[SophiaMarie]

How would an ENFP (specifically male) act when they like someone romantically? I'm often confused by the ENFP behavior because they have so much love for everyone all the time, and are so warm and bubbly the typical signs of attraction may not apply. One that I'm thinking of gets along with everyone, is very playful and teases lightly, poking, touching, laughing, very loud. With me however something shifts. He greets me quietly and voice is gentle and slow. He looks directly into my eyes when it's just us talking, and smiles softly. It feels like he's searching me deeply, and his movements become subdued and he may stand close.This shyness isn't cute anymore when other people enter the conversation and he might completely ignore me and avoid eye contact until I do something crazy to get his attention and he kind of raises his eyebrows and stares at me and doesn't say anything. Then he might walk away. Sometimes this leaves me feeling totally uninteresting and wondering what I did wrong. He never teases me like he does everyone else... He seems to ignore me and talk to everyone but me even if I'm standing right there, and talking, he'll talk to the person next to me. He might even answer my question but direct it at the person next to me on purpose. I hate that. Then suddenly I'll have his full attention and I'm confused and unsure of what he wants from me. What is he doing?

Does anyone have any experiences with this type, are one yourself? How do ENFPs act when they're interested in someone... or disinterested?

 

[Mojo415]

Of course it's hard to say for sure, but to me, that sounds like it could be highschool-age ENFP interest. I think I was like that sometimes when I was younger. If we have a crush on someone, and we greatly respect them, them we could totally be more shy like that in front of them, especially in a group setting.

I was different than that when I was in college though. So I guess age/maturity could play a part.

 

[All in Twilight]

I think he likes you but he might be afraid of rejection. I think he is a type 4 and they play the push and pull trick. He wants to find out what his position is→whether you like him or not. And when he is secure (when he knows it's mutual) then they will come out and be less push and pull-ish. He is just insecure right now.

 

[TasticallyFab]

He seems to ignore me and talk to everyone but me even if I'm standing right there, and talking, he'll talk to the person next to me. He might even answer my question but direct it at the person next to me on purpose.

This. I do this when I like someone. Because I want to be around them, but I don't want them to know that I like them. So I purposely talk to the people *near* them.
Give him a few subtle cues, and see if his behavior changes. Even if it appears that he isn't paying attention to you, if he likes you, I promise that he is.

 

[Drewski]

Yes all of the above. He is obviously showing interest in you during one-on-one cases, but to explain the group thing... I dunno we just can get easily (but only slightly) hurt at times. For example, he might be expecting you to be a little more flirty or to show your interest, but for us (or at least me) we cannot tell when people are showing interest and even if we have an inkling we will usually shove it off because we don't think people would just be interested in us. It's hard to explain. My advice would be to be more upfront or just to give it time to build. Me and my current girlfriend flirted slightly at the beginning, but I would sneak off and do other things when I was feeling like she wasn't flirting, which she actually was. It ended when I just said to her, "do you want to kiss me?" If she said no, I could have said something like, "well I didn't say you could..." XD but since she said yes we've been together almost a year since that moment.

 

[Aya the Abysswalker]

I think he likes you but he might be afraid of rejection. I think he is a type 4 and they play the push and pull trick. He wants to find out what his position is→whether you like him or not. And when he is secure (when he knows it's mutual) then they will come out and be less push and pull-ish. He is just insecure right now.

I relate to that so much. I've rejected the man of my dreams because of that.

 

[Mojo415]

Do the older peeps agree with me that the "fear of rejection" and the shyness gets less as we get older? Or maybe is that conditional? I had a lot more self-confidence when I was in college, and it was easier for me to take "risks" with the girls.

@Drewski - I loved your story about "do you want to kiss me?"! Lol.

 

[SophiaMarie]

Of course it's hard to say for sure, but to me, that sounds like it could be highschool-age ENFP interest. I think I was like that sometimes when I was younger. If we have a crush on someone, and we greatly respect them, them we could totally be more shy like that in front of them, especially in a group setting.

I was different than that when I was in college though. So I guess age/maturity could play a part.

I think he likes you but he might be afraid of rejection. I think he is a type 4 and they play the push and pull trick. He wants to find out what his position is→whether you like him or not. And when he is secure (when he knows it's mutual) then they will come out and be less push and pull-ish. He is just insecure right now.

This. I do this when I like someone. Because I want to be around them, but I don't want them to know that I like them. So I purposely talk to the people *near* them.
Give him a few subtle cues, and see if his behavior changes. Even if it appears that he isn't paying attention to you, if he likes you, I promise that he is.

