[Kyuubixcel]

So today I had been looking forward to seeing my ENFP closest friend for the first time in months (b/c of school pretty much), partially excited to see what he's learned and being able to share some of my discoveries as well. Generally when we see each other it's usually exciting and I feel like I fit in even if it's with others that I may or may not know, as generally he seems to be one of the few that can keep my emotions feeling grounded and welcome. This time did not seem to be the case..as I realized that our long separation and exposure to new experiences has changed us a lot more than I thought. The entire day, even when it was just 2 of us, I could not feel like I could muster a thought..and this is unnatural to me, as I usually have plenty of things to tell him, without issue. I also noticed that we could not communicate well among each other unless we had someone else there to help continue conversations with different topics (ex. By ourselves we would be speaking a little but we both could not hold a conversation as well as before but when there's a third person it becomes much easier). And between this, I felt a strong urge of loneliness inside of me, even with his presence and others later on. I know he is not intentionally communicating little with me, because it appeared we were both struggling to initiate and hold one.

The entire day that I hung out I could not rid myself of this blasted feeling, and I was curious as to why this feeling came about..and how hanging out this time was different from all the others. Could it be that we've changed so much that we're slowly drifting? As it's not an uncommon thing, but I don't know what that feels like as I haven't had anyone close to me before that accompanied this feeling. And this change isn't changing my opinion of him overall..so i'm still at a loss as to why I still feel this new sense of loneliness..maybe it's nostalgia and the idea of bringing back how we were in the past? I'm not really sure, and this is just speculation. And take note, i've never had this problem before, even though we had much different viewpoints and interests on things we could still have great conversations and accept each other. But now it feels like the greatness of those conversations have vanished..

Anyone have any ideas on what this might be? Unfortunately, there's no problem to resolve but i'm still confused about this feeling and how this slight change in character has caused a much larger impact on our friendship..

 

[stormgirl]

It could be that either your friendship has come to an end, and you were both acutely aware of it, or it could simply be that you were both having an “off” day. NFs need genuine connection and conversation, so if that’s lacking it would lead to a major feeling of awkwardness . Since you’re both quite close, it’s okay to just come right out and say what you’re feeling…that things seem different between you. That could lead to a great conversation and re-connection.

 

[Kyuubixcel]

It could be that either your friendship has come to an end, and you were both acutely aware of it, or it could simply be that you were both having an “off” day. NFs need genuine connection and conversation, so if that’s lacking it would lead to a major feeling of awkwardness . Since you’re both quite close, it’s okay to just come right out and say what you’re feeling…that things seem different between you. That could lead to a great conversation and re-connection.

Yeah, I feel that it's possible because our interactions seemed very weird and awkward this time. Even though I still had no problems telling him how I was feeling & vise versa, something just didn't feel right. We both noticed that we didn't change too much but apparently it was significant enough to become a detriment to our connection. However it's possible that it was just an "off" day and I can give it the benefit of the doubt. But if it becomes continual then it may just be a sign of our time to find strong connections with other people, sadly.

 

[stormgirl]

But if it becomes continual then it may just be a sign of our time to find strong connections with other people, sadly.

It isn't easy for INFJs to find true friendship, so hopefully that's not the case. I find it sad when a friendship runs its course, but I tell myself that there are others out there that I will meet and connect with. I hope it works out okay for you!

 

[Blue Sphere]

I find taking a shower and going to sleep helps in destroying loneliness, though only for short term, but at least it's something.

However overall I don't understand that why you'd need to have fluent conversations with someone constantly to not feel lonely.

If the said friend continues to hang out with you, isn't that already enough?

Have you tried peeking into the guy and see if there's any trouble he is facing now that causes the gap between you and him, and whether or not you can help?

 

[Kyuubixcel]

I find taking a shower and going to sleep helps in destroying loneliness, though only for short term, but at least it's something.

I concur.

However overall I don't understand that why you'd need to have fluent conversations with someone constantly to not feel lonely.

