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Whats the difference between Mature Infj, and Immature Infj?

[INFJ] 
44K views 53 replies 44 participants last post by  eleuthera 
#1 ·
I think I might be an immature Infj, so I just want to know some of the characteristics.
 
#2 ·
Its difficult to say, there isn't any clear cut, black and white definitions. Few people are really and truly an unhealthy or immature with their person. They are only growing just as we all are. Don't look at yourself as unhealthy or immature nor should we look at ourselves as healthy or unhealthy. We should look at ourselves as growing and becoming more. You are never ever lost, you are only finding your way.

The level of introspection you have done to believe that you are as such and your signature says many positive things about you.

The maturity levels of a person can manifest is so many different traits or characteristics that its hard to really say. I think a fairly good guess what be common flaws everyone is capable of having, insecurity, jealousy low confidence and self esteem etc etc etc. I think these things would just have different manifestations in the different types but the same common roots.
 
#3 ·
Hopefully, thats what it really is.
 
#4 ·
The major difference between "Mature" and "Immature" INFJs are two things - to be specific, two letters "IM."

:tongue:

JK.

but to answer your question, the Mature INFJ will read my post and chuckle because they realize there is no right or wrong answer so they appreciate my being able to joke about it. The Immature INFJ will get defensive for no reason and be critical of this.
 
#6 ·
Not so much mature /immature but I do think INFJs exhibit 2 distinct phases

1) Unaware and becoming aware of themselves
2) Doing something useful with your gifts - As Humilis says growing and becoming more

I am sure that othe types go through this but with INFJ I think it can be a bit more pronounced as many struggle to fit in etc in earlier life.
 
#41 ·
Not so much mature /immature but I do think INFJs exhibit 2 distinct phases

1) Unaware and becoming aware of themselves
2) Doing something useful with your gifts - As Humilis says growing and becoming more

I am sure that other types go through this but with INFJ I think it can be a bit more pronounced as many struggle to fit in etc in earlier life.
Yeah! I think I am currently going through this phases. If I may, I've heard a lot of things regarding personality development saying that there is an age when a person normally comes into his or her fullness. Is it really influenced by age?
 
#9 ·
A unhealthy INFJ could have traits like Anxiety, Blunt comments, Defensive,Manipulative, Aggressive, Extremely Awkward, Keeps feelings bottled up, struggles with a crowd of people

A healthy INFJ could have traits like Clam, Expressive of feelings, Inspirational, Kind, A little awkward lol, be able to relax in a crowed place Just mentally strong.
 
#10 ·
Immature personalities for me seem to exhibit 2 traits (and this is not just INFJs but it applies to all personality types):
- very subjective thinking, also known as wishful thinking, basically ignoring all evidence and proceeding to think otherwise just because you for some reason want to believe otherwise - introverts are especially in danger of this because we do tend to live in our heads most of the time
- some sort of issues with ego leading to displays of said ego in the most inappropriate circumstances coupled with inability to change, forgive and ask for forgiveness - putting your loved ones down, starting fights with family members, irrational outbreaks of anger or self pity, and so on.
 
#43 ·
The Ego comment, I very greatly agree with, it could also swing the other way where one goes out of your way to shy away from any or most conflict, not realizing that one has to partake in it to show your loyalty towards something and someone, as well as yourself... Conflict is seen as a negative thing, but it is unavoidable, unless you can carry a different mask for each individual you meet to accept, but then again you would only be cheating yourself... conflict allows us to see others and their views, forces us to recognize it, and either form a path around it for both individuals (better known as compromise) or create a dead end where you realize that you will not be able to coincide with this personality peacefully... at this stage... we all grow and I believe we can all learn from each other, no matter how insignificant the detail... maybe not now, but later... conflict forces us to learn that and acknowledge others and their minds. good or bad... those who shy away completely from it and do not stand their ground or see the others' will stunt their growth and slow down their understanding of life and the people who live with them in it.
 
#12 ·
To keep it most simple....

Mature INFJ: Has complete faith in their Ni. Which results in:
- Minimal questioning over what to do in situations
- Is always a counselor to others, but never needs a counselor themselves
- Can easily take care of everyone because they already know how to take care of themselves
- Is not worried if certain things will happen in the future... because they just know it will work out fine
- Excepts people as they are based on what they instinctually "see" about the person
- Challenges themselves by placing themselves in difficult situations in order to grow
- Helps other people grow by making them aware of their strengths and where the INFJ "sees them going"
etc. etc. etc.

Immature INFJ: Basically, has trouble consistently doing the things above.
 
#13 ·
All I can do is give you an answer based on my own experience, so here goes.

Immature INFJ
Insecure, shy, not understanding why people don't get you and being bothered by that fact, feeling like an outcast, sitting along the sidelines in a stagnant existance, ignoring or not even knowing what your intuition is, a desire to "be like everyone else", not liking yourself because you are different, you pull away from situations easier, worry wart, submissive in most situations. Fear holds you back.