Yes all of the above. He is obviously showing interest in you during one-on-one cases, but to explain the group thing... I dunno we just can get easily (but only slightly) hurt at times. For example, he might be expecting you to be a little more flirty or to show your interest, but for us (or at least me) we cannot tell when people are showing interest and even if we have an inkling we will usually shove it off because we don't think people would just be interested in us. It's hard to explain. My advice would be to be more upfront or just to give it time to build. Me and my current girlfriend flirted slightly at the beginning, but I would sneak off and do other things when I was feeling like she wasn't flirting, which she actually was. It ended when I just said to her, "do you want to kiss me?" If she said no, I could have said something like, "well I didn't say you could..." XD but since she said yes we've been together almost a year since that moment.

Thank you everyone. I was kind of expecting someone to say it was totally obvious that he secretly hates me (that's kind of what it feels like sometimes) but then it changes just as fast to absolute caring. He was confused when I apologized for coming to him for help when I was having family problems. He told me "It's not a problem to be asked for help Sophia. Seriously, whenever you need it. That's what I'm here for." but then I just figured he helps everyone... it's not a big deal. I don't know... He gives me a hello and goodbye hug every time I see him... but might ignore me in between. As for being a little more flirty... What I think is flirty might not be the same as what he thinks is flirty. That's probably true. When I smile and ask a guy how is, I'm probably flirting. (awkward ISFP behavior... I know) Sometimes he looks sad when he's talking to me. I often feel like I hurt him somehow, but could never really figure out what I did. At the same time because I like him so much I wonder if I'm projecting what I want instead of actually seeing that he cares about me.

 

[StaceofBass]

How would an ENFP (specifically male) act when they like someone romantically? I'm often confused by the ENFP behavior because they have so much love for everyone all the time, and are so warm and bubbly the typical signs of attraction may not apply. One that I'm thinking of gets along with everyone, is very playful and teases lightly, poking, touching, laughing, very loud. With me however something shifts. He greets me quietly and voice is gentle and slow. He looks directly into my eyes when it's just us talking, and smiles softly. It feels like he's searching me deeply, and his movements become subdued and he may stand close.This shyness isn't cute anymore when other people enter the conversation and he might completely ignore me and avoid eye contact until I do something crazy to get his attention and he kind of raises his eyebrows and stares at me and doesn't say anything. Then he might walk away. Sometimes this leaves me feeling totally uninteresting and wondering what I did wrong. He never teases me like he does everyone else... He seems to ignore me and talk to everyone but me even if I'm standing right there, and talking, he'll talk to the person next to me. He might even answer my question but direct it at the person next to me on purpose. I hate that. Then suddenly I'll have his full attention and I'm confused and unsure of what he wants from me. What is he doing?

Does anyone have any experiences with this type, are one yourself? How do ENFPs act when they're interested in someone... or disinterested?

It does sort of depend on how I think the other person feels about me, but I do all of the bolded when I like someone. :blushed:

I also start blushing if the guy I like meets my gaze and I might look away. So yes, I get shy too.

 

[Aya the Abysswalker]

Do the older peeps agree with me that the "fear of rejection" and the shyness gets less as we get older? Or maybe is that conditional? I had a lot more self-confidence when I was in college, and it was easier for me to take "risks" with the girls.

I agree. Even though I rejected the man of my dreams, on the next day I went to him I said clearly I want you in life, screw the other guy who likes me. You're the one for me.
Not only I realized my mistake I let go of my shyness and fear of rejection even if it was just for a few seconds. However, I do agree that I was much shyer with these things when I was younger. I've grow more mature and determined too. That helps when you want to approach someone you love or like and can love in a near future.

 

[Loyalgirl]

I agree. Even though I rejected the man of my dreams, on the next day I went to him I said clearly I want you in life, screw the other guy who likes me. You're the one for me.
Not only I realized my mistake I let go of my shyness and fear of rejection even if it was just for a few seconds. However, I do agree that I was much shyer with these things when I was younger. I've grow more mature and determined too. That helps when you want to approach someone you love or like and can love in a near future.

So did it work out? Did you end up in a relationship with him?

 

[Dextra Manus]

Thank you everyone. I was kind of expecting someone to say it was totally obvious that he secretly hates me (that's kind of what it feels like sometimes) but then it changes just as fast to absolute caring. He was confused when I apologized for coming to him for help when I was having family problems. He told me "It's not a problem to be asked for help Sophia. Seriously, whenever you need it. That's what I'm here for." but then I just figured he helps everyone... it's not a big deal. I don't know... He gives me a hello and goodbye hug every time I see him... but might ignore me in between. As for being a little more flirty... What I think is flirty might not be the same as what he thinks is flirty. That's probably true. When I smile and ask a guy how is, I'm probably flirting. (awkward ISFP behavior... I know) Sometimes he looks sad when he's talking to me. I often feel like I hurt him somehow, but could never really figure out what I did. At the same time because I like him so much I wonder if I'm projecting what I want instead of actually seeing that he cares about me.

