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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
INTJ doesn't feel like being in a relationship yet, and that he can't commit for now. He says he doesn't know what he wants!

My questions are:

1) If you meet someone you are compatible with, would you still push them away if you do not feel ready for a relationship?
2) Do inexperienced INTJs fear that they cannot handle relationships?
3) Do you have to be settled in your career to ever want to pursue a relationship?
4)What do you think about this particular INTJ?


I look forward to your answers! :)
 

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1) Yes.
2) I can't speak for everyone, but I definitely feel that way.
3) To a small extant; I'd have to be financially secure as well as mentally secure.
4) Well, I don't know much about him, obviously, but from what I can tell he seems to like you, but might be a bit afraid of starting a relationship with someone.

I struggle maintaning any kind of relationship in my life, for me it can often feel like a big pile of work that keeps piling up, but I think a lot of that has to do with something more personal to me than just being an INTJ.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Thanks for your reply, I appreciate! Do you have any suggestions for me? Or you think I should leave it be and go with the flow?
 

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Some INTJ I know had delayed ripeness. They lived a life of carefree indulgence until one day then they are all serious.
 

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1) If you meet someone you are compatible with, would you still push them away if you do not feel ready for a relationship?

I don't consider us compatible if they're looking for a relationship and I'm not.

2) Do inexperienced INTJs fear that they cannot handle relationships?

The fear of not being capable or prepared is very Enneagram 5/6 territory and many INTJs do seem to fall into those types.

3) Do you have to be settled in your career to ever want to pursue a relationship?

I thought I did, but I was wrong.

4)What do you think about this particular INTJ?

He's being honest and practical. I think you should pester him because pestering IxxJs is amusing. The worst you could do is run him off in which case you're no worse off than you are currently.
 

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1) If you meet someone you are compatible with, would you still push them away if you do not feel ready for a relationship?

I don't consider us compatible if they're looking for a relationship and I'm not.

2) Do inexperienced INTJs fear that they cannot handle relationships?

The fear of not being capable or prepared is very Enneagram 5/6 territory and many INTJs do seem to fall into those types.

3) Do you have to be settled in your career to ever want to pursue a relationship?

I thought I did, but I was wrong.

4)What do you think about this particular INTJ?

He's being honest and practical. I think you should pester him because pestering IxxJs is amusing. The worst you could do is run him off in which case you're no worse off than you are currently.
 
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Discussion Starter #7
What if I did pester him for a year? You see this happened last year, and we did remain friends. 3 months ago I had to cut off contact though, and had to tell him that my feelings are still there and a friendship hurts at this point and he understood and agreed that it's better if I start fresh. We had stopped talking, however last month he messaged me out of the blue and tried to intiate a conversation but I kept it short to keep my word. Any thoughts?
 

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As I see it you have two options:

1: See if he feels like finding out what he wants together. Don't pressure anything and talk trough things, try some things and let him find out if he likes the things that are going on. This means he can break things off at any time (and you're giving him carte blanche to do so), and you should shield yourself from being hurt if that happens.

2: Give him time to sort through things and just live your life as if there's nothing there. This means you won't get hurt by him, but it also means nothing's going to happen between you two.

I think anything in between those two can be painful for both parties. Try to communicate clearly about your intentions and things can work out fine.

When me and my fiance started our relationship (INFJ and ISFJ) we decided that we'd just "see where things ended up". We promised nothing and just took things as they were. It can work wonders to start without expectations.

As to the INTJ type in general: I've seen them have problems with how to handle relationships. If you want specifics, I'd head over to the INTJ forum though.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Thanks for your feedback, I appreciate. I already gave him that chance last June, and he always says the same thing that he does not know what he wants, and that I do not know where I stand with him and it's not fair cause I deserve the very best. I don't know what the best option is, cause some are saying keep your word and let him figure it out on his own and others are saying the opposite. I am confused.
 

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Don't forget that there's also the option to shut that door completely and move on with your life. If he's holding off indefinitely, you can just decide that being happy is more important than making yourself sad by hoping that he'll come around. If he comes crawling back, maybe you just tell him that ship has sailed. There's plenty of fish in the sea and you don't owe him anything.
 

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Discussion Starter #11 (Edited)
I know you are definately right. There are times when I really want to forget him completely (I mean it's been over a year), however my feelings seem to get stronger and I still see him in my future somehow...so I am confused all of a sudden. I do think it's his turn to do something though, I mean I was patient with him and he knows how I feel, so I do not think I should go there again. What do you think?
 
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