Mature INFJ
Self acceptance, knowing you are unique and appreciating that fact, realizing not everyone will understand you and that's ok, you listen to your gut and realize intuition is meant to guide you, you don't want to be like everyone else, you have an interest in watching and studying people and why they do what they do, don't sweat the small stuff, find power in submissiveness yet you aren't afraid to speak your mind. Fear drives you to create change.

Of course these are just a few things but maturity is a tricky thing. We are always growing, always learning, always changing. Maturity hinges on life experience and understanding - we all experience those things at different rates. Keep an open mind and grow.
 
#14 ·
I personally used to be really immature back then. I think the worst think was: arrogance. I thought I was much better than other people and was really proud.
I think that is very harmful quality...

I'm not sure how common that is on INFJ's. I think I became like that because of years and years of school bullying, so it was defensive system. So maybe it isn't like automatic quality on every immature INFJ...
 
#15 ·
Thanks guys...I get the idea now.

I still just need to grow and I'll be alright.
 
#16 ·
The key indicators of maturity are behavioral and not related to personality.

Mature people are accountable. They don't get defensive. They are self-aware enough to be confident in themselves and their abilities but realistic about their shortcomings. They strive to see things in balance and while fully in tune with their feelings, they don't allow their emotions to rule their behavior. They can both give and receive in a relationship and they are able to keep relationships long-term. They can take criticism and see it as an opportunity to improve. They keep their eye on what is important to them and don't get bent out of shape about what isn't. They understand that life isn't fair and they don't waste energy worrying about it or wishing things were different. They do the best they can and make the best of whatever happens. Mature people see life as an adventure and relish the moment.
 
#20 ·
The crowd of people and keeping things bottled up with, could be either unhealthy or healthy. It depends on the individual person. I, myself, am very introverted so I keep a lot bottled up, and with reason. When I open my mouth to my friends, they usually don't like what they hear.
 
#29 · (Edited)
Honestly... I'm 24 right now and I'm truly sick of being quiet just to keep those around me happy and pretend that I agree and care about things that certain people talk about. I'm standing up and speaking out so people know what I want and believe. I'm completely tired of living by following others who I don't believe are doing the right thing anyway. I'm going to do what I want to do and not what anyone else wants me to do -- and if they don't like it, then that's their choice though I'd rather see them be supportive or at least hope they can.

Time to follow and act on my Ni 100% and push the Fe "desire to please everyone" out of the way because if I follow my Ni it is going to determine my long term happiness and success. Of course, when I do these actions I'm going to attempt to say and handle situations in the best way possible via Fe, but I'm not doing the "I'm doing X to keep you happy" stuff anymore.
The truth is, the person you become is based on the actions you make and based on the actions I have made so far in my life, I am not the person I know that I truly am... and I see this as why I may have likely had trouble in relationships in the past because I always accustomed rather than confidently be my true self.

Life is too short to spend it attempting to please everyone... and it doesn't get you as far in the long run if you just followed your own heart and intuition.
 
#21 ·
I think that an immature INFJ could be the result of not even knowing your an INFJ type. This was the case with me i did not take a personality test until i was 37. Up until that point I was a confused mass of contradictions and emtional misunderstandings this affected how i viewed my self and how i viewed and responded to the world. Basically i was not comfortable in my own skin, always comparing, hating myself, angry, and frustrated. I think maturity begins by knowing who you are and begining to grow in who you are. I try and encourage as many people as i can to take personality test. Discover who you are and grow from there.
 
#22 ·
Same with me, I didn't know I was an INFJ until I was 25. I just thought I was different and didn't know anything about personality types and psychology, I went through some rough times mentality until I learned to accept myself.
 
#23 ·
Understanding that one will constantly learn and then grow. Falling down requires getting back up. The seesaw effect: two sides tetter and totter on a balanced center.
 
#24 ·
Thought about this a lot overtime since I posted in here months ago. I will echo something said in here by a few people. Capability of being in a tough situation and seeing it to the end and never faltering in their mission. Realizing and coming to terms with their Fe and extending it to a global horizon while simultaneously bringing Ti into the Fe making it practical. Harnessing their Ni to be able to use it hand in hand with their Se because Ni can be slow sometimes. Ni being developed enough to quickly process things and correctly then Se pushing it to actually do it. Fe growing from being what I call "surface" Fe where we just want everyone to be happy to where grows into what I call "internal" Fe wants things to be right and people to develop themselves so they grow above what is inhibiting them instead of just keeping them happy. For example, surface Fe will just do something for someone so they are happy. Internal will try to teach that person to do it so they can do it themselves and grow at the same time which is in my opinion one of the best things we can help another person with, growing. Then Ti reigning in the idealism and the "why cant we all just get along?!" and making it more practical, really figuring out how to in practical ways to achieve something. Accepting who they are and how that they are different and what they can provide with their difference.

P.s. I am loosely using the different cognitive functions to make it easier to follow.

In short, one must embrace and love oneself in the most deepest powerful sense. I believe that a lot of INFJs have trouble with this because it isn't an on and off switch, its a gradual process. Once this is achieved the biggest hurdle is jumped, then the rest of it begins to come if we coax it to.
 
