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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
I've done a free version of the test once and got as my top 3 results Type 2 (score 9), Type 9 (score 8.7) and
Type 4 (score 8.7). The top 3 results with wings were 2w1 (score 12.9), 9w1 (score 12.6) and 1w2 (score 12.2). I'd like to add that these were closely followed by 1w9 with a score of 12.1 and 2w3 with a score of 12. I read through all of the profiles and have to say I identify with bits and pieces of most types, but possibly leaning toward 9w1. I read through timeless's guide on narrowing down the types and came up with 4,5, and 9 as most likely, with a slight possibility of 2. However, I'm keeping an open mind about which type I could be since I believe that a margin of error is always there.
I will study the enneagram system some more so I can understand it better, but I figure it would be nice to get some input from how others perceive me via this questionnaire I found by Spades.

Also, sorry I keep editing.

1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?

To be honest, I'm not quite sure. I have dreams which I love to think about, imagining myself actually having fulfilled it. I suppose what drives me is wanting to experience life fully (something I have difficulties with as I always seem to be afraid to fully let go and just act). I want to know the ups and downs in life, particularly when it comes to romantic experiences. I want to learn; I love learning for the sake of knowing. I want to be the best person I can be and therefore constantly strive to improve in all areas of my life and learn about myself (I feel I don't know myself very well and am constantly surprised when people I'm close to say I have a certain habit of behaving). I want to feel fulfilled and happy and I think that's what it culminates to. I don't have a certain goal in mind of what I want to do; I simply want to be happy with my life and the people I'm close to to be as well.

2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?

Again, I'm not sure. I think perhaps the biggest accomplishment I could hope for would be the happiness of the people I'm close to. I have a desire to help people, especially if we're close and it's only recently I realised how destructive that can be. I didn't realise it when it was happening, but there seems to be a part of me that wants to save people from themselves, even if it destroys me in the process. Now I know I need to be selfish sometimes in order to make myself happy. I can still feel an undercurrent of guilt pertaining this issue though we've talked it out to an extent and it feels better now.
There is also a part of me that doesn't want to be 'normal', I want to be extraordinary and be recognised for it. I think this may tie in with me feeling like I haven't achieved much yet and feeling invisible a lot of the time. I want to be seen, loved, appreciated and admired. In a way, I'm already seen as 'special' because I'm very privileged, but it's a negative kind of special. My parents are, in their own words 'wealthier than average' which often resulted in being looked upon unfavourably when I was younger. People tended to think I was a spoilt brat just by looking at my parents but not me as a person. I want to be seen for me and be considered special and admired for my own talents and work. What other people view as accomplishment I've achieved, I view as a means to an end, not a personal achievement. I want to be someone worthy of respect and admired for what I have accomplished by myself.
I hope to accomplish overcoming my weaknesses and feeding my strengths, becoming the best person I can be. I want to find love and acceptance.

3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?

I hope to avoid being the way someone I'm close to is starting to become, a sad and lonely person who looks back on their life with mostly regrets. I hope to avoid being a self-fulfilling prophecy because I tend to focus on what I don't want to be as opposed to who I do want to be.
The values important to me are honesty, loyalty and definite morals.

4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?

Similarly to the above question, I fear becoming an old, bitter and sad person. This fear has gone away in the past few years though it's still there. I fear looking back on my life and feeling like I accomplished nothing. As for the why, I used to be a lot more cynical and pessimistic, tied in with the self loathing. I've had to force myself to see life more positively in the last few years and, if not become my own best friend, turn the self loathing into dislike. I've been told I've become bitter about how my past has affected me in the now which is where the first fear comes from. In addition, I feel very strange because I've not had any romatic or sexual experiences which at my age is not normal; this amplifies my fear of being lonely. About the second, I dislike getting help when I didn't explicitly ask for it. I prefer to work on problems by myself and admittedly have a bit of a problem asking for help when I actually need it. It's been a few years since I found out that everyone around me has apparently been helping me in subtle ways which results in me feeling very naive and helpless about accomplishing tasks that should be easy. Feeling like I accomplished nothing would make this fear of being unable to cope with life reality.

5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?

I want others to see me as a good person, a good friend etc. I think deep down I'm afraid of not being good because I can sometimes get into these moods of extremely skewed self perception. I then think that I am inherently wrong and unworthy of being liked/loved.
I'm also a bit ashamed to say, I would like to be the kind of person others look up to and admire, but not necessarily openly since I'm not good at accepting compliments. I also want to be seen as worthy of love as I have problems with loving myself or seeing myself in a positive light. Most of all though, I think, I want to be true to myself and have other people see it too, in turn perhaps inspiring them to do the same.
I currently don't really know how I see myself. I see myself as very curious, someone who seems to have a tendency to be too hard on themselves. I see myself as someone who is trying hard to be the best they can be. I've heard somewhere that the wise say, the only thing they know is that they know nothing and it's a saying I identify with. I'm not saying I'm wise though I feel I may have become a little wiser in the past few years. I have a tendency to tell myself to get off my high horse when I feel I have become arrogant. I can also be very prideful which I dislike immensely. I tend to see only negative things about myself which are massively blown out of proportion because of my skewed self perception and self loathing. I don't know why this self-hate exists, it simply does.

6. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?

