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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok, I know that most people don't have PHILOSOPHIES to support the reason they do the things they do, but I mean, what are you looking for in a person that you might date, temporary companionship to make life more fun, or long-term relationships? Do you jump into relationships, or do you take it slow and why? How soon do the , or do some of you have reasons for not making your relationships sexual? Basically what are your opinions on the best way for YOU to date?
 

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Depends on the connection I feel.

If it's a fun for now type dating experience- I'm usually platonic/whatevers about it. Nothing too serious. Random chat here and there. No emotional investment. Light hearted laughter/fun. No touching..

Usually, I don't date just to date. It starts to feel a little played out? Kinda gets a little too formal and mechanical. I prefer to keep it casual and 'hang' out.

If it's a guy I super like.. I do enjoy going out on dates, dressing up, and kinda keeping that mystery alive.. innocent teasing, come hither kinda of thing, not really... hee It's mostly just silly at first.

I don't like to think about it too much, I go with the flow.. However, I tend to lose patience after a while. If I like a guy, he likes me? I usually take a seat in the passenger side.. I love it.

Not the best answer.. it's getting late- my rule of thumb is to not get physical until I can tell what the intentions are early on.. I'm not one to waste my time or mislead.. No concrete answers here. Usually, I just 'feel' it. It's gottabe the right timing too (as in, I'm not in a head space for someone else/or actually have the time for a BF/s.o.).
 

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Best way for me to date? Hmmm... I'm going to have to say my philosophy goes something like 'DON'T DO IT!!! ...Until you're both being crushed under the weight of mutual attraction. Then make the relationship official with no intentions other than enjoying one day at a time but end up spending years together.'

I don't have a problem with temporary relationships but I've never managed to have one. I'm naturally slow moving and romantically monogamous (if not sexually monogamous). Sex is acceptable immediately after entering a relationship because I don't really 'date'. By the time I get to going on a date with someone it's already a relationship. I'm demisexual, so I lack primary sexual attraction. Basically, being friend-zoned is the only way someone has a chance at a relationship with me. :wink:
 
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the thing that has always worked for me is to be relaxed and enjoy it. that seems really obvious but for many people thats next to impossible.

as far as sex goes; if there is a connection it will hapen so no sense in even thinking about that. it seems like women can smell when men are just after the Vag. and its lame to telegraph like that.

i usually just joke around a lot during dates.

as far as getting dates i always think about what a friend of mine used to say:

"you know who holds the record for career strike outs? reggie jackson. Mr. Fuckin October!"
 

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Ok, I know that most people don't have PHILOSOPHIES to support the reason they do the things they do, but I mean, what are you looking for in a person that you might date, temporary companionship to make life more fun, or long-term relationships?
I only enter relationships where there is long-term potential.
Do you jump into relationships, or do you take it slow and why?
I take it slow to figure out if I really like the person I'm with. Everybody is on their best behavior in the beginning. You can't tell about the quality of a relationship until you've had your first fight and learned how you can come back together as a couple. I am looking for compatibility.
How soon do the , or do some of you have reasons for not making your relationships sexual?
I try to wait 3 months, but I sometimes fall short of that.
Basically what are your opinions on the best way for YOU to date?
Take it slow, resist the urge to spend all your free time together in the beginning. Pace things, ask questions. Much can be told on the first date. I don't ever ask a man out. Don't date men that have had more than 1 divorce or who don't have a college degree, or who is still living with parents. Also won't date someone who has a lot of baggage. If he has some child, and he is not in their life, they are "dead beat" and I won't bother.

I go exclusive (stop dating others) once we've started having sex.
 

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I've never realy 'dated', it's just 'happened'. Sometimes I'm so oblivious to it that I can find myself in a relationship without even knowing it, other times, I think I'm in a relationship but I'm not. Quite frankly, my dating policy is Do Not Date.
 
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Not really a "dater". A friend actually suggested I get into a relationship with a "sort of" one night thing...
...we like kissed, and we were a little drunk...meh...kids fooling around ya know.

So like, 4 years later, and still just kinda winging it...
...all and all, can't complain or compliment too much in either department.

Just doing it to feel normal and "loved"...yeah.
So don't really know what the fuss is about.

I had a few teathers who found the prospect of loving me interesting, but didn't really persue the idea too much, and given time things just faded and jaded. All good I guess.

Some mysnogymy in there too, probably because of experiences friends had, and cared to tell me about, or saw first hand...ya know...

So yeah 0_o...
Dunno if that counts as a...philosophy of sorts...

Probably just wing it for the rest of my life, or join a mercinary brigade, or something heroic to act as a excuse for...ya know...woman. Meh.

:proud:
 

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First off, I cannot date casually, really. I'm just not a casual person.

