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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi! I'm not even really sure how to start this or really even.. explain it? It's not something I've ever really told anyone because.. well I'm weird. (sorry if it ends up being long, I tend to blab sometimes)

I have always been a great lover of people (ESTP), I can get along with just about everyone. I think that everyone is good and I guess I'm pretty naive in that general sense, because I don't ever think people are going to hurt me (even if they do) or that they are bad. A few years ago, I'd say 2004/2005.. I noticed that even though I really liked to have people around I stopped feeling those basic or extreme emotions towards them, I don't know what its like to feel "alone" or being "lonely" I don't know that I truly ever miss anyone, or if it's just something I say because I'm supposed to.. I never have that longing sinking feeling that everyone speaks of when it comes to being lonely.. I feel love for my family but I don't know there are people outside of this that I do love. I try? I guess that's something?

I want to do normal things, I want to get married, I want to have children.. I want to find someone who I can feel comfortable with. At the same time, I don't feel that I can control this or fix it. I've learned to fake it well because I'm the strong one (when in reality, its just because it doesn't affect me the same!) and I can't let my family down.

I just don't know if this means I'm crazy or I've just got some crazy in my brain.

Any insight you could provide would be wonderful.

Thanks a bunch :]
 

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I think everyone is good, too. Or at least, I like to think so.

You know what I think? I think instead of thinking about what society thinks you should feel, what you worry should be normal to feel, what you think your friends and family will expect you to feel, you should simply...feel. And be aware of your own feelings. Learn why you feel them, what those feelings really are, explore yourself.

You recognize that you're different, but you're going down the path of trying to normalize yourself with what is expected. Don't.

The beauty of being an individual is not something you should ever attempt to extinguish. You're not crazy. You're just you. You don't control or fix yourself. You just be you.

So be you, and be aware of yourself. Live and learn. That's it. There's no rules and regulations on what you are 'supposed' to be like, so learn who you are and embrace yourself, whether that's different or similar to everyone else.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I was going to quote each section of your post, but I figured that It was just easier to just type a response!


I think that you make a wonderful point that I've never even thought of before.. I've been so wrapped up in what I feel is normal or what I feel is expected of me.. that I kind of started to make myself feel worse than I did in the first place.


I have recongnized that I am different and It's such a hard process, I've tried to write down my feelings when I feel them and what I think they mean and half the time it's just a bunch of jibberish that makes *zero* sense to anything reasonable in my mind. It scares me to be different, what if I'm too different to be compatible with anything? :/


I've often wished there was a cure for whatever I've gotten myself into, but maybe I was always like this and just never realized it until I was older and now it's just something that I'm going to have to like you said.. just be myself with it.


I guess reading your post is the first time in a very long time that I've felt even a little "okay" with how I am, I know it's never going to be easy and I'm going to have to constantly struggle with this feeling of being different..


I appreciate your advice here.. I've never told anyone around me before due to the fear that they would shun me.. It's nice to know that you didn't just judge and dismiss me as I feared.
 

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@sugar

Just remember that if you don't quote me/use the @ symbol I won't get a notification that you have replied. XD

Hahahahaha that's the great thing about feelings, I think. They're so fleeting and so complex and indescribable with words. It truly makes them interesting and beautiful. Perhaps you are trying to understand them through strict logic, which doesn't always necessarily work. ;)

Ok, I've dealt with that before. The 4 in the Enneagram discusses it. Perhaps reading up on that might help you a bit. For me it was about not making life into a problem in which I was too different, in which I used that to be a victim because then I didn't have to face my insecurities that maybe, just maybe, I wasn't so special after all. That I was as dull and stupid as everyone else.

And you know what, I was. By wrapping myself up in this conjured issue I made myself dull, because then I couldn't be aware of who I really am, and that's the very definition of a dull and stupid person. When you can look at yourself, all of yourself, without judging, and be aware and accepting of who you are and willing to explore and be open minded, then you will no longer be dull and stupid and will be someone truly unique that forms great relationships with people of any sort.

It's not a constant struggle. It's only a constant struggle if you've decided that this isn't a problem worth exploring or that it's something that takes time. It doesn't take time. It just involves sitting down and actually looking at yourself. No being lazy and avoiding it, no being afraid and running from it - just doing it. It's not something that you might fail, that you might have to work on, or any of that. It's you. You can understand yourself. There's really nothing more than that, 'cus it's just a basic fact and if you accept it as true then you will understand yourself.

Struggling with feeling different only occurs because you haven't accepted it or embraced it. If you had, you'd enjoy being different. Being different is what makes relationships possible. If everyone was the same there'd be no relationships with anyone.