To be honest, I'm not sure I ever truly have felt at my best. I know I feel the most at peace around people I'm close to and get along with. I feel happy when I sing on stage and for the duration of the performance I can feel all my insecurities and fears just slip away to make way for pure euphoria, expressing myself using something I know I'm good at and showing people that I can be worthy of being seen, when I don't feel invisible. Maybe I feel at my best when I've done something I view as personal accomplishment. I can feel crushed when it's easily dismissed by others.
What makes me feel at my worst is when I'm told to suppress or throw away a dream or idea of mine which is important to me. It makes my idea and by extension me feel worthless. I end up starting to resent who did this and it swirls together with depressive tendencies and amplified self loathing until that's all I can feel. I also tend to go into a downward spiral of sadness and self loathing if I perceive myself having done something to upset people I'm close to or when I've disappointed myself.

7. Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety.

It's difficult to get me to become truly angry, to experience an anger of the type that makes me want to break something. This has only happened a handful of times and was usually always caused by my friends or family being belittled or otherwise slighted in a way that was obviously hurtful to them. I don't recall having felt this type of anger at any other time. I've felt an anger in response to betrayal even less than the previous and it feels like an open wound mixed with deep-seated sadness. Otherwise, anger usually feels simmering within me and may be prone to random outbursts once it flows over. Again, this has happened maybe once in my life. I also feel anger when I feel I didn't do as good as a job as I could have or didn't live up to my own or others' perceived expectation of me.

Shame is something that for me ties in with guilt. I feel the kind of shame that's equal to embarrassment of how you acted when younger. I feel shame when I feel I'm doing something I shouldn't. I feel shame and regret when I've done something that has hurt someone, even more so if I knew beforehand it would cause pain (though I tend to not do it in the first place if I know this would happen). I also feel ashamed and angry at myself when I didn't achieve what I wanted to and also when I have to admit to things I perceive to be wrong to feel.

Anxiety is something that usually manifests in my social anxiety, when I'm expected to be good at something and I'm unsure of myself. I also feel anxious about the future though it's lessened a little now that I feel I know which direction I'm going. I feel anxious and ashamed toward the possibility of being perceived as a selfish person.

8. Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; b) unexpected change; c) conflict.

I respond to stress with a no bullshit attitude. I'm usually a passive person but when it comes down to it I'm not afraid to take it into my own hands. I can also feel very helpless if it involves a lot of other people. All in all, I'm of the mindset 'finish what you start' so even if I do feel helpless, I will push on and do what I can to see it through. I can also become impatient and short-tempered.
Depending on what kind of change it is, I'm excited. If it's positive, I'm happy and look forward to it. If it isn't, I try to look at it realistically and adapt accordingly which I can be good at.
Conflict isn't something I enjoy. I'm afraid of confrontation which is something I need to work on. I realise that sometimes conflict is needed but I'm bad at initiating it. I'm also bad at it because I will either try to be as diplomatic as possible and risk not being clear enough or let my emotions get the best of me and hurt the other. I try not to do the latter as in my opinion, it's better to calmly talk it out, plus I hate hurting other people with or without intent. This is provided the other person is willing to do the same and of the same mindset instead of purposefully antagonising me. If I know a conflict is coming I can feel dread building up; if it's on behalf of another person, I'm almost looking forward to it which is a new thing for me. I generally try to avoid conflict until absolutely necessary, as it feels uncomfortable when sitting on the sidelines and causes a lot of stress. It can also be unnecessary in which case I will feel annoyed. However, once I'm involved I am unable to back off without explaining how and why I feel the way I do, if I feel I'm on equal footing. I need to be able to retreat into my head for a bit though before I can say that clearly as I'm bad at arguing right then and there.

9. Describe your orientation to: a) authority; b) power. How do you respond to these?

I will generally treat authority with respect as I'm aware that I depend on them in a sense. I'll treat them all equally but when I genuinely feel respect for them, treating them respectfully is much more heartfelt.
Power isn't something I necessarily desire. It would be nice if I had the power to do and accomplish things like bringing peace to humanity, but it seems impossible to achieve that as a regular person. I want power over my own life.

10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?

Initially pessimistic and now forcibly optimistic. Life can be be unbearably hard and humanity can be downright evil; it's lead to suicidal thoughts and honestly wishing I wasn't human. I used to see no sense in life with no purpose. I was more apathetic toward life than anything else, life was bleak and honestly seemed a bit boring. Since then I've become more positive. Humanity has its good and bad sides, neither is more present than the other. Life is also what you make of it and I've realised that life is for the brave. If there's one thing I don't want to be it's a coward and so I will live. I've discovered there are many things I want to try. I'm along for the ride if I want to or not so I might as well make the best of it. I want to help humanity but I don't know how to do this as a single person. There are a lot of bad people but also a lot of good and everyone suffers in some way. I believe that people deserve help and empathy/sympathy but a the same time can believe that humanity deserves what it got. I sometimes wonder how humanity still exists, with all the wars and other things it does to fight and kill each other. I see no sense in wars. My personal very simplified ananlogy is that countries fighting wars are nothing more than toddlers in kindergarten, unable and unwilling to understand the other, just hurting each senselessly. There are no winners in a war. War brings destruction and suffering to all its participants.
And then there's the question of what humanity is. Is it our species? Is it a measure of how compassionate we are? Or is cruelty also part of being human? If being 'humane' is considered so important, how come so many people aren't? If we asked ourselves these questions more often, maybe we would stop all this fighting. Because in the end we're only destroying ourselves.

I hope this is detailed enough for you to give me a few suggestions. Thank you for reading and your help. If you need more information, ask and I'll try my best to answer.

EDIT: I don't know if this will help at all, but my MBTI type is definitely INFJ.
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