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or do they keep it to themselves, and what is the best way of calming yourself/them down?
When ESFJ's get annoyed what do you/they do? for example. do they rant or..??
[ESFJ]
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I keep it to myself. Usually after 30 minutes to an hour I'm calm. Unless, something has happened that I completely disagree with, and then I might rant and rave to myself for an extended time. Might even find a friend that shares the same views as me and talk to them about it.
That pretty much sums up what I do. I generally find it easier to talk to someone with similar views, or surround myself with like minded people; which is where I get my energy. If I'm really pissed off, I need to be around people. Sometimes I like to be a lone, but would prefer to be around a like minded person when I am pissed off.
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as an ESFJ male our temper is more visible then a female's, you've heard the old quote "They may be ESFJ, but whatever you do by god don't piss them off" something along those lines, is true. I don't have a temper but I get annoyed at people in general, and often. What gets me annoyed is slow people who can actually do something about it, getting behind a talkative @#$%^ on her phone in a public place, and feeling very happy and at the same time extremely annoyed at passing her if it's a busy sidewalk.... rude people surprisingly enough don't annoy me as much as they do other people. Gregory House on the TV show House MD is by all means rude and insensitive, and yet he comes across as almost a "badass", someone I want to even go as far as try and model my own personality after him. But then the E and F of our ESFJ come into play, and not wanting to hurt anybody's feelings etc shine through. More and more lately I've been trying to not care so much about stepping on people's toes for the sheer feeling of getting out of person; not coming across as a the too-soft shy guy that everyone steps over every day. Lately the past few years I've been catching myself being more bold, but not rude, to the point where I look like an ENTJ or similar, brash and harsh.
all in all, there are many things that annoy me about the general public, about this world and politics, culture, etc. but it takes a cool head to not overreact when things get tough and people just seem to know when to press just the right buttons every once in a while.
all in all, there are many things that annoy me about the general public, about this world and politics, culture, etc. but it takes a cool head to not overreact when things get tough and people just seem to know when to press just the right buttons every once in a while.
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I'd keep it to myself because I'd feel selfish talking about my problems, when the person I'm telling might have much worse problems and think I'm petty.
Or with someone I really trusted, I might tell part of the problem to them, subtly, as if I didn't care about it, just to get it out.
Or with someone I really trusted, I might tell part of the problem to them, subtly, as if I didn't care about it, just to get it out.
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I can usually forgive someone, and ALWAYS if they appologise I'll forgive them immediately.
It's nice when I'm appreciated, too, that would calm me down.
ESFJs feel things very strongly, so the heat of anger would make them lose sight of consequences for a second, but they regain sense as soon as the initial anger has faded.
That being said, it's very difficult for me to swallow my pride.
It's nice when I'm appreciated, too, that would calm me down.
ESFJs feel things very strongly, so the heat of anger would make them lose sight of consequences for a second, but they regain sense as soon as the initial anger has faded.
That being said, it's very difficult for me to swallow my pride.
I don't like to keep things to myself. I almost need to let it out in some way or another! Whether this be to the person who has annoyed me or just to a friend.. I hate holding it in!
However, i usually feel bad if I have a go at someone. (but I don't show it because I'm too stubborn)
However, i usually feel bad if I have a go at someone. (but I don't show it because I'm too stubborn)
My mother is an ESFJ and she does not keep it to herself. She yells and holds grudges for quite a long time considering how terrifying her emotional outbursts are. She becomes incredibly irrational, impulsive, and immature to a certain point. Being an INTP, sometimes I find it sort of funny how ridiculous she acts at times and I accidentally laugh which ends in me wishing I were dead.
To sum it up, if an ESFJ is mad at you...run...do not look back...don't look death in the eye until it calms down.
(no offense to other ESFJ's)
Also, she takes approximately 99.99% of what I say personal which makes me terrified of speaking to her at times
But, on the bright side, she will drop everything if I am in need..but I don't know how to express my gratitude well so...it results in her angry again
To sum it up, if an ESFJ is mad at you...run...do not look back...don't look death in the eye until it calms down.
(no offense to other ESFJ's)
Also, she takes approximately 99.99% of what I say personal which makes me terrified of speaking to her at times
But, on the bright side, she will drop everything if I am in need..but I don't know how to express my gratitude well so...it results in her angry again
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I'd love to say I'm totally calm and just act like some martyr or something, and though I am working on it, I definitely have a temper and I will lash out...if we're close enough. If it's someone I'm not that close to, I'll just be polite and then rant to my family or friends. (Yep...my nearest and dearest definitely got the short end of the stick...) On the plus side, I don't hold grudges.
One thing is, I want people to tell me if something I'm doing is annoying them, and I'd rather have a fight than be passive-aggressed at. So it's not totally one-sided I guess.
One thing is, I want people to tell me if something I'm doing is annoying them, and I'd rather have a fight than be passive-aggressed at. So it's not totally one-sided I guess.
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Lol some of these are hilarious!