It takes me some time to truly open up to a person, and once I've let them in it will take a huge amount to make me let go. I value deep, meaningful connections where I understand the other person on a profound level, and am understood by them. For me, a major sign of such a connection is an ability to engage the person in conflict. Not aggressive or out-of-control conflict, but even just voicing things that upset me or negative emotions. I'm only able to do that with people I really trust, so if I can fight with my partner it's actually a good sign :crazy:

In an ideal, "perfect" relationship, the people involved are perfect equals - not necessarily in quantifiable terms such as IQ or levels of aptitude in specific areas, but more that they feel like peers, and neither condescend nor defer to their partners. There should be a mutual flow of support and affection going from one partner to another, so that you don't fall into a rut of being "carer" or "cared-for" permanently.

Communication should be open and honest, while still accounting for the others' feelings. In order for this to work, though, both people need to be pretty self-aware in terms of the emotional baggage they must inevitably be carrying. If they can understand what makes them tick, per se, they can prevent this baggage from seriously affecting their relationships, or projecting their own fears/insecurities etc onto their partner.

I also think it's important not to take your partner for granted, or to neglect them. I think it's a really good thing to voice, consistently, how you feel about them, or your appreciation when they do something for you. Not necessarily stroke their ego where it is not merited, but just... make your feelings known :proud:
 

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I'm currently in the process of trying to revamp my "dating philosophy"... I ended a two-year relationship after my freshman year of college, and pretty much flew solo my entire sophomore year, then had a few no-strings-attached flings this summer and this semester, and am finally finding that I'm growing bored with being single.

The problem with that is that the "dating scene" at my school literally does not exist-- people merely hook up. It's so exaggerated that there are even articles in the school paper about it. You will rarely find couples at my school where both parties are students here. I have no idea why it's that way, but it is. So I've met a few guys I would have liked to go on dates with but that literally doesn't happen because they're not trained to pursue in that way... and I'm tired of getting drunk and seducing them as an alternative. So really, I'm stuck :frustrating:

Ideally, I'd like to traditionally get to know someone, friends first, then they take me out, then things go from there, but I don't foresee that happening any time soon.
 

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I've never realy 'dated', it's just 'happened'. Sometimes I'm so oblivious to it that I can find myself in a relationship without even knowing it, other times, I think I'm in a relationship but I'm not. Quite frankly, my dating policy is Do Not Date.
Sounds like you've had lack of communication. It's okay to talk about things before they happen, or discuss things that have happened. It keeps you both on the same page. No guessing games.

If they can't discuss, they are not relationship material.
 
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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Wow, this is really interesting, I would say thus far this thread is successful in that it shows tons of different approaches to relationships, perhaps "dating" is a loaded term...

I only enter relationships where there is long-term potential. I take it slow to figure out if I really like the person I'm with.
Yeah, I'm very much the same in this, didn't realize it until my last gf who constantly felt like I was dragging my feet.

In an ideal, "perfect" relationship, the people involved are perfect equals - not necessarily in quantifiable terms such as IQ or levels of aptitude in specific areas, but more that they feel like peers, and neither condescend nor defer to their partners. There should be a mutual flow of support and affection going from one partner to another, so that you don't fall into a rut of being "carer" or "cared-for" permanently
Yes, I think that independence, in the sense that two people who are complete should then come together to form a codependency, as opposed to people who must have a significant other, who are incomplete in and of themselves, for a healthy relationship to emerge. Most of the time anyway, always exceptions.

Ideally, I'd like to traditionally get to know someone, friends first, then they take me out, then things go from there, but I don't foresee that happening any time soon.
You know you could always just put off being in a relationship for awhile, focus on work or school or talents, and when your settings change or the right guy comes along you'll be ready. Don't let that school define you. You are who you are, you know? You get to make you're own choices wherever it is you are. Good for you though in trying to change your dating style into something more healthy!

Wow, this is fun, it's really interesting to see the similarities and common veins running through a lot of these that I didn't expect, like the number of people actually opposed to the entire idea of dating. Interesting... :cool:
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
I forgot to put down my own opinions! Well here goes...

I guess you could call me lazy in the way I approach relationships, maybe I'm just not around girls who attract me that much, but I just have never found myself looking for a relationship. I really just wanna have fun and if someone comes along that catches my eye and my heart, then things tend to progress naturally anyway. I'm ok with being by myself though, no need to interject extra drama in my life for the sake of HAVING a PERSON.

While I'm not necessarily opposed to dating, I do think that it tends to lead more to serial relationships instead of long-term ones. I tend to be really casual in a relationship, and honest, and I prefer to keep things platonic for as long as possible. I want to know if I can be friends with a person before I get involved ya know? It's at that stage where I get real comfortable with a kind of equilibrium of "ok we're two good friends who are REALLY attracted to each other and we both know it, but we don't need much more." I've got a bunch of girls infact who have made it at least this far. I guess I tend to put off commitment.

