Love is such a big thing for myself. I love falling in love and just the general idea. I like untraditional forms of love and the sensual aspect of it. Its alot about certain things that I notice about them that go unnoticed by others, I used to fall for some quite certain kinds of guys that often have an air of femininity about them, a gentleness of spirit, true kindness and affection. And yeah, physical touch, glances, a deep emotional sexual relationship and other things like our personal qualities and how they complement each other, I don't buy into one person wearing the trousers in a relationship - its not about control but being complimentary to each other. I quite like the thrill of the chase too but getting settled with them is so very nice aswell although its usually in the initial stages of relationships, there's usually some friction between feeling trapped that this is it, im making a big commitment now or at least thats how it feels and that can be frustrating or confusing for them and I worry that they may think I am being fickle or shallow but its just that I take the idea of committing to a relationship seriously because once im in, im in and its hard to get myself out of a relationship when I have had feelings for this person.
I hope that answers your question.
1. Quality Time - Quality time is not sitting in front of the TV. It involves interacting with each other. I really enjoy spending time doing something with friends or family.
2. Acts of Service - As long as it's not pushy, I appreciate this because I think actions speak louder than words. I'm very sensitive to this going "too far," since I value my independence. However, I do need help and helping shows concern, given it's not intrusive.
3. Physical Touch - I enjoy cuddling and such, it makes me feel warm inside xD I think I could handle a long-distance relationship fairly easily, though, as long as there were plans to meet up regularly, even if it was every 6 months or whatever.
4. Words of Affirmation - I want words to mean things, but I find they don't most of the time. They're nice to hear, but ultimately pointless if actions don't back them up. Additionally, I prefer letters over pre-made cards.
5. Receiving Gifts - Some people have this idea that flowers or jewelry make everything better. No. An unexpected gift is lovely, and I do appreciate them at times, but don't expect it to solve anything. I'm that person who is cautious about spending money and doesn't really ask for anything, so knowing me well enough to pick a gift I'd like is hard.
Hm, doing them in order seems fun, guess I'll do that too heh.
1. Physical touch - Not many people would believe me if I told them so, but yes, this is mine by a landslide. I feel weirdly uncomfortable elaborating; I've had some bad experiences, basically.
2. Acts of service - This is nice. I get tired of doing everything myself, and guys like to do that kind of thing, at least in my experience... You know, they're problem solvers. So it would make me feel loved if they took the time to do that, I guess.
3. Words of affirmation - This is almost tied with the second one, I think... When the person really means what they are saying, it feels great. Again, I've had bad experiences when it comes to words, so when I get a genuine compliment or reassurance it's really nice.
4. Quality time - It's nice to just be with someone having a conversation or going somewhere together or whatever, this is nice, at least when you have the other person's genuine attention and such.
5. Receiving gifts - This could be nice sometimes, like "I picked you this flower on my way home, it just made me think of you", but too much of this might overwhelm me.
Quality time is the most important one for me. It's the one that makes me feel loved and valued, because it shows me that the person loves me enough to want to spend time with me.
Physical touch is also something I like very much, and would be an important part of a relationship for me, although only with people I'm close to. I'm ok with hugs from friends, but with people I don't know very well I'm very sensitive about my personal space. I don't like random people getting very tactile or sitting very close to me. Maybe that's part of the reason I like it though, being comfortable enough to touch is a sign that we're close. A touch or a hug from the right person at the right time means a lot to me.
Words of affirmation I find meaningless most of the time, and I find it hard to take a compliment. If someone tells me something specific they like about me, that will mean more to me than "you're a nice person" or something.
Gifts don't usually mean much to me at all. I'm just about the least materialistic person I know, I never know what I want and I'd be quite happy going through a relationship without ever getting flowers. If someone wants to spend money on me I'd usually rather they took me out for a meal or spent it on some other kind of experience for me rather than buying me something tangible.
My order seems a bit different than everyone else's so far. In fact, it's basically the complete opposite. Something like this:
1. Words of affirmation - Yes, yes, actions speak louder than words, but I understand words a lot better. I express affection best by using written or verbal communication and I appreciate it immensely in return. Part of it is probably because I don't always interpret other signs so well and words are pretty straightforward. Also, I just love good poetry
2. Receiving gifts - I swear I'm not that materialistic! I genuinely love giving and receiving gifts. They don't have to be flashy, just thoughtful. One of my favorite gifts ever was a tea kettle my mom got me when I got back from England. I don't think I even mentioned that I started liking tea, but somehow she just knew and even though it was cheap and simple, I love the hell out of it. I keep a list of things people mention they like or want so I have something to get for them at all times and if I ever won a lot of money the first thing I'd do is buy stuff for my loved ones.
3. Physical touch - I haven't had a lot of experience with touch in romantic relationships, but I think it's wonderful. It's so concrete and comforting feeling the warmth of another human being. I tend to be very polite and respect peoples' personal space, but I secretly love when I ride the bus and am forced to sit close to strangers (as long as they don't smell of course). I'm also fairly awkward, but there's nothing better than hugs or holding hands or nuzzling with someone.
4. Quality time - Of course you have to hang out with someone to show them you love them, but just being together isn't high on my list. Part of that might be because it's so important to my mom and it always felt smothering somehow, her insisting that we had to spend pre-determined time together doing specific activities (especially board games). I do love dinner parties with groups of friends and stuff, it's just that intimate gatherings can be draining and it's not a way that I communicate love per se.
