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Alright... we know what turns you off. What about on? Obviously I'm interested in female ESFP's only, but I have a feeling everyone is going to jump in with their 2 cents.

Anyway, let's hear it!

The girl I'm thinking of seemed to be really feisty, so being the stubborn ISTJ that I am, I gave it right back to her. We bantered a little bit, but now she has stopped texting me altogether. Haven't heard from her in a few days, and she didn't respond to my last text. Did I do something wrong? ESFP's can't take what they dish out? *rolls eyes*
 

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Alright... we know what turns you off. What about on? Obviously I'm interested in female ESFP's only,
looks like your discriminatory policy didn't work for ya LOL
 

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very little esfp experience here. but here's my stab at it: she's afraid of rejection, and since she's so outgoing, she assumes everyone else is very outgoing, too. she was scared of misreading your interest level, so she wanted you to escalate. you didn't, so she assumed you were just being friendly so she moved on, as esfps are able to do pretty quickly.

they CAN take it, just as long as it's not too mean, they're emotionally sensitive even if they don't show it. never ignore her :) hard to get doesn't work with an esfp.. it backfires :)

anyone else?
 

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ESFPs can never take what they dish out. They have one of the lowest self-awareness I have seen (it would differ from person to person of course, but the ESFPs I have come across dont seem to have it). Even if they are being very cruel to you, in their own eyes they are the sweetest and most charming people alive, so when you are stern with them, they can't understand what happened and probably end up thinking you are a jerk for being rude.
Some of them are also control freaks and don't like to be around people who are too stiff or who would not let them have their way. Their entire philosophy centers around fun, and anything that blocks that needs to go.
As to what turns them on - flattery, adulation, gifts, lot of fun and trips together. Also if you can laugh at their jokes even if bad :) (most of them believe they have a great sense of humor)
 

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Alright... we know what turns you off. What about on? Obviously I'm interested in female ESFP's only, but I have a feeling everyone is going to jump in with their 2 cents.

Anyway, let's hear it!

The girl I'm thinking of seemed to be really feisty, so being the stubborn ISTJ that I am, I gave it right back to her. We bantered a little bit, but now she has stopped texting me altogether. Haven't heard from her in a few days, and she didn't respond to my last text. Did I do something wrong? ESFP's can't take what they dish out? *rolls eyes*
I don't think you did something wrong. Granted, ESFP can dish it out and if they are stressed or if you plow on an insecurity, they may not be able to take it well.

Yes we can be feisty.

Her silence may be entirely unrelated. I know for me, I get swept up in what captivates me now, and if it leaves my present environment, it's less likely on my mind. That's true even of people in my life that I find interesting or close friends. Sometimes I wish that weren't the case... but I'm highly highly tuned to the present moment.

If she stopped talking to you, it might mean you stepped on a sore spot, and it might just mean she got caught up in the moment as it's presenting itself today. You could send something light-hearted and playful, and if she still finds you interesting you will have your answer. I respond to the people who interest me and to the people I feel bonded with.

@zeth006 We are somewhat curious about you too! :laughing:
 

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What turns me on. What doesn't? No seriously, ha, plenty is a turn-off too. More fun to talk about the turn-ons!

Playfulness, responsiveness, light-heartedness. Sometimes I'm turned on by the unique and unusual and new, other times by the predictable and reliable and mainstream. I have to admit I do enjoy novelty, but in some ways I really enjoy and covet predictability and consistency.

I'm a bit random, and wacky, and practical, and optimistic, and not always consistent (which I am working on, and which is the possible-downside to my general ability to embrace life as it comes), and I'm turned on by someone admiring me for all these things, and by courtesy, and by win/win values, and sensing not just that I have freedom to be spastically caring open bouncy enthusiastic me, but that I am actually appreciated for it.

If I work hard at something, I'm turned on by recognition. A lot of people don't know how hard I try to be punctual (I usually am, in fact, but that does not mean 15 minutes early!), or to bend myself to work better in calendar time, or to focus on the facts in a linear fashion when I can tell the person I'm talking to will prefer it, or planning and scheduling, and some kind of casual recognition when I am making an effort is nice.

Same for commitment. Whether the commitment is something small like instantly agreeing to meet at a specific day and time well in advance with firm language to confirm it, or something bigger like committing for a relationship... Autonomy is huge in my personality, so commitment isn't taken lightly, and if I do commit, I'm all in about it. And it doesn't always come easy even when I'm confident about the decision.

