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Discussion Starter #1
i know im posting a lot lately. .. bad stress up = postcount up for curious0610. so if you've had too much of me lately, you can just ignore this post.

BUT. do you guys feel pressured when people ask you to go out of your way to 1) help you on something 2) extremely last minute and 3) dont take into consideration that you are busy and working on a deadline? i feel this way when i am working on a huge project, and i plan out hours at a time to commit myself to work on creating the thing i need to work on. If someone asks me for help a few weeks in advance, i can definitely help that person. but i feel like people are intruding into my space, when they ask me "can you help me in three hours to do something?" I keep things polite, like "i can't meet you in three, but I can meet later on at ___ to help." but its ridiculous that people are so inconsiderate, and expect you will be available at any given time to cater to their whims and fancies.
 

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I might be able to relate.

For a while I tried to get to know this girl. I tried inviting her out for things (such as coffee and walks) and consistently she would shoot me down (perhaps maybe once or twice we actually went).

There were times when she wanted to go for a walk/coffee, so she'd jump me on MSN and ask me if I'd like to come along. Well, this happened one evening at about 8:30PM. I informed her that I wasn't really keen on leaving the house (I had just smoked a joint and she haaaates weed). Within no time she got all fussy and sarcastic.

It's like she can shoot me down whenever I come up with something, but when I reciprocate it's a penalty? Hypocrites.

I apologize if this isn't a very helpful post... :/
 

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I don't mind it. Sure, it's inconsiderate to your schedule, but I figure most people are self-centered anyways... AKA it's not as though they are attempting to put you on the spot, it's more like they just realized that they've run out of time and need help.

Likewise, I'm not a martyr for the cause. If I'm busy and working on a deadline, I tell them I can't help them and they are going to have to find someone else.

This is one of those situations where you can be assertive, direct, and also be as nice as possible.

It's ok to tell people no.
 

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Yeah, so i wrote this huge long post and then i deleted it because i thought it was TMI., but this girl I know always tries to corner me. I wrote about this girl before by the way - shes the coworker i just dont like for no reason but maybe this is the reason i dont like her.

She's never straight like "this this that_ can you meet at _? or another time that works for you?"

she always texts you saying "what are you doing? where are you? where will you be at _ time?" and she doesnt tell me why she needs to know, but she just keeps interrogating. and after she gets enough information about my schedule, she corners me saying "okay, can you meet me at _ time then to do me a favor?", knowing that there is a tiny gap in my schedule there. honestly, i just like it better when people say "so i need your help on this... but it's kinda urgent... are you free at all today between 12-5, i'm flexible about the time, please let me know if you can help." I feel like if they are imposing something on me last minute, THEY should have flexibility, instead of expecting me to go OUT of my way to meet with your demands.

this person in question, she was SO rude. When i told her "sorry, i can't go then, but i can help you out after at __" she replied really rudely saying "okay..... but i have class then....." sheesh, sorry, if you have class it's not my problem. so what? you want ME to ditch my project and MY meeting to go help YOU with something so trivial like that
 

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Hehe Curious, you sound like a nicer person than me.

I would just not respond and let her solve her own problems. *Especially* if she's rude to you. She sounds like the sort of person that would just start texting another friend and beg them to help her.
 

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I have a real hard time saying no. At my last job the stress actually made me ill. And one time I even ended up crying at work so my managers had to sit me down and tell me to TELL SOMEONE when the work is getting too much for me and that if I can't help someone say no, it is up to the manager to find someone who can help.

I've started to get the hang of this now and it really does help!!
 

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I absolutely hate when people pressure me into last minute things. I just say no. That, or make up some frivolous excuse. If something is that important they should have let me know way in advance. I'm not very sympathetic when it comes to this.
 

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she always texts you saying "what are you doing? where are you? where will you be at _ time?" and she doesnt tell me why she needs to know, but she just keeps interrogating. and after she gets enough information about my schedule, she corners me saying "okay, can you meet me at _ time then to do me a favor?", knowing that there is a tiny gap in my schedule there.
I've had that problem before with a friend who was more into me than I was into her - she would try and pin me down so that I couldn't get out of seeing her. My reaction? I would sometimes not answer the text at all and text back the next day saying my phone had been off/in my bag, or I would text back saying simply "why?" and try to get her to reveal her movements before I had to reveal mine. Don't know if this will work with you since she is your colleague.

This girl sounds like such a pain in the butt, I wonder why you bother spending so much effort trying to appease her. Maybe it's time to put on your courageous0610 mask and tell her what's what? You shouldn't feel bad for not liking someone, some people just rub you up the wrong way.
 

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"Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part." That's what I usually use, if they require something more than "No."
I LOVE this (aren't you an ENTJ fn0rd or did i make that up? anyhow if you are, this is what i admire so so so much!) - in the heat of the moment tho, I'm awwwwwwful at saying "no". had the crying breakdown happen before, when i've been trying to do more than is actually capable. ...but i'm getting far less kind hearted in my old age - about time!

Curious, trust your instincts on this girl - if ignoring doesn't work, be direct to the point of rudeness back. There was a lady once i worked with who always was trying to tag along, get info off me, telling me how smart ect i was...ugh! i just told her straight that I have a busy schedule, and only have time to invest in a small no of relationships at once, and no time [ or inclination] for her. it's a matter of being strategic. but seriously, i think this girl sounds like someone who sees you're smart and wants to ride on your coat tails. don't for a moment let her!!
 

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I help them, then tell them next time not to pressure me and to ask help in time.

Nah, they don't do it...and then I help them again and the cycle goes on

I don't mind it at all though. I mean, ofc I get mad 'inside' if they ask while I'm busy, but...
 

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I LOVE this (aren't you an ENTJ fn0rd or did i make that up? anyhow if you are, this is what i admire so so so much!) - in the heat of the moment tho, I'm awwwwwwful at saying "no". had the crying breakdown happen before, when i've been trying to do more than is actually capable. ...but i'm getting far less kind hearted in my old age - about time!

Curious, trust your instincts on this girl - if ignoring doesn't work, be direct to the point of rudeness back. There was a lady once i worked with who always was trying to tag along, get info off me, telling me how smart ect i was...ugh! i just told her straight that I have a busy schedule, and only have time to invest in a small no of relationships at once, and no time [ or inclination] for her. it's a matter of being strategic. but seriously, i think this girl sounds like someone who sees you're smart and wants to ride on your coat tails. don't for a moment let her!!
I'm some sort of NTJ. I have properties both E and I, and it really depends on my mood and current motivations. Hmmm, I can't say that I've ever had a problem saying "no," and tears by someone would just make things awkward, I think. It's rare that I will say "no" to a close friend because I know that, if they have asked me, they either *really* need to get it done (and they know I have a penchant for organizing and planning) or I'm their last hope. It is presumed (now) that I will say no, and how they have been conditioned into thinking that, I'm not exactly sure, but whatever.
 
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