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16 months into the best relationship of my life, I find myself blind sided. We're both INFJ. We've connected on a level I never knew was even possible. Then 2 days ago I caught him on a dating app, pretending to be a woman and talking to other women. He thought I was sleeping. He tried to hide it when I asked him. He made me sit on his phone and dig for 20 minutes before I found the truth. He looked me in the eye and lied to me that whole time, making me feel like I might have actually been seeing things because I believed in this man THAT much. But in the end I found dozens of sexual conversations with naked pictures of women being exchanged. This had been going on for most of our relationship. I feel completely unable to process this. He says he has a problem. He never intended to meet up with anyone. That nothing like this will ever happen again. He said he is embarrassed and he feels terrible for hurting me.

But he didn't just hurt me. He destroyed trust. I think only another INFJ can REALLY understand what it means to be lied to, to be deceived.......to ACTUALLY get to the point where you fully trust someone and then find that they used that trust against you, to trick you. In a way, it isn't the conversations that bother me the most. It is the lies.....and the fact that he is capable of hiding something like this for so long.....and the fact that I, a love blinded fool, took so long to catch him.

Why would an INFJ do this to another INFJ? I just don't understand.
 

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Wow--what a big fat liar.

I mean, he's not a woman so it's not like he could really meet up with these women irl (because he's catfishing), but the fact that he lied to you through the whole thing is definitely a quick way to destroy trust.

I would find it difficult to believe him anymore.

One of my exes did this after we'd been dating six months--he lied about something that wasn't entirely a huge deal, but that alone eroded trust and was honestly a red flag. He tested as an ESFP though. (The more I dug the more I realized it was a big deal--mostly his pattern of lying and avoiding responsibility for his behavior.)

But then also that you dug through and found dozens of pics of naked women and convos--well that's just obviously not okay to hide. He obviously knew he was doing something wrong.

I don't think there's any coming back from that. There are plenty of fish in the sea and he's not worth it. If he's going to lie about that, how can you trust him not to go "accidentally" meet up with someone, get an STI, and then give it to you? It's not worth trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.

He probably did it because he's got emotional problems, perhaps he's a sex addict or a porn addict, and because he learned at some point that it's okay to lie to avoid consequences. I would walk away from that though--it's not worth it imo.
 

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How is that cheating? or are we now adding new meaning to words?

That guys is my hero lol. I mean I understand doing that for trolls like we used to do as teenagers but as an adult in a relationship means he has some problem that possibly can be fixed but hey....lets do like everyone else does. Just break up with him and try to find the perfect one. All you have to do is to roll the dice.

Btw people hide things for many reasons not only because "they obviously know its wrong" sheesh. Judgemental much?
 

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I think only another INFJ can REALLY understand what it means to be lied to, to be deceived.......
Huh? Everyone feels hurt from deception. This is not unique to INFJ.

Why would an INFJ do this to another INFJ? I just don't understand.
Every type is capable of this. Why would you think an INFJ is different? Type doesn't matter. Humans are humans & we all are flawed. 😕
 

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Huh? Everyone feels hurt from deception. This is not unique to INFJ.



Every type is capable of this. Why would you think an INFJ is different? Type doesn't matter. Humans are humans & we all are flawed. 😕
I challenge you in a contest for who admits more flaws about oneself. But you must be aware, I might or might not show strenght and experiece in the battle of autoirony. So treat me well when I rush into destroying myself publicly, as we dont want any bodybags here where Im writing this, or at least I dont. :D
 

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I challenge you in a contest for who admits more flaws about oneself. But you must be aware, I might or might not show strenght and experiece in the battle of autoirony. So treat me well when I rush into destroying myself publicly, as we dont want any bodybags here where Im writing this, or at least I dont. :D
Hahaha oh shizzle, you have struck my oddly-placed competitive nerve OK CHALLENGE ACCEPTED I should warn you, i CaN’t Be OuT-fLaWeD my insides are filled to the brim with slimy black sludge
 

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Happy youre on a good mood tonight then.

I almost thought my charm to challenge anyone, at any give point in time had sailed away from me, but I guess only my dino dropout like eyes combined with freshly chewed grass dipped in broken green Dutch beer glass and champange coloured light bulps are the ones that make people pity me, (and get away with unlimited mental poverty) as one of them has not only started twitching and so spanking the lower eyelash for the mere sake of it, but also change the colour of the everly rarer lash hair from hazel to grey to even transparent with a hidden intent to make it fully bald prematurely. This all is, of course, based on the newest unwritten social trend of the select few that follow the egyptian path of enlightment based on how much papyrus one can chew during every second halfish full moon explained to offer a savage like life during repeated solo interaction, of virtual helmet intimacy.

Which is what inspires me, sex using virtual friggen helmets. Uuuh, its so posh, it makes me want to cheat my other older helmet in our car, in the garage, where the electricity plug in device is. Its penetrating so neatly into the head set, it makes me want to cheat the old head set everywhere. On a moped. On a skateboard. In a spaceshuttle. During a bunjiii. ANYWHERE AT ALLLLLLL! And especially with a threesome on these new helmets coming out in 2020 aug, they are so hoooot, they make usher sing its cold in here after all that intense face to device lovemaking these devices so SAFELY offer. That is my dream, to have REAL safe sex. I love my mask too, thats like my nb 2 secret of all time, to have shortened virtual sex with my mask on. Alone. Im my close, from where I can only come out on perc, tonight.

...I bet that wont worm anyone up..

But theres more to cum.

As today, ITS TIME FOOOOOOORRRRRR FLAAAAAAWWWWWWZZZZ

(and to somehow connect all of that to cheating paradoxes)

:D
 

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16 months into the best relationship of my life, I find myself blind sided. We're both INFJ. We've connected on a level I never knew was even possible. Then 2 days ago I caught him on a dating app, pretending to be a woman and talking to other women. He thought I was sleeping. He tried to hide it when I asked him. He made me sit on his phone and dig for 20 minutes before I found the truth. He looked me in the eye and lied to me that whole time, making me feel like I might have actually been seeing things because I believed in this man THAT much. But in the end I found dozens of sexual conversations with naked pictures of women being exchanged. This had been going on for most of our relationship. I feel completely unable to process this. He says he has a problem. He never intended to meet up with anyone. That nothing like this will ever happen again. He said he is embarrassed and he feels terrible for hurting me.

But he didn't just hurt me. He destroyed trust. I think only another INFJ can REALLY understand what it means to be lied to, to be deceived.......to ACTUALLY get to the point where you fully trust someone and then find that they used that trust against you, to trick you. In a way, it isn't the conversations that bother me the most. It is the lies.....and the fact that he is capable of hiding something like this for so long.....and the fact that I, a love blinded fool, took so long to catch him.

Why would an INFJ do this to another INFJ? I just don't understand.
I believe he is right. He has a problem. I suggest that you don’t feel that you need to stick around while he sorts himself out. If you’re going to stay true to someone, you have to have some semblance of self discipline. From what you’ve described, this fellow is lacking. While 16 months may seem like a long time to squander, you’ll be glad someday that you moved on. Don’t let this experience make you cynical. The problem is all his.

You seem like you have a good heart. The next relationship will be better. All the best to you!
 

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It's not foolish to love and trust your partner. You need that trust in order to even have a relationship. You did what you were supposed to. He didn't. Even INFJs can be garbage people.
 
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