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If you are interested in the fellow, have you let him know?

Despite rumours to the contrary women choose their partners more often than you think.

Nothing will help an ENTJ believe there is a favourable outcome like a dramatic reduction in perceived risk. :th_o:
There might be some correlation between power of choice and having a successful/meaningful relationship. But there is definitely no causality. Favourable outcome for whom? Not for the OP in any case.
 

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There might be some correlation between power of choice and having a successful/meaningful relationship. But there is definitely no causality. Favourable outcome for whom? Not for the OP in any case.
> OP wants something
> OP gets something
> Individual advises that getting something the OP wants is not a favourable outcome

Something doesn't seem right. You can have 2 out of the 3 of these statements, but not all 3.
 

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Ok, I've been venting about this guy all over the forums, mostly in the type 8's but he is an ENTJ as well. Basically this guy and I have had this thing for over 2 years now. The attraction is crazy, everyone notices it. We're not a couple, but we can't seem to stay away from each other. I really like him and he seems to really like me too. But he doesn't seem to really want a relationship, I don't know what he wants. We hang and bang but I just don't think I can write us off as fuck buddies, I think he likes me too much. He'll get distant and ignore me for stretches of time with no real explanation. In the past I assumed, I was supposed to take the hint and tried to move on. For example, there was period when I hooked up with ex boyfriend. We never got back together, we were just bored and lonely and looking for someone to enjoy the summer with. I would have very much taken this ENTJ over my ex, but he was ignoring at the time. The ENTJ and I worked together, that's how we met, and when one of my coworkers mentioned me seeing my ex in front of him... well I'll never forget the look in his eyes, he looked utterly crushed, but a for a split second. Then he told a joke and walked off. I was really surprised since I was had mostly given up the hope that he still felt something for me.

There has been a one or two times I thought I had fucked things up for good and pulled away. It always seem to hurt him when I do that. There were times he would ignore me completely outside of work but talk and flirt with me when I would see him at work. Sometimes he wouldn't talk me, but would hover around my department, I felt like he was watching me. I hate to get all INFJ-ish with my intuition, but I couldn't fight the feeling that he wants me to care about him and he's afraid that I will lose interest - yet he keeps me at arms length.


Anyway, I moved away a few months ago, for a lot of reasons. I visit home a lot and while I don't regret my decision to move, I do see myself saving up money and moving back in a year. I saw him the last time I was home and for the most part things went very well, although I feel like we can't discuss 'us'. I don't understand the way he acts. I think he doesn't want to be distracted with a relationship right now, but does like me. I don't know why he can't just say that though. I would wait for him if asked. But if there's nothing there I want to move on with a clear conscious. Like I said I'll never forget the look in his eyes when he thought I had moved on. I know ENTJ and INFJ are hard to pull off, but I think we can the one of the few that make it work. He is so much more than a crush to me and it kills me not having answers. Maybe some you ENTJ's can shed some light on his behavior.

Answered your own question already.
 

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Discussion Starter #24
I've been working a lot and then on vacation and just thought I'd rejoin things.

A lot of people say I have answered my own question. To tell you you the truth I think that all the time, so I can't say I'm surprised. Some of the things he does still just come across as weird to me but whatever. Something I didn't mention was that I did in fact tell him how I felt via text about month before I made this post. I didn't mention it because at the time he never responded. I was just thinking of him when I started this thread, because like I said I had a pretty good idea what the answer was I just don't get some of the things he does. As luck would he have he finally got back to me that evening. He told me he had no idea I felt that way, he thought we were only fucking and he didn't know what to say and he was sorry for taking so long for getting back. I told him I his answer didn't surprise me and if he wanted I would be in town for a few days and we could have a few drinks and talk to clear the air.

When I was in town he texted me way more than he normally does, but I only saw him once. I was hanging out at my house with a bunch of my girlfriends. It seemed he wanted me to get a drink with him and his BFF from our old job. I wasn't gonna ditch my friends but I said he could swing by if he wants. He kept wanting to know what we were up to and then finally told me he was outside and wanted to know if he could come in. He showed up in a dress shirt, nice jeans and dress shoes, when normally he's in basketball shorts. He hung out with my friends for a while and things were good. He can get so weird around my friends but he seemed fine. Then everybody peeled off except for my sister and her friend who was also visiting home with me. They went to go sleep in my bed, and we were on the other side of my old room talking. There's a half a wall in that room, so we had some privacy but not really. I didn't want to get anything too personal with those two in earshot. We stayed up talking about nothing in particular and then finally he decided it was getting too late and he said should go home. He hugged me and wanted to know what day I was leaving. The rest of my trip he kept texting me and asking me what I was doing, but I was already doing something with my friends and he just seemed to give up.