Sophia, I hate to break it to you, but I think we both like the same guy! Hahahaha! :laughing:

But seriously, believe me when I tell you I can relate...

 

[honeychanbunny]

i wouldn't know that well, but i agree with everyone else, they if I like someone specifically, i try to act similarly to them as with other people so that they don't think i like them, or purposely not be too close, or if i do, do the same with other friends too so that it doesn't seem obvious~ Also, if i even remotely think anyone might be flitrting with me, i brush aside the idea (especially if i like them) becaus I w=either cannot fathom it, or don't want to interpret it wrongly~
if you like them, but a bit more obvious with hints you might like them, like doing something nice more than usual, and see what they think of it~ they might try and pretend they don't like it all that much (if they do~) but they'll probably embrace it (if they like you~) especially if they notice you haven't done this with other people before~ like hugging him or something~
sorry~ does this make any sense~??

 

[Aya the Abysswalker]

So did it work out? Did you end up in a relationship with him?

He's a bit far from me, but we're trying to work things out. I'm working very hard to live near him because not only it is a change for a healthy relationship but also to leave my hometown. That's better than nothing, I guess.

 

[SophiaMarie]

i wouldn't know that well, but i agree with everyone else, they if I like someone specifically, i try to act similarly to them as with other people so that they don't think i like them, or purposely not be too close, or if i do, do the same with other friends too so that it doesn't seem obvious~ Also, if i even remotely think anyone might be flitrting with me, i brush aside the idea (especially if i likem) becaus I w=either cannot fathom it, or don't want to interpret it wrongly~
if you like them, but a bit more obvious with hints you might like them, like doing something nice more than usual, and see what they think of it~ they might try and pretend they don't like it all that much (if they do~) but they'll probably embrace it (if they like you~) especially if they notice you haven't done this with other people before~ like hugging him or something~
sorry~ does this make any sense~??

I started hugging him and at first he acted really nervous about it, but gradually he started initiating it first and soon after he suddenly started hugging other people around me. It was like all of the sudden he became a hugger, but it started with me. hmm....

 

[All in Twilight]

I started hugging him and at first he acted really nervous about it, but gradually he started initiating it first and soon after he suddenly started hugging other people around me. It was like all of the sudden he became a hugger, but it started with me. hmm....

Just walk up to that mofo, grab his fists and pin him to wall, lick his face and tell him: "You're my sexy beast from now on" and then walk away without making any eye contact.

 

[SophiaMarie]

Just walk up to that mofo, grab his fists and pin him to wall, lick his face and tell him: "You're my sexy beast from now on" and then walk away without making any eye contact.

haha hm, that's some sound advice....

 

[All in Twilight]

haha hm, that's some sound advice....

The fine line between complete madness and being a pure genius is very thin.

And, of course, I am clearly mad *laughs*, as you might have noticed.

 

[Drewski]

The fine line between complete madness and being a pure genius is very thin.

And, of course, I am clearly mad *laughs*, as you might have noticed.

Ah! Reminds me of the villain from Tomorrow Never Dies, and I quote from memory, "The distance between insanity and genius is measured only by success."

 

[Tridentus]

it sounds like you could easily be someone i know.. i have two kinds of crushes- one where i feel i have to get the girl, and end up going to any amount of lengths to make sure she's mine.. and another kind where i just can't get a read on her and end up not making any moves. in the second kind i act a lot like the guy you're describing.

there's a girl i know who seems IxFP, and whether i like it or not i have a crush on her. i find it incredibly frustrating to be around her though, because i can't seem to get any chemistry going with her. i actually find her intimidating because she's so mysterious, i can't figure her out. half the time she acts completely disinterested, and the other half she's either looking at me in that odd curious way or looking jealous when i give other girls attention. i just can't seem to find that connection with her, even though on paper we should get along really well.

anyway, my point is that i probably interact with her in the exact way you described this guy- i try and tease the majority of girls and get flirty banter going, but around her i act all tame. i don't smile as much, and i look her directly in the eyes. one thing about ENFPs is that we give away a lot of involuntary information through the eyes, and i'm sure i've done that when i've caught hers occasionally, so if you feel you see something through his trust your instincts. at parties i tend to ignore her, or act casual, but very occasionally we get a one on one dialogue going with some promise, just not enough of the time. when i talk to her i do tend to give her my full undivided attention. i think you're right to think he might not pick up on the signals you're giving him, if they're too subtle there's no way i'd pick up on them- i typically look for in introverts i'm interested in, well a) signs that we have chemistry but also b) signs of give-away shyness in my presence, like looking shy or blushing.