(I'm also all-in about it at that moment in time. If it matters to me, I'll set things up to make sure my choice will remain my choice when that moment in the future arrives, but I'm not perfect. I wish I were naturally better at keeping track of specific dates and future plans, because it hurts me so much when I don't come through for someone I care about. If I agree to plans a month from now and I accidentally flake on you, I'm really sorry, and I'm beating myself up about it as soon as I realize this happened, and a little understanding goes a long way in that situation, because my failure to fit myself into calendar time on that particular instance doesn't necessarily communicate anything about how much I value a person, and it sucks when that is how someone takes this. I would usually not make the plans in the first place if I didn't value that person and want them in my life.)

I enjoy a lot of different activities, and if there is something to the activity with novelty and if I enjoy connecting with whoever is involved, I'm good. That means dinner and a movie is fine if it's a restaurant I haven't been to or I try a new dish.

If I don't ever seem bored with you, that is a very good sign, because I do get bored easily. But it is still good for you if I am not finding a reason to end our contact. If I am bored enough, I will find a polite way to just bow out.

I like strong character. I like autonomy, and I like to be shown that I am appreciated for my wackyness (acceptance). As for autonomy, I will move toward a person more easily and quickly if I don't feel obligated to move toward them, so I do better with someone who either has a lot happening in their own life, or who is more introverted as then they will probably not have a high enough social need for it to feel obligatory.

I really love the follow-up stuff, where someone shows me they were listening to me talk previously, asking about whatever I had talked about that was upcoming. I think I like this so much because it requires so much effort to file those things away and bring them up myself. (So it is a serious sign of appreciating a person I do this for.)

I am turned on by seeing someone respond the way I want them to. I am also turned on by warm arms to hold me, not feeling pressure to fill silence, respect, signs of care and generosity. I love simple pleasures and the joy of simplicity generally.

ESFP appreciates little actions done for us more often than grand gestures that happen rarely... But bear in mind being Sensors, some kind of obvious hint may be in order for us to realize the thing you did is supposed to be a positive gesture toward us.

ESFP appreciates attention, some more than others, but I for one have a natural rebelliousness when it comes to clingy attention, barring a few exceptions. Of course, if I appreciate the person, I'm likely to want more attention from them and want to pay more attention myself.

I'm turned on by solidity and that sort of thing too. I dig ISTJ for this reason, and others.

Oh, and I will add that I cannot speak for others with this type so in spite of some of my wording this is just how I would answer the OP question. I hear I'm more genuine and less showy than others of this type. A more showy ESFP might like the grand gestures, the big romantic displays. Can't say I would DISLIKE that, but I'd rather someone just be around me, and be fun to be around, and not too much effort to maintain the relationship.
 

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What would be some typical habits/mannerisms of an ESFP? I know this is a broad question, but I'd be curious to know if I've run into any at my school.
 

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What would be some typical habits/mannerisms of an ESFP? I know this is a broad question, but I'd be curious to know if I've run into any at my school.
Getting excited or enthusiastic over little stuff, or mundane stuff in the environment.
Higher E is often the center of attention, and might gesture fairly broadly while telling an entertaining story.
I think ESFP probably tends to wear brighter colors or catchy clothing (like a tshirt with an attention-grabbing or thought-provoking phrase).
Might seem bubbly, might have a lot of people around them whenever they are going between classes.
I don't know... some are more showy than me, but I know I would not seem bubbly in a "fake" or "phony" way. I would instead just adjust my surroundings so I am authentically happy and enthused.
Unless under stress, ESFP moves like they don't have a care in the world, so moving with a spring in their step, not really bouncing, but carefree movement might mean ESFP.

I'm the sort of person who will just bust a move, even in public, if the song I'm listening to moves me enough. So maybe if you see someone halfway dancing to their ipod or as they walk a few of their steps are more like dancing, they might be ESFP - but I hesitate to tell you that as it may be too general.

Someone dancing to music at a red light is quite possibly ESFP.
 

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Getting excited or enthusiastic over little stuff, or mundane stuff in the environment.
Higher E is often the center of attention, and might gesture fairly broadly while telling an entertaining story.
I think ESFP probably tends to wear brighter colors or catchy clothing (like a tshirt with an attention-grabbing or thought-provoking phrase).
Might seem bubbly, might have a lot of people around them whenever they are going between classes.
I don't know... some are more showy than me, but I know I would not seem bubbly in a "fake" or "phony" way. I would instead just adjust my surroundings so I am authentically happy and enthused.
Unless under stress, ESFP moves like they don't have a care in the world, so moving with a spring in their step, not really bouncing, but carefree movement might mean ESFP.

