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Discussion Starter #1
Hi everyone! I've filled out a questionnaire below. All comments and typings are appreciated, and you can include tritypes and MBTI if you want!

Prerequisites

What age range are you in?


I’m 18 years old.

Any disorders or conditions we should know about?

None

Main Questions

1. What do you think your life is about? What drives you in life? This can be something like a goal or a purpose, or anything else that comes to mind.


My life is ultimately about the accumulation of knowledge and applying it to real life in the benefit of humanity as a whole. I am driven by this, so I spend a lot of my spare time reading books or learning new things to improve myself.

2. What were you like as a kid?

I was very withdrawn and avoided people like the plague. However, because I kept getting good grades, I developed an elitist and arrogant view of life, believing that intelligence was the only thing needed to succeed. But I was bullied heavily for this so I had to change myself so that people would like me. I started to act friendlier towards others, although I barely had any interest in them. Surprise surprise, they probably saw through my act because they stopping talking to me after we moved schools. So I retreated to my shell again, being more withdrawn and distant from others.

3. Describe your relationship with your parents. Does anything stand out about the way you interacted?

My relationship with my mom is very good. To this day, we are still very close. We confide in and support each other, but our closeness gets me a bit worried because I don’t want to be overly dependent on her especially that I’ll eventually live a life of my own.

On the other hand, my relationship with my dad is a trainwreck. I don’t really like him because he was always away for work and frequently cheated on my mom. I remember though, that every time we played games together, I was so set on winning against him. I wanted to rebel against him because he was so adamant of getting respect from me just because he was my dad, and I didn’t agree because I don’t care about him. This was then when I learned that biological family doesn’t always mean that I need to care about them. I’m just glad that he’s out of our lives.

4. What values are important to you? What do you hope to avoid doing or being?

I don’t want to be at a state where I’m barely scraping by. I also don’t want to be seen as dumb or stupid. I guess the root of it all is that I avoid being powerless and feeling like I can’t do things by myself.

Values: authenticity, knowledge, independence, competence, self-confidence (although I can’t naturally produce this in myself)

5. Aside from phobias, are there any fears that characterized your childhood? Have they continued into the present day, or not, and if not, how have you dealt with them?

One fear that really stuck with me throughout my life was losing my identity of being a smart kid. I reveled in being seen as smart, so when my grades don’t coincide with that, I grow very afraid. This still continues to the present day, but it’s not as big of a fear because I recognize that there’s more to life than intelligence.

Another fear is being intruded upon. This wasn’t very prevalent in my childhood, but it just magnified as I grew up probably because I’ve experienced and witnessed so many people screwing others over for their own benefit. Sometimes, this happens even with people who you perceived to be close, so I always keep some distance and some secrets to myself. To this day, I still hate being vulnerable so a lot of my relationships suffer from that. I’ve lost so many friends but over time I feel nothing about it anymore. However, if I need to form relationships for the sake of my success, I usually put on an act of being friendly. I recognize that this is a problem so I hope to go to a therapist after this pandemic ends.

6. a.) How do you see yourself?

I see myself as a resourceful person who can do anything as long as I set my mind to it. I am very determined to reach my goals. However, I am not very good at acting in the real world, and I tend to overthink prior to acting.

b.) How do you want others to see you?

I definitely want others to see me as a reliable and smart person who knows what they’re talking about. I like being respected and seen as a role model for others (at least in a certain subject area that I am good at).

c.) What do you dislike the most in other people?

Given that I was very arrogant when I was a kid, I dislike when I see arrogance in other people. I just think that it’s infantile. I also dislike when others are inauthentic and only follow social niceties for the sake of following them. I absolutely abhor when people are dishonest. I hate it when others sugar coat what they’re saying because it gives off the message that I’m too sensitive and it seems like they’re treating me like a child.

7. Which habit do you most automatically act on? Rank the following habits from most to least automatic, on a scale of 1 (most) to 3 (least).
a.) Work for personal gain with more concern for self than for others.
1
b.) Strive for a sense of tranquility in yourself and the world around you. 2
c.) Decide what is right for the betterment of something or someone else. 3

8. Where does the wandering mind take you? What provokes this?

My mind usually centers around more philosophical areas, like the nature of humanity or the truth of concepts around me. This is usually provoked by silence, when I’m not really stressed out.

I also think about my plans for the future and my idealized self, and how nice it must feel when I get there. This is provoked when I am feeling more powerless or bored by the current situation, and when I want change in my environment or within myself.

9.What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?

I feel my best when I am accomplishing something that is relevant to my vision for the future. I feel my worst when I feel powerless and out of control, or when something very unexpected happens.