Things were always weird and confusing between us.... but whatever. I moved away, so already I'm trying to put this behind me, I do get to thinking about him from time to time, and the weird things he does. Now I know that he know how I feel and I guess that's the most I can do. His last girlfriend supposedly broke his heart and really “messed him up”. He gets insecure around me sometimes, and has gone on about how ugly he was in high school and how girls use to fuck with him. He was really nervous the first time we had sex and almost couldn't perform. He'd beat himself up about that the next couple times we had sex and he still never makes the first move in bed. Sometimes he really seems like this wounded puppy. But yeah, I've decided to move on and he can try to catch up with me if he likes. I guess the last silly thing I needed was a reply to the text I sent him a month ago. But yeah, thanks for chiming in everybody.
 

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Can't tell you how many posts I see of females that: 1) hand it out, then 2) somehow expect that as a result the guy will magically want to sign up for "relationship" duties and then 3) are genuinely surprised when they don't.
Same applies to women homosexual relationship dynamics too.
It's gender roles realism at its bleakest.
 

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Ok, I've been venting about this guy all over the forums, mostly in the type 8's but he is an ENTJ as well. Basically this guy and I have had this thing for over 2 years now. The attraction is crazy, everyone notices it. We're not a couple, but we can't seem to stay away from each other. I really like him and he seems to really like me too. But he doesn't seem to really want a relationship, I don't know what he wants. We hang and bang but I just don't think I can write us off as fuck buddies, I think he likes me too much. He'll get distant and ignore me for stretches of time with no real explanation. In the past I assumed, I was supposed to take the hint and tried to move on. For example, there was period when I hooked up with ex boyfriend. We never got back together, we were just bored and lonely and looking for someone to enjoy the summer with. I would have very much taken this ENTJ over my ex, but he was ignoring at the time. The ENTJ and I worked together, that's how we met, and when one of my coworkers mentioned me seeing my ex in front of him... well I'll never forget the look in his eyes, he looked utterly crushed, but a for a split second. Then he told a joke and walked off. I was really surprised since I was had mostly given up the hope that he still felt something for me.

There has been a one or two times I thought I had fucked things up for good and pulled away. It always seem to hurt him when I do that. There were times he would ignore me completely outside of work but talk and flirt with me when I would see him at work. Sometimes he wouldn't talk me, but would hover around my department, I felt like he was watching me. I hate to get all INFJ-ish with my intuition, but I couldn't fight the feeling that he wants me to care about him and he's afraid that I will lose interest - yet he keeps me at arms length.


Anyway, I moved away a few months ago, for a lot of reasons. I visit home a lot and while I don't regret my decision to move, I do see myself saving up money and moving back in a year. I saw him the last time I was home and for the most part things went very well, although I feel like we can't discuss 'us'. I don't understand the way he acts. I think he doesn't want to be distracted with a relationship right now, but does like me. I don't know why he can't just say that though. I would wait for him if asked. But if there's nothing there I want to move on with a clear conscious. Like I said I'll never forget the look in his eyes when he thought I had moved on. I know ENTJ and INFJ are hard to pull off, but I think we can the one of the few that make it work. He is so much more than a crush to me and it kills me not having answers. Maybe some you ENTJ's can shed some light on his behavior.
 

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Well I think he likes u a looootttt but doesn't really know what you feel and wants to confirm things before he takes a step. For an entj it's hard to read an infj it's pretty hard but don't worry he will figure it out. U should take a step and express urself and make him understand that you love him and Etc and things will definitely turn out good.
 

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Well I think he likes u a looootttt but doesn't really know what you feel and wants to confirm things before he takes a step. For an entj it's hard to read an infj it's pretty hard but don't worry he will figure it out. U should take a step and express urself and make him understand that you love him and Etc and things will definitely turn out good.
Thanks for the advice says the guy that started the thread in 2015.
😂
 

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ENTJs pusue what they want. Relentlessly.
This. If you're questioning things, stop beating around the bush, and just talk to him about it on a serious level.
You might be pleasantly surprised, who knows?
 

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He likes the way things are & would rather not talk about it (ruin a good thing).
@crackitty
From my expirience it is not good to listen to this kind of messages!
Manifest YOU in your life!
If you feel you need something more, than work with it and don't be afraid of loosing "good sex"!
Please check in your mind what motivated your decisions, if FEAR, than better work with it.
FEAR is worst motivator, you will probably regret staying in unhealthy relation (if you need more and he don't)

Thanks. It's so nice to hear what I have been suspecting, although I still am uncertain about some things.
Better not listen to others.
Your situation might be different.
Judging him by comments of others is not correct, healthy and fair for your relation.
Better to talk. You may ask him what he thinks about your relation or something like that, you don't have to tell him that you have expectations (in this way you will know more with minimal risk of loosing relation).

ENTJs pusue what they want.
Agree :)

Walk away from this. He would pursue if interested.
IMO this is game which is far away from building clear/balanced relation where both sides know about what they stand on.
Other thing is that I would avoid games with game masters (ENTJ) ;)

I often get bored with the woman I'm banging and move onto another one. History repeats, and I go back to the original girl eventually.
Don't think this is way we should build good strong and clear relations :)
 
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