I'm the sort of person who will just bust a move, even in public, if the song I'm listening to moves me enough. So maybe if you see someone halfway dancing to their ipod or as they walk a few of their steps are more like dancing, they might be ESFP - but I hesitate to tell you that as it may be too general.

Someone dancing to music at a red light is quite possibly ESFP.
Hmmm. The bubbly attitude, the way they're always excited, and the manner in which they're always surrounded by friends sounds very ENFP'ish. But dancing to music and using erratic gestures while telling a story are definitely new. Same for the bright-colored clothes. Interesting.
 

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Hmmm. The bubbly attitude, the way they're always excited, and the manner in which they're always surrounded by friends sounds very ENFP'ish. But dancing to music and using erratic gestures while telling a story are definitely new. Same for the bright-colored clothes. Interesting.
Yeah we can seem very similar, and people probably confuse the two a lot.

I don't know if the gesturing would be erratic, more just bold. Definitely bolder than typical Ixxx gesturing as there is usually not much.

Started to say a conversation could help tell ENFP and ESFP apart but that's not even true, because I can sound all inspiring and building-up sometimes too. Just depends on my mood.

Can ENFP act goofy sometimes? Because ESFP can. We can also get in trouble in class sometimes. The class clown is probably ESFP.

Hmm, yeah I don't know if there is an easy way to tell apart ENFP and ESFP. Apparently the bright colors? I can see how ESFP might be a little more into fashion, so they might have "looks" based on trends, not really my thing but it could be the case for the type generally.
 

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Yeah we can seem very similar, and people probably confuse the two a lot.

I don't know if the gesturing would be erratic, more just bold. Definitely bolder than typical Ixxx gesturing as there is usually not much.

Started to say a conversation could help tell ENFP and ESFP apart but that's not even true, because I can sound all inspiring and building-up sometimes too. Just depends on my mood.

Can ENFP act goofy sometimes? Because ESFP can. We can also get in trouble in class sometimes. The class clown is probably ESFP.

Hmm, yeah I don't know if there is an easy way to tell apart ENFP and ESFP. Apparently the bright colors? I can see how ESFP might be a little more into fashion, so they might have "looks" based on trends, not really my thing but it could be the case for the type generally.
I'll never know until I meet one and type him/her. Knowing my luck, I might just jinx myself into meeting one.
 

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Haha I know, how terrible that would be.

No joke, it was last time. Before the famous Niss left us, I used to read his posts on the interesting yet conflict-ridden ENFP/ISTJ pairing. I always wondered what it would be like meeting and getting to know someone who is my complete opposite. Lo and behold, a month later, I ran into one at the library and befriended her for some time. The initial attraction was the strongest I'd ever felt. I didn't want these feelings as I was nearing finals, so I simply ditched her study group without saying anything.


Now that I've "recovered," I'm a bit curious about ESFPs, particularly female ESFPs. I'm told that a coworker of mine in Korea was an ESFP. My impression of her was that while she was arguably attractive, she seemed a bit bossy.

:crazy:
 

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No joke, it was last time. Before the famous Niss left us, I used to read his posts on the interesting yet conflict-ridden ENFP/ISTJ pairing. I always wondered what it would be like meeting and getting to know someone who is my complete opposite. Lo and behold, a month later, I ran into one at the library and befriended her for some time. The initial attraction was the strongest I'd ever felt. I didn't want these feelings as I was nearing finals, so I simply ditched her study group without saying anything.


Now that I've "recovered," I'm a bit curious about ESFPs, particularly female ESFPs. I'm told that a coworker of mine in Korea was an ESFP. My impression of her was that while she was arguably attractive, she seemed a bit bossy.

:crazy:
Dude you guys act like you can't balance work and play. It can be annoying :tongue: I find it amusing that you felt very attracted to that woman, and it turned out to be terrible in your mind, when she didn't even hurt you or anything. I'm sorry, I'm not minimizing, I am just not used to someone talking about it in that way. Connection without heartache is usually a good thing when I hear people talking about it.

A woman's style at work and her style outside of work are not always the same :wink:
I don't like to be directive, because it doesn't suit who I choose to be. I might be collaborative by choice and not by type, I'm not sure I know any afk ESFP well enough to say whether they can be bossy. I was a bossy kid though. Part of the problem was my friends let me boss them around instead of, well, not letting me. Like I said, I would rather collaborate, so at some point I changed. If you wouldn't let a woman boss you around then I'm sure you'd do fine even if that is a common trait. I'm not bossy with my ISTJ friend, if that helps.
 