10. Let's talk about emotions. Explain what might make you feel the following, how they feel to you or how you react to the emotion:
a.) anger


I feel anger when something doesn’t go right, or when someone hurts someone close to me. I don’t really feel anger frequently, but when I do, it’s usually in stages. First, I try to ignore and repress my anger because it doesn’t do anything good for me. But when repressed anger gets out, it comes out explosively. At this point, I become physically violent. I try not to punch anyone or hurt anything, so it usually manifests as punching a pillow or ripping paper.

b.) shame

I feel ashamed when I do something wrong or when something doesn’t go as expected. Like anger, this doesn’t happen very often to me. I usually distract myself by doing other activities if I feel ashamed, but if it gets really bad, then I ruminate over it. It becomes some sort of a cycle at that point, where I distract myself but it doesn’t work, so I ruminate over my mistakes. Rinse and repeat.

c.) anxiety

Out of all three options in this question, I think I feel anxiety the most. I usually feel anxiety when I am afraid what will happen next, or if I don’t know what to do in something new. My first instinct is to usually freak out internally and try to recall or guess what I have to do next. But since emotions aren’t necessarily helpful in sorting out a problem, I try to distance myself away to clear my head and think.

11. Describe how you respond to the following:
a.) stress


My stresses are usually related to having too much work, so I try to do it my work to finish it off. But if it gets really bad, then I isolate myself from others and end up being stuck in my head. It makes me ruminate on my emotions, then I withdraw again and try to pull myself together. But it doesn’t work so I end up ruminating again. Sometimes the repressed emotions comes out in explosions.

b.) negative unexpected change

I usually take a break and try to get myself together. However, this usually takes a while because I get stuck in this loop of ruminating why the unexpected change happened and how I should've seen it coming. Then it deteriorates into harmful habits like binge eating, oversleeping, and watching too much videos. Overall, I'm not very productive when there is negative unexpected change. It usually takes a lot of energy from me or someone has to push me to do something in order for me to finally think of another plan to get back on track.

c.) conflict

I don’t really like conflict, but if I have to, then I confront others head on. I confront them with evidence of what they did wrong and what they should do instead.

12. a.) What kind of role are you naturally inclined to take in a group? Why?

I don’t really mind if I’m the leader or the follower, but a lot of the time I am placed in leadership positions. However, if I were to pick one, I’d probably pick the leader because I can probably learn what is needed and how to get there. My most preferred role is to be by myself, though, because I can control what I like and don’t like.

b.) If put in power, how do you behave? Why?

I am quite type A when I’m the leader because I want things to go as planned. I try to ask others what their opinions are and meld them with my own opinions to form a solution so that everyone is accounted for. I can be a bit of a control freak but I try to curb this because this has gotten me into trouble before.

c.) Do you tend to struggle with others who have authority over you? Why?

As long as they don’t interfere with my work, then I’m fine. But if their methods are too inefficient and set on giving everyone an opportunity rather than doing what works the best, then I am prone on either overpowering the authorities or leaving the group. I think that doing what is needed to do doesn’t always coincide with the collective welfare.

13. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?

I usually can tell other people’s motives and can predict their actions beforehand. I’ve used this to my advantage before so that I could get a leadership role. For example, I was very shy and reserved when I started joining clubs, but being too introverted wasn’t going to work so I needed to act more outgoing and friendly. I usually needed to read other people so that I would get on their good side, and I could formulate some sort of plan in my head that predicts what their reaction is given my own actions. I know that this seems manipulative, but it works and I try to not hurt others in the process.

14. Comment on your relationship with trust.

I find it very hard to trust people, so much that it gets in the way of my relationships. I am a very guarded person because I believe that if I become vulnerable and expose myself, people are going to exploit those secrets.

15. Briefly: What religious and/or political beliefs do you have?

I’m neither religious nor politically inclined, so none.

Do you think they influenced your responses in this questionnaire?

No.

Optional Question (due to personal nature)

Discuss an event that has impacted your life significantly; more importantly, how you responded to it.


Extra Questions

Which of the following temptations do you find yourself acting upon the most? (And briefly state why)

  • To constantly push yourself to be “the best”
  • To be without needs, well-intentioned
- To replace direct experience with concepts

I struggle a lot with acting in the real world because I overthink a lot, sometimes so much that I avoid direct experience because I already predicted what will happen anyway.

- To have an extreme sense of personal moral obligation
- To think that fulfillment is somewhere else

My fulfillment seems to be in seeking knowledge and security for me, which I don’t have enough at the moment. Although I know that fulfillment should come from within, I still want to be secure in the material world.

  • To cyclically become indecisive and seek others for reassurance
  • To overuse imagination in searching for yourself
  • To avoid conflicts and asserting yourself
- To consider yourself entirely self-sufficient

I dislike depending on anybody. I think that being vulnerable will allow others to take advantage of me or hurt me, so I try to be independent.

What's something you are: a.) thankful you have b.) wish you could have? Why?

a) I’m thankful that I have at least one person close to me and I’m grateful for having many opportunities to improve myself as I have many flaws.

b) I wish I could be more self-confident and proactive. I envy the ones who have no fear in doing new things because this is something that I struggle with.
 
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