Well, I mean, I've gone through a lot of all that. Suffered a lot in my life from all that kind of stuff and it took me a long while to really shut up and just take care of it, 'cus I tend to like focusing on what I want to accomplish everyday and then ignoring myself in terms of what I want to get done. So I'm glad I was able to help, and I'm always willing to talk more on anything if you want to discuss things further. :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
@WolfStar


Sorry, I'm awful when it comes to replying.. because I have to retype/reread everything a million times before I can approve it!


Feelings... fleeting, yes. complex yes.. logical? no, and that bothers me. Logic keeps you out of trouble, keeps you from being caught off guard. I think watching other peoples emotions has always been interesting to me, becuase they truely have that interesting, beautiful feel to them.. because they are someone elses.


I will be looking more into that tonight.. or tomorrow at work (its not like they actually want me to work, right?). I don't think that I've sunk into that victim stage quite yet, but I've researched a lot into that and I can't even imagine how that felt for you, to know what you feel and how you feel and realize that it's really all in your head and your own fault? Wow, maybe I am there hahaha


I don't think that saying you made yourself stupid and dull sounds like a fair assessment, you may have had some rough patches and maybe even a rough period, but as you told me.. it's part of living. I think everyone at some point does that to themselves, mostly when they are teenagers. You seem like you were smart enough to learn to accept who you are and what you're about.. and I hope that I will be able to, the hard part is letting go of logic and judgement, because if I don't judge myself then everyone else will. Logic is ... logical, I can make everything go away if I can put some basis to it, so that's really my only fear. realtionships.. I want to be there, I do! but.. again, it comes down to that vulnerability and the lack of control that means I have to be me and I can't hide.


I think for now this will be a constant battle, maybe not a full blown struggle.. but really until I can understand how to control and let go.. then It's going to be a inner fight. I think you're right though, I do avoid it ... because I don't want to feel like I'm failing at something or that I'm giving in or up. So, I just smile and pretend like I feel whatever I'm supposed to, because everyone around me has the emotional and functional problems.. not me. I was supposed to be the "normal" one.


I've always believed that saying "Nothing is perfect. Life is messy. Relationships are complex. Outcomes are uncertain. People are irrational." and I try so hard to make that possible. I've had the messy, I've had complex and I believe that life is also uncertain.. I just have to allow the feelings to be irrational and be myself, no matter how terrified I am.


I don't know how I got lucky enough to have you respond and actually have such kind and insightful words, but I am truly thankful I have :] I'm always around as well.. I'm a pretty good listener, I think it comes with my love of people.


(super sorry about the book, as I said in the beginning, I tend to ramble)
 

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You're what the thinkers of the past call temperate, which is believed to be a good thing. The question of emotions is peculiar as they bound to your thoughts, your perceptions and your reflections on all three. The question I would like to ask is what causes emotional people to be emotional. And, once their motivations are established, are their emotions in proportion to the situation.

I never felt loneliness until I found myself betrayed by friends; and, when I was i a relationship with somebody who was there and not there simultaneously. Difficult to explain. Given that you have a healthy relationship with your family and friends is there a logical reason as to why you should feel lonely. What about other people: is their loneliness caused by a lack of healthy relationships or by a craving for attention. One is unfortunate and perhaps deserving of compassion, the other is deserving of a few cold glares and an unsavoury remark. The same can be said of missing people.

Why should I feel emotional distress when there's nothing in particular to be distressed about? I know I can feel things when the moment calls for it; but where I hear people talk of emotions non stop and behave emotionally I sometimes question their sincerity and their motives.

That said; what you wrote also describes me. I mean I have feeling for the people in my life, but they're not overwhelming and always present. But it doesn't diminish the fact that they're there. They're just not at the forefront of my consciousness; which is comforting to me because it allows me to focus on doing things instead of being a slave to my emotions.
 

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l'd agree with @The Experiment that l also have to be stimulated into feeling emotion. Seems normal to me.

l do think it's easier to just ''feel'' when you're younger.

l can trigger emotion in different ways if l wanted to, l'm not really sure it's worth it.

l've already had what l would consider to be my primary phase of emotional development...to me it seemed much more internally focused. l don't really connect with that now and seem to take the reverse approach.

lt's not so bad to enjoy your time alone, l discover most of my seemingly random interests (like MBTI) that have nothing to do with other people that way. Then, l usually end up connecting with people through new interests later, who l am that much more likely to like since we have something in common initially.

lt's all pretty cyclical...and in some ways related to outgrowing others, which can feel alarming at first.

l didn't see that you said how old you are, l think that if you're the type of person who functions very independently but still likes meeting new people (like myself :kitteh:) it becomes solidified somewhere around...20...ish?

This is when you get out into the world on your own and discover your natural tendencies, without having certain habits forced on you.
 
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