And that's not at all because I'm a non-committal sort of person, in fact the exact opposite. See I know if I get involved, that I just have a lot to give, and opening myself up like that tends to really stick me to a person. I cannot be casually in love with a person, I am always super focused on becoming as close to that person that I can. This is why I don't have sex, I KNOW I couldn't handle it. Gosh, it's bad enough for me to just get CLOSE to a girl, there's no fricken WAY I could ever have SEX with one and get over her... :blushed:

This doesn't really stop my relationships from turning distinctly sexual anyway, it just becomes a more hypothetical sexual, like "yeah if I wanted to you know I could have you" kinda thing :crazy: it's all silly fun, because if it was anything more, it would suck me in and I'd never get me back for reals...

Also I tend to really idealize my relationships, and as with anything that I idealize I associate it with religion. I'm intensely spiritual in my approach to relationships, and my relationship with God is paramount to the way I proceed in a relationship. Especially if it gets into any trouble. Whoo boy then I'm on my knees day and night scoring good behavior points looking for some divine intervention!


Lol, then again most of this is based off of just a single girl but still, it's prolly a pattern....

But seriously it really effects the way I go about a relationship even in good times, which are pretty much any times that aren't bad times. I really enjoy when I'm in a relationship. I believe firmly in giving as much as you can without caring whether you get anything back, cuz you know you will, you can't treat any decent girl totally awesome and then have her just soak it up and move on. Girls as I see them are instinctively hardwired to give back, and most of the time its tenfold what they get. That's why I give so much, cuz they deserve being equal in how much they give, even if its just because we are both giving it all we got.

No even when I'm not in a relationship I try to think of my entire life as a gift to whomever that person is that I'll end up with some day, and anybody along the way for that matter. It keeps me on my toes, keeps me working out, doing well in school and work, keeps me creative and generally approaching life with gusto. ALso it gives me the much-needed motivation to get over my utter caucasianicity when it comes to teh dancin. I wanna dance with my girl, and I wanna dance well, it's romantic, right? I guess when it comes down to it, I just wanna be the ideal for a girl as much as she's an ideal for me. I wanna be perfect for her. Someday... :proud: there needs to be a hopeful smiley, proud will hafta do.

Hmmm it seems impossible for me to write a short comment... :tongue:
 

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So I've met a few guys I would have liked to go on dates with but that literally doesn't happen because they're not trained to pursue in that way... and I'm tired of getting drunk and seducing them as an alternative. So really, I'm stuck :frustrating:
That's really sad. It's like the whole art of courtship has been forgotten.

I noticed years ago among women I dated that there were some who had no idea how to kiss and make out. They were attracted and stimulated and had no idea how to express it other than with a blowjob or by spreading their legs. So the gradual sensual build-up and adventure was gone. It was like the whole sexual order had been taken over by McDonald's--with the same approach to raw efficiency. That was sad, too.

Anyway, my dating philosophy is to go out with any woman I think it is interesting and enjoy whatever she has to offer. Hopefully that's fellowship, conversation, flirting, some new knowledge or skill. If I think we would enjoy each other's sensuality then I usually make a move in that direction, but it's just a suggestion at first. It helps if she has something unusual in her life or background: An interesting job, education, origin, culture, hobby or avocation. If all she can offer is sex I'm usually not that interested.
 

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I only enter into anything were I see long term prospects.

I have to be friends with someone first, and get to know and trust them gradually. I'm quite guarded with people at first, but this is because once I get attached, I am really attached and utterly trusting.

I need someone I can have fun with and who compliments my personality and interests, similar values. Looks are a lesser consern than the persons charicter. Someone who wants to know me and who likes to listen to me as much as I do them.

I take things fairly slow, and I can't get physical with a person I don't trust or have strong feelings for. I can't sleep with a person I just don't love...it would feel like a personal betrayal.

Personally, I look for someone I could have a long term future with, based on mutual respect, a deep friendship, and shared values. Otherwise I am happy to be single, and don't see the piont, hence I didn't date in High School at all.
 

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I am only open to the possibility of dating because I have a philosophy of trying things if they might be good for me, and also because dating can lead to the possibility of a relationship, which in turn can lead to the variety of sex I most desire. I want someone who wants an authentic relationship based in reality, not fantasy derived from ridiculous archetypes in popular culture and social conventions.
 

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''When something doesn't feel right enough too many times, it isn't right.''

Simple, if people trusted in that enough, there would have been less drama. Intuition is self trust.
 

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Date a few at a time (as long as they don't take too much of your money) and then leave them and go on to the the next, and never be tied down to just one.
 

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Date a few at a time, date them casually, don't let em take your all your money, and don't ever be tied down.

Yes, I fully expect to be flamed for this post, so bring it on!

EDIT: Damn double post!
 
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