I stew in solitude personally. I take everything personal and get offended 99.9% of the time. Most (all) of the time I feel really awkward because I'm not bold enough to speak up when I'm upset, and I don't know how to articulately get across what I'm feeling and why it's such a big deal that you should take seriously. So I end up staying quiet and thinking to myself how angry I am and how insensitive that other person is, and I imagine all the million and one things I should've said to them to really stick it to em. And this goes on for about ~30 min or so, and for that 30 min I am absolutely livid with that person (but of course I don't let it show, except for I'll get all huffy and want nothing to do with them). But after that, it'll pass just as quickly as it came on, and I'll be all happy go-lucky again. And if I somehow let on that I was less than pleased with that person I'll feel very sheepish and apologetic and feel the need to make it up to them.
Also, Fe-doms are prone to emotional outbursts; it's not just us, I swear xP
I stew in solitude personally. I take everything personal and get offended 99.9% of the time. Most (all) of the time I feel really awkward because I'm not bold enough to speak up when I'm upset, and I don't know how to articulately get across what I'm feeling and why it's such a big deal that you should take seriously. So I end up staying quiet and thinking to myself how angry I am and how insensitive that other person is, and I imagine all the million and one things I should've said to them to really stick it to em. And this goes on for about ~30 min or so, and for that 30 min I am absolutely livid with that person (but of course I don't let it show, except for I'll get all huffy and want nothing to do with them). But after that, it'll pass just as quickly as it came on, and I'll be all happy go-lucky again. And if I somehow let on that I was less than pleased with that person I'll feel very sheepish and apologetic and feel the need to make it up to them.
Also, Fe-doms are prone to emotional outbursts; it's not just us, I swear xP
My younger sister (people always think she's older..) is an ESFJ. Whenever she gets angry she lashes out in whatever way would likely make me angriest/most worked up. And if I try to respond angrily, she'll plain laugh at whatever I say or how I look while saying it. So basically, she tries inflicting as much pain as possible while A.) taking none for herself, being fine right after the fight B.) making you feel stupid for whatever you did to fight back.
Oh, and also, fighting usually ruins my mood for a few hours/all day. She'll be perfectly fine and expect me to be fine and not angry after..
Not many things can genuinely anger me, but she knows how to make it happen. And it sometimes feels like she abuses that. :dry:
Oh, and also, fighting usually ruins my mood for a few hours/all day. She'll be perfectly fine and expect me to be fine and not angry after..
Not many things can genuinely anger me, but she knows how to make it happen. And it sometimes feels like she abuses that. :dry:
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I used to lash out a lot...then my family saw fit to send me to anger management. now I sing or journal when I'm angry or do dishes. Dear lord, you know I'm frustrated if you walk into my kitchen and it's spotless lol
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Last night my girlfriend said something offensive to be me by saying "Oh! You mean those Chinese girls? Your dream come true. Hehe. It's okay. You are my China boy".
Then she goes to defend herself by saying "I was just joking around and trying to be like what other people do and have fun."
I explained that it was going too far. Then she got upset and wouldn't swallow her pride.
Next morning, today, she just ignored me and texted me neutral responses and being evasive.
Ugh. I don't know how to deal with you ESFJ females. Teach me! What do you want me to do!?
Sent from my Samsung Galaxy S5
Then she goes to defend herself by saying "I was just joking around and trying to be like what other people do and have fun."
I explained that it was going too far. Then she got upset and wouldn't swallow her pride.
Next morning, today, she just ignored me and texted me neutral responses and being evasive.
Ugh. I don't know how to deal with you ESFJ females. Teach me! What do you want me to do!?
Sent from my Samsung Galaxy S5
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Can you explain the offensive thing she said?
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@Oswin
She had no intention to insult me or hurt me. That I did apologize to her. I just found it offensive because she grew up in Hiroshima, Japan. Her first boyfriend was Chinese and was a real jerk. I am half Chinese and half Vietnamese. She would go on and on about making fun of Chinese males and females whether they are fobs (fresh of the boat) or Chinese born American raised here in the United States.
I just found it unfair and offensive that she would say "Chinese girls. Your dream come true" when she knows I do not like Chinese girls. To be fair, I would never tell her "Look over there. Japanese guys. Your dream come true." That's offensively and I guess I expected her to treat me the way I treat her.
She had no intention to insult me or hurt me. That I did apologize to her. I just found it offensive because she grew up in Hiroshima, Japan. Her first boyfriend was Chinese and was a real jerk. I am half Chinese and half Vietnamese. She would go on and on about making fun of Chinese males and females whether they are fobs (fresh of the boat) or Chinese born American raised here in the United States.
I just found it unfair and offensive that she would say "Chinese girls. Your dream come true" when she knows I do not like Chinese girls. To be fair, I would never tell her "Look over there. Japanese guys. Your dream come true." That's offensively and I guess I expected her to treat me the way I treat her.
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Got it)
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@Oswin
But I am not upset at her anymore because it was just spur of the moment when my mind was not thinking straight or in full consciousness.
She had no intention to insult me. But now she is saying things like "I am just going to be more careful around you now." She is ESFJ and I feel like she is going to take this to the extreme like she cannot act silly around me anymore.
Simon
But I am not upset at her anymore because it was just spur of the moment when my mind was not thinking straight or in full consciousness.
She had no intention to insult me. But now she is saying things like "I am just going to be more careful around you now." She is ESFJ and I feel like she is going to take this to the extreme like she cannot act silly around me anymore.
Simon
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