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Dude you guys act like you can't balance work and play. It can be annoying :tongue: I find it amusing that you felt very attracted to that woman, and it turned out to be terrible in your mind, when she didn't even hurt you or anything. I'm sorry, I'm not minimizing, I am just not used to someone talking about it in that way. Connection without heartache is usually a good thing when I hear people talking about it.

A woman's style at work and her style outside of work are not always the same :wink:
I don't like to be directive, because it doesn't suit who I choose to be. I might be collaborative by choice and not by type, I'm not sure I know any afk ESFP well enough to say whether they can be bossy. I was a bossy kid though. Part of the problem was my friends let me boss them around instead of, well, not letting me. Like I said, I would rather collaborate, so at some point I changed. If you wouldn't let a woman boss you around then I'm sure you'd do fine even if that is a common trait. I'm not bossy with my ISTJ friend, if that helps.


Well, finals were one important consideration. But at the same time, I kind of "sensed" nothing would ever happen. This time, it wasn't my natural shyness or hesitation that kicks in. More than ever, I just had a strong hunch--and one that's gotten stronger over the months. The fact that I'm religious and she wasn't was already kind of a deal-breaker. :( But even tossing that aside, we just never really "connected," you know? I'm sure this doesn't need too much explanation, but in short, the connection is what you feel when you relate with someone easily. You two are on similar wavelengths when you talk. It's almost like having that dance partner who's in synch with you from the first to last note of the song. At the end of the song, you just wanna grab that woman you're dancing with and say "Be mine forevarrrr!"

Yeah, she did a fair amount of flirting, but it was all mostly in good fun. We were just way too different. This INTJ dude (whom I refer to as "Sketchy" as my friend and I don't like or trust him at all) seemed to be able to connect with her more easily. Made me a bit jealous at first, but it helped me realize that too much difference ain't good, ya know!


Oh, I'm sure you're right on the dot. I'm not saying all ESFPs are bossy. She's just the only confirmed one I've met in real life.
 

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Well, finals were one important consideration. But at the same time, I kind of "sensed" nothing would ever happen. This time, it wasn't my natural shyness or hesitation that kicks in. More than ever, I just had a strong hunch--and one that's gotten stronger over the months. The fact that I'm religious and she wasn't was already kind of a deal-breaker. :( But even tossing that aside, we just never really "connected," you know? I'm sure this doesn't need too much explanation, but in short, the connection is what you feel when you relate with someone easily. You two are on similar wavelengths when you talk. It's almost like having that dance partner who's in synch with you from the first to last note of the song. At the end of the song, you just wanna grab that woman you're dancing with and say "Be mine forevarrrr!"

Yeah, she did a fair amount of flirting, but it was all mostly in good fun. We were just way too different. This INTJ dude (whom I refer to as "Sketchy" as my friend and I don't like or trust him at all) seemed to be able to connect with her more easily. Made me a bit jealous at first, but it helped me realize that too much difference ain't good, ya know!


Oh, I'm sure you're right on the dot. I'm not saying all ESFPs are bossy. She's just the only confirmed one I've met in real life.
Fascinating. I can understand finals being a consideration, and I really appreciate you sharing more background about that situation. Makes me feel special for some reason, heh.

I also think the N/S difference can be pretty stark. One of my exes is an an N and there was a bit of a divide in our communication preferences/style. Especially when it comes to casual, non-goal-oriented communication... we were very, very different, and it kind of got on my nerves. Our approach to humor, for example, was very different.

I don't have this with other S's... but then, I also think I feel a connection more easily than you probably do. I look for the similarities, and I take little behaviors or choices and filter them in my head to associate them with certain values. I look at the shared aspects instead of the differences, and I click with a lot of different people. That does not mean I would date all of them, though. But I probably click with people in a dating context more easily or readily than you. I find that interesting. I know what I like and what I respond to, but those things cover a broad area. I have deal-breakers too, of course. But it's easy for me to click with people.

I can see how ESFP would get confused, then, because it seems more difficult for your type to have that. And yuor type isn't always very open about what you appreciate in people :p There are rules and values, and sometimes these are discussed, and other times it all happens in your head and the other person involved has no idea what happened. (In this case I am not just talking about my friend you've seen me post about. I've had that experience with other ISTJs also. Makes it difficult for me sometimes, because I do have a broad amount of choice in how I relate with people, and I prefer those relations to be harmonious, but sometimes I need a little feedback that I don't always get.)