Well it's not that I always need to have fluent conversations, but it's just that the conversations that I usually have with this person are very expressive. However, in this case, everything felt different and the fact that we both had trouble communicating unless there happened to be a 3rd party with us was a little bothersome. And everything we talked about felt forced and awkward. It's possible that we just don't hold as much interest in each other anymore because of our lives are changing separately. I think the loneliness that accompanied it was a result of not feeling the same around my closest friend, even after all the things we've done and talked about. As much as I want it to feel the same, the reality of it is much different.

If the said friend continues to hang out with you, isn't that already enough?

Ehhhh, not exactly. If there's nothing that keeps us invigorated at all for the entirety of us hanging out, I take it as more of a waste of time because nothing of importance was mentioned or done (And i use "importance" not to refer to what my value of it is, but to what is or isn't mentioned/done that we have both previously exclaimed is important to us when talking/hanging with other people). It's just one of those things where you weigh your options, as I take my time very seriously and am always focused on something while i'm alone. So if i'm not needed, or if hanging out with a certain person simply becomes a mundane chore (which takes a toll on MY energy), I feel it's better not to waste my time and yours.

Have you tried peeking into the guy and see if there's any trouble he is facing now that causes the gap between you and him, and whether or not you can help?

Yeah, i've asked him and he mentioned some things but overall not very much has changed from what it was before aside from his demeanor. And he's been picking up some bad habits from others at this new school he's going to, but he isn't hiding it or anything. Idk the fact that his personality has changed so much was pretty surprising to me, as it's harder to feel like i'm talking with the same person.

 

[hppygrl]

I think this is part of being an INFJ. It sounds to me like you had to process unexpected emotions after seeing him. I have been there too. The processing takes time and writing about it usually helps it along.

 

[Another Lost Cause]

I had a really good friend that I just stopped seeing for some reason. I just didn't have motivation to see him anymore even though he never did anything to me and was always fun to hang out with. People just drift apart. The past is the past. This can be a time of growth for you, to go out and meet others and find new paths in life.

 

[hppygrl]

@Kyuubixcel

I think this relates to your original post.

The Analytic and Synthetic

 

[Kyuubixcel]

I had a really good friend that I just stopped seeing for some reason. I just didn't have motivation to see him anymore even though he never did anything to me and was always fun to hang out with. People just drift apart. The past is the past. This can be a time of growth for you, to go out and meet others and find new paths in life.

Yeah, that's pretty much how it's feeling as I think about it. I will see how I feel hanging out with him a little more but if the feeling perpetuates, then I think it's just that time.

 

[Kyuubixcel]

I think this is part of being an INFJ. It sounds to me like you had to process unexpected emotions after seeing him. I have been there too. The processing takes time and writing about it usually helps it along.

Yeah it did help a bit. Still a little lost in thought about it but i'll just have to see how it progresses.

I'm a little confused about that article though :/ , it was a little difficult to comprehend and break down..which left me unsure with what the message was. Is it saying that my perception of everyone is a projection of how I feel about them, a reflection of the self, and should be separated from the reality of it? That's what I got but if possible could I get a better summary/elaboration please? I want to understand

 

[nichya]

People do change, I feel like I don't change much but I have and I have had people around me change much faster. Sometimes people just grow distant. It was sad when I lost my deepest connection with my best friend over a decade but it did happen. Now we barely message each other. I want to show that I care but we are like total strangers, it is just awkward. With some people, even if we meet years later, I have an immediate spark as if nothing has changed, we connect immediately but with some it is just very forced and not coherent, it happens. You might try spark it again but what you describe perfectly fits the time two people just grow distant. What was the initial bond you have had with him? Were you guys at the same school? Talking about everyday life? Common people you know? With my best friend we would talk about just anything, life, music, dreams, emotions, we would even invent games in our imaginary land, but somehow it was the school and knowing the same people, sharing so much time that held us together. She has changed a lot when we went to college and I not enough.