#25 ·
I think that what makes INFJ's emotionally mature or immature is similar to what would make any person mature/immature, but I suppose there are certain qualities INFJ's are likely to have and certain problems they are likely to face. Being self-centered and focusing on how special and different you are (leading to feelings of entitlement and superiority) I suspect could be a problem/a sign of immaturity.
 
#26 ·
Maturity isn't a dichotomy, and it can't be defined easily.

Maturity is knowing, accepting and filling your place in the universe. It means different things for different people at different times. I don't believe that anybody is ever fully matured, as we approach it things change and we adapt.

I think that understanding yourself, and understanding the world is a good place to start, if you are concerned.
 
#28 ·
A lot of insightful posts have been provided.

Behavior (behaviour if you're British, Australian, Canadian, or New Zealander :p) or personality in general is like a sinusoidal wave. When we're at our best, generosity, joy, patience, steadiness, and selflessness are some of our virtues. A major depressing event may send us spiraling downwards. At the bottom of the wave, the following will manifest: anger, disorganization (do INFJs believe in organized chaos?), isolation, anxiety, and despair, to name a few.

To me, balance is the key in all life aspects. People will be surprised if one day I exhibit saint-like qualities and the next day I show something completely opposite. This will confuse them as their perception about me has been integrated into their framework, but all the sudden it has to be reconstructed.

It's just too extreme. It may work for some, but it certainly doesn't in my case. I'm not and will never act like an angel. If people like what they see in us, both good & bad, then that means we can be 'ourselves'. If they start criticizing us, well it depends:
+ criticism is usually followed by advice on how to improve ourselves. I interpret that as a genuine interest. These people are real keepers.
- criticism is but personal attack that offers no opportunity for growth. I will stay away from these people.

This is a quote (no idea who the author is): "I would rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I am not."
 
#32 ·
I agree with some of the other things I've seen posted in that you will see follow-through more in a mature INFJ than an immature one but I think this might be more a manifestation of the change, which to me seems like it would be confidence. In my own case I know the realization that some of my feelings could be momentarily intense and might calm down in a short time has helped me to bite my tongue about how I feel until I'm certain that I really feel that way.
 
#34 ·
I have a good friend who is INFJ, and I'm INFP. I would classify her, at times, to be "immature."

As INFP, I like to discuss different topics, potentially controversial ones. I don't neccessarily have a set opinion on the topic, but rather prefer to discuss so as to maybe better understand it, or come closer to finding a solution. I like to bounch ideas around, and get other peoples viewpoints.

My INFJ friend is much more conclusive, and has her opinions set in stone. When trying to discuss things with her, if I bring up any idea or statement that conflicts with her opinion, she shuts down, becomes very defensive, and will not discuss the topic any further. She will literally end the conversation with "well thats not what I think, and i don't want to talk about it anymore."

She is a very unique, smart, and gifted person, however, she has been unable to find any productive outlet for those strengths. Instead, she focuses most of her energy and identity on which boy she is dating. Having a boyfriend is the most imortant thing in her life, it gives her validation and a sense of worth. She is 24, and hasn't seemed to find anything else for herself that makes her happy, besides boyfriends and partying. and i don't want to even get started on the PDA she excercises, almost as if saying to the world " look at me, i'm pretty, i am loved, i have a good looking boyfriend, i am somebody."

She is usually very outwardly sweet, innocent, and kind. However, there is a darker side to her. She use to have a bit of a drinking problem, there were a few nights i witnessed her become extrememly drunk. when under the influence, horrible things tend to come out of her mouth, she turns nasty, crazy, almost posessed, its kindof scary. I think infj's hold back alot of themselves, and sometimes if under the influence, its like all the anger and resentments they have can come spilling out.

this is just my exerience, i don't know any other infjs besides her. when she is in a good state, she can be a wonderful friend, fun, good conversation. but when her negative quality's turn on, i sometimes cant stand being with her. im a loyal friend to her becuase i've known her since kindegarten, but sometimes it can be hard to be her friend.
 
#35 ·
I think the more mature a person becomes the more they become an XXXX type than anything. It's hard to type mature people because the extremeties of their personality are less and they're more balanced.

I'd say to be mature is to be able to access your the cognitive functions useful in different circumstances, and use them quite effectively. Just... to have a grasp and control of them. We all use all of the cognitive functions, mind, some just to lesser extent and we all for sure have our more natural strengths, but we can all develop our less used functions.

That's how I'd imagine maturity, because I've noticed the people I see as being quite 'mature' resemble each other in behaviour. For instance, I typed an INFP an ENFJ once, just because he's a pretty well-rounded guy.

But maturity is tricky to define and it's just complex and we're all dynamic fluids that there's really no right answer to this, imo. People change, all the time.

And I would disagree with trusting your Ni blindly... That seems like an fatal error. Ni isn't a magic solution and not always right and sometimes is HORRIBLY WRONG, and it's only one tool to come to conclusions, but if one trusts mostly in it, one becomes quite horridly extranged from reality... Let me tell you from personal experience and from seeing it in fellow INFJ and ENFJ. So I would suggest all dom/aux-Ni users who are on that path to come down from their ivory towers. Ni is already so strong in INFJs we should probably focus on building all of the other functions and ignore the Ni, because it's there nevertheless.
 
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