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Not too long ago, I was dating a guy who asked me to go to his house to watch a movie for our third date. I said no and told him I wasn't ready to go to this house yet because I wanted to take things slow. Then, the next time I saw him, he started questioning me and asking me why I didn't want to go over. He said it was no big deal going over his place, and he wanted me to explain my feelings (after I told him I didn't want to three times). and it was hard for me to communicate to him why and admit I was nervous about the whole thing and unsure about him especially since we were still getting to know each other. Plus, I told him during previous dates that I wanted to take things slow. He probably wouldn't have made me so uncomfortable if he didn't keep bringing up going back to his place. In the end, I was overwhelmed by the situation, so I broke it off. But looking back at the situation, I still wonder what his intentions were. Maybe, I overreacted and maybe it's a normal thing for guys to ask of this. Then again, did he really want me to go to his house to watch a movie and just hangout? It's not the first time I heard a guy use that phrase. Is the whole movie line a universal phrase that guys use to get girls to go to their places and make a move?
 

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Without details, it's hard to call, but even so, it's possible that you overreacted, considering he wanted you to voice your feelings about the entire scenario, which shows he wanted to take those emotions into account. Hopefully his intentions weren't to make a move on you...it doesn't seem like it, but it's also a natural reflex to be on guard for various reasons.

That said, I have asked my then girlfriend over to watch movies with me. We had dinner, snuggled and watched Happy Feet together.

The whole 'movie line with the intent on making moves thing' is in my opinion, a stereotype.
 

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The whole 'movie line with the intent on making moves thing' is in my opinion, a stereotype.
yes, sometimes it's just that people want to hang out, and sometimes people use it to make a move. It could be either.


....although... since I've been dating after I was separated... I guess every time a guy said that to me, he also tried to make a move.... :shocked:

:dry:
 

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I'm not sure why this title reminded me of "If you give a moose a muffin..."

"When a guy asks you to watch a movie, he'll want some -something- to go with it."

... I should go to bed.

It's hard to say, though. Seems like a cheap and fun way to hang out and get to know each other better. It probably is the perfect opportunity to make a move, though. It's really hard to say without more info what he was thinking or if you were over-reacting. It's not that insane to not completely trust someone enough to not want to go to their home on the third date, though. However, I can see confusion on his part if he wasn't intending to make a move.
 
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@zen0202 Maybe you could try and just up front say that you would like to come over but that you wont be sleeping with him (or just define exactly what level of physichal contact you would be having). Than you would now what his intentions are and if he is just trying to get into your pants.
 

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I'd say that's an appropriate reaction from you. You didn't want to go home to someone you don't know that well. You told him you want to go slow, so he could take it or leave it.

Essentially he made the choice to leave it, but in a backwards way.
 

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@zen0202

him asking you to talk about "your emotions" could have been anything--even an attempt to isolate your hesitations and then to circumvent them.

i find it odd that even after you told him that you "didn't feel comfortable", he kept insisting on it... i mean, if you just want to hang out with a person, and for each of you to get to know each other better, then why would you keep pressing on a situation that would make one of you angst-filled (an invalidation of his "intention to understand your emotions for the sake of taking care of them)? ... you wouldn't--in fact, you'd most likely take a different tact (barring some sort of social-impairment), unless of course, there was a certain activity that could only occur in his apartment/behind closed doors...

an ulterior motive is afoot! :laughing:
 

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I always mean sex when I ask someone to "come over for a movie" unless its established that we are just gonna be friends, or if we have been dating a while, long enough to do other things than fuck. But in the beginning, yeah - excuse to fuck.
 

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So this is why girls stop talking to me... They think I only think about sex, when in reality I only wanted to watch a movie. Makes sense...

I feel most comfortable in my home, so it's the ideal place to get to know each other.
 

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Well, for me, and maybe cos I was an NF such that, even when asked to see a movie, everybody would go, I mean everybody... and then there would be a group movie thing. Never really a one to one as such I suppose. But you know what, it is still also okay to explore as well. In the sense that, if it was a date, and that you did not see it as a date, when you do get there, and he does make a move, then just push him away. Cos then he will learn too. But if you are not sure, and that you want company, then make a proper suggestion to remove the possibility of something which it is not then.

I have had a guy said this to me before "Ok, I will come over to stay but this is NOT a date, okay?"
I was like...."Huh" ??.. I offered my place cos we are going walking tomorrow so that you do not have to drive far ! All my friends offer this kind of thing to one another, cos it is hard to be somewhere and so forth. So I found it doubly odd when out of so many I knew within my uni circle, he was one of the first one that said this kind of thing to me, and I learnt. I did learn. Then I learnt the US dating method, as opposed to the Chinese HK way.... then the penny dropped.

To me honest, the past is the past, and you should not dwell on it unless it is relevant to you. Just go with the flow of things, and rule out ideas or whatever that does not make sense to you. That is how I survived in my life and so far it has worked !

Sometimes I feel like I have had a blessed life...
 

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Is the whole movie line a universal phrase that guys use to get girls to go to their places and make a move?
Trust your instincts.

Anyone that is pressuring you in such a way as you've described, doesn't have your best interests at heart. I think you made a wise decision.
 

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MOTM September 2012
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Any man who hears "let's take it slow" needs to get out of the relationship immediately. That's a euphemism for friend-zoning.
And that statement is bullshit.

Sometimes girls really don't want sex or anything sexual right away.

My next relationship will be a "let's take it slow" kind of relationship while I finish evaluating his character ...
 

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Any man who hears "let's take it slow" needs to get out of the relationship immediately. That's a euphemism for friend-zoning.
Bullshite. For two reasons. One, being friends is not bad, even if it means never being in a relationship. (I used to be one of those guys that complains about the "friendzone" but now I kinda like knowing that I at least have a friend) And two, my last partner also wanted to take it slow, and we wound up together and having a lot of fun sexy time.

And that statement is bullshit.

Sometimes girls really don't want sex or anything sexual right away.

My next relationship will be a "let's take it slow" kind of relationship while I finish evaluating his character ...
Sometimes guys don't as well. (This is for Mr. Steal, but I wanted to quote you for effect. :p )
 
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