It's funny because Keirsey recommends our types together, and I can see why, but I don't know if the average ISTJ would agree with him. For instance, religion. I'm spiritual and a member of a church, but it isn't exactly Christian. I'm not NOT a Christian but I don't attend a Protestant service. I attend a church that heralds no-one-right-way. I value being exposed to the different perspectives that you get when you belong to such a community, it opens my mind, and reminds me that we all have a unique way of seeing things. There are shared values for integrity and making a difference in the community at my church. I think most ISTJ would find this confusing or draw conclusions about it, which are inaccurate, because I am a moral person, and I do follow the golden rule, probably better than a lot of Christians I know who are more inclined to attend a Christian church. I believe I have valid reasons for making my own path in this area, as I did research the political origins, and I think my relationship with God is more important than my relationship with an institution if I question the morals in the origins of that institution. The morals in the institution don't fit my values of win/win and honesty. But my relationship with God is totally separate from that. I would be a little surprised to find out that someone like ISTJ who values integrity would continue to be satisfied participating in a Christian church after finding out exactly what happened to make it the more popular option in the West. In another sense, I guess it would not surprise me so much, and it doesn't seem very ISTJ to want to research those origins. I'd probably find it surprising if they did find out how the origins of Christianity as an organized religion are filled with things that conflict the ISTJ's (typical) values, and still decided "the choice of so many can't be wrong" in this particular instance. Each to their own, but that is not something I understand very well... the notion of continuing to stick with something even if its roots conflict with your values.

I just think Keirsey may have it right in one sense and wrong in another. It probably depends on the values of the people involved. I don't know if Keirsey played it out practically, though. As ESFP values individuality and values autonomy, and ISTJ values following established systems and not rocking the boat. So while he is probably right that the types fit well for a relationship, and they will naturally enhance each other's strengths while becoming stronger as individuals through the interfacing of the preference differences, and the communication style similarity would make things smoother than they would be to deal with an S/N combination, practically speaking I don't see how the average ISTJ would feel drawn to ESFP considering the whole mainstream-vs-own-drummer thing.
 

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wow um okay lol. i'm just going to hit a few notes that i scanned (not read because, as an ESFP, i just want the basics. i don't care about jibber jabber. get to the point, right? lol).

ESFPs are really easy to spot out. they'll play off of your words and make anything into a joke. they'll laugh at anything and try to make anyone laugh. we're light hearted. if you start going into something deep, i'll tell you that you lost me and honestly i don't care. i'm one to have fun with, and won't get all heart to heart with you very often unless i'm in a very serious mood, which happens every once in a while (maybe every 2 weeks for me or really late at night). we are bubbly. i wouldn't say that ESFPs wear bright colored clothing. half of my friends are ESFPs. we're very simple people. hippy like almost. casual yet classic. we can throw on anything and make it look good and comfortable. i am drawn to brightly colored things, but it's rare that i'll wear a bright yellow shirt and teal shorts. i don't like to draw much attention to myself in that way. i do it with my big mouth anyway. you may find a LOT of ESFPs at the gym. it's a way we blow off steam. it relaxes us. when i don't eat, i get really weak and tired. i've noticed this with some of my other ESFP friends.

if she's not texting you back, it's mostly likely she just got caught up in something else. maybe a few other text messages. i am very social whether in person or via technology, but if i find something very important to focus on (TV, busy at a friends or out with a friend), i will turn my phone down or put it on silent or if i feel it's really distracting me from spending time in the moment with someone important or something i feel is important, then i will just completely turn it off and forget that someone had texted me. when i see it, i'd probably think "i'll text back in a second" and never got back to it. sometimes i don't get back to it for a few days. in which case i may say "sorry, i forgot you texted me, what's up" or if it's a longer period of time, i'll text back with a new conversation "hey you". when i'm interested in someone and they text me and we're on a roll and something gets in my way, this is the same process. if i feel the person is interested enough and i'm also interested, i also feel as if this person will understand that something came up (really honestly came up) and that became first priority. doesn't mean you're lower on the list or less important, just means, like i said, i know you'll understand that something happened and i feel that you'll be there for me after i deal with the situation.

this is getting too wordy for me! i think that's it. if you feel this girl is interested, shoot her another text. be direct. i like flirting and beating around the bush, but if you take too much time and i've already warmed up to you, i want you to just do it. i don't like commitment either BUT if i feel you're worth my time, then you're worth the commitment. feel free to ask any more questions!
 
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