have two or more relationships at the same time (I hope you're not), then it's fairly straightforward. Gay people like the same gender, straight people like the opposite gender. We like both which by no means justifies at the same time type of deal (unless you're into it and your s.o. knows about it). It's like the hervivore carnivore thing someone mentioned basically. I do get a lot of remarks from gays (you're really gay and afraid to let go) and straight people with prejudice will treat you no different than if you were gay.

As far as theories is related there's something called the Kinsey scale. from 0 to 6 it places you on a spectrum that measures sexuality in shades of gray, not black or white. It would also make bisexuality a lot more common than anyone thinks since according to this theory, only pure 0s and pure 6s would not be classified as bisexual.

Kinsey scale


HETEROSEXUAL ............................................................ HOMOSEXUAL
0----------1----------2---------- 3----------4----------5----------6

As you see 3 would be like a 50/50 bisexual (sort of Angelina Jolie) while 0 being 100% straight (George Clooney) and 6 being totally gay (Elton John). I've always sort of seen myself as a 3.5 (although I'm with a female now and we're exclusive). To me it's an approach more based on my INFJ preferences (meaningful relationships only please), however the attraction is there and I enjoy having twice the eye candy wherever I go.

According to the Kinsey scale only MOST people would be in the middle (if you consider that being a 0.3 makes you technically bisexual), however only people with a clearer preference are likely to act on it (say having a 2 or more). This is about preference, not about choice. Most people will ignore/repress/not notice this. Society doesn't make it much easier. A 0.5 woman might be almost totally straight and once in a lifetime runs into the perfect situation that puts her in front of the right woman and something might happen. Some gay men have been known to fall in love with one special woman (I know a case personally). In the end this should just show that life is about shades of gray and not black or white.
 

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How is it confusing? Unless you want to have two or more relationships at the same time (I hope you're not), then it's fairly straightforward. Gay people like the same gender, straight people like the opposite gender. We like both which by no means justifies at the same time type of deal (unless you're into it and your s.o. knows about it). It's like the hervivore carnivore thing someone mentioned basically. I do get a lot of remarks from gays (you're really gay and afraid to let go) and straight people with prejudice will treat you no different than if you were gay.

As far as theories is related there's something called the Kinsey scale. from 0 to 6 it places you on a spectrum that measures sexuality in shades of gray, not black or white. It would also make bisexuality a lot more common than anyone thinks since according to this theory, only pure 0s and pure 6s would not be classified as bisexual.

Kinsey scale


HETEROSEXUAL ............................................................ HOMOSEXUAL
0----------1----------2---------- 3----------4----------5----------6

As you see 3 would be like a 50/50 bisexual (sort of Angelina Jolie) while 0 being 100% straight (George Clooney) and 6 being totally gay (Elton John). I've always sort of seen myself as a 3.5 (although I'm with a female now and we're exclusive). To me it's an approach more based on my INFJ preferences (meaningful relationships only please), however the attraction is there and I enjoy having twice the eye candy wherever I go.

According to the Kinsey scale only MOST people would be in the middle (if you consider that being a 0.3 makes you technically bisexual), however only people with a clearer preference are likely to act on it (say having a 2 or more). This is about preference, not about choice. Most people will ignore/repress/not notice this. Society doesn't make it much easier. A 0.5 woman might be almost totally straight and once in a lifetime runs into the perfect situation that puts her in front of the right woman and something might happen. Some gay men have been known to fall in love with one special woman (I know a case personally). In the end this should just show that life is about shades of gray and not black or white.
I simple meant the experience of being a bisexual, especially during my teenage years was very confusing for me. I have spent most of my life thinking I was heterosexual and trying to justify my attraction to other woman in any way other than admitting I was bisexual.

I think @Malkovich makes some very good points. As a teenager I knew I was not homosexual, because I like guys, and I think my preference is for males. (I'm probably like a 2<=x<=2.5 on that scale). So I knew I was not a lesbian (even if people called me that). I grew up in a conservative Christian family where homosexuality was viewed as something we just would never do. So it was much easier for me to just try to dismiss my attraction to females.

I went through years of trying to use every word but bisexual to describe my bisexual preferences to myself.

Even today, when I can acknowledge to myself and my closest friends that I am bisexual it would be very difficult for me to choose to pursue a relationship with another woman because of the reactions of many people in my life.

Not that I want to, because I am very happily in an exclusive relationship with a bisexual man. :wink:
 

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I think that's probably a lot more common than most people realize. You asked about the percentages, are we evenly split or how it works, and the thing is, it's complicated and I think a lot of us aren't fully sure how it works ourselves, I know I'm not. There's definitely a lot of bisexuals who do have a fairly clear preference for one gender, and if that preference happens to be for the opposite gender, it's incredibly easy, not only to take the easy way out and publicly pretend to be heterosexual, but to even not realize or admit to yourself that you aren't heterosexual in the first place. It's very easy to brush off homosexual attractions as something that's normal ("everyone has those thoughts," or "I'm not gay, I just masturbate to all sorts of weird/sick shit"), when you can always reassure yourself that clearly you're straight since your main focus is still the other gender. Especially for religious people, or people in conservative or particularly dangerous environments, or men... the more shit you predict you'd get if you weren't straight, and the more your own image of yourself would be shaken if you weren't straight, the more vested you subconsciously are in being straight, and to greater lengths you'll subconsciously go to stay in denial of the fact that you're not.
Another thing is that (and this is also true for gay people), if you internalized messages from the society and religion that gay sex is sinful and disgusting, it's pretty common to be put off and disgusted by gay sex at first, even if it turns you on at the same time. While gay people who feel this way don't have much alternative here but to work through those feelings or stay celibate forever, for bisexuals it's much easier to use this disgust as proof to themselves that they're really straight (even when the desire is there too), and to just focus on heterosexual partners and ignore this whole mess inside their heads as much as possible.

Really, the whole thing seems like a lot of needless hassle for many. If your preference is for the different gender anyway, why bother at all. Even if your preference is 50/50, or even somewhat leaning towards your own gender, the rest of the people around you are mostly straight, so you still have more potential partners among the other gender, so again why bother. If you're planning on getting married and having kids, all of it is easier done in a (typical) heterosexual relationship. It can seem like a lot of shit that's easier to avoid than to deal with. Why deal with your mom crying, wondering where she went wrong, with your friends treating you weird, wondering if you're secretly attracted to them, with having to come out to people over and over again, especially if you end up in a homosexual relationship, with homophobia, weird looks at best, every time you go out with your partner, with having to be careful not to show too much PDA in most places, or in front of your friends or family, with feeling uncomfortable yourself and feeling other people's discomfort whenever you do... why willingly deal with all of that (and more) when you can get a nice, heterosexual partner and be just as content. Or tell yourself all of this and convince yourself it's not nearly worth it and you're perfectly content without dealing with this shit.
Finally! It's about time that someone really went into depth about the plight of bisexuals, and the crazy amount of pressure that they have to constantly live under.
 

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Being bisexual just is what it is: there's attraction to both men and women. I don't know how I would express the division of attraction between the two. With both men and women I have a specific 'type' that I'm drawn to and that sparks my interest.

I've never outed myself to even my closest friends. Mainly because I wasn't comfortable with the label and the actual fact of it being a part of who I am until I was already in a heterosexual, monogamous and long term relationship. On one hand that means that I'm hiding a part of who I am, on the other hand it means that I'm avoiding unecessary commotion about something that I'm not going to act on anyway while I'm in this relationship.
 
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