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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I find a person's face distracting during conversation. I would find myself analyzing their facial expressiveness more than their words, thus forcing me to ask them to repeat themselves. I generally gaze at their shoulder or something below their face (hopefully not a woman's chest, to avoid the ordeal of explaining that). No matter what direction I'm looking left-to-right, it will always be angled downward, as if this relaxed position eases my mind in order to receive communication more readily.

Perhaps it's the Ti in me. I find it easiest to talk to somebody when I don't look at them, as if I'm the only person in the room, just talking to myself. Forcing myself to look into somebody's eyes as we converse is unnatural, especially as the topics get deeper and less small-talk-ish.

So, what's the diagnosis? Am I just INTP, or is there something deeper... darker... lurking inside of me? :ninja:
 

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You are just nervous. It takes time but you need to focus on eye contact. Try repeating what they said to you in your head or nodding when appropriate.

To make you feel better it takes my full concentration to maintain eye contact and I can't really maintain it while speaking.
 

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For me it depends... if they have certain striking eyes, or have what seems to be an unnatural gaze or intensity then I can have difficulty maintaining eye contact. Seems to vary with person to person. Most of the time I don't have a problem, especially when I am/we are engaged or excited about the topic of conversation.
 

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I find it difficult to maintain eye contact while speaking, since I am easily distracted by a person's facial expression or features(as you said). People don't seem to mind it though, or they don't say anything about it at least.
 

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Try to stare through their face. Just don't get too disgusted by their brain; the brain-looker expression leads to uncomfortable questions ("Is there something on my face?" etc.).
 

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My eyes don't just wander for the sake of getting distracted: they wander because often I'm uncomfortable with holding eye contact with someone I don't know for too long. It could be the same with you, too; but I also find I concentrate better if I don't keep my eyes in the same place. So while moving my head around could look like I'm getting distracted, it's actually the opposite.
 

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This is likely Ti. It's annoying for both listener and speaker. It seems to get harder to maintain eye contact in the presence of caffeine. Being relaxed and confident in what is being said seems to help with this.
 

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remember those optical illusions when staring at a center dot? well, picture their nose as that dot. they wont be able to tell where on their face you're focused on.
 

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At a push, I can make eye contact when listening to people, or when making boring, trite smalltalk. When my Ti decides to go off on a tangent however...

lol, there are people here?
 
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I used to have a problem with this as well, but it just took some practice to get rid of the nervousness.

However, there are a few people that I have talked to who had a really "intense" stare, and that can still make me a bit uneasy.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
"look someone in the eye", I don't know what dumb fuck came up with this cultural norm, it just seems like a way to make people uncomfortable.
If you look most animals in the eyes too long, they'll take it as an expression of aggression, an attempt to usurp its dominance. Thus, it does not make sense why humans developed this "norm". I guess they can hide behind the reasoning of "it makes it look like you're actually paying attention to me", because in a world where our first priority is not obtaining food and eliminating all physical threats and competition, the next priority is social acceptance, and attention is correlated to acceptance.
 

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l don't think it's really related to nervousness. l don't seem to process the two modes at the same time,

l feel like l somehow get a better idea of what they're saying, without being distracted by their face maybe? :laughing:

Now, people who use excessive gestures and HEAD NODDING...ugh.

My thing is to look somewhat to the right every few seconds while someone speaks, it's like l really have to to process it. l think l read that's an ''Si eye movement'', am l lSFJ?:shocked:
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Now, people who use excessive gestures and HEAD NODDING...ugh.
I think that expressive (not excessive) gestures slightly improve my understanding, especially with people who think conceptually and have poor vocabulary. The aid of gestures can add greatly to words like "thingy" that have no real meaning otherwise. It also gives me something to observe which is related to the conversation. Gotta keep it audio-visual! Engaging as many senses as possible makes things memorable. But yeah, head nodding and constant use of the word "okay"? oh gawwwd!
 

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I think that expressive (not excessive) gestures slightly improve my understanding, especially with people who think conceptually and have poor vocabulary. The aid of gestures can add greatly to words like "thingy" that have no real meaning otherwise. It also gives me something to observe which is related to the conversation. Gotta keep it audio-visual! Engaging as many senses as possible makes things memorable. But yeah, head nodding and constant use of the word "okay"? oh gawwwd!
l want to dropkick people when they shake their heads in the general direction alluding to the response they want from you.

"Do you want to go bowling?" *speaker nodding head yes*

But it gets a little exciting when they give you MULTIPLE options, and nod their head in every possible way within 10 seconds :cool:
 

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My eyes flit around when I talk, I can't help it. I shift between periods of intense eye movement and periods of dropping to complete neutral with my eyes down and body still.

Still, this is something that I actively resist when I'm speaking purposefully, especially to an audience or someone important. If I'm staring you dead in the eyes and speaking slowly and eloquently, then I've thought very deeply on what I'm saying and you should pay attention.

Not that you could look away. Few people are able to break my gaze. My friends call it my paralysis stare.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
l want to dropkick people when they shake their heads in the general direction alluding to the response they want from you.
I don't nod my head when talking, but if I'm talking about something that is not immediately next to me (i.e. the bowling alley), I almost always catch myself making a gesture of lifting my right fist, turning the back of my hand to them, and pointing my thumb out. It indicates NOTHING except the general idea of a place. It has nothing to do with direction, unless the place is within view. I find it odd that I do this, but I don't see any problem with it. If my hands are full, I might nod my head to the right and flick my eyes in that direction as well.
 

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I can look someone in the eyes, but I notice that if I look somewhere else every couple seconds I can grasp what they're saying better. If I just stare at someone, whatever they say goes right over my head because I start studying their facial features (it's weird I know.)

Sometimes if you just don't even look at them and put your hand up to your chin like you're weighing options and nodding, they think you're really into what they're saying, when you might just be trying to avoid eye contact. :laughing:
 

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I can look someone in the eyes for maybe ten seconds then ill look down or up or anywhere. If I am cognizant that my eyes are gonna shift all around and I'm trying to be respectful I will just stare through them and it probably looks like a lost and empty INTP stare. This usually happens if the person is doing all the talking and I am really uninterested, bored, hyper or analyzing what they are saying really deeply.
 

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I can look someone in the eyes for maybe ten seconds then ill look down or up or anywhere. If I am cognizant that my eyes are gonna shift all around and I'm trying to be respectful I will just stare through them and it probably looks like a lost and empty INTP stare. This usually happens if the person is doing all the talking and I am really uninterested, bored, hyper or analyzing what they are saying really deeply.
Edit: tip furrow your brows and nod to make it seem like you are interested even though you are not.
I have this face I mimic that I like to call the "Robert De Niro" it works perfectly for some situations that I want to end quick.
 
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