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Some weeks ago I ended my casual relationship with a guy for several reasons, including him being passive, indecisive and not trying to further the relationship. I asked him several times if he ever wanted it, and the answer was "I don't know" most of the time, so I decided to save my time and energy for something more fruitful.
I chatted with him a few times afterward and finally, he admitted to having a girlfriend and hiding it, despite me making clear to him from the start that I wouldn't date someone with a serious partner. Then I cut all contacts with him. A few days ago he started to chat and complained why I blocked him (for a while) and said he wanted to remain friends which I refused.
He said he was totally satisfied with every aspect of his relationship expect for sex, because his partner didn't turn him on sexually. He insisted on continuing his relationship with his "girlfriend" and trying to satisfy his sexual needs elsewhere. I asked him why and he replied "because of the sacrifices we made to each other". I said I didn't understand and he said "you haven't been in such a dilemma, don't be so sure of yourself. Anyway, I wish this never happens to you", as if it was reasonably common. By the way, his girlfriend isn't aware of his advances.
It sounds like a weird situation to me if I am to believe his words:
If he doesn't find her physically attractive, why having a supposedly romantic relationship and labeling her a girlfriend?
I know that his claims can be simply a means of manipulating others, but that aside, what's the point of such a relationship?
 

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Unfortunately, that is pretty commonplace but just like you noted, the other person in the relationship doesn't know.

Outside of straight up lying, the typical reasons the unsatisfied person stays in these relationships are:

anxiety about being alone or starting over again
enjoying the steadiness of having someone to come home to
not wanting to be the 'bad guy' [while ignoring that cheating is a bad thing to do]
misguided display of loyalty - 'she's the only one that will put up with me'
what will s/he do without me? when really they mean what will I do without them

It's a dilemma of their own making, so I usually have no sympathy. I've been in a situation close to that where the intellectual stimulation and alignment of goals weren't satisfactory, but I didn't resort to cheating. I broke it off once I realized that sticking around was being lazy and dishonest.

That guy sounds like he's full of shit, though. His gf would have been privy if the sacrifices they've made for each other were oh so important.
 
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There is no point and through your insight you already got the answer. His idea is simply a manipulation to maintain a sustained romantic relationship from one person and a sustained sexual from another.

It is a weird situation and not common at all. It does happen though sometimes even in the reverse. Like a man or woman would maintain an almost regular sexual relationship with someone and fulfill their emotional needs/romantic needs from another person.

This is where people have emotional affairs with other people not their partner.

No relationship no matter how fulfilling is perfect and people usually will have to compromise on some factors initially before they start growing and developing together to meet their respective needs to the level they want.

At times the sex might not be great but it can be improved. Or the emotional and consequently the romantic connection might not be as great as one desires but that can be improved too. What is ultimately futile is formulating and maintaining a relationship completely lacking in one or the other as there is no room to grow from there.

He sounds like an individual who is not looking to put in the effort either way and his lack of transparency with his girlfriend is a strong indicator of that.

Unfortunately, that is pretty commonplace but just like you noted, the other person in the relationship doesn't know.
By what measure? On average people in general are not predisposed to this type of behavior. If your assertion is true then society would have developed into a largely polygamist state which is the exact opposite of reality.
 

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By what measure? On average people in general are not predisposed to this type of behavior. If your assertion is true then society would have developed into a largely polygamist state which is the exact opposite of reality.
Are you saying that sexual dissatisfaction and infidelity ARE NOT commonplace? They both are. Like really common.

"Your sex life is gonna be over once you get married" is taken as a 'fact' of life for men or 70% of hetero women have never experienced an orgasm yet they remain in their relationships. It's really common.

I'm not sure how you jumped to polygamy from my comment.
 

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Are you saying that sexual dissatisfaction and infidelity ARE NOT commonplace? They both are. Like really common.

"Your sex life is gonna be over once you get married" is taken as a 'fact' of life for men or 70% of hetero women have never experienced an orgasm yet they remain in their relationships. It's really common.

I'm not sure how you jumped to polygamy from my comment.
There are plenty of married people with quite healthy sex lives I don't know from where you are drawing your conclusions to the contrary.

I jumped to polygamy because of your assertion that many people carry out the pattern of behavior that the OP outlined. Which would involve maintaining more than one relationship that would at times meet different needs.
 

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There are plenty of married people with quite healthy sex lives I don't know from where you are drawing your conclusions to the contrary.

I jumped to polygamy because of your assertion that many people carry out the pattern of behavior that the OP outlined. Which would involve maintaining more than one relationship that would at times meet different needs.
'Plenty of married people' is not the same as not being commonplace behavior. I live the US where sexual dissatisfaction is common, with the likelihood of being in such a relationship increasing after marriage and even more so after children. Anon surveys, sexual health studies, divorce stats and pop culture are sources where I drew my conclusions. Not sure where you're getting yours.

'maintaining more than one relationship' is essentially casual dating when you're single and cheating when you're in an exclusive relationship. Which again, is really common... Unless you're strictly referring to bigamy, which is illegal.

If anything, absolute monogamy is the rare set-up.

^But that wasn't OP's question, or at least not how I interpreted it. Staying with a person you're not sexually attracted to or satisfied with is what she asked.
 
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