[lastholidayhere]

Growing up I was always surprised and floored when people liked me. Especially when it was people I had no idea about. Is this an ENFJ thing? I think it is.

 

[Benedox]

Haha, ohhh yeah. Most definitely. I've ended up on "accidental dates" so many times, it's embarrassing. Also, this is a recurring conversation:

Guy: So... what are we?
Me: Huh?
...
Me: We're WHAT?!


I. am. so. dense.

I guess part of it is 'cause I just want good guy friends, and I convince myself that they like me as a friend as well. Oh, denial.

 

[fossil2]

Hahaha, yep. Guilty as charged. I just learned this year that I don't realize when guys are flirting with me, either. I'm always like "That's just _____ being _____ !" but I have a friend who gives me this LOOK every time and gets all mmmm hmmmm whenever a guy starts to flirt with me now. It's very distressing. Why would anyone flirt with ME?

 

[saccharomyces]

i have misinterpreted attitudes towards me in a very amusing way a few times, so that now i have a joke about how if someone came up to me with a raised knife it would most probably mean they have fallen in love with me: because i have actually thought that people really, really hate me, when they're actually quite into me.

then again, i think this could be connected with self esteem, because, well, when you are very self conscious, it's diificult to feel like people might like you a lot XD so then we're prone to misinterpreting things just because of wrongly "rationalising" the situation. like - "oh, the guy looked at me. since there's no way he could like me, there must be something on my face" etc.,etc.

or maybe i'm just unconsciously trying not to get my hopes up, in case i started thinking people should like me and it would turn out they actually hate me - that would be much more unpleasant then just thinking that there's no way they could like me and either be right, or be proven wrong in a very pleasant manner, hahah!

 

[Jojo]

I do get surprised. I get kind shell shocked like why me. I am flattered then I usually stumble what to do next.

 

[balderdash]

Haha, you don't know how many stories like this I've heard from my ENFJ mother!

People are just drawn to you. If you got it, you got it.

 

[Nobleheart]

I've recently had a bunch of my schoolmates from high school find me on facebook. Nearly all of the women told me they had crushes on me in high school. I was floored. I've also had a lot of people tell me in the past year or so that I'm attractive... using phrases like "beautiful" or even "intoxicatingly sexy". It was mind boggling, not just that I didn't know they felt this way, but the almost unanimous volume of women who felt this way. When I acted surprised, most of them were shocked to find out that I didn't know.

However, I've started paying attention, and I'm actually starting to see how women are attracted to me more often than not. I still don't understand this, but I'm at least able to see that it's happening now.

Here's my theory...

When ENFJs are fond of someone or care about someone in a normal non-relationship way, we treat them better than most people treat those that they are in love with. So when people treat us like that, we just assume that they're fond of us. When ENFJs are in love with someone, it's a whole other level, and since no one is treating us like that, we assume they're not interested.

I dated one ENFJ in my life, and wow... just wow... we all but devoured each other with the affection we poured onto each other in every moment, and the more the other gave us, the more we gave back. There were times when I thought I was going to burst. The other types just don't get it, really. It's like they're trying to hide their attraction from the people they're attracted to. When is that not self defeating?

 

[saccharomyces]

When ENFJs are fond of someone or care about someone in a normal non-relationship way, we treat them better than most people treat those that they are in love with. So when people treat us like that, we just assume that they're fond of us. When ENFJs are in love with someone, it's a whole other level, and since no one is treating us like that, we assume they're not interested.

wow, this actually seems really spot on!. i had never thought of it that way, but i think that might be the root of all these misunderstandings crush-wise.

 

[kiwigrl]

Growing up I was always surprised and floored when people liked me. Especially when it was people I had no idea about. Is this an ENFJ thing? I think it is.

Yes! Something inside you tells you that you are imagining it if you have picked up on it (this is only if that person is someone you like alot).
Or else you will find out that someone shy that you were friendly to, decided that you must like them back.
I have to be so careful about giving the wrong vibe, since I am almost always friendly to people.

I will talk to the person who looks like they are being left out and then bam, I get handed some flowers or asked out or something, and I'm like... ohhhh nooooo, I did it again, gave the wrong impression, just by being me. That was more when I was single, now people catch on to me being married so it is easier.

 

[kiwigrl]

Nobleheart, you post some flippin amazing insightful stuff! You are just what our ENFJ forum needs. :happy:

 

[Oliver]

I dated one ENFJ in my life, and wow... just wow... we all but devoured each other with the affection we poured onto each other in every moment, and the more the other gave us, the more we gave back. There were times when I thought I was going to burst. The other types just don't get it, really. It's like they're trying to hide their attraction from the people they're attracted to. When is that not self defeating?

Oh, we INFPs are certainly capable of that. I could certainly drown my partner in romance if I was asked to, haha. Thing is, INFPs will not do it unless they're certain the partner really wants it. It's a way of respecting the other person, knowing that he or she might not express love in the same way you do. But once we've been unlocked... you better watch out.

 

[INFPPP]

Hmmm....I have yet to meet someone as devotedly loving as me. I don't smother though so perhaps the difference between an ENFJ and INFP.

 

[INFPPP]

Oh, we INFPs are certainly capable of that. I could certainly drown my partner in romance if I was asked to, haha. Thing is, INFPs will not do it unless they're certain the partner really wants it. It's a way of respecting the other person, knowing that he or she might not express love in the same way you do. But once we've been unlocked... you better watch out.

Yup. We'll drown you in our love. DROWN YOU.

 

[Hardstyler]

Yea I find it interesting and flattering when I find out people like me.As a guy I sometime just look at a beautiful woman with a nice warm smile, get one back, in return and ends up with a lot of these smile exchanges.I'm probally not one of the best looking people in the world but women seem attached to my ability to to be passionate,open,helpful and charitable and gentalmen like ways.But most of all I think it the ENFJ epicly warm sincere smile that acts like a beacon of happiness.

 

[Oleas]

Oh my god, so it's not just me?

Absolutely. Totally surprised whenever I find out someone likes me. I have a really hard time believing it's true.

I can't say anything coherent right now, I'm just shocked finding out all ENFJs were like that.

 

[DasPhillipBrau]

I would get shocked but I havent heard of any girl who had a crush for me

 

[Thrifty Walrus]

I think it comes down to an issue of confidence. If you are confident, you think more people like you than actually do, if you aren't confident, you get surprised when people like you. I think it's best to find (or at least to try and find) a happy medium.

 

[lastholidayhere]

ENFJ's are quite secure and confident people...I think its more a matter of us being humble. We give greatly but expect little in return.

 

[kiwigrl]

ENFJ's are quite secure and confident people...I think its more a matter of us being humble. We give greatly but expect little in return.

Exactly! I will often get attention that suggests they like me, but then I think I shouldn't be so presumptious about it... the humble side coming out. You don't want to appear like you are up yourself.

 

[virgilio2203]

When ENFJs are fond of someone or care about someone in a normal non-relationship way, we treat them better than most people treat those that they are in love with. So when people treat us like that, we just assume that they're fond of us. When ENFJs are in love with someone, it's a whole other level, and since no one is treating us like that, we assume they're not interested.

Totally true!