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I freak out. I know I bitch about people on here sometimes.... but honestly at the back of my mind, I think about it, and I really hope that I don't come off that way, and I freak out thinking what if I AM like that? There's a quote that says what you hate in others, is what you hate in ourselves. Does that mean that when I see something I don't like in others.... it's something that I also DO or just some potential in me that I don't let come out? I can't answer this question because i don't know how others perceive me, but yeah. It worries me.

Oh just to clarify: when I see something I dont like in others, I don't treat them differently. I tolerate them, and I vent on here or to family lol - but in my mind, I know i don't like them, but i still treat them kindly or courteously. THIS is what makes me afraid though - i sometimes wonder if people that treat me kindly actually dont like me on the inside.

And that's what this post is getting at. One of my biggest fears. If people really like me or are merely tolerating my presence. And I have nightmares about this too... having a dream where it turns out people around me, that i thought liked me, were merely tolerating me even though they hated me, despised me, or thought something i did was repulsive....

do any of you guys relate or is it just me? do u guys have any fears like this?
 

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I can understand the fear - I feel this sometimes. Especially at work where perceptions of you can actually impact your earnings! I did an exercise at work years ago which really opened up how others perceived you - it was a pretty awful experience for me. The premise was that they were automatically right and when your assessment of yourself didn't tally with everyone elses it was a blind spot and you were wrong!

You can only work on improving your own behaviour not on how others perceive that behaviour. The brutal reality is that most people tolerate most people. There are things they like about you and things they don't. A small percentage probably really likes you and a small percentage probably really hates your guts.

1) If you can go through life with enough self awareness to understand how you behave and how to improve that that's as much as you can do. It sounds like this is what you do so that's good

2) You are never going to know how others really perceive you (in depth) - That's probably a good thing!

3) Most people bumble through life not really thinking about this stuff so I doubt they are really that concious on how they perceive you in depth.
 

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When I get overly anxious about how I come off to others, I ask myself the universal question:
Overcoming the "spotlight effect"

most of the time it works ^^ sometimes it doesn't -.-

edit: I also think this is where having one close friend helps, one person who you can trust and talk to, who can give you a more objective evaluation of yourself.
 

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Yes, I definitely identify with your post. Wish I could elaborate, but now's not a good time... :unsure:
 

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I freak out. I know I bitch about people on here sometimes.... but honestly at the back of my mind, I think about it, and I really hope that I don't come off that way, and I freak out thinking what if I AM like that? There's a quote that says what you hate in others, is what you hate in ourselves. Does that mean that when I see something I don't like in others.... it's something that I also DO or just some potential in me that I don't let come out? I can't answer this question because i don't know how others perceive me, but yeah. It worries me.

Oh just to clarify: when I see something I dont like in others, I don't treat them differently. I tolerate them, and I vent on here or to family lol - but in my mind, I know i don't like them, but i still treat them kindly or courteously. THIS is what makes me afraid though - i sometimes wonder if people that treat me kindly actually dont like me on the inside.

And that's what this post is getting at. One of my biggest fears. If people really like me or are merely tolerating my presence. And I have nightmares about this too... having a dream where it turns out people around me, that i thought liked me, were merely tolerating me even though they hated me, despised me, or thought something i did was repulsive....

do any of you guys relate or is it just me? do u guys have any fears like this?
I definitely relate! I like being liked by people. Even people I dislike. I've come on here and ranted about people too and I often wonder if I am being two faced? Because when I'm talking to the person that has qualities that I dislike I am very patient and tolerant. Sometimes to the point where I can be a doormat – I’ve had work colleagues in the past tell me how patient I was with one colleague and that I should not let her have her own way. And sometimes I would stick up for myself in a very sweet and subtle way.

Don't worry about it too much. I think the very fact that you are being kind to the person is because even though you do not like them it doesn't mean to say others don't, so you are being respectful of their feelings etc. Of course if they are crossing the line and being a bully etc, then they need to be put in their place.

When I was in school I became paranoid that my friends only 'put up' with me and that they didn't actually like me and this caused a lot of problems for me in the end. I try not to imagine what others think about me because it makes me crazy!
 

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I definitely relate! I like being liked by people. Even people I dislike.
Yeah...

misunderstandings bother me :dry:

Don't worry about it too much. I think the very fact that you are being kind to the person is because even though you do not like them it doesn't mean to say others don't, so you are being respectful of their feelings etc. Of course if they are crossing the line and being a bully etc, then they need to be put in their place.
Yeah, telling off bullies is pretty awesome. :tongue:

If I notice someone being selfish... or lacking moral quality... I will attribute that to them. If someone is good or does a virtuous thing... I will attribute that to them.

If someone who I think is virtuous is suffering or needs help, I will do my best to help them... because I feel like good people deserve to be helped.
 
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