5. Acts of service - Not sure why, but these make me a bit uncomfortable, especially if done on a grand scale. They sort of contrived when I do them. Of course, I always appreciate people doing things for me and I try to do things to keep others happy, but this is not my forte.
Quality Time (best thing ever ) > Physical Touch (I love this) > Acts of service (I'd rather do somethng for someone or have them do something for me then gifts or words)
Words of Affirmation - ah..talk is cheap and embarassing ._. i don't often use it and idk how to respond to it either , so I don't put much weight on this. Receiving gifts - gifts are often hit and miss and I really dislike it when someone makes a gift in BAD taste...which I'm forced to like and use...ugh.
I guess I'll go ahead and go through all of them too and tell you how I feel about them.
Words of Affirmation This is my preferred love language - maybe because I didn't truly feel affirmed verbally by my parents when I was a kid. ENTJ dad was usually just critical. My type 2 ESFJ mom's love language is gift giving so she would love you more through actions (which is perfectly fine) but I think she didn't really understand me so much so even if she wanted to affirm me through words, I don't think she would have really known how. When I am affirmed by someone I KNOW means it (is not just saying it) - basically someone who truly loves me. Yes, it means a lot. So, while it does matter who it's coming from - when it is the right person - it means the world to me.
Physical Touch Physical touch makes me feel grounded, safe and desirable which I guess is something I sometimes doubt since I tend to drift off into paranoia sometimes. I'm a sexual six so I guess it makes sense. As for complete strangers touching me or someone I barely know - not so much but when I'm thinking about these things, I'm thinking about people who really care about me. Now that I'm thinking about it, I really don't feel comfortable with many other people touching me other than my husband.
Quality Time Quality time would be next for me. Having someone's full attention and just sharing our thoughts/feelings is nice. As an introvert, it's just lower on my list because I get drained from too much time spent with others.
Acts of Service This one would be next I suppose though it's not high up because I don't like feeling like people are pressured into doing things for me I guess. Just makes me feel bad (like I could have just done it myself). Except when I'm not feeling well. That's the only exception. For the most part, I would rather be the one serving others.
Receiving Gifts I LOVE giving gifts more than I like receiving them. I think I'm hard to surprise and impress gift wise so this may be why it's not high on my list. It's funny because they say that usually your love language is the same one that you also use but I love giving gifts and it is not my main love language at all.
Physical Touch - I usually only touch people I love or really like (aside from a friendly handshake or something). It feels hypocritical to touch someone that I either don't know or don't like. For those I do love, I find myself touching them without making a conscious decision to do so (smoothing their hair, patting their hand, etc). Face touches are the most intimate.
Quality Time - If someone takes time out of their life to be with me, I feel pretty loved.
Words of Affirmation - I like what @Vivid Melody said about this.
Acts of Service - I feel I'm imposing when anyone does anything for me.
Gifts - Most people don't have a clue when it comes to giving me gifts...but If they want to give me a car, sweet! I'm just simple and don't need/want much.
I used to think they were reversed, but then I got into a relationship and realized how good it feels when we're just watching TV or something and he rests his hand on my knee, or something as small as that. (I hate holding hands though, unless we're sitting/laying down/not moving. Otherwise it's just awkward!)
Quality Time is VERY close second though. Time with a purpose, not just aimlessly drifting about, is incredibly fulfilling for me when spent with somebody else.
1. Quality Time - Yes, this would be my favorite. Although, I will quickly get irritated if I don't get plenty of time alone by myself to destress and think. I can go days without feeling the need to be around someone. So yes, I really enjoy it, but I have to go recharge afterwards. And the fact that someone wants to be around me is definitely what makes me feel most loved.The things that makes me feel most loved is when someone realizes that I really need to be left alone, and when someone will bear with all my rantings and strange, bizarre thoughts. The best sort of quality time is having intellectual arguments with someone. It makes me feel so happy.
2. Acts of Service - This can be an irritating one for me. I do like help, but mainly if I ask for it. I don't mind someone doing something nice for me, so long as it isn't manipulative to get me to do something. I really prefer doing nice things for others, not the other way around.
3. Physical Touch - I don't need much physical touch. I do like it, but I can easily go without it. I will say that a nice hug is somehow representative of having security to me.
4. Words of Affirmation - I don't really care much for this. I get compliments all the time, and I really just don't need affirmation. I suppose if you came up with a unique compliment I'd never heard before that it would mean something, but mostly I just find it awkward, and I don't feel the need for it.
5. Receiving Gifts -I don't care about this either. I'm not really into things, especially when they clutter up my space. What I generally want in life are not usually so material.
Thought it might be better to discuss it in enneagram forums of respective types.
Anyways there is quite a bit of both types to which I can relate to.
For 6. I can relate to being suspicious of people or some stereotypes like that. Also I can be afraid of bad authority against whom I can't do...
I have come to understand 6es is the loyal, long term planners. That might fit me, since i DO that.
Majorly, what I have used to do, is live in my head, if faced with big issues, I withdraw in dreamland, not by logic, and are way too likely to be angry to be an 9.
I do see some 6 tendencies...
The original tritype descriptions for type 6 by the Fauvres'. The archetypal names are bolded in the descritpions.
Direct and caring 6. This 6 is very supportive. A true Rescuer, this 6 is often mistaken for a 2 or 8. This 6 needs to be caring and protective to feel secure. This 6 is...
Take issue with something going on in society?
Having a bad day?
Have something on your mind that wont go away?
Experience something so fabulous you just have to express it?
Accidentally sold your mother to a pimp in a back alley game of poker?
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