 

[nichya]

@Kyuubixcel

I think this relates to your original post.

The Analytic and Synthetic

I am into this Individuation process idea lately, thanks for the link, have you been looking into it?

 

[Kyuubixcel]

People do change, I feel like I don't change much but I have and I have had people around me change much faster. Sometimes people just grow distant. It was sad when I lost my deepest connection with my best friend over a decade but it did happen. Now we barely message each other. I want to show that I care but we are like total strangers, it is just awkward. With some people, even if we meet years later, I have an immediate spark as if nothing has changed, we connect immediately but with some it is just very forced and not coherent, it happens. You might try spark it again but what you describe perfectly fits the time two people just grow distant. What was the initial bond you have had with him? Were you guys at the same school? Talking about everyday life? Common people you know? With my best friend we would talk about just anything, life, music, dreams, emotions, we would even invent games in our imaginary land, but somehow it was the school and knowing the same people, sharing so much time that held us together. She has changed a lot when we went to college and I not enough.

You described the relationship to a T while describing the one you had with your previous friend, we went to the same school and we talked about pretty much all that was described in your question. We ended up going to 2 different colleges and his was in another state from mine, and he got loaded with work so he didn't have time to talk to me very much. Usually if there was a long separation period we would be able to catch up quickly but this time it was a very indescribable awkward attempt to do so. Thank you for sharing your story and what the outcome was, as I can relate to it very well with this current person.

 

[nichya]

You described the relationship to a T while describing the one you had with your previous friend, we went to the same school and we talked about pretty much all that was described in your question. We ended up going to 2 different colleges and his was in another state from mine, and he got loaded with work so he didn't have time to talk to me very much. Usually if there was a long separation period we would be able to catch up quickly but this time it was a very indescribable awkward attempt to do so. Thank you for sharing your story and what the outcome was, as I can relate to it very well with this current person.

You are welcome Sorry for your experience but that happens, but sometimes you meet a person and share a few magical days, months and they move away and you still have that connection somehow, even years later. Life is bitter and amazing at the same time. Best to be in a flow and let things take their natural shape.

 

[Kyuubixcel]

You are welcome Sorry for your experience but that happens, but sometimes you meet a person and share a few magical days, months and they move away and you still have that connection somehow, even years later. Life is bitter and amazing at the same time. Best to be in a flow and let things take their natural shape.

Yeah. It feels familiar like i've experienced it before but not with anyone i've been this close to. It's odd but interesting how friendships can quickly shift dynamics, though I don't talk about it like that too much as it sounds like I treat my friends like experiments xP.

 

[Musicale]

I've had a similar experience before and that feeling of losing a special relationship can be very difficult. I'm not sure what your situation is like though... I was able to fix the problem just by spending more time with that person. If this is the case for you then my advice is definitely don't give up! Things have always been different since then for us, but oftentimes that first meeting after a long period away from each other is the most difficult. It felt like our personalities just didn't fit together like they used to. We've been talking a lot more regularly though and we're starting to get that old vibe back. Things are different but I still really like our friendship

 

[Kyuubixcel]

I've had a similar experience before and that feeling of losing a special relationship can be very difficult. I'm not sure what your situation is like though... I was able to fix the problem just by spending more time with that person. If this is the case for you then my advice is definitely don't give up! Things have always been different since then for us, but oftentimes that first meeting after a long period away from each other is the most difficult. It felt like our personalities just didn't fit together like they used to. We've been talking a lot more regularly though and we're starting to get that old vibe back. Things are different but I still really like our friendship

Well after being able to see him one more time before he went back to school the vibe felt better, still different, but it was a better day. I still feel aloof from him at times but it fluctuates now depending on how we speak to each other, so i feel kind of mixed about it still. But I still see my friend in there somewhere in between. It's as you said, it's different but i'll have to somehow adapt to these changes accordingly.

 

[Kyuubixcel]

*whoops double post*