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Main Questions

1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?
An all-encompassing logical framework. For things to perfectly make sense, and I (me?), with them. It gives me a rush, and it makes me do more and better.

2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?
A lot. Nothing binding. Just a lot of productive dabbling in a lot of fields. STEM research (STEM I hope to major in) , social justice, and a few social media platform ideas which imo could revolutionize certain fandoms and community-creator interactions.

3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?
A close-minded bigot? Someone who hampers innovation?
Not being a jerk, mostly.

4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?
Hands down, to relinquish power. In social situations, mostly. I need absolute control over the outcome of a project if I'm involved in some way. I dont even mind accepting defeat. But it has to be on MY terms, not anyone else's. I have stopped running midway in a race I know I'll lose because although I've technically lost, I decided the result of the race. The other person had no option but to win. Seems counter-productive to me whenever I think about it, but this fear is ever present. Like, I walk with a swagger whenever I feel inferior.

5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?
As a funny, interesting person! As a "full" personality. Like someone you'd see on a sitcom (but more emotionally mature). I see myself pretty much the same way. I rarely experience insecurity about the kind of person I am (mostly do about my achievements, or lack thereof).

6. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
I'm way more of a people pleaser than my hipsterish teenager brain likes to admit. I love it when i make someone laugh, or impress them. Also, novelty. New concepts make my brain go wild, and it feels...fulfilling. One of my favorite things to do when I'm in a rut, is just imagine a continuous unfolding of events. Like a chain of very spontaneous, unrelated happenings in the forward direction, so I don't get time to backtrack and worry. This makes me feel great and refreshed.
What makes me feel my worst, is feeling like I haven't accomplished anything, not lived up to my potential yadda yadda. But the worst happens, the cherry on top of my sour cake, is my brain tricking me (btw, what is me here if not my brain?) into thinking that this feeling is final, absolute. That nothing i do henceforth will ever change that, and my life is doomed.

7. Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety.
a) I get snappy sometimes. As much as the average person. However, I experience boiling hot anger when someone in a position of power is being illogical. Especially if I can't express my anger because of social etiquette. It makes me want to be violent. However, I recognize this to be counterproductive and work towards attaining a constant state of "chill". (there is no such thing as bottling up one's anger (it won't explode if you do it too much)! It's more like how you ignore your chores. They disappear if you don't pay them much attention).
b)Rarely feel it. If I do, I remind myself that I'm doing xyz thing in my best interest.
c) So much of it! the social kind, at least. I'm constantly on my toes (that an expression or nah?). Almost every decision I make is based off of it. I give it too much power. Just can't seem to control it!

8. Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; b) unexpected change; c) conflict.
a) I either procrastinate or curl up in ball of self-pity. That or I get super productive (rarely though). On the other hand, doing something before it's due (a major reason for my stress) makes me feel on top of the world.
b) Don't mind it. At all. I change my approach and keep on cruising happily.
c) Not too great when we're trying to get things done. But if it's idle banter and/or the occasional death stare I don't mind at all.

9. Describe your orientation to: a) authority; b) power. How do you respond to these?
a,b) Detest it. Like i said earlier, I have an obsession with power, but I always try (when I have it) to not overrule anyone. Ever. It's generally to assert my own instead of demean others (except when I'm really testy. But I definitely apologize later.) Since I see this as a major flaw of mine, I expect people who go out seeking power lack a natural knack for it. Some people resort to ridiculously irrational MOs in order to assert authority over others although the are in the wrong. (quite a few teachers. In fact, I feel this is a common dynamic in a lot of adult-child relationships)

10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?
pessi-optimistic with a touch of realism. Just like everyone else.
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