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Discussion Starter #1
I've been at my job 2.5 years. I've always looked up to my supervisor. My supervisor had liked me and was nice to me, among other stuff that made me look up to her. For the past several months, however, I
1. Go in on my days off just to see her and stay for a LONG time. It was on a weekly basis and sometimes twice weekly.
2. Stay for hours after each of my shift ended until she also got off.
3. She recently accused me of calling her name constantly and never leaving her alone.
4. While she was having a meeting with the district manager, I moved from my table to a table very near hers. That was after I clocked out.

I had done that to everyone I've ever looked up to, to a greater or lesser degree. None of them really liked it. Anyway, they let me go today after my supervisor contacted corporate office last week while she was still angry with me. I did work a few days ago when my supervisor stopped being mad. In fact, she was nice to me again. And I was supposed to get off at 5, but she extended my shift til 8. Yet, she already knew what was happening while I didn't. She coulda fired me herself, but corporate people didn't let her, so they took it into their own hands.

They said I could go in the store as a customer after at least 90 days. And while I'm not rehirable right now, anytime after 90 days, they'll consider my application if it comes in. It doesn't mean they'll rehire me, but they'll consider it, depending.

Update: My counselor and others said that even family members don't go out of their ways to be around each other. They told me that even family members would be uncomfortable and would not wanna be around you if you are always following them. I never knew that before. Was my supervisor really that afraid of me?
 

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I would say an absolute yes. It more than likely became unbearable for her, almost suffocating even. Healthy boundaries are important, both for yourself and others.
 

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That sounds excessive from you, I'm not surprised they let you go. Respecting someone and admiring someone doesn't mean you should be around them so much, especially a supervisor at your work. Boundaries exist everywhere, and you should work out how to respect those with other people. A tough lesson as it cost you a job after several years of employment. I hope you take that lesson to heart and more so, find new employment opportunities.
 

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She's not afraid of you, you were probably just irritating her, and she was probably very confused by your behavior. I wouldn't suggest trying to get rehired-- why would a company rehire someone they had just fired 3 months ago?

Why exactly is it that you followed her around like that? What were you seeking?
 

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Idk, I just wanted to be around whatever good qualities I admire.
That's perfectly reasonable, but you should just try to initiate a normal relationship with her and interact with her in a normal fashion... that's the only thing that will make her want to be friends with you. And even if you do that, it's not a guarantee she'll want to be friends with you-- and if she indicates that she doesn't, just drop it. Don't keep pursuing someone if they've already turned you away.... it'll just make them like you less.

Based off your other posts, though, it seems like you have a really hard time figuring out what's normal and what's not, in a social sense. Do you see any kind of professional for this-- not just a regular counselor, but one that specializing in social skills training? I don't know if there is such a person, but you could definitely use that kind of help (social skills training is definitely a thing that happens in special ed classes in elementary schools, but I don't know if it exists for adults). You say you don't have autism, but you see to have a similar lack of innate understanding of how to socialize.
 

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All I know is she used to like me and be nice to me until I obsessed over her.
So there is your answer. Don't obsess over people. Tough lesson learned, but one that can benefit you for a life time. How do you plan to move forward from this?
 

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While I suspect your comment came from a place of frustration and feeling flustered, it doesn’t have to be from one extreme to the other. It’s good to have people you admire, but remember that they are human, and they operate within their own bubbles of comfort and need, and one person can only give so much of themselves within those boundaries to so many people. Other people in this thread wisely mentioned that her boundaries felt violated, which is likely true given her response, and I’m sorry this was hurtful and perhaps confusing. What qualities did you admire about her? It’s healthy to admire people, but unreasonable to ask more from them. Even expressing that admiration is healthy. You’re not wrong to admire others, just remember their needs and comfort in the process. If you truly admire them, you’ll respect them too.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Every I?ve ever looked up to fits ALL of the following categories:
1. Older than me by quite a bit, and more experienced
2. accomplished a lot in life
3. Most of all, they?re nice to me

I like almost everyone but I look up to very few people. Idk why I hyper focuse on that one person. Usually ppl who do that have no other friends or relationship outside of whoever she?s obsessed with. I have friends in and outside work. All my coworkers accepted me. In fact, towards the end, some even tried to explain how my actions are affecting my supervisor.

That had initially annoyed me. I argued that everyone goes about admiring others differently, just like we all might drive differently, or eat differently, etc. I also tried to ?reason? with my supervisor that I was only looking up to her.

In fact, right after the district manager told me not to go in on my days off, I went in 3 times on my days off to convince my supervisor that I didn?t obsess over her. When I couldn?t convince her, I tried reasoning with her through texting. I brought up that other ppl look up to her.

I?m just scared of looking up to anyone ever again. It never turned out good.
 

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Do you have some kind of syndrome or disorder that makes you unable to understand social interactions? That'd explain a lot and if it's not already the case you should see a specialist who can help you out with that.
 

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Every I?ve ever looked up to fits ALL of the following categories:
1. Older than me by quite a bit, and more experienced
2. accomplished a lot in life
3. Most of all, they?re nice to me

I like almost everyone but I look up to very few people. Idk why I hyper focuse on that one person. Usually ppl who do that have no other friends or relationship outside of whoever she?s obsessed with. I have friends in and outside work. All my coworkers accepted me. In fact, towards the end, some even tried to explain how my actions are affecting my supervisor.

That had initially annoyed me. I argued that everyone goes about admiring others differently, just like we all might drive differently, or eat differently, etc. I also tried to ?reason? with my supervisor that I was only looking up to her.

In fact, right after the district manager told me not to go in on my days off, I went in 3 times on my days off to convince my supervisor that I didn?t obsess over her. When I couldn?t convince her, I tried reasoning with her through texting. I brought up that other ppl look up to her.

I?m just scared of looking up to anyone ever again. It never turned out good.
Why is being nice to you the most important trait for you to admire someone? Do you feel people aren't usually nice to you? If not, what makes you feel that way?
 

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Discussion Starter #15
Most people are nice to me. I have friends and relationships outside of whoever I look up to. That?s why I don?t know why I need to look up to someone.
 

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Discussion Starter #16
Actually, I do know why I need to look up to someone. Even though I have friends and relationships outside of whoever I looked up to, I still need a role model. Everyone looks up to someone.
 

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Not everyone has a role model or feels like they need one.
 

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Almost everyone I know does.
True. A high percentage of people look up to someone or something. I have rarely done so. However, looking up to someone is different than obsessing over someone. The role model must have a boundary set with another person and clearly state those limits. For example, let's say I am shadowing someone on a job. It would be clearly agreed upon between both parties that we would spend time alongside each other for me to learn the job. However, the person you spent considerable time around was not done to shadow them. Rather, it was an unclear action as to why you would do so in the first place. KNOW YOUR BOUNDARIES. It's clear, based on your statements, that you have established your reasons. The question is, has your boss done so too to warrant such closeness?
 

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Discussion Starter #20
All I know is that she was nice to me. I?ve been coming in on my days off to see her at least once a week. Sometimes it was more than once a week. That went on for several months until she suddenly flipped and started bitching that I?m obsessed with her. Same for when I stayed after each of my shift ended until she also got off. If my car was parked next to hers, I?d even walk out with her.

People felt the need to protect her, but I?m like, protect from what? All I did was look up to her. I wasn?t gonna do anything bad, but apparently, they don?t know that. Even after I told them I was only looking up to her, they still weren?t convinced.

The final straw was when the District manager addressed with me the fact that I come in a lot on my days off. Immediately after that, I went in 3 times on my days off. The first time was to request my supervisor to remember my birthday, just like she recently did with a coworker. The next 2 times was to reason with her and convince her I did nothing wrong. I couldn?t convince her, so I left and texted her my reasoning.

I reminded her that she admitted that other people look up to her too. She never got mad at them. Oh well, I should be used to it. Everyone I ever looked up to, w/o exception, eventually walked out on me just bc I looked up to them. And now I?m approaching the age where I?m gonna be too old to look up